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How do I surround myself with positive people

davimink

Member
Positive, happy, optimistic people whose happiness is contagious?

I see that it is very hard for me to meet people, let alone happy people. I came to my new city with no family or friend, I started anew and went to art college for one year before dropping out. I now work at a small store where I only know three other people (much older than me so not much of friend material).
What I realized was, art people are generally very cynical and negative, and I was put down a lot for being autistic and generally different, so I wary of returning to art school campus.

I realized that even when someone is nice and friendly, they may have a negative air to them. For example, I have one new friend from art school who is kind, but I can sense that she is depressed and might cry any moment. Another friend complains about life, talk badly about himself (low self esteem), and then eventually become passive aggressive towards me. Where can I meet people with high self esteem and good outlook on life? How can I attract people with positive energy? I am thinking of going to a local church even though they're not my denomination.

There is the problem of meeting people, and also there is a problem with myself. I personally am autistic, generally an outcast so pretty much anyone who is nice is my friend, and I also come from an abusive household and suffer from PTSD. I believe that the type of people I am friends with or attract say a lot about me and reflect something about me as well. It is not a good sign. I want to break free of this cycle.
 

Sharris

New Member
The thing I've learned about social interaction, is that people are drawn to confidence. They seek out and tend to befriend those of us who are most confident in ourselves, and most of the time they don't even realize it. It's a sad reality. Because then it means that a lot of the people who have reasons to be down, get ignored. Which is painful.

There are a lot of good articles about it. But basically, you can come to meet a lot of amazing people if you are just confident about yourself. Go out there, keep your head high and show others that you are. Find the things that will help you be more confident. But the number one draw for anyone to you, will be your confidence, and it is directly proportional. If you are super crazy confident, you'll meet a ton of others, as it goes down, so does the number of people you meet.

But basically now I'm rambling.

Anyways, don't get yourself down. You seem to be a very nice person, who just wants to go places in life and meet awesome people. We all have our backgrounds, both good and bad, but we can't live in the past, we have to live for the future. We can't change the past, just the future. There are plenty of people out there who will get you down, and the less confident you are in yourself, the more of an open target you leave for them. Keeping your head high, and showing that you are confident no matter what, they will be less likely to put you down and be agressive towards you. So my advice, don't look at a negative past, look towards a promising future, and know that you have what it takes to be awesome. Grow your confidence and the friends will come. The negatives will start to be less frequent and the positives will reinforce you. Do what you think you need to do to gain that confidence. No matter if it means pushing yourself in a new goal, or learning a new hobby, or getting fit, or more healthy. Whatever it takes. Then you'll notice the people come to you.
 

davimink

Member
I am not sure if displaying confidence is that much of a problem. The opinions people have of me is different. My friends tell me that at first I come off as the stoic, tough, no-bullshit type of person. Except, I am "different" and "eccentric", which is why people get weirded out. Then others thought I was just plain stupid. Others think I am mischievous. And then as my friends get to know me, that's when they see I am not confident. There's a range of impressions.
 

Sharris

New Member
Ah. Well I was just quoting some article I read at some point in the past when I was having a similar issue. People... are honestly strange. It's not so much you have to find them, as much as you have to let them come to you. If you search, you won't ever find the right people. You'll wind up forcing yourself into situations and friendships that arent meant to work, but youll try and conform to them. Or at least this is from past experiences myself.

Its really a rough balance of exuding confidence, not letting others opinions get to you, being yourself no matter what, and just letting everyone come to you. Because they will, what with us being a social species. Others will be others, and there will always be people that hate you no matter what, but just gotta look past it all. I've been in the same boat as you davimink, and it was rough for a while. But I researched what I could, got tired of being alone or in crappy friendships just like you are, and changed what i needed. Granted I dont have a million friends, but a few really awesome people who I like being in my life.

As much as I hate to say it, impression is too much in society today. Its not about getting to know someone anymore, just the first impression they give. Which is why giving the best first impression is best.

I honestly, hate how the wording of this post is. I feel its too... down. But I couldnt come up with a better way of listing it all. Sorry 3:
 

TeenageAngst

Banned
Banned
Sharris, exuding confidence (or really fake confidence because let's face it, no one just grows self esteem) is great for meeting shallow people but it's terrible for making friends. It's great for networking, getting job interviews, getting your resume passed around, hooking up, parties, etc. If you want to make friends you have to take the first step and talk to weirdos. The quiet people, the person wearing the Pikachu hat during the lecture, the person sitting in the corner listening to music during their lunch hour, etc. They're a mixed bag but they tend to be more real and you can usually pick up if you're going to click with the person or not from your first conversation. Case in point, my two room mates. I have one guy who lives in his own room and barely says a word. I like him a lot because he's always doing his own thing, completely content whether he's surrounded by others or sitting alone. He doesn't say much but when he does you can tell he's observant and genuine. He's also a smart son of a gun. Then there's my other room mate, he's energetic and talkative and invites friends over but constantly seems to worry about what other people think about him. You don't want to be that guy, even if you have a lot more friends, they won't be the kind of companions you'd expect them to be.

