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I hit a low point in life FUCKING HELP ME

Depression hit me hard over the holiday season, I mean I spent nearly two months in my room thinking about life and how it lacks meaning.Life is overrated, whats the point of any of it?
Nearly decided to kill myself over the holidays just because fuck it, my life ain't shit in this world. I know its not healthy to think like this but the thoughts keep coming into my head. Just thinking about it makes me depressed, I think I will opt out one day. I don't fear death because I lost faith in god, if I kill myself I don't have to fear for my soul. There is no hell or heaven its all a lie, a fairy tale. Death might be like a dream or nothing. My mind can't phantom what sort of afterlife awaits us all. Thinking of death makes me curious, what is it like to die...
I recall starring into the bathroom mirror with a kitchen knife wondering how to end it all in the quickest way, the wrist or throat. In the end I couldn't bring myself to do it, apart of me was afraid of being wrong, of a judgement in the afterlife. I fucking hate living. If there is a god he's fucking cruel, why give life to one who doesn't want it? Why create such a fucked up world?
yeah I am probably going to opt out one day, there is no good reasons to exist.
fucking holidays.
 

Volkodav

Dad****er
I think that you need to realize that you're able to sit here and decide that yes, the holiday season is depressing. It is for many people, but by pointing this out, you're letting yourself know that it's not you, it's life. Life is a bitch to everybody at some point in time.
Contemplating what death is like is not logical, you can't experience death, by being dead, you will not know what death is like or what life would be like without problems, you're dead, done, you do not get a second chance ever. Is it worth even thinking about? Why think about that when you can think about other things?
You're born on this Earth, you wander around aimlessly (for the most part) for about 80 years, and then you die. Why not spend those 80 years doing something that you enjoy? I know how hard it is to get motivated or even think about looking on the bright side, I've been suicidally depressed, I know what it's like. I will be suicidally depressed again in the future, but I look at all of those times when I've contemplated suicide and I think about the things I've done since I contemplated offing myself.
Since the last time I contemplated it, I've decided what direction I want my life to go in finally, I've finally found what I want to do for the rest of my life (career/hobby wise), and just thinking about that makes me so happy.
I know that it's hard to think about the far future, your life, your hobbies, things you enjoy, but it's doable and I hope you are able to do so soon.
Remember that there is always help in any case on the other end of a phone: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
 

Troj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dino Therapist
You sound like you feel alone and hopeless, and I think it'd help to have someone to talk to. Do you have friends or family members who you trust, and who you feel would support you and listen to you?

Therapy can do wonders when you're grappling with depression, anxiety, and the meaning of your life. My therapist was a huge help to me, so perhaps you could find a therapist in your area who could help you.

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/content/siteindex.html

http://www.therapyindex.com/home.php

http://www.selfleadership.org/find-an-ifs-therapist.html

No, we don't know what--if anything--follows death. It could be bad, or good, or nothing at all.

No, we don't know for certain why we're here, and why we exist, and there's a chance that we aren't here for any particular "reason" or "purpose."

Yes, life is sometimes lonely and painful, and things happen to us that seem meaningless and unfair.

Yes, bad things happen to good people.

I, too, have wrestled with depression and suicidal thoughts at points in my life where it seemed like everything had gone to shit, and nothing would ever be good ever again.

But, with the help of those around me, and some philosophical and psychological insights (e.g., Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning") that helped to motivate and inspire me, I was able to get through those hard times, so that I could eventually enjoy better times.

I have had so many adventures, met so many great people, and learned so many amazing things that I would've missed if I had cashed in my check when life was at its bleakest.

I've often found that life is what you make it, and that most experiences mean whatever YOU want them to mean. When life seems purposeless, reasonless, or meaningless, it is the meaning YOU choose to give it that makes the difference to YOU.

What was it about the holidays that was so upsetting, if we can ask? Sounds like something happened that made them pretty awful.

In any case, I hope you can reach out to somebody--if only just one person--and let them know what's going on with you, so that they can listen to you and give you the support you need and deserve.
 

Wydo

The Furry Phil
well it is all meaningless unless you do something about it and do something that helps someone and makes people remember you to be brutally honest!
 

mcjoel

Pepmurrmint Fox
you can't do this to yourself believe me i know how hard life can be sometimes and have even considered doing the same same thing that you're contemplating doing because of the disease i have i suggest that you get some help.
 
I can understand if you don't want to confide in family or close friends--I've been suicidal myself in the past, and I've never told those closest to me because I never wanted them to worry. So calling a suicide hotline can be helpful, if for nothing else than to vent to a stranger who's willing to listen.

