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I'm worried that I've been messed-up (vent)

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Nyro46

Guest
Warning this is kind of an 18+ post because it deals with certain . . . subjects.

I think I really need to talk to someone or something, but I don't know where to go or who to reach out to. But I'm really scared that my mind has been messed up by a person.
I'll try to keep the story as short as possible - but basically, I knew someone (actually two people, but I'll mainly focus on the one guy) and I saw these people as my best friends. Particularly the one guy, I think I trusted too much. For the longest time, I kept identifying as being asexual because I kept repressing any feelings (probably due to some past experiences and how I was raised somewhat). But earlier this year, when I still talked to this guy, I finally opened up that I didn't think I was really asexual. That I am more like demi/bisexual. However, I basically knew almost nothing when it came to sexuality and fetishes, because I wasn't really ever told anything. And it didn't help that I also never wanted to know anything because in the past, I immediately pushed away anything that came up that was sexual.
But I'm super scared I've been screwed up. Because at the time, I was really naive about these things. So all I had to learn from was this guy I thought was my friend. He always ensured me that everything was okay, and that he (and his boyfriend) supported me and stuff. We kinda started sharing a bit more TMI information between each other, like what fetishes we were into and stuff. But this is when things started getting kinda sketchy.
One time when I was talking to this guy, we were talking about our characters and stuff, and somehow I came across to saying "It would be weird if (his boyfriend) drew porn of (one of his characters), because he is only like, twelve." (I'm keeping names out because obvious reasons). Then right away, the guy got super weird about it and was like "Well why would that matter?" and kinda started interrogating me about it, and I was saying like "well, did he draw that or something?" and the guy just kept going like "It doesn't matter if he drew it, it's his prerogative!!!" and started like asking me like if I would stop being friends with them if they drew or were into basically what would be cub porn. Finally I just kinda gave in and was like "I guess it doesn't matter if you're not actually hurting kids or something." Because I didn't want to be pitted as being closed-minded or something???
Eventually he revealed that they were into cub porn and his boyfriend had actually DRAWN cub porn before and made a character specifically for it (and I saw the images . . .) and I was basically told by them to accept that they are into this and that they aren't pedophiles, and it is fine to have fetishes like cub, feral, and a lot of other taboo things. (Yes they were also into feral). They often would even send me random porn that involved cub and feral stuff, even though I said I wasn't into that stuff. (Both of them make me really uncomfortable to look at). The one guy was also heavily into torture porn / snuff, non-consensual (having literally written a noncon fanfic of one of my main and personal characters WITHOUT my consent) and stuff. He even told me a super detailed fantasy he had where one of his characters was involved in noncon and was sexually tortured in a dungeon via VERY gruesome matters. Again it made me feel uncomfortable, but I kinda just dealt with it, because they were my only close friends.
Later on, I realized the one guy (the one that was more into the fetishes and pushing them onto me and stuff) was a total manipulator, and kinda seemed to also be manipulating his boyfriend (who I had known way before him) and stuff, which is why I stopped talking to them entirely. Like, when I tried to bring to his attention that some of the sexual things he said or jokes he made made me uncomfortable, he turned it all around on me, playing the victim card and telling me I "lead him on" and shit, basically gaslighting me.
Now I know for myself, I have some strange interests, but non of them steep as much into the taboo territory or are not as severe as this guy was into. (And I can assure you I do not like cub or feral, I find both very gross and creepy, and it confused me as to why they liked it). Plus, I keep all that stuff to myself, and don't tell anyone about it, because I prefer to be private when it comes to that. However, I am scared now that because I was hit with this stuff at a very impressionable time, that I might be messed up from it. I just hope that it was definitely the right thing for me to do to cut this guy off entirely, I think it was, but I am just scared. I don't know.
I think I just need someone to talk to, to help me, because I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it since it all went down a month or so ago.
 

