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How do I put myself out there?

RadarTheBat

Very Dum Bat™
This message applies to anything really. Furry dating, being contacted, getting friends. Anything. In general I want to be more involved with the community with enough agency to avoid the... loveless erp crazed hypersexual idiotic parts of it.
 

Hogo

Unrespectable Member
I'm pretty new to it in terms of actually identifying with with the furry community and honestly, wherever I am, I have a hard time reaching out too. So I feel your pain.

I think sex/erp is very intertwined with this. There are some who don't want that at all, some only are in it for that, and many in between. I think if you observe people you'll be able to figure out where they fall on that scale? Or if you don't know, ask them? That last part is hard for me to do myself though.

As for idiocy I think that's also person by person, and certain topics prone to idiotic moments? Is there something specific that you are hoping to avoid that you are calling idiocy?
 

RadarTheBat

Very Dum Bat™
I'm pretty new to it in terms of actually identifying with with the furry community and honestly, wherever I am, I have a hard time reaching out too. So I feel your pain.

I think sex/erp is very intertwined with this. There are some who don't want that at all, some only are in it for that, and many in between. I think if you observe people you'll be able to figure out where they fall on that scale? Or if you don't know, ask them? That last part is hard for me to do myself though.

As for idiocy I think that's also person by person, and certain topics prone to idiotic moments? Is there something specific that you are hoping to avoid that you are calling idiocy?
I am trying to avoid people who are intimate for the sake of it instead of intimate with people they romantically desire. Idiocy.
 

Hogo

Unrespectable Member
Avoiding sex for the sake of it and not for the sake of the way you are relating to another person (aka relationship)?

From how I see it you are probably going to have to be patient but also have to take initiative because it requires you to sorta sift through those people.

Do you have artistic interests? That seems like the avenue you should search through judging by how big that aspect of the community is.
 

Ziv

PokéManiac
I am trying to avoid people who are intimate for the sake of it instead of intimate with people they romantically desire. Idiocy.

Intimate being a euphemism for sexual, right?
I agree with Hogo, you have quite a task for you. Whether we're talking about the furry community or Western society at large, this is... a pretty uncommon stance.
There are definitely like-minded people out there, but if you want to get out there, you'll have to find them.

Have you ever heard of demisexuality? Regardless of whether you use the term or not, do you relate to the concept?

As far as non-romantic interests (for example, friends) I think if you hang around for a little bit you can find people to chat with. I'm still pretty new to this forum (my account date is misleading -- I've been active for maybe a week lol) but already made a couple acquaintances.
 

RadarTheBat

Very Dum Bat™
Intimate being a euphemism for sexual, right?
I agree with Hogo, you have quite a task for you. Whether we're talking about the furry community or Western society at large, this is... a pretty uncommon stance.
There are definitely like-minded people out there, but if you want to get out there, you'll have to find them.

Have you ever heard of demisexuality? Regardless of whether you use the term or not, do you relate to the concept?

As far as non-romantic interests (for example, friends) I think if you hang around for a little bit you can find people to chat with. I'm still pretty new to this forum (my account date is misleading -- I've been active for maybe a week lol) but already made a couple acquaintances.
I am indeed demisexual myself. I just.. HAVE to be a tad more liberal or people will just pass me by. I hate it.
 

Ziv

PokéManiac
I am indeed demisexual myself. I just.. HAVE to be a tad more liberal or people will just pass me by. I hate it.

I feel you. My sexuality is a complicated mess but I definitely relate to demisexuality on some level?
I don't have any easy advice but personally, I don't try to change myself. I think people see through that and if you change yourself to try and attract a partner, you'll probably attract someone who doesn't respect who you really are or just doesn't care or even is outright predatory. It's not worth it.
 

RadarTheBat

Very Dum Bat™
I feel you. My sexuality is a complicated mess but I definitely relate to demisexuality on some level?
I don't have any easy advice but personally, I don't try to change myself. I think people see through that and if you change yourself to try and attract a partner, you'll probably attract someone who doesn't respect who you really are or just doesn't care or even is outright predatory. It's not worth it.
Thanks. I appreciate you trying to talk to little old dumb me. I will keep this in mind.
 

Alys_0_0

Tea thief <3 She/Her <3 POTATO QUEEN
This message applies to anything really. Furry dating, being contacted, getting friends. Anything. In general I want to be more involved with the community with enough agency to avoid the... loveless erp crazed hypersexual idiotic parts of it.
Alright so since this is the only post I understand until Ziv's post, I'll reply to this one! UwU
I usually try my best to make people know my DMs are open and then if someone DMs me and starts acting weird {for example, "*Nuzzles*" or "*Cuddles*"} in the first few messages, I usually remain polite and detached from the convo and ignore the "physical" stuff. For some reason, things like that really bother me so I bet that's how I somehow keep avoiding the horny people looking for benefits instead of just friendship.
 

