I have no friends

[whoopsie-daisie]

Ever since I disconnected with a group of "friends" from college last May during my sophomore year, I've been going through a depressive state. I feel lonely, esp at college. I gotten used to being alone and staying in my room.
Even though I do have friends back at my parents home, most of them are hetero guys, from my former church, or asexual which I have to conceal part of myself with them. And even when we meet up, I am always the one to call or text them about the move, not them and it aggraviates me. I feel like some of them don't care. My first solution would be to make new friends, preferably with girls my age who don't mind talking about crushes on guys and having sex, but making friends is hard. I tried to do this at my college for several months and people keep straying off.
-I just wanna let you know that I have social anxiety disorder and High Functioning Autism, so I have a shitty time making new connections.
-I tried having online friends but I am not gaining followers on my social media even though I tweet with hashtags and leave replies to posts (it is not this account or media linked to this account but about different SM for more professional, influencer side)
-I know this fandom is full of guys and I'm talking about gaining girlfriends but I know that most of us felt like outcasts in the world and are social awkward.
-I am on my second semester as a Junior and I feel late about joining clubs or positions on campus or transferring schools because my next year is my last
-Also after college, I want to move out of state because I hate living here and people here, esp at my home, are mean.

Have any advice for me to make friends in IRL or online? It will be appreciated

 

[creamyfox]

Unfortunately I will not be online for 2 months, but after that I would love to talk to you. I've been looking for a foreign friend for a long time.
Do you have any social media account to talk?

 

[PercyD]

I'm kind of curious about why having asexual friends was a barrier...?

 

[FrostHeart]

I have high functioning autism as well, I understand completely.
I only have one real friend. I find it easier to communicate online as opposed to meeting in person.

 

[Deleted member 132067]

[...]My first solution would be to make new friends, preferably with girls my age [...]

[...]and I'm talking about gaining girlfriends [...]

First it would be important to clarify what you really want. Finding (female) friends is fine on it's own, even if you want to base this friendship off of talking about sex, but it becomes something entirely different if you are looking for a girlfriend.

Either way, with depressive phases and a social anxiety it's best to look for a therapist and get that done first. Not that it is impossible to find (girl)friends without one, but it would certainly make things a whole lot easier for you, much easier than any help all of us could provide. With all that considered, good things will come in time. Forging friendships needs care and a whole lot of time. If you keep at it you'll surely succeed.

(Also

-I know this fandom is full of guys and I'm talking about gaining girlfriends but I know that most of us felt like outcasts in the world and are social awkward.

Us lesbians or bisexual women, even in this fandom, aren't necessarily socially awkward or outcasts. It's all good here~)

 

[Jinxie]

Kon'nichiwa, Whoopsie-san! Gots the perfect way to make friendy friends. Sayin' hi!
So Jinxie says double hi! <3
See? Now y'all gots one more. *hugz*

 

[whoopsie-daisie]

I'm kind of curious about why having asexual friends was a barrier...?

Nothing against asexual ppl but when I talked about having crushes, they wouldn't get it. I can be a boy-crazy girl sometimes. Unlike other late teen/early 20s groups who do usually talk about that stuff.

 

[whoopsie-daisie]

I have high functioning autism as well, I understand completely.
I only have one real friend. I find it easier to communicate online as opposed to meeting in person.

Same, people online seem more relatbale.

First it would be important to clarify what you really want. Finding (female) friends is fine on it's own, even if you want to base this friendship off of talking about sex, but it becomes something entirely different if you are looking for a girlfriend.

Either way, with depressive phases and a social anxiety it's best to look for a therapist and get that done first. Not that it is impossible to find (girl)friends without one, but it would certainly make things a whole lot easier for you, much easier than any help all of us could provide. With all that considered, good things will come in time. Forging friendships needs care and a whole lot of time. If you keep at it you'll surely succeed.

(Also
Us lesbians or bisexual women, even in this fandom, aren't necessarily socially awkward or outcasts. It's all good here~)[/QUOTE]

1st paragraph: I am looking for friends that are willing to talk about having crushes, sex, and feminine subjects. I am not a lesbian looking for a partner. The friends don't have to be only girls but some guys are welcome too. It's just relatability that I'm looking for and I always felt like a needle in a haystack.

2nd: I attended weekly group therapy in college beginning of the semester but that is cancelled because of coronavirus. So I'll keep on looking, especially since im applying for Medicare.

3rd: Because I was addressing the whole FA community as a whole with this post, I had to generalize. I know there is women in the fandom but its mostly made up of men.