Keefur

aka Cutter Cat
It sounds like you did the proper thing. I'm a greymuzzle and I'm straight. I talk to lots of furs here about Furry stuff. I am open minded about other things and don't judge, as long as it's legal. If you want advice, feel free to PM me. I won't try to maneuver, manipulate, or control you. I will give you my honest opinions and why I think the way I do, based upon my life experiences. Ultimately, you are your own advice giver.
 

KnightsSorrow

Well-Known Member
You definitely did the right thing by cutting them out of your life, and that guy definitely sounds like an emotional manipulator. I'm really sorry that you had to go through that.

Reaching out and trying to talk to someone about what's going on in your head is definitely a good idea. One of the worst things a person can do is to bottle things up after being exposed to something traumatic as it can eat away at you.

I do hope that you will be ok.
 

TrishaCat

The Cat in the FAF
If you're uncomfortable with something, people should respect that. The fact that this person didnt and was aggressive about it is enough to know that your choosing to not interact with them anymore was a good choice. Arguably, one could say that sending you fetish porn that you didnt want to see was a form of sexual harassment. Let alone them making fetish porn of your characters without your consent. That's not cool.

As for your worries over being hurt over it, it might be best to talk to a therapist about it.
 
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Nyro46

Guest
Thank you everyone for your responses and support so far . . . makes me feel better to know I definitely did the right thing. I think it's difficult because I had been basically gaslighted into thinking that I was always in the wrong, and that leaving them would be considered "wrong" and "mean" etc. when really I know I need to look out for myself before anything or anyone else.

If you're uncomfortable with something, people should respect that. The fact that this person didnt and was aggressive about it is enough to know that your choosing to not interact with them anymore was a good choice. Arguably, one could say that sending you fetish porn that you didnt want to see was a form of sexual harassment. Let alone them making fetish porn of your characters without your consent. That's not cool.

As for your worries over being hurt over it, it might be best to talk to a therapist about it.

Yeah, I agree and it doesn't help that he was also seeming to be forcing me into a relationship with him (or both him and his boyfriend). It started with him suggesting that he and his boyfriend were thinking they'd be okay with a "polyamorous relationship" with me if I was okay with that, which of course, I was not and am not into polyamorous relationships. But he didn't seem to get that - he kinda kept bugging me about it and seemed frustrated he wasn't getting the answer he wanted from me. Later, he changed it saying that he meant a "close friendship" which wasn't actually dating. But now I see that as a way for him trying to back out of the possible damage he could have caused.
But later, he straight up admitted he was sexually attracted to me and said he was okay with the thought of sexual acts with me, and said he had dreams where he had a threesome with me and his boyfriend. But then was like "well I just wanted us to all be on the same page!" Personally I don't think this was right and reminded me way too much of a similar thing that happened to me when I was younger (sixteen) and an adult living at my house (so basically a predator situation). That plus the fact we were supposed to be in on a plan where we were all moving in together at the end of the year - meaning I would have to basically run away from home to go live on the other side of my country - was just a recipe for disaster.

I still have some art that I made for both of them on my DeviantArt and FurAffinity pages. I am wondering if I should just remove the art to remove any association with either of them. Or at least the art made for the more manipulative guy. I have only removed one image from my gallery (which was a picture that shipped their fursonas) but otherwise the other art is still on there. I just don't want me taking down the art to look petty on my behalf. Anyone have any thoughts on that?
 

Tazmo

Trash connoisseur
It’s not petty @Nyro46 You can’t move forward if you’re tied to the past.

You have made the right decision and earned yourself some EXP in the process.

Hope you have a wonderful day :)
 

Water Draco

Next LondonFurs?? Please stay tuned
You have definitely made the right choice to get completely away from this person.

Also getting out of this type of situation where somebody is controlling you like this takes a lot of courage. So congratulations on taking this positive step for yourself.
 

Fallowfox

Are we moomin, or are we dancer?
If you have evidence about this person alluding to some of the activities you described in the OP, you may need to retain it by the way.

Their behaviour sounds like it could indicate criminal activity like viewing illegal pornography.
 
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Nyro46

Guest
If you have evidence about this person alluding to some of the activities you described in the OP, you may need to retain it by the way.