MaelstromEyre

Slippery When Wet
This message applies to anything really. Furry dating, being contacted, getting friends. Anything. In general I want to be more involved with the community with enough agency to avoid the... loveless erp crazed hypersexual idiotic parts of it.
Yeah, I get this. It's not easy to form good friendships online, even within the fandom, if you're not looking for ERP, intimacy, etc.

The best friendships I've found in the fandom are through roleplay groups, not ERP, but just story-based roleplay.

Are you involved in any Discord or Telegram chats, especially ones that don't focus on NSFW stuff?
 

RadarTheBat

Very Dum Bat™
Yeah, I get this. It's not easy to form good friendships online, even within the fandom, if you're not looking for ERP, intimacy, etc.

The best friendships I've found in the fandom are through roleplay groups, not ERP, but just story-based roleplay.

Are you involved in any Discord or Telegram chats, especially ones that don't focus on NSFW stuff?
In furry fashion they're fucking dead aside from the 2 fucking idiots who don't understand that being mushy in the general chat isn't welcome.
 

MagnusLucra

Magnus Lucra - BUSINESS WOLF
Honestly, think of non-furry, non-sexual interests that you have, and look for online furry groups around those things.
Back in high school I found a pretty cool group of people to hang out with online via WoW that were furries.
I also have a friend that set their profile pic to be their sona on a local board game site, and that worked out well.

So I think in order to get involved you just need to don the furry aesthetic, and meet other furries with common interests.
 

Raever

Chaotic Neutral Wreckage
Honestly, think of non-furry, non-sexual interests that you have, and look for online furry groups around those things.
Back in high school I found a pretty cool group of people to hang out with online via WoW that were furries.
I also have a friend that set their profile pic to be their sona on a local board game site, and that worked out well.

So I think in order to get involved you just need to don the furry aesthetic, and meet other furries with common interests.

This approach tends to work out well, but the important thing to remember is there is no "cheat" or "hack" for making friends. If you struggle with it, try to stop overthinking things and start joining regular groups and socializing as you normally would. I'm apart of a dnd discord server with quite a lot of members (400+). Many of them have several interests outside of dnd and regularly have non-dnd conversations. Most of the members aren't even playing dnd on the server in most cases. I'd highly recommend just finding shared interests in that kind of setting and moving on from there.
 
This approach tends to work out well, but the important thing to remember is there is no "cheat" or "hack" for making friends. If you struggle with it, try to stop overthinking things and start joining regular groups and socializing as you normally would. I'm apart of a dnd discord server with quite a lot of members (400+). Many of them have several interests outside of dnd and regularly have non-dnd conversations. Most of the members aren't even playing dnd on the server in most cases. I'd highly recommend just finding shared interests in that kind of setting and moving on from there.
I don't know, have you tried Up Up, Down down, Left right, left right, send request yet?
 

Raever

Chaotic Neutral Wreckage
I don't know, have you tried Up Up, Down down, Left right, left right, send request yet?

Hmmmmmmm...not yet but I think you're on to something.
 

Tacoshark

Defender of the Sacred Nuggs
My advice is to focus on common interests you may share with others. Search for forum threads or discord/ telegram groups and find others you mesh with naturally. May take time, but if you are looking to avoid unwarranted intimacy from others this is how I would go about it. Maybe even find a new hobby among others within the fandom they can introduce you to, how I got started in D&D.

You're a nice guy and with some time and courage you will find what you are looking for
 
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MaelstromEyre

Slippery When Wet
Honestly, think of non-furry, non-sexual interests that you have, and look for online furry groups around those things.
Back in high school I found a pretty cool group of people to hang out with online via WoW that were furries.
I also have a friend that set their profile pic to be their sona on a local board game site, and that worked out well.

So I think in order to get involved you just need to don the furry aesthetic, and meet other furries with common interests.
Yep, this.

Some of my best online furry friends I made through a roleplay group in Second Life. Non-sexual, it was a medieval fantasy RP and we just had fun with it and got to know each other through OOC chats.
 

Mambi

Fun loving kitty cat
This message applies to anything really. Furry dating, being contacted, getting friends. Anything. In general I want to be more involved with the community with enough agency to avoid the... loveless erp crazed hypersexual idiotic parts of it.

You just did...so what you just did? Do it again... <giggle>
 
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