 

[whoopsie-daisie]

First it would be important to clarify what you really want. Finding (female) friends is fine on it's own, even if you want to base this friendship off of talking about sex, but it becomes something entirely different if you are looking for a girlfriend.

Either way, with depressive phases and a social anxiety it's best to look for a therapist and get that done first. Not that it is impossible to find (girl)friends without one, but it would certainly make things a whole lot easier for you, much easier than any help all of us could provide. With all that considered, good things will come in time. Forging friendships needs care and a whole lot of time. If you keep at it you'll surely succeed.

(Also
Us lesbians or bisexual women, even in this fandom, aren't necessarily socially awkward or outcasts. It's all good here~)

1st paragraph: I am looking for friends that are willing to talk about having crushes, sex, and feminine subjects. I am not a lesbian looking for a partner. The friends don't have to be only girls but some guys are welcome too. It's just relatability that I'm looking for and I always felt like a needle in a haystack.

2nd: I attended weekly group therapy in college beginning of the semester but that is cancelled because of coronavirus. So I'll keep on looking, especially since im applying for Medicare.

3rd: Because I was addressing the whole FA community as a whole with this post, I had to generalize. I know there is women in the fandom but its mostly made up of men.

 

[AdenineWolf]

As someone who is currently a high school sophomore and had to deal with loneliness and social anxiety for the past 5 years,
even going to a clinic two times because of all the panic attacks and meltdowns i've had.
Look, if you want friends, this may or may not be the best practice for you to do right now but, you may need to step out of your comfort zone a little bit.
Friends aren't gonna magically appear to you, you have to put the effort in order to make some.
The KEY thing about interacting with people is all about body language. You have to show body language that will make people wanna come closer and maybe even interact with you. Because if you don't show the correct BL, people are gonna think you wanna be left alone or you don't feel like interacting with them.
Idk if this is the case for you but idk, it's a possibility.

You say you're a junior and you think it's too late to join clubs.
Girl you're crazy! It's NEVER too late to join school clubs!
You still have plenty of time to do those fun things, it may seem that time is flying by really fast, i get that, but in reality it's really not,
Humans just seem it to be like that because we're all so occupied with our time. Anyway, you should take the time to join the clubs at your college,
Because you got PLENTY of time for that, it ain't too late. Join the Drama Club or the Volleyball or Tennis sort of activities if you're into sports.
Join an Anime club if you got one and into Anime, We at my school got one. Take the time to join any of those activities that you find interest in and
You might come across someone or a group of peeps you might get along with.

Now, since you said you have high functioning autism and severe social anxiety, this prolly would be harder for you.
It's good that you're making an effort at least to put yourself out there tho :3
Just at least try these options from time to time, work on it step by step.

Also, please remember that FRIENDS COME AND GO.
The friends that you eventually do make will eventually, somehow, go off their merry ways,
which is why it's never a good idea to bond TOO closely with them. Cuz it fuckin' HURTS when that happens.
That whole BFF bullshit almost never happens 99 percent of the time.
Just remember to bear that in mind.
It's how life works.

Wow, you're kinda like me right now with this one lol
For you wanting to move out of state because how much you hate the people here, you have to think about the consequences.
Because if you want to move out, you're gonna need MONEH. Lots of it.
Especially if you want to go to college and perhaps live on your own, you're gonna have to figure out how to survive and get around.
Especially when you don't know anyone there in the city or town you choose to move to. You gotta figure that out,
Don't be like those kids who just move out without thinking twice and end up homeless and confused 13th day they're there.
Socializing with people plays a BIG ROLE when it comes to surviving out on your own. (i.e going to a restaurant, paying for groceries, getting a place to stay,
going to parties and events, etc.).
College and living on your own is expensive nowadays so have a plan and plan b when the time comes.
Also, don't make so many plans right now and think you will achieve them all, life changes in unexpected ways, so i don't recommend you do that.

Hopefully this all helps,
I learned all this the hard way through middle school and early high school so i hope this helps you out.
<3

 

[Doomer]

Some people are just not good friend material.

 

[FrostHeart]

Some people are just not good friend material.

I agree with that.

 

[Doomer]

Also I mean you're a weirdo. Why you trying to befriend normies? Look for other weirdos to make friends with. These people are more interesting anyway.

 

[PercyD]

Nothing against asexual ppl but when I talked about having crushes, they wouldn't get it. I can be a boy-crazy girl sometimes. Unlike other late teen/early 20s groups who do usually talk about that stuff.

Let me explain to you a bit about "Girl Code"--

So first off, it changes from high school to college. Ladies (no longer girls) don't have "crushes". It's cute to refer to them that way, but thats no longer a thing. Also, theres no such thing as being "boy crazy," because we're not pursuing boys any more. You are interested in a guy, or a man. That might help you find other women to talk to about the men you are interested in.