Can I ask: What is it about your life makes you think it's meaningless? It sounds like you've dug yourself into an existential crisis, and I've certainly been there before. It's almost like we're a goal-driven species; we need to feel like what we do now is building towards something later, and if you carry that on to the maximum possible timeline without believing in anything spiritual, it DOES seem rather pointless. My advice in that regard is to let the future be the future, and be more aware here in the present. If nothing else, you have this very moment, and that's worth everything, because this moment is what you can make matter the most.

Is there anything beyond that for you, though? What struggles do you specifically feel in creating meaning for your own life?
 

Hinalle K.

Banned
Banned
Allow me to be the odd one in the sugar and rainbows express and give you an honest opinion without sugarcoating it with unwarranted, overly positive crap.


Well yes, in the grand scale, you don't mean shit.
But then again, neither do any of us.

The world will still move on after any of our deaths. We're all in the same boat here.

That realization is what makes me cling onto life so. We're all gonna die eventually anyway, so why willingly speed it up? It sounds dumb to me. Just live and before you know it you'll be dead :v
If anything, being an atheist makes me value my own life and that of others more, as well. I know that there is no magic land afterwards,and the end is the end, so I feel life and death affects me a bit more than it does a person of faith.
I would never,ever do anything that would force another to meet their end abruptly.

I feel atheism emphasizes the importance of life and finality of death. If anything, it should be an encouragement to live life to it's fullest and respect the person next you's right to live theirs to their fullest before the end comes.

"Sally is at peace in heaven and we'll meet her again someday" kind of demeans the overall finality and seriousness of death.

We'll all be rotting five feet under the ground or stuck in an ash vase eventually anyway, so just endure the time you have left 'til it runs out.
Don't throw it away. That'd just be dumb.
 
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funky3000

Galactic Overlord
We all die eventually, but suicide is never an option. I'm sure you hear this a lot, but do not kill yourself. There are always people who care about you. Sometimes people who truly hate your guts miss you.

I was driven to these wild thoughts before, and I hated it. After my grandmother died and my mother shat all over my life, I had thoughts of murder, arson, suicide. That isn't like me. I don't have the heart to go down that path but it used to speak to me, begging me to join. I've vowed not to go there a long time ago but its demons still whisper to me.

I'm a walker. I walk to almost every place I go. One day when walking to work, it was a cold day, and I didn't wear a coat. I left it off on purpose, because even if I didn't make it to work, hypothermia to me at the time technically wasn't suicide. I saw Death that day. My lungs were trembling each breath I took -- I was dying. But you know what? I stopped and thought. There are people who care about me. I have potential to change the world. So you know what I did? I grabbed Death by his neck, bitch slapped him across the face, and said "fuck you, I have dishes to wash". And went on my way to recovery inside.

We all die at some point, but we all can tell Death we aren't ready.
 

dialup

wet floop
Your life has so much meaning even if it doesn't seem like it right now. Everything seems hopeless and painful and it's absolutely excruciating to think about, especially if you're constantly being plagued with these thoughts day in and day out. Even though there will be more pain and hard times in your life, there will always be people who love and care about you and there will always be ways to find meaning and joy for yourself. It's much easier said than done, and it's really hard to get out of this. But take a few minutes to do some breathing exercises and maybe call a loved one who you can trust if it will make you feel better.

Just remember, everything will be okay. Don't use a permanent method to "solve" a temporary problem. Take everything one step at a time, and do things that bring you joy. Be around your loved ones more and surround yourself with more positivity. I know I'm but a stranger but my door is open if you would like to talk. I've been where you're at plenty of times and will probably continue to have these breakdowns on occasion. It fucking sucks right now, but you will get through this.
 

Cassedy

Member
Why people reply seriously to something that looks like copypasta from 15 years old emo-girl blog ?
I mean, there're literally hundreds of better ways to grab FAF's attention and get those delicious asspats that OP is craving.
 

Mr. Sparta

Scale Face
Doesn't everyone get depressed over the winter months? At least I do...

Don't sweat it, you're gonna be fine.
 

Volkodav

Dad****er
Why people reply seriously to something that looks like copypasta from 15 years old emo-girl blog ?
I mean, there're literally hundreds of better ways to grab FAF's attention and get those delicious asspats that OP is craving.

Is there really any point in replying negatively to a post where someone is asking for help?
What does one gain from doing so?
 

Volkodav

Dad****er
Keep in mind - he's asking to "FUCKING HELP" him.
Also, asspats won't do him any good.

I don't understand why you quoted that.
Nobody is giving him asspats, we're giving advice. If you can't take 5 minutes out of your day to drop the edgy toughguy act to help someone out, just leave.
 

