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I need advice

Zhalo

Rez the Wolfdog
Okay, so I think I have mentioned on this fourm before that I skateboard and ride BMX. Those 2 things are very big components of my life. I identify with being a skateboarder/BMX rider significantly more so than I identify as being a furry. I spend alot of time (about 16hrs/week) at a local skatepark to skate and ride BMX but also to an equal extent for it to be a social hangout kind of thing.

So the problem is that there is a furry in my local furmeet that a month ago when I joined my local furmeet's telegram. All of them were asking me questions and at one point I mentioned that I skateboard at the local skatepark. Well one of the furries basically said something to the effect of "I have not skateboarded in 3 years, but I would be interested in going with you to the skatepark sometime! next time you go tell me so I can go with you!" So at the time I replied "cool next time I go I will make sure to tell you!"

The thing is when I said that I was not being completely honest, not because I did not want to skate with her, (I really do want to skate with her) but because after I told her that, I realized what me bringing her to the skatepark would mean for me socially at the skatepark.

Only about 30-35ish people go to my skatepark regularly. This is important because that means almost everyone is only about one, at most two degrees separated from each other socially (a friend of a friend or a friend of a friend of a friend) Which is normally a really cool thing because it feels very close knit everyone knows everyone else in a way and its kinda a cool vibe. At the same time though the closeness also means that word of anything "interesting" travels quickly.

What I am worried will happen is I bring her to the park and one or more of my friends will be there (which is almost a certainty because I have about 7 "good" friends that go to the park) and they will inevitably ask how I met her...I have not the slightest clue how to answer that question! What also does not help is that people at the park tend to congregate in groups of usually around five people and you can be sure as hell that all five of those people will be focused on what my answer is (especially because she is a girl).

No one at the park knows that I am a furry and I never intended to ever tell anyone, outside of maybe one or two of my closest friends. Bringing her to the skatepark though forces my hand in a way.

So, as of now it has been a month since I told her I would tell her next time I go to the skatepark... I have been about 8 times since then and I felt really bad about that. So 2 days ago I sent her a message basically saying "sorry I know it has been a month, but do you still want to skate with me" in the message I said the reason I had not hit her up earlier was because I was anxious...which I guess is true enough. Anyway I was going to skate with her today but it rained so we couldn't skate. I dont know what I was planing to tell my friends, I guess I was just going "wing it". Which seems like a horrible idea in retrospect.

What should I do? I can't lie about it because that is not fair to her, and I feel like if I tell the truth about where I know her from something bad will happen. Skateboarders are notoriously judgemental not all are, but many are and I fear being judged. I hate the idea of getting badly labeled as in the past I have had bad experiences with getting a bad label, and it screwing me over socially.

I made no effort to hide my identity in this post, just let me know you saw it so we can talk about it.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
"We were talking about other stuff, skating came up and we realized we had that in common so I agreed to bring her along." Be truthful but leave out what exactly the other stuff is if you truly believe it'll cause a problem. It's the least likely route to come back and bite you in the ass. Just make sure you've clearly told her you don't want your friends at the skate park to know about the furry stuff so she doesn't let it slip.
 
E

ellaerna

Guest
Well,I think the big question is, how open is she about being a furry? It could very well be that she doesn't want to get outed just as much as you, and if so, problem solved.

You should talk to her before you go to find out. If she wants to keep it on the down low, you can work together to decide what you tell your skate friends. If she's out and proud, tell her that you're not comfortable with your friends knowing and ask her not to say anything. Everyone knows that furs get a lot of shit, so she should understand.

As for what you tell your friends, you can just say you met online, on a chat service if they press. You don't need to give them all the details.
 

Belatucadros

Bitches love sticks
Dude, just go and have fun. It doesn't matter what everybody else thinks. If they start acting like a bunch of immature assholes then that's their problem. Chances are there might not even be a problem. Live your own life mate!
 

AnarchyLynx

A Lynx to the past
If it were me, I'd explain to her that I wasn't comfortable with people outside the fandom knowing I'm a furry, for the reasons you mentioned, and so ask her to keep that to herself if you do go together. Obviously she can be open about it if she wants, but it's not unreasonable to ask her not to out you in front of all your friends. If she somehow insists that you can't be friends with her unless you tell everyone you know that you're a furry then I'd say you have a pretty good reason to not go skating with her.
 

Izzy4895

Diaper Fox
"We were talking about other stuff, skating came up and we realized we had that in common so I agreed to bring her along." Be truthful but leave out what exactly the other stuff is if you truly believe it'll cause a problem. It's the least likely route to come back and bite you in the ass. Just make sure you've clearly told her you don't want your friends at the skate park to know about the furry stuff so she doesn't let it slip.

