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I need a little help!

Indigo922

Member
I'm here because my boyfriend of 5 years is a furry.I'm perfectly fine with it.But he is TERRIFIED to do anything like some day get a fursuit or even talk about it to some of our mutual friends.Like he is having repetitive nightmares about it that wake him up in a panic.He is aware that I am on this forum doing something and is scared of you all too and is overall being an anxious lil cinnimon roll right now.Can you guys give him some support and advice on doing what makes him happy(as in,being a furry)?I don't want him to give up on what makes him happy just because he is afraid of what our friends will think!
 

LameFox

Well-Known Member
I'm curious what he expects to happen that would be that terrifying. The degree of fear you're describing sounds so disproportionate to "coming out" as a furry that I'm inclined to think the anxiety itself is the problem and being a furry is just by chance the subject of it.
 

Indigo922

Member
Anxiety is a problem for him.But I've dealt with my own anxiety(which stems from different reasons and is in different situations than this)and it helps to be reassured.Which is why I sorta did this.To show him its okay
 

Indigo922

Member
I think he thinks our friends will reject him(which I doubt as they are all decent people that I have known a long time.And if they did they werent good friends anyhow)
I think he just is afraid that people will judge him for it.And some might,but people will judge anything.I thought seeing what other people into the same kind of things as he is have to say about it would be a different perspective than mine.
 

LameFox

Well-Known Member
I mean, there are people who would, but like you said there's always going to be people who disapprove of whatever you're doing. And even then, a lot of it only comes from the worst cases getting the most attention, so if they do have misgivings about it then he could probably just explain what it means to him specifically. In my experience though a lot of people don't even know what it is period and have no feelings one way or the other. Depends on the age and cultural group.
 

Indigo922

Member
You should plan to go to a Furry convention. I think it would help him to see others being comfortable with being a Furry.
That sounds like a great idea!He took me to a renaissance fair once and I was nervous the entire time but it helped me get used to crowded places.
 

Indigo922

Member
I showed him all of your responses and I think it seemed to help him feel a bit better.
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Indigo922

Member
Thanks everyone!And I guess some time after november I will have to plan a little trip with him. I have a convention I'm going to in november so after that I'm sure I can find something.
 

XanderBoi

Your Friendly Goat-Coon
Everything is going to be ok. He doesn't even have to tell people. Just tell him to do him. If people ask about it, they are the ones who are actually interested and he can talk to them about it. Most of my friends just ignore this hobby of mine either because they're not interested in it or they don't understand it, but none has ceased to be my friend over it.

Tell him everything is fine and if he ever needs a hug, he knows where yo look! ^_^
 

Lysdexic

New Member
Hey, I am indigo's boyfriend, and I have been...reluctant? I guess you could call it, to join this forum, but after given some thought, I would like to thank you guys for the advice, and have been writing down notes and ideas that could help, and would like to know a couple things, if you dont mind me asking, if not please let me know if I'm being too uncomfortable I guess, so my questions are,

-Have any of you ever had difficulties with people hating on you being a furry, and if so, how exactly do I just...not think about it?

-How would you go about explaining this to friends, but still want to be clear that you want to maintain a friendly and non-toxic relationship, and last, question for now,

-what if I'm faking myself out, and I'm not even a furry? In my personal opinion it feels not entirely like a personality I wish I was, but I guess...kinda like a lifestyle, maybe? I'm not quite sure how to explain the feeling, it's just a feeling of...importance that I feel being a furry belongs in part of my life I guess. I'm rambling so if you read all this, I'm sorry.
 

LameFox

Well-Known Member
-Have any of you ever had difficulties with people hating on you being a furry, and if so, how exactly do I just...not think about it?

Maybe. It depends what you mean by 'difficulties'.

Of course I've had the odd angry comment by randoms on the internet who seemed deeply offended by the idea, but I don't really consider that a problem. Those people have no value to me at all, so my reaction ranges from mild schadenfreude at seeing them so upset, to the emotional equivalent of a shrug.

-How would you go about explaining this to friends, but still want to be clear that you want to maintain a friendly and non-toxic relationship, and last, question for now

For one thing, I don't feel any particular need to explain myself; the idea of a furry as something one would "come out" as is very strange to me. So if it doesn't come up, I won't even bother.

If it does, then I'll just tell them I like drawing anthros (or furries, or animal people, or whatever they know them as) because for me that's about the extent of it, I don't wear suits or anything. It isn't even really necessary to use the word 'furry' and get into explaining the broader community in a lot of cases, just tell them about you.

Sometimes the fact that I'm drawing anthros naked might bother people, but I don't really think of it as any weirder than other fantasy or sci-fi races that people routinely sexualize. They're implicitly 'smarter than the average bear', so to speak, and if they don't think that makes a difference, I'd be inclined to wonder how they'd feel about sexualizing a human who wasn't.

-what if I'm faking myself out, and I'm not even a furry? In my personal opinion it feels not entirely like a personality I wish I was, but I guess...kinda like a lifestyle, maybe? I'm not quite sure how to explain the feeling, it's just a feeling of...importance that I feel being a furry belongs in part of my life I guess. I'm rambling so if you read all this, I'm sorry.

Would it matter if you were? Just don't rush to get 'I'm a furry' tattooed anywhere people can see, or buy any obscenely expensive suits for your first time. If you change your mind, oh well.
 

Lysdexic

New Member
I guess I never really thought about just trying to shrug it off, I typically absorb the blunt of everything and just accept the fact that it emotionally screws me over, and ignore the fact that I'm damaging myself to the extent of occasional trauma, and I force myself to disagree with anything ever being easy, but I think for once I'll try to just not give any thought to other peoples opinions on the matter. And well overall, I guess I'm just more causing this to effect me way more than need be, if I just give the idea the same attitude you seem to have then maybe I will actually be able to have a calm, normal thought and maybe next time I see my friends my stomach won't churn at the idea of them hating me for that side of me...but for now, I sleep a lot, so I'm going to go to bed for now, but before I do I'm going to write down some of this stuff. I really appreciate the help, and I'm very glad to see other people that I dont know who aren't obnoxiously toxic.
 

Ra'ara Su'nai

The golden-voiced fox
I used to be the same way. I was a furry for most of my life after becoming a teenager, and didn't really let it be known until earlier this year. I was finally just like, "Screw it! I wanna hang out with these adorable people and be part of their world!" The one person who I thought would reject me because of their hyper Christian upbringing was actually far more supportive than I expected(granted she has no idea the price tag on a fursuit and never will). After that, I began to share it with pretty much everyone I know, and even complete strangers I meet in passing seem to think it's awesome! Obviously I get a few who want nothing to do with it, but they're actually the minority.

All those years being scared were completely wasted time that I wish I could get back, but since there's no way to turn back time, I'm going to enjoy my furry life going forward. Just remember, we aren't much different from 'normal' people. We're just fluffier. ^_^
 
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