Cassedy

Member
Except, you can't help him out, not over the internet. He needs a hug, a candy, a punch in the face - something real, but not empty words from imaginary people.
 

BRN

WTB Forum Mod Powers
All he needs is a different perspective and some vitamin D. People here are giving him the first one for free.

Quite nice of 'em, really.
 

Volkodav

Dad****er
Except, you can't help him out, not over the internet. He needs a hug, a candy, a punch in the face - something real, but not empty words from imaginary people.

I take it you've never been suicidal. Take it from someone who has been, the words of "imaginary people" on the internet are a hhhhuuuuge fucking deal. When you're suicidal, you don't care who you're talking to, you just need to know that someone out there on Earth acknowledges that you even exist.
 

Shoiyo

Smartass skunk
Turning the thread into a pissing contest doesn't help OP Either.

Reaginic, while I understand it is difficult, and humiliating, I would highly suggest talking to your doctor. Suicidal thoughts aren't healthy and NEED to be addressed. If you need someone to talk to, PM me and I will do what I can to help.
 

Dreaming

Member
I really don't know, OP. I guess when you look at life from a weird and crazy perspective, it has no meaning until we've written our own personal meaning into it. We've got so many decades to live, and so many different situations to encounter... maybe if we're lucky, we'll run into a few good situations

I'm trying to think of something useful and relevant to say here but I've got nothing. When you look at the undergrowth, you don't see the life beneath it. There's no heaven or hell, sure, but what's in between?
 

Cain

Guess what mood I'm in today.
I don't get why people find the holidays depressing.

It's a frigging holiday. (I find summer slightly depressing because it gets hot as shit over here and I hate the heat)

Relish the fact that you are able to take a break from school/university/work or whatever else you do. And if you sit on your butt all day then it's motivation to get you to find something to do.

I get why people have suicidal thoughts.
No wait, I don't. I've had various points, either because of moodswings, events or some hideous monstrosity of a cross between the two, where I believe I am truly in the dumps. However, I am quite proud in the single fact that I have not once seriously contemplated suicide (I guess you could call me slightly optimistic). Namely because in retrospect, I don't know how I got myself out of the ruts I find myself in a lot of the time.

A good quote is something along the lines of 'Suicide isn't a way to stop your life getting any worse, it prevents any chance of your life getting better.' Again, a more optimistic viewpoint. But live by it.

Also those that think/say that winter is the worst/most depressing season, fuck you. I like the cold, rain, wet, snow, cloudy, overcast miasma that is winter. Y'alls need to learn to appreciate it.
 

BRN

WTB Forum Mod Powers
I don't get why people find the holidays depressing.

It's a frigging holiday. (I find summer slightly depressing because it gets hot as shit over here and I hate the heat)

Relish the fact that you are able to take a break from school/university/work or whatever else you do. And if you sit on your butt all day then it's motivation to get you to find something to do.

I get why people have suicidal thoughts.
No wait, I don't. I've had various points, either because of moodswings, events or some hideous monstrosity of a cross between the two, where I believe I am truly in the dumps. However, I am quite proud in the single fact that I have not once seriously contemplated suicide (I guess you could call me slightly optimistic). Namely because in retrospect, I don't know how I got myself out of the ruts I find myself in a lot of the time.

A good quote is something along the lines of 'Suicide isn't a way to stop your life getting any worse, it prevents any chance of your life getting better.' Again, a more optimistic viewpoint. But live by it.

Also those that think/say that winter is the worst/most depressing season, fuck you. I like the cold, rain, wet, snow, cloudy, overcast miasma that is winter. Y'alls need to learn to appreciate it.

Oh, wow.

I don't know what you were attempting to achieve here, but the lack of perspective is monstrous.

Be grateful you've never considered suicide and don't understand depression, because they're both completely irrational states of mind. But if you can't appreciate what it's like to be in such an irrational state then /you/ need to learn to appreciate the complexity of mental health. I absolutely guarantee you that someone who is suffering from winter depression is not doing so because they dislike the aesthetics of snow.

It's not related to weather, discomfort, optimism, or whether they've heard your quote. A suicidal or depressed person can't read a cute semantic joke and go "ha, you know, you're right and now my problems are over".

It's an emotional thing. Lead balloons tied around your mind would be one way to describe it. In any case, it's not the person's mind that's the problem - it's the things dragging it down to the point where it -can't- appreciate life, not that they don't appreciate life enough.

"It's a friggin' holiday! Why aren't you happy?" is gonna get one of your friends killed. :rolleyes:
 
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Cain

Guess what mood I'm in today.
Oh, wow.