Secondly, for women, attraction to a man is not required to talk about men, if you want. They could be lesbians or even hetero/bi/pansexuals who aren't even looking right now. Given my experience with many great friend groups, frankly, men aren't even the center focus of most conversations. -Despite what popular media would want you to believe.

Third, the main focus for groups of women is trust. You trust your girls to have your back and give you the honest truth about prospects. (Also for fun gossip and burning/ragging lame ass guys). That requires that you have more in common and a bond with your group.

From what you are saying, I don't think that them being asexual had anything to do with your inability to talk to them. You're also remiss for making that distinction. You are limiting yourself from having great friends using that criteria, myself included. Despite being asexual, I'm a kinkster, and I have a lot of interesting stories and perspectives to tell you. More on that later-- >u>

The most important thing is that you find a group to bond with and that you trust. Trust is paramount in girl groups, I would even say it's a form of currency. Even if you have nothing in common with a person, you two can find some common ground and may even discover new things together- because you have that level of trust.

Social anxiety is a bitch and I used to struggle with it. It's rearing it's head lately sometimes for me, but it's foundation is in a mind-state of inadequacy. I feel like I'm not good enough, or I'm not capable.

One of the ways of getting around that is realizing no one knows what the fuck they're doing, so what you are doing is probably fine. Just be opened and flexible. People aren't perfect, but they're not out to get you either.

 

[cowboi]

Hey, I'm sorry you've been having a rough time - college was a really fun time for me, but I was fortunate enough to have a fairly consistent friend group the whole time.
I will say, lots of good advice above, so I won't repeat it all. Just wanted to add that friends are harder to make the older you get. In college, I only met my friend group because of a bit of luck (showing up to one specific DnD club meeting) and the good clicking of personalities. It was a lot of luck, actually. Beforehand, I'd had some friends in classes, but most of us never talked again after the semester was over. I know you said you're not too keen on clubs, but you might try and find some activity or hobby that has a social element. Right now with corona that's going to be hard, but you can also check the forums here for people who have similar likes, interests or hobbies.
In regards to therapy, there's online therapy too - some also discount services based on financial need.
Whatever you end up doing, I wish you all the best!

 

[whoopsie-daisie]

As someone who is currently a high school sophomore and had to deal with loneliness and social anxiety for the past 5 years,
even going to a clinic two times because of all the panic attacks and meltdowns i've had.
Look, if you want friends, this may or may not be the best practice for you to do right now but, you may need to step out of your comfort zone a little bit.
Friends aren't gonna magically appear to you, you have to put the effort in order to make some.
The KEY thing about interacting with people is all about body language. You have to show body language that will make people wanna come closer and maybe even interact with you. Because if you don't show the correct BL, people are gonna think you wanna be left alone or you don't feel like interacting with them.
Idk if this is the case for you but idk, it's a possibility.

You say you're a junior and you think it's too late to join clubs.
Girl you're crazy! It's NEVER too late to join school clubs!
You still have plenty of time to do those fun things, it may seem that time is flying by really fast, i get that, but in reality it's really not,
Humans just seem it to be like that because we're all so occupied with our time. Anyway, you should take the time to join the clubs at your college,
Because you got PLENTY of time for that, it ain't too late. Join the Drama Club or the Volleyball or Tennis sort of activities if you're into sports.
Join an Anime club if you got one and into Anime, We at my school got one. Take the time to join any of those activities that you find interest in and
You might come across someone or a group of peeps you might get along with.

Now, since you said you have high functioning autism and severe social anxiety, this prolly would be harder for you.
It's good that you're making an effort at least to put yourself out there tho :3
Just at least try these options from time to time, work on it step by step.

Also, please remember that FRIENDS COME AND GO.
The friends that you eventually do make will eventually, somehow, go off their merry ways,
which is why it's never a good idea to bond TOO closely with them. Cuz it fuckin' HURTS when that happens.
That whole BFF bullshit almost never happens 99 percent of the time.
Just remember to bear that in mind.
It's how life works.

Wow, you're kinda like me right now with this one lol
For you wanting to move out of state because how much you hate the people here, you have to think about the consequences.
Because if you want to move out, you're gonna need MONEH. Lots of it.
Especially if you want to go to college and perhaps live on your own, you're gonna have to figure out how to survive and get around.
Especially when you don't know anyone there in the city or town you choose to move to. You gotta figure that out,
Don't be like those kids who just move out without thinking twice and end up homeless and confused 13th day they're there.
Socializing with people plays a BIG ROLE when it comes to surviving out on your own. (i.e going to a restaurant, paying for groceries, getting a place to stay,
going to parties and events, etc.).
College and living on your own is expensive nowadays so have a plan and plan b when the time comes.
Also, don't make so many plans right now and think you will achieve them all, life changes in unexpected ways, so i don't recommend you do that.

