How to describe multiple moving parts in a transformation without it feeling stiff

[sausy1]

I'm planning to write a TF story where a detective slowly turns into an "aquatic naga" of sorts.
The TF starts with some tail growth at first (because that's the most important part), but near the end I need to describe tail growth, scale growth, gills and fins, leg loss, horn growth, and whatever I need to touch on outside of the transformation.
At this point, I don't want to describe the tail, then the scales, then the fins, etc. If I describe each part of the transformation one at a time, it feels stiff and robotic.
So, how do I describe all of the moving parts of a complex transformation simultaneously in a way that feels natural?

 

[ben909]

you could always just experment, or the way i would probably do it is describe part of what is going on, and then have some event shift the tfee's attention to another part, although its kind of still just doing one at a time with slices instead of entire features

 

[Raever]

When it comes to description I tend to prefer vague over detail a lot of the time, playing on the reader's perception over what is actually happening scene by scene, and including the characters thoughts or feelings as a focus with actual action happening either in the background or as an afterthought to further integrate the character's place in the scene itself. Everyone's writing style is different, if heavy detail is your thing, then that's the strength you play to --- but it's not always necessary to set a scene.

 

[Troj]

One piece of advice I might give is to include multiple types of sensory data in your descriptions. There's a tendency for authors to rely on/emphasize sight, when there are at least six other senses (hearing, taste, smell, touch, proprioception, and vestibular sense) that can also be brought into the mix to add depth and variety.

This will depend on your story's narrative viewpoint (i.e., third-person omniscient vs. third-person limited vs. first-person), but I also think it helps to spotlight or mention characters' thoughts and emotions in some form, so you're not just listing off a series of objective events.

 

[Kuroserama]

I would like to add on to what Raever has said.

Sometimes too much information is, well, too much. My favorite descriptions are those that are worked into the regular narrative.

"The man wore a big green coat with copper buttons over his dirty shirt outside in the sunshine." versus "The man was a hard worker and he did his best to conceal his dirty shirt under his oversizer green coat. The copper buttons gently glinted in the sunshine."

Something like that. We learn a little more about the world in the second example, too.
I love to try to paint the worlds I see with my words, but often when I go back to reread a week later, I'm bored by my own paragraphs of description. But some people enjoy that type of detail, as well. You could write a few versions and publish them and see to what people respond best. If you're concerned about theft, do a different animal transformation; you're only after the style, anyways.

 

[sausy1]

One piece of advice I might give is to include multiple types of sensory data in your descriptions. There's a tendency for authors to rely on/emphasize sight, when there are at least six other senses (hearing, taste, smell, touch, proprioception, and vestibular sense) that can also be brought into the mix to add depth and variety.

This will depend on your story's narrative viewpoint (i.e., third-person omniscient vs. third-person limited vs. first-person), but I also think it helps to spotlight or mention characters' thoughts and emotions in some form, so you're not just listing off a series of objective events.

If that's the case, then I could include a small character arc where our protagonist gains more understanding of where his new body parts are.
So, if a character is growing a tail, he could start by not understanding it and knocking over everything.
Then, he can control it to some extent,
Then, he can start using the tail to his advantage to not knock over stuff constantly,
Then, he can start using the tail without even looking.
It sounds like a pretty sweet idea, especially since I'm interested in writing very slow transformations.

 

[Troj]

Doing a biology deep dive can also provide wonderful inspiration for writing about non-human species and transformations. I've been able to incorporate the neat things I've learned about parasites, fungi, and many other organisms into stories I've written or am currently mapping out.

 

[Buddy Mousington]

I agree with all the advice you've received above, just want to add: if you want to keep descriptions from feeling stiff and robotic, be sure to include the emotional side of what's going on. Transformation is not skin deep, and all the interesting stuff is going on inside.