I guess what I'm trying to say is looking confident is actually kind of not being confident, it's covering up even if it attracts more people. It gives the impression you're terrified others won't notice you.
 

Hinalle K.

Banned
Banned
Were you in Britain that'd be one helluva impossible task, I'll tell you that :v
 
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NerdyMunk

Only a Book Smart Nerd
Good luck finding full on positive people. :V
 

Dreaming

Member
Get them drunk, that always works.

But, seriously, I'll be completely honest after reading what you've given us, you need to exert more positivity to attract it. You'll probably find yourself in a cycle right there, though.
 

Sharris

New Member
Sharris, exuding confidence (or really fake confidence because let's face it, no one just grows self esteem) is great for meeting shallow people but it's terrible for making friends. It's great for networking, getting job interviews, getting your resume passed around, hooking up, parties, etc. If you want to make friends you have to take the first step and talk to weirdos. The quiet people, the person wearing the Pikachu hat during the lecture, the person sitting in the corner listening to music during their lunch hour, etc. They're a mixed bag but they tend to be more real and you can usually pick up if you're going to click with the person or not from your first conversation. Case in point, my two room mates. I have one guy who lives in his own room and barely says a word. I like him a lot because he's always doing his own thing, completely content whether he's surrounded by others or sitting alone. He doesn't say much but when he does you can tell he's observant and genuine. He's also a smart son of a gun. Then there's my other room mate, he's energetic and talkative and invites friends over but constantly seems to worry about what other people think about him. You don't want to be that guy, even if you have a lot more friends, they won't be the kind of companions you'd expect them to be.

I guess what I'm trying to say is looking confident is actually kind of not being confident, it's covering up even if it attracts more people. It gives the impression you're terrified others won't notice you.


I may have just worded it incorrectly. But im not saying to just "look" confident, you actually have to be confident in yourself. Being confident in yourself can mean a lot of things. One of which is taking the step out there and talking to others like you said. But either way it requires confidence in yourself, not just appearing confident. YOu cant worry what others think etc. You just have to know youre you, you love who you are, and that if they dont like you, then thats their problem, not yours.
 

Tabasco

Member
I think it's less about meeting "positive, happy, optimistic people" and more about meeting people of decent character who encourage happiness, well-being, and self-esteem in you. Someone with a bleak, hateful outlook on life who detests everyone and treats their friends insensitively is obviously not going to be one of those people, but I know people who are curmudgeonly and cynical who listen to me, encourage me, and treat me with kindness (and vice versa) because that's what friends - regardless of self-esteem or outlook - do.
 

Bambi

Joined 2008 - Returned 2022
Wait a second, so everyone is telling him to be more positive ... when negativity is far more addicting behavior, and is a confirmed problem as part of our evolution? Look at what he's just said about himself, and then try to recall what I just mentioned a second ago: negativity is scientifically proven to be addicting behavior, and he's already got a really bumpy past.

Mmmm, I don't think he'll know how to actually be more positive, just based upon that. Instead OP, I'd recommend forcing yourself out of your bubble in some way. Try social websites that require you physically meet others in your area at some point. When you go outdoors for something, practice speaking when you're comfortable, and try to remove a fear of judgment in your mind because it's something you cannot honestly validate until someone says, "... this is what I think about you."

Do you see what I mean? That's the way to surround yourself with more positive people. It's to look at your fears and decide that you don't know enough until the time comes. So, remove yourself from your judgment, and make a move to be more social, even if that's not what you're comfortable with. Even if you're not confident, or don't have what you think should be the expected level of confidence when engaging someone else. We're all different. Learn to believe that your difference has given you some insight at what you want and ultimately desire. And that you're capable of attaining it.
 

Rilvor

Formal when angry
Along with what Bambi said above, I would like to point out that every good person has a little bit of darkness in them somewhere. Remember this and remember it well.
 

Percy

o-o
Along with what Bambi said above, I would like to point out that every good person has a little bit of darkness in them somewhere. Remember this and remember it well.
This is true.
I think of myself as a good, positive person, yet I'm not perfect. Nobody is.
 

Traven V

Luna-tic.
Just start lying to yourself just like everybody does, than you can like Justin Bieber and hang out with all the cool kids. Seriously like it has been stated here before confidence attracts confidence you yourself must become more optimistic, I think some completely change their friends sometimes and hangouts.
 

Cain

Guess what mood I'm in today.
Surrounding yourself with optimism, isn't practical nor healthy, really.
Sure, you see some people going around with overly-happy grins on their faces and a 'Come at me world' approach to life, but when something really does hit them hard, well, it doesn't go too well.

Stay grounded. A bit of optimism is always healthy, in measured doses, and a bit of pessimism too. Realism is the same.

Surround yourself with a variety of people. It'd be weird, not to mention extremely annoying to have optimists around you all the time.
 

Ilayas

Member
If you don't want people to treat you differently because you are autistic then it'd probably be a good idea to stop mentioning it. Happy positive people tend to be attracted to other happy positive people. So there's your answer right there. Other then that go out and just try meeting people. Look for activities, classes, hobby groups or whatever in your area and start attending their meetings or whatever.
 
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