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How to accept something controversial?

BuxCS

New Member
Hi. I need help with how to accept something controversial (or weird or stupid).
(I just want to express that it is nothing illegal, criminal, etc. And that my question is genuine, not trying to argue, or make hate speech, criticize etc.)

- Furry community has thousands of small things which attract/resonate with certain people.

- Most of these things of interest are considered at least weird by not-interested-in furries.

- And also furry thing itself (or furry person) is considered weird by (at least) a part of general public (non-furries).


I am furry for 12 years. It is my secret. Only few people know that I'm furry and I exist. (except one they're all furries)
95% of time I am an invisible watcher.


The thing what I consider controversial is actually not considered "controversial/weird/stupid" by thousands of furries.
People draw that, talk about it, roleplay, .... they are absolutely ok with that!

I would like to feel that way too.


There is a program (from childhood) in my mind that says:
this thing is not ok
it is wrong
it is controversial
what would others think about it
what would others think about you

...

This power strongly pushes me away.


Please I am stuck with this for years. If anyone can help please help.
Thank you
 

Punji

Vaskebjørn
It can be difficult to come to terms with some things. Some people don't even like admitting things to themselves.

My advice would be to engage with the community surrounding your interests and make friends with the same interests. It can help to have someone to talk to with whom you can be open and honest with, and who you know understands and accepts your interests.

Lastly, it doesn't matter much what other people think about it. You're not committing a thought crime by having whatever the interest is, and if there is no criminal aspect to it there ought to be nothing to feel ashamed of in any way.
 

dhi

Boop Squad
Hi. I need help with how to accept something controversial (or weird or stupid).
(I just want to express that it is nothing illegal, criminal, etc. And that my question is genuine, not trying to argue, or make hate speech, criticize etc.)

- Furry community has thousands of small things which attract/resonate with certain people.

- Most of these things of interest are considered at least weird by not-interested-in furries.

- And also furry thing itself (or furry person) is considered weird by (at least) a part of general public (non-furries).


I am furry for 12 years. It is my secret. Only few people know that I'm furry and I exist. (except one they're all furries)
95% of time I am an invisible watcher.


The thing what I consider controversial is actually not considered "controversial/weird/stupid" by thousands of furries.
People draw that, talk about it, roleplay, .... they are absolutely ok with that!

I would like to feel that way too.


There is a program (from childhood) in my mind that says:
this thing is not ok
it is wrong
it is controversial
what would others think about it
what would others think about you

...

This power strongly pushes me away.


Please I am stuck with this for years. If anyone can help please help.
Thank you
“Come out” to someone who you know will accept you. Mine is my mom and my sister. They can help you about “coming out” to other people, they know you best.
 

Sam Akuchin Wamm

Well-Known Member
Hi. I need help with how to accept something controversial (or weird or stupid).
(I just want to express that it is nothing illegal, criminal, etc. And that my question is genuine, not trying to argue, or make hate speech, criticize etc.)

- Furry community has thousands of small things which attract/resonate with certain people.

- Most of these things of interest are considered at least weird by not-interested-in furries.

- And also furry thing itself (or furry person) is considered weird by (at least) a part of general public (non-furries).


I am furry for 12 years. It is my secret. Only few people know that I'm furry and I exist. (except one they're all furries)
95% of time I am an invisible watcher.


The thing what I consider controversial is actually not considered "controversial/weird/stupid" by thousands of furries.
People draw that, talk about it, roleplay, .... they are absolutely ok with that!

I would like to feel that way too.


There is a program (from childhood) in my mind that says:
this thing is not ok
it is wrong
it is controversial
what would others think about it
what would others think about you

...

This power strongly pushes me away.


Please I am stuck with this for years. If anyone can help please help.
Thank you
am i missing something or maybe this didn't translate well?

can someone explain this to me because i'm having a hard time understanding what the issue here is.

i think they're saying that being a furry in general is not socially accepted because normalites adhere to a fictional template of how things should be that nobody actually conforms to 100% so they just change the things they don't care as much about and parade them to make them look the same rather than express their differences.

sorry if i've got the wrong end of the stick but yeah kids are cruel to weird ones, adults are worse to weird kids, then they grow up and all the super normal people everyone liked when they were kids are boring and we all gravitate towards the weirdos because they're quirkier and more interesting as long as they've had time to build confidence in themselves.

truth be told nobody gives a damn how weird someone is as long as they do it with confidence and they aren't actively getting in the way of what they are doing or trying to harm them in some Emoji way.

ironic that they spend so much time putting people down about such things.

essentially life works like a test of confidence. people attempt to belittle you for what you do and if accept and backdown they will never treat you with respect.

have confidence in yourself and nobody can hurt you and all attempts to do so just make them look stupid and feel awkward.

the weirdness is never the issue. it's all social dynamics.

being weird puts a target on your head but being confident turns you into killdozer anyone would be stupid to challenge.

EDIT:
my stupid phone keeps turning random words into "Emoji" and it's really starting to Emoji my nerves.
 
