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How do you cope with loneliness when you have anxiety, and depression ?

MrCoruja

Member
My life is a BIG mess, it's been a mess for almost 8 years (my whole adult life) I can't hold a job because of severe social anxiety, and traumas, nor any meaningful friendship, and I'm even worse with relationships, my ex-fiancée cheated on me with multiple guys because "I'm broken" read not a functional adult (her words) so yeah... anyways, I'm new to the fandom, and I'm here because I like anthros, and because I heard that you guys are super nice to people of all backgrounds, any tips, advices, are welcomed, thanks in advance, and sorry for any grammatical mistake, my first language is Portuguese...
 

TyraWadman

The Brutally Honest Man-Child
My life is a BIG mess, it's been a mess for almost 8 years (my whole adult life) I can't hold a job because of severe social anxiety, and traumas, nor any meaningful friendship, and I'm even worse with relationships, my ex-fiancée cheated on me with multiple guys because "I'm broken" read not a functional adult (her words) so yeah... anyways, I'm new to the fandom, and I'm here because I like anthros, and because I heard that you guys are super nice to people of all backgrounds, any tips, advices, are welcomed, thanks in advance, and sorry for any grammatical mistake, my first language is Portuguese...


You were right to open up in the forums. There are plenty of friendly folks that love to help people out. I know your explanation has been brief but it does sound like anxiety is a big factor in your life. Have you tried finding a therapist that specializes in PTSD? That would be a huge help, but you gotta remember to be 100% honest with them- otherwise they can't help you!

My advice for anxiety is to just accept it. I'm not saying it feels good, but it happens to all of us. Acknowledge the pain/hurt. It can be incredibly scary to make the jump into the deep end of a pool, I cried, but I got through it. Even when I'm scared now, I let myself cry and shake but I still push myself to do it. It's hard, but it does get easier over time.

If you find yourself overthinking, try to take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds. Try to reason with yourself. You might sound crazy to some people, but if it works, it works!
"What if they get mad?"
"Well it's okay if they get mad. I might not like it, but they're entitled to feel that way."

Another thing you should remember (that I think may be relevant) is to remind yourself that not everybody is out to hurt you. Take relationships slowly. You might be unintentionally taking out your problems on your friend/partner.

Ex: My second ex constantly retold the same stories of how he was verbally harmed and how his partners were all unfaithful, which is unfortunate, but he wouldn't stop. One night he got paranoid because someone texted me at 1am and yet there we were, talking until 3am. (TMI) When it came to condoms being used, it was because he lived far from me and some of my toys had a rough texture, which he knew of, but he insisted on reminding me of his ex and how he came across an empty condom box one day. At the end of the day, he expected to be pampered and coddled, but had no problem lashing out at everyone else all the while making excuses for himself. It was exhausting and you might be accidentally doing the same with yours, just... with other things.

To cope with loneliness I keep to my hobbies (writing and drawing), and recently, look for things to talk/type about on the forums when I'm feeling burnt out from my regular routine. I still haven't found my clique yet, but that doesn't mean you can't have a pleasant interaction once in a while.

P.S Feel free to note me if you wanna keep things private.
 
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Punkedsolar

Never say never
My life is a BIG mess, it's been a mess for almost 8 years (my whole adult life) I can't hold a job because of severe social anxiety, and traumas, nor any meaningful friendship, and I'm even worse with relationships, my ex-fiancée cheated on me with multiple guys because "I'm broken" read not a functional adult (her words) so yeah... anyways, I'm new to the fandom, and I'm here because I like anthros, and because I heard that you guys are super nice to people of all backgrounds, any tips, advices, are welcomed, thanks in advance, and sorry for any grammatical mistake, my first language is Portuguese...

It is a good thing that person is your ex. Often those who know they are treating others badly seek to blame them, to make them take responsibility for it. I wouldn't take what she says into account, if you can - your ex is what we call an unreliable narrator. That is, she probably felt less guilty about what she did if she could mentally make it your fault. That is not you being bad with relationships. That is someone else being bad with relationships.

You actually sound very young - if you're roughly 26, I know this sounds terrible, but you ARE very young. Indeed, you are still at the point of learning how to interact with humans. We never really stop learning. If you can, give yourself a bit of a pat on the back for successfully getting away from a bad relationship. You deserve it for that.

I also have severe anxiety. I developed it after a bad accident and couldn't stop. In the end, I had to have professional help, and I'm on medication. I would seek not just friends here (which is a good idea) but a medical professional to help you on your journey. You are already making steps to heal - I hope you celebrate that! Now get someone experienced, such as a good counselor, to help you continue, if you can.
 

MaelstromEyre

Slippery When Wet
I deal with anxiety as well as depression, neither were diagnosed until I was in my early thirties, and that was almost 12 years ago. . .(yes, I'm a greymuzzle).

