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I hate someone who deserves it, but don't want to hate them.

Blaab

Blaab

Member
There is someone in my life I hate very much.

They don't listen, don't help, and don't do anything to better themselves.

But the worst part is, they say and act like at times they want to do better and actually do something with their life, but they never really try.

Maybe sometimes alittle, but never really enough.

Infact in some ways they just get worse.

I don't want to hate them or fault them so much, but it's all I seem to do.

Which might be part of the problem.

I don't really know what I'm doing posting here, I probably seem insane.

I want for things to be better, but they never go anywhere, and I don't really know what else to say this cry to.

Maybe someone here can help, but then again maybe I'll hide behind anonymity and still get no where.

Maybe I'm just confused or something but it feels like there is something to this idea of a personal self that isn't stuck in a lame broken human shell, and that confidence in self could be better if I just lived as [insert not human thing] rather then what I am. But maybe that's just greener grass.

And on top of it all I can't get past the brokeness of this idiot in my room.

Maybe I'll just vent here and shut up about it after a couple days and keep surviving in the state things are.

Sorry for wasting people's time by posting this garbage....
 
L

-..Legacy..-

Guest
IMG_1011.JPG


My old Constitutional Law professor always told his new classes the same thing:

"If you hang out with trash, sooner or later you'll need to take it out. That is, unless you like having trash around you all the time. Sooner or later, you'll be trash as well without even realizing it."

Seriously though, you can't help people who can't help themselves. Only you know what kind of situation you're in.
 
G

Ginza

Guest
Have to agree with what's been said above. Some people are just so set in their ways, and will try to keep you in by acting like they want to change. I've been in a few toxic relationships like these, and honestly, getting out of them was the best thing I've ever done. I'd ditch this person, sounds like they're dragging you down bud. Don't let them make you feel worthless, they're the problem. Move on. Big hugs xxx Best of luck my friend
 
Blaab

Blaab

Member
How exactly do I just throw out someone I have spent my whole life with?

I have so many memories with them and so much I don't know if I can let go of.

They are the closest living person to me, and know even my deep personal thoughts since I hide nothing from them.

If I just shut them out I am cutting myself in half.
 
L

-..Legacy..-

Guest
It's quite simple in execution. You appear to value this relationship. If your friend values it as much, then they will make the amends to preserve the relationship. If they don't, then you know how much they value it.

Nobody can really help you make the right choice. You'll have to come to those terms on your own.
 
Blaab

Blaab

Member
Every day I see them I barely even look them in the eye.

They are a fault for many things but I don't put it all on them, they are only part of the issue.

I am an enabling coward. I don't resist. I don't speak up enough.

I try and learn things and teach them to help, and they seem to even want it, but it never changes.

Every time, I think it will be better it just goes back first chance there is.
 
L

-..Legacy..-

Guest
Not really. You're pretty much describing what was the inevitability of my divorce. I know exactly what you're talking about. Several others are giving the same advice, which was probably also learned from similar experience.

Like I've said, you're going to have to be the one to act. Repeatedly coming to your same conclusion is something you have to live with. If you're fine with that result, then there isn't a problem.
 
S

silveredgreen

Guest
Its already been suggested but if this person refuses to better themselves its best you just drop em like a hot potato and think about only yourself. Your own life should matter more after all.

As for actually doing it, idk how hard it is for other people. For me i usually genuinely don't give a single fuck about someone who's a major stressor in my life so cutting them out is extremely easy for me.
 
Open_Mind

Open_Mind

Well-Known Member
Blaab said:
Maybe I'm talking to the wrong crowd...
Though this is the first crowd I have talked to...
Click to expand...
For what it's worth, please realize that asking for help is the hardest step. So if you've done that, it means you can take the next hardest step. And then the one after that.

The start of any journey is always the hardest part. And yes, I think this is the right crowd. The people here are, compared to the general population, far more accepting of who you are --with less bias, prejudice, and judgement.

Keep posting. Keep thinking it through -- and if you can, take to heart the advice of the people here. Most of them have been through it themselves.

