God Grim you have the same story I have pretty much. Good knowing people have/had the same problems as you.
I know, right? Can't tell you how much time I've spent thinking "God, is this normal?"
Contrary to the avatar, I'm not effeminate or anything, so I think that makes it difficult too. Many perceive gays as flamboyant, well-dressed individuals. I'm almost always scruffy. Barely motivated enough to just use clippers to trim my bear, haha. I can't stand wearing collared shirts. I buy cheap, solid-color, generic clothing, or band shirts.
But, to Oberstbart, it's all what you make of it. Just take time for yourself and explore your own attractions. Don't dive into anything, and don't stress. After all, you're going to figure out what you're happy with, and things tend not to turn out as bad as you expect them to.