What kinds of healthcare do you have access to? Can you get a referral to some sort of mental health professional to start working through some of what's going on?

It helps to "get it out" by talking to someone, they may determine that medication is necessary. That part is really up to you. It works well for some, not for others, but you've already taken the first step in recognizing that it's getting in the way of you being able to provide for yourself. You CAN make this better, though!
 

treysi

Member
I'm trying to hide myself in books, movies and so on. But it rarely helps. You have to go outside more often, to enjoy the nature and to begin to love life and yourself
and everything will get better, step by step..
 

MoonriseLotus

Capsaicin Addict
I have been diagnosed with dysthymia and PTSD; and I've been dealing with the unfortunate effects of it for the past 11 years without much help or support too. I have also experienced the negative treatment from "friends" and ex for not being happy 24/7.

I agree it is important to seek help, but it is also important to help yourself. Or to better put it, tend to yourself if no one else is going to.

This means like allowing yourself to have awareness of "simple pleasures" like a bubble bath and tea. Allowing yourself to get that extra 15 minutes of sleep.

There was so much pressure on me by others to just "get over it" and to just "stop being depressed" that I felt guilty if I needed self care. It wasn't until I realized that it's okay not to feel okay sometimes that I started to heal. I also found a lot help through reading up on herbs, since they are easier and cheaper to get in the US than medication--but definitely still see a doctor and therapist if you can, and it's completely alright if you have to go through a few until you can find one you can relate to.
 

aomagrat

Well-Known Member
I've been basically alone since my wife left me 37 years ago. Am I depressed, you betcha! I find myself crying over little things all the time. What helps me is my dog. After a bad day at work doing a job I despise, coming home to a very happy dog never fails to cheer me up. He's my buddy. If I feel down, taking him for a walk is the best medicine for me.
 

TyraWadman

The Brutally Honest Man-Child
I've been basically alone since my wife left me 37 years ago. Am I depressed, you betcha! I find myself crying over little things all the time. What helps me is my dog. After a bad day at work doing a job I despise, coming home to a very happy dog never fails to cheer me up. He's my buddy. If I feel down, taking him for a walk is the best medicine for me.
What is your job (if you don't mind me asking)?
You sound like you deserve a break!
 

Stray Cat Terry

테리 / 特里 / テリー
Having seen several people with hard life problems, I guess what those adults said--"every life is hard, don't be such a weakling"--makes certain amount of sense.

However--never be offended--I'm not making light of you. I as well have my own problems, and I believe the people like us--feeling depressed, anxious, unsatisfied or even self-hatred--have hard time dealing with those "usual issues"(as some adults say). While I'm certain that we are 'weak', I don't think that should stop us from anything. As we know our weaknesses, we get more fortified via resolving them.

If anything stresses you, think of what makes you feel so, and try to resolve that. And if it means quitting something that you have been doing or used to, consider that as long as you have alternatives to loss from quitting it, or simply hesitate none if you're definitely cool with it. Then, you'll feel less stress and maybe also less probability to feel any sense of inferiority, lack of competitiveness and such. (Like me)

And further, if there's anything you desire yet was refrained due to public acceptance or something--as long as it doesn't violate laws or something--you can try doing it and fulfill your desire to some degrees. (Like I do, again)

Then, you'll be at least a bit less depressed, if not even better. Liberate yourself, and be happier!

Hit PM or reply on me if you need specific instructions or anything. Since people vary, my radicality may or may not help you the same as me, but at least give it a try?
 

aomagrat

Well-Known Member
What is your job (if you don't mind me asking)?
You sound like you deserve a break!
I spent 20 years in the US Navy, which I enjoyed immensely. I retired and went to work for a security company. It wasn't bad until a couple of years ago when my company was bought out by another company. With a new company came a new management style which can only be described as incompetence squared. I am retiring again at the end of August. I can't wait.
 

TyraWadman

The Brutally Honest Man-Child
I spent 20 years in the US Navy, which I enjoyed immensely. I retired and went to work for a security company. It wasn't bad until a couple of years ago when my company was bought out by another company. With a new company came a new management style which can only be described as incompetence squared. I am retiring again at the end of August. I can't wait.

Well good on you! You'll have more time to dedicate to that loveable furbaby of yours!
I hate it when companies get bought out. They did that to one of the apartment complexes I lived in.
"Don't worry, every apartment will come with a 50" tv!!! Also we're raising rent by $500!!! What do you mean you're leaving???"
 

dragon-in-sight

mane diva
I remind myself that living on it's own has some benefits and try to see the good side of it. I can manage my time like I want. I can try out new stuff. And I have nothing to lose.
 
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