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quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
Treat yourself like a friend? Like, if a friend came to you and expressed interest in it, you would treat them kindly, yeah? Go through that scenario in your head, practice being kind to this hypothetical friend, and being kind to yourself over the same thing will hopefully follow.
 

Sam Akuchin Wamm

Well-Known Member
Treat yourself like a friend? Like, if a friend came to you and expressed interest in it, you would treat them kindly, yeah? Go through that scenario in your head, practice being kind to this hypothetical friend, and being kind to yourself over the same thing will hopefully follow.
my strategy has always been to simply only acknowledge people that want in to whatever i'm doing.

i am here to be witnessed. I'm not here to take interest in people i don't care about, which to be fair is 90% of all people.
 

Yakamaru

Autumn wolf
It's a hobby. You don't NEED to come out because it's not something to "come out" about in the first place.

What is it with people and this coming out mentality? I can't fathom it.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
my strategy has always been to simply only acknowledge people that want in to whatever i'm doing.

i am here to be witnessed. I'm not here to take interest in people i don't care about, which to be fair is 90% of all people.
I’m approaching from an angle of how to reconcile intellectually knowing that the stigma against <insert anything that doesn’t actually harm others> is bullshit, and actually finding compassion and acceptance for yourself. If you have trouble accepting your own interest in something because of internalized stigma, even knowing the stigma is unjustified, “fuck what other people think” may not be sufficient to make it easier to deal with. Sometimes it’s easier for us to have compassion for others than to accept the same perceived flaws in ourselves.
 

MaelstromEyre

Slippery When Wet
Like you, I keep my "furry stuff" to myself. I don't know of any other furries in RL - if any of the people I know are furries, they've never said anything about it. All of my furry existence is online in some form, though there are maybe hints of it around my home.

I do not see it as something that it's necessary to "come out" as, or announce to other people I know, it's not a "pride" thing. It is a chosen hobby, an interest, but not something I want to have to try to explain to friends or family who already their own ideas about it.
 

Troj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dino Therapist
Questions that are important to ask oneself:

1) What are my explicit/known values and principles? What do I believe is good, bad, important, or unimportant, and why?
2) What are my explicit/known beliefs and schemas about the world? How does the world function? What are the "rules" for being "successful" in the world? Indeed, what is "success?" What is "good?" What is "bad?"
3) In particular, how do I define Good and Evil from a moral or ethical perspective?
4) What are my implicit/hidden/unstated values and beliefs, based on how I act and react to things?
5) Do my various values and beliefs (both implicit and explicit) "make sense?" In what ways are they coherent or consistent across the board? In what ways are they inconsistent or contradictory? In what ways do my values and beliefs help me and/or others to function in the world? In what ways might they be sabotaging or undermining my and/or other people's functioning?
6) What are my goals in life, both short-term and long-term?
7) Are those various goals working for me? How are they working presently? How are they not working presently?

Broadly, I also tend to think that people should be more-or-less free to swing their fists, so long as it doesn't hit someone else's face, so to speak. What matters from an ethical standpoint is how our actions impact other living beings and the larger world.

So, when it comes to how we react to others, I reckon we need to recognize how we viscerally feel about them, why we feel that way, and if the way we feel makes sense, and aligns with our core vales, best interests, and healthy goals.

When deciding how to present ourselves, again, we need to identify our goals, desires, and values; examine whether those goals, desires, and values are generally ethical, workable, reasonable, and "good" by various metrics; and then pick a general course of action that will align with our ethics, goals, desires, and best self-interest. If we hit roadblocks, we should ask ourselves if we need to change course, or not, and why or why not.

In both situations, we also need to ask ourselves if our own or someone else's actions are causing serious harm or hurt to others or the world.

So, TL;DR, your decision whether or not to come out as furry will largely depend on what you want to either achieve or avoid by either coming out or not coming out, and whether the assumptions, beliefs, and desires that inform your choices in that regard are generally realistic, healthy, and productive.
 
Last edited:

Sam Akuchin Wamm

Well-Known Member
There's nothing controversial about tea vs coffee, coffee is clearly the superior beverage.
nono. you have to answer it with science.
you know like in school where they as you to show your working?
saying something is clearly something doesn't count.
it's 2021 and this is the internet.
you have to back up such statements with evidence.
either that or i put the hat on you and shut the window.
 

Netanye Dakabi

people call me queen
Banned
nono. you have to answer it with science.
you know like in school where they as you to show your working?
saying something is clearly something doesn't count.
it's 2021 and this is the internet.
you have to back up such statements with evidence.
either that or i put the hat on you and shut the window.
sip sip. coffee go num num.
sip sip. tea go blech blech.
 

BuxCS

New Member
Hello! I want to thank for all replys.
I very appreciate replys from multiple people. Because every person thinks and perceive things differently. And some ways of thinking are more closer and some foreign.

Now I need time for inner contemplating.


Thanks once again!
 

Ramjet

Seizing the memes of production
It's a hobby. You don't NEED to come out because it's not something to "come out" about in the first place.

What is it with people and this coming out mentality? I can't fathom it.