Hopefully this all helps,
I learned all this the hard way through middle school and early high school so i hope this helps you out.
<3

OMG a lot to unpack, but great post.
1. Body Language: I am a shy and skittish person and I have triggers, especially to loud noises. But I'll keep that point in mind because actions speak louder than words and fake confidence and contentness. Also with my previous friend group and family, my goofy and friendly side comes out but they are still distant and disregard me. I thought you wanted me to be more friendly and get out of my shell tf???
2. Clubs: The reason why I said it was too late to join clubs is that clicks are prevalent in my school and it's hard to have friends if you're new on the scene. I was* a part of a club and group therapy on campus and the people there were nice. Even at therapy the whole group made a groupchat, so there might be some possible friends.
3. I have be diagnosed with MILD social anxiety, not severe BTW. I can go out and talk but I'm just really shy.
4. Moving out: I am planning to move out after college but I am saving money. I have an internship in the summer in a city of possibly to move, so I'll make friends and connections.

 

[whoopsie-daisie]

OMG a lot to unpack, but great post.
1. Body Language: I am a shy and skittish person and I have triggers, especially to loud noises. But I'll keep that point in mind because actions speak louder than words and fake confidence and contentness. Also with my previous friend group and family, my goofy and friendly side comes out but they are still distant and disregard me. I thought you wanted me to be more friendly and get out of my shell tf???
2. Clubs: The reason why I said it was too late to join clubs is that clicks are prevalent in my school and it's hard to have friends if you're new on the scene. I was* a part of a club and group therapy on campus and the people there were nice. Even at therapy the whole group made a groupchat, so there might be some possible friends.
3. I have be diagnosed with MILD social anxiety, not severe BTW. I can go out and talk but I'm just really shy.
4. Moving out: I am planning to move out after college but I am saving money. I have an internship in the summer in a city of possibly to move, so I'll make friends and connections.

*reason why I said "was" on the 2nd point was because of this sudden change to no campus life because of the cov-id19. I hate this year.

 

[whoopsie-daisie]

Let me explain to you a bit about "Girl Code"--

So first off, it changes from high school to college. Ladies (no longer girls) don't have "crushes". It's cute to refer to them that way, but thats no longer a thing. Also, theres no such thing as being "boy crazy," because we're not pursuing boys any more. You are interested in a guy, or a man. That might help you find other women to talk to about the men you are interested in.

Secondly, for women, attraction to a man is not required to talk about men, if you want. They could be lesbians or even hetero/bi/pansexuals who aren't even looking right now. Given my experience with many great friend groups, frankly, men aren't even the center focus of most conversations. -Despite what popular media would want you to believe.

Third, the main focus for groups of women is trust. You trust your girls to have your back and give you the honest truth about prospects. (Also for fun gossip and burning/ragging lame ass guys). That requires that you have more in common and a bond with your group.

From what you are saying, I don't think that them being asexual had anything to do with your inability to talk to them. You're also remiss for making that distinction. You are limiting yourself from having great friends using that criteria, myself included. Despite being asexual, I'm a kinkster, and I have a lot of interesting stories and perspectives to tell you. More on that later-- >u>

The most important thing is that you find a group to bond with and that you trust. Trust is paramount in girl groups, I would even say it's a form of currency. Even if you have nothing in common with a person, you two can find some common ground and may even discover new things together- because you have that level of trust.

Social anxiety is a bitch and I used to struggle with it. It's rearing it's head lately sometimes for me, but it's foundation is in a mind-state of inadequacy. I feel like I'm not good enough, or I'm not capable.

One of the ways of getting around that is realizing no one knows what the fuck they're doing, so what you are doing is probably fine. Just be opened and flexible. People aren't perfect, but they're not out to get you either.

I shouldn't have discussed the asexual part in OP. I am mostly talking about making friends.

I believe that friendships are built on trust more than dick also.

 

[PercyD]

I shouldn't have discussed the asexual part in OP. I am mostly talking about making friends.

I believe that friendships are built on trust more than dick also.

Well, regardless, you'd be remissed to think about attraction that way.

Girl Code is a bit different between grown women, but I will say, I've had some of the best times with my crew. You've got to find people who you feel like you can trust and click with.

-People who like to try new things are the best sort, you can always find something to discover together. As an introvert as well, having supportive friends to invite me to try new things is important to me.