I don't know what you were attempting to achieve here, but the lack of perspective is monstrous.

Be grateful you've never considered suicide and don't understand depression, because they're both completely irrational states of mind. But if you can't appreciate what it's like to be in such an irrational state then /you/ need to learn to appreciate the complexity of mental health. I absolutely guarantee you that someone who is suffering from winter depression is not doing so because they dislike the aesthetics of snow.

It's not related to weather, discomfort, optimism, or whether they've heard your quote. A suicidal or depressed person can't read a cute semantic joke and go "ha, you know, you're right and now my problems are over".

It's an emotional thing. Lead balloons tied around your mind would be one way to describe it. In any case, it's not the person's mind that's the problem - it's the things dragging it down to the point where it -can't- appreciate life, not that they don't appreciate life enough.

"It's a friggin' holiday! Why aren't you happy?" is gonna get one of your friends killed. :rolleyes:

Six pls.

I have a perfectly fine understanding of the complexity of mental health. I have issues myself.
I came off as superior and condescending, and for that I am sorry.

However.
Like I said, I have issues. Serious ones, that I will probably have to get proper help with.
Whilst I am not nearly saying that I have the worst life etc, I am not exactly saying that having mental problems is peachy and you'll do just fine with them, they're 'all in your head', as one of my friends described to me once. Needless to say I was not pleased.

We're all different, I suppose. Most, if not all of my post, was geared towards what Ithink of all of that, and whilst I am entitled to my own opinion, I admit that it could have been phrased worlds better. My holidays are a welcome recluse away from all the pains of the 'work' that I encounter with schooling right now. With these non-holidays, I probably encounter the worst of my problems. Which I would say most do. Stress, anxieties, depression, a lot. It sucks. Yet, I do consider myself lucky in that I have not considered suicide. I somewhat sympathise with the few that seriously consider it. Yet, in my mind, I am completely unable to understand that train of thought. I suppose it could be likened to how I feel when people don't understand how introverted I am, and that going out will not help me in any way, shape or form.

Yet, I think you are mistaken in what I meant when I described the winter. Yes, I know that people are depressed not only because they dislike the aesthetics of snow (if that comes into it at any point). Something to do with the seemingly bleak and weary nature of the numbing cold, overcast skies and dampness, no? Not to mention the supposed smothering of all life, and the constant reminder that you have nobody else to keep you warm. If I am extremely mistaken in that sense, please forgive me.
I'm probably a minority when I say that I love the winter. Probably, almost definitely.

But I don't appreciate the nature of your post. Then again, with my last post, it could be easy to assume that I'm one of those people who say that depression isn't a real thing, that all you need to do is cheer up and be happy.
Such an assumption would be wrong, horribly so. Whilst, again, I have not been to the point of suicidal thoughts, I think I've been pretty far down the hole. It's all subjective, of course. Each person's opinion of how depressed they are, or how shitty they feel, is their own. You can compare it to others, but that would probably make one of the parties feel even worse.
Workload, relationships, anxieties, moodswings, et cetera. A lot of things contribute to the scale in my mind. And I have had incredibly bad days. A lot of the time.

In fact, out of everyone I currently know well, and maybe I'm just the lucky one or something, I am the worst-off mentally. By far. Maybe I picked the most mentally-stable people to be friends with, I don't know, but I definitely have more mental problems than your average joe, that is for certain. So actually, the 'It's a friggin' holiday, why aren't you happy?' line has been said to me various amounts of times, and also many more if you replace the 'holiday' with many other things. My friends have also been the source of much of my anguish, to put it bluntly.

Basically, what I meant to say was that, hi here's all the stuff i personally think, without sounding too elitist about things. i like the winter, and i hope i can get others to share in my revel. kthnxbye

Now, let's not turn this into a thread where we argue against each other, alright?
 

Hinalle K.

Banned
Banned
Winter is the best weather.
It's so pretty and solemn, and the cold feels way better than the heat. I'm soooo sick of the heat. Who the fuck enjoys having to wear work clothes on a searing hot day and sweating like a damn pig? Keep your darn summers to yourselves >:[

If I manage to, I'll probably move somewhere where it snows nearly constantly.
 

Duality Jack

Feeling Loki with it.
Winter is the best weather.
It's so pretty and solemn, and the cold feels way better than the heat. I'm soooo sick of the heat. Who the fuck enjoys having to wear work clothes on a searing hot day and sweating like a damn pig? Keep your darn summers to yourselves >:[

If I manage to, I'll probably move somewhere where it snows nearly constantly.
Also gives you an excuse to get warm with people under the sheets. :V
 
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