So much this!
It would be like correlating your personal identity to your pornhub browsing preferences to advertise to the world...
Who fucking cares?
Lmao
 

MCtheBeardie

Queen of Laziness
Well, my family already accepts that I’m weird, so I never really had to worry about this. I have furry art lining my walls and brazenly announced that I’m buying a fursuit, so there’s really no surprising the people closest to me.

But, if I have to give any advice, I’d just take it slow. I don’t think you should ever hide what truly makes you happy, but if you’re scared about it, then feel free to pace yourself! You just gotta be consistent about it, and the more you let yourself express your interests, the less scared you’ll be.
 

Astus

Well Known Foxxo
I would actually say that there is something controversial about being a furry, at least to the general population. Most people don't know what a furry is, and I would assume that most of the cringe culture people who do think that (along with how most media seems to portay them) furries are people who dress up like animals to fornicate with each other. There's also a connotation that the mascot suits that they wear are usually associated with entertainment for children, so you have that line of thought there as well.

I personally do not care for telling people I am a furry, I really find no point to it whatsoever. That doesn't mean I will go out of my way to hide anything. If they ask why I have artwork of furries in my room, I tell them I enjoy the aesthetic of anthropomorphic animals. When they ask what convention I'm going to, I tell them that it's a convention sort of like an anime or scifi convention based around anthropomorphic animals. I go because my friends and some of my colleagues are going. Opportunity to network and it's a good social vacation.

You can take a lot of wind out of their sails and even your own biases by literally saying what being a furry is to you, while answering their questions. At the same time, no one really needs to know what your interests are. Sure we as social animals like to talk about what interests us; however it really isn't necessary. The bigger of a deal you make of it, the more people will seem to think it's weird. It's like if I went around openly announcing that I'm a huge anime fan, and I dress up like characters without any context to it. It sounds kina off. Just let people find out nautrally and it'll make it easier (if you really want people to know for whatever reason)
 

Pomorek

Antelope-Addicted Hyena
I would actually say that there is something controversial about being a furry, at least to the general population. Most people don't know what a furry is, and I would assume that most of the cringe culture people who do think that (along with how most media seems to portay them) furries are people who dress up like animals to fornicate with each other. There's also a connotation that the mascot suits that they wear are usually associated with entertainment for children, so you have that line of thought there as well.

I personally do not care for telling people I am a furry, I really find no point to it whatsoever. That doesn't mean I will go out of my way to hide anything. If they ask why I have artwork of furries in my room, I tell them I enjoy the aesthetic of anthropomorphic animals. When they ask what convention I'm going to, I tell them that it's a convention sort of like an anime or scifi convention based around anthropomorphic animals. I go because my friends and some of my colleagues are going. Opportunity to network and it's a good social vacation.

You can take a lot of wind out of their sails and even your own biases by literally saying what being a furry is to you, while answering their questions. At the same time, no one really needs to know what your interests are. Sure we as social animals like to talk about what interests us; however it really isn't necessary. The bigger of a deal you make of it, the more people will seem to think it's weird. It's like if I went around openly announcing that I'm a huge anime fan, and I dress up like characters without any context to it. It sounds kina off. Just let people find out nautrally and it'll make it easier (if you really want people to know for whatever reason)
Wow, that's one level-headed approach! I could use your suggestions myself.
 

Stray Cat Terry

테리 / 特里 / テリー
This topic itself is(not the thread)--to me--a virtual form of warfare.

There are various people with various morales and knowledge, and naturally, there are friendlies, neutrals, and foes.

Why is this a 'warfare'? People in nature tend to fear what's unfamiliar, and tend to gather up on what's familiar and gradually end up alienating the unfamiliar. When this gets extreme and/or there happen to be aother groups of people with differences with the former, there emerges conflict and the concept of right or wrong. Same goes against furry fandom, sexuality, nationality... etc etc. You either conceal it or have certain amount of people with stuffs in common.

However, nothing's ultimately right or wrong, I believe. So I keep trying to understand what's unfamiliar. But even then, I can't understand a few stuff, and that's okay as long as I don't discriminate them. The majority do, however. Yet, that doesn't mean those differences are unacceptable.

Think simply, those differences are simply what's unfamiliar, and it's natural to feel odd facing those as human nature. You absolutely never ought to accept them, but at the same time, there's absolutely no reason to alienate them. Just... treat everything and everyone with respect, no one tells you to get involved in what you don't really want to, and no one tells you to stay away from them either. Ask yourself, do what's comfortable for you while not engaging in conflicts. Stay safe, be happy!
 

Troj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dino Therapist
Being nonchalant and casually-open about being furry has worked out extremely well for me for the most part. Several previously-non-furry friends have come to me in private asking how they might go about making their own fursona or suit, and others have said that since learning about the fandom from me, they've been able to connect on a deeper and more meaningful level with friends and loved ones (especially children) who are furries.

One friend of mine recently said that they were able to have one of the best conversations they've had in a while with their young adult kid after they casually shared some things about me on a hunch, and the kid then felt comfortable sharing art of their furry O.C.s. That was so nice to hear!
 
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