I agree with this. Sometimes you have to be deliberately vague at first when it comes to the others you know. Other than that, be honest about your initial fears to her and apologize.
 

Zhalo

Rez the Wolfdog
"We were talking about other stuff, skating came up and we realized we had that in common so I agreed to bring her along." Be truthful but leave out what exactly the other stuff is if you truly believe it'll cause a problem. It's the least likely route to come back and bite you in the ass. Just make sure you've clearly told her you don't want your friends at the skate park to know about the furry stuff so she doesn't let it slip.
As for what you tell your friends, you can just say you met online, on a chat service if they press.
I like this Idea, and it is probably what I will end up going with.
Its none of their business really, just go skateboarding with her.
It is not necessarily their business, but if I answer what seems like a harmless question with something along the lines of "it is none of your business" it seems defensive and odd.
Would people knowing your a furry really affect your life that much?
No it wouldn't, it would actually in a way be freeing, but it is the "What If" scenarios that bother me.
Well,I think the big question is, how open is she about being a furry?
I already know she is normally very open about it. Does not mind telling anyone, has furry stickers on her car stuff like that.
It doesn't matter what everybody else thinks.
It does to me. I guess I am just petty like that worrying what others think of me. Mostly comeing from the fact that there was a time when I absolutely did not care what others thought of me and bad outcomes came from that mindset.
 
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Troj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dino Therapist
"We both enjoy the same geeky things, and we met at a geek meet. Want to hit the half pipe, guys?"

There, done.

In the grand scheme of things, the people who matter won't mind, and the people who mind won't matter--that said, though, I fully understand wanting to be liked and respected by people you hang out with, and wanting to avoid needless potential drama.

I think you'll find that while they might ask a couple of questions to be polite, most of your skating buddies won't actually care about where this girl came from, because they'll mainly be interested in themselves.

Regardless, you have a right to your privacy, and you don't owe anybody your life story.
 
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N/A

Member
I like this Idea, and it is probably what I will end up going with.

It is not necessarily their business, but if I answer what seems like a harmless question with something along the lines of "it is none of your business" it seems defensive and odd.

No it wouldn't, it would actually in a way be freeing, but it is the "What If" scenarios that bother me.

I already know she is normally very open about. Does not mind telling anyone, has furry stickers on her car stuff like that.
It does to me. I guess I am just petty like that worrying what others think of me. Mostly comeing from the fact that there was a time when I absolutely did not care what others .
 
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quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
I think you'll find that while they might ask a couple of questions to be polite, most of your skating buddies won't actually care about where this girl came from, because they'll mainly be interested in themselves.
I don't know what skating demographics are like these days - from outside observation (I was never into it myself but had classmates who were) it seemed to be fairly guy-heavy. In that kind of company sometimes the questions are sincere, with their own associated sort of awkward.

I'm super open about being furry (and, well, in general) but hanging out with a lover and some burner friends of his I ended up playing it way down because they were obviously uncomfortable with furries and I didn't want to make them more so. No harm done in the end, but I definitely felt like I might have embarrassed my lover even with my watered-down version.
 

Zhalo

Rez the Wolfdog
it seemed to be fairly guy-heavy.
More than fairly...I can not think of a single girl that goes to my skatepark to skate, (The only girls that are ever at the park are usually somebody's girlfriend) their use to be one, but I have not seen her at the park in at least 2 months.


Anyway, the plan I think I've decided to go with is: I'm going to explain to her beforehand that no one at the skatepark knows that I am a furry and I would prefer to keep that way for the time being. If anyone asks how I know her to keep our answer vague and excluding any details about being a furry.

There is definitely a part of me that just wants to say the whole truth still, but I don't want to do that in less I'm absolutely sure of my decision to do so.

Thanks everyone for the advice, I might bump this thread to say how it went afterwards. It probably won't be for a while though because of work and stuff.

I'm definitely still open to suggestions though, if anyone has any better ideas
 

Yakamaru

Å nei, cringe
"I met her online. We ended up talking, and then the topic of skating came up. And it so happened we lived in the same area, so I thought I'd invite her over to skate some".

You're vague and don't go into details, but this shit happens all the time, so it'll pass pretty easily. Keep everything on a need to know basis. No one needs to know what you like/dislike, as it's information they don't need. Any information you give to people can be used against you, so keep that in mind.

That said: Sounds like you've found yourself some fun company, so props to ya! :D
 
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