You can do this! I won't say it'll be easy, but you can do it.
 
Blaab

Blaab

Member
There is always letting go off the crap that holds me back, but the issue is, most of it is a major part of me, I have been a slave to them (almost literally) for a huge part of my life that it's almost all I know.

I remember as kid just being happy, and doing what ever.

Now, and for the last few years, I have been in and out of a rut.

In school I seemed more orderly, but I wasn't exactly happy, and after, it's just been down hill. Less active. Few people I can even call friends, and I am constantly battling this fool noone even really knows exists...
 
Belatucadros

Belatucadros

Bitches love sticks
Hate is a strong word Blaab. Do you really hate this person? Or do you just hate the way he/she acts? Hating the person isn't going to change anything. Instead of hating the person, try to help them. If you want change, you must take action. Sitting around hating the person and posting on furry forums doesn't change anything. Push away your fears of talking to him/her, and just tell them your honest feelings.

Love and support works wonders, my friend. Hate does nothing but make the problem worse. Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.
 
L

-..Legacy..-

Guest
I think I've deciphered your rather cryptic output (quite well written I might add).

We are all our own worst enemy, but you've already did the most difficult part (as already mentioned above) by identifying an issue.

Given the complexity of how these particular matters get, I recommend finding a professional to walk you through the steps to resolution.

We're here if you need to vent.
 
Blaab

Blaab

Member
-..Legacy..- said:
I think I've deciphered your rather cryptic output.
...own worst enemy.
Click to expand...

Thank you,
I was worried I would just come here and find no real help.

You are all more compassionate and nicer then I expected, and am thankful for your attempts to help.

I know what the problems that I face are, they are just so hard to face.

They are a Golyath to me.

That person in front of me, I say I hate them, and I do hate what they are, but I suppose a mirror isn't a one way thing.

I don't have any confidence in myself, my body, my abilities, or my mind, and I don't really know if I can even bare to open up about what ales me directly to anyone.
 
Loffi

Loffi

Well-Known Member
Are you me?
 
Loffi

Loffi

Well-Known Member
Loffi

Loffi

Well-Known Member
Naresie

Naresie

E D G Y B O I
I dunno if what I'll say is really gonna do anything. I rarely get involved in topics like these, and ultimately it is always up to the person at hand to get something done or to listen, I have given advice to plenty of people in my time but they never really acted upon it.

I am not entirely sure what the situation is, however the advice I will provide is that if you have someone around who doesn't really give anything but is just around, contributes jack shit, they are basically a leech, you treat them like a leech. Rip them off your skin extremely quickly without hesitation (hesitation will create unnecessary pain), it's gonna hurt like hell but then you throw the leech away and the pain will slowly fade.

I am assuming, from personal experience that it may be that you feel that someone is a nearly a part of you because of all the time, and all the effort invested into them, and therefore it feels like one will be utterly divided upon the loss of that crutch. In my case this was due to a lack of self confidence, and this means that one needs to establish, strengthen ones own identity, and perks, to learn to enjoy ones own company. Becoming too reliant is an extremely dangerous thing.

It feels concerning, and fear inducing to walk into new territory when stripped off of the things that held one together, however then one may realize that the outcome was far better, and far more pleasant than expected.

Life is a gamble and sometimes you just gotta roll the dice.

Anyway, I will keep my trap shut now and wish you luck with your concerns, I think I have interfered enough. :p
 
J

Junkerfox

Guest
Blaab said:
How exactly do I just throw out someone I have spent my whole life with?

I have so many memories with them and so much I don't know if I can let go of.

They are the closest living person to me, and know even my deep personal thoughts since I hide nothing from them.

If I just shut them out I am cutting myself in half.
Click to expand...
Which is better? To cut off the part of you that is diseased and incurable, or to let it spread until you are entirely consumed.
 
D

Deleted member 82554

Guest
Life is too short for hate, it's physically and emotionally exhausting. You either find ways to deal with the issue or live with it, or move on to something or someone more fulfilling.
 
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