Their behaviour sounds like it could indicate criminal activity like viewing illegal pornography.
I wish I did. Unfortunately, since he and his boyfriend are no longer on my Discord, and I left our group DM, I can no longer access the messages.
However, technically the messages are still in Discord's server, and I'm pretty sure that guy never left the group DM (only me and his boyfriend did) so technically they are all still there. But I can't really access them myself, which is annoying.
Actually, if I try blocking their accounts on Discord, I can probably re-access the individual DMs.

EDIT: Good news. I actually was able to recover the DMs. Well, not the group chat DMs, but the individual DMs at least. Just by entering a couple servers I knew they were in and blocking their accounts through those servers, I was able to access their DMs again through my block list. Then, I could just export the DM logs to HTML files through a Discord exporter.
I wish I could have gotten the group chat DMs as well, but there's no way I could get that. I think what I do have will be plenty anyway.
 
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Nyro46

Guest
I would say cut all the ties. Having their art up is just an invitation for them to recontact you and also a constant reminder of their presence.
True. I'll probably hide/remove the artwork I made associated to them/their characters from my art accounts later tonight.

Also, something I remembered the manipulative guy saying once, as it is kinda relevant considering this is the FurAffinity Forums - I remember him proudly claiming he had spoken to Dragoneer once on Twitter xD How true this really is, I have no idea, but thought it was kinda funny.
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Shekel collector
You sliced out a tumor basically. Guy indeed (as if you haven't heard before me) was a manipulator. Forget about them and move on buddy.
 

Sugarbomb

Member
Nobody needs to be a bad guy.

Sometimes, people just need to be gone from your life. Just let 'em go.

That said, you CAN still be friends with someone who's into something you're not. They just need to not put it in your face, and you need to not judge them for it.
 
N

Nyro46

Guest
Nobody needs to be a bad guy.

Sometimes, people just need to be gone from your life. Just let 'em go.

That said, you CAN still be friends with someone who's into something you're not. They just need to not put it in your face, and you need to not judge them for it.
I agree with that for the most part. Though I think considering the situation I was in, cutting them out was the best option. I mean, just the fact that when I confronted the one guy about how I was feeling uncomfortable with some of the things he was saying to me and doing, and he got mad at me and told me it was my fault and completely disregarded my feelings, sort of says it all. Not to mention he involved my friend from IRL with some of the drama and even told her I had a crush on her, which was not his secret to tell (and I had made that very clear to him). So there is no way I could trust him after that.

I know for myself I am into some really odd things that I know a lot of people wouldn't like at all, and I get and respect that. I like keep to those matters private anyway.
 
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Fallowfox

Are we moomin, or are we dancer?
True. I'll probably hide/remove the artwork I made associated to them/their characters from my art accounts later tonight.

Also, something I remembered the manipulative guy saying once, as it is kinda relevant considering this is the FurAffinity Forums - I remember him proudly claiming he had spoken to Dragoneer once on Twitter xD How true this really is, I have no idea, but thought it was kinda funny.

Almost anybody can speak to Dragoneer; I have and I'm an idiot, so it's not really a claim to fame.


I wish I did. Unfortunately, since he and his boyfriend are no longer on my Discord, and I left our group DM, I can no longer access the messages.
However, technically the messages are still in Discord's server, and I'm pretty sure that guy never left the group DM (only me and his boyfriend did) so technically they are all still there. But I can't really access them myself, which is annoying.
Actually, if I try blocking their accounts on Discord, I can probably re-access the individual DMs.

EDIT: Good news. I actually was able to recover the DMs. Well, not the group chat DMs, but the individual DMs at least. Just by entering a couple servers I knew they were in and blocking their accounts through those servers, I was able to access their DMs again through my block list. Then, I could just export the DM logs to HTML files through a Discord exporter.
I wish I could have gotten the group chat DMs as well, but there's no way I could get that. I think what I do have will be plenty anyway.

This is good. If the DM's show that the users have been sharing underage pornography, then you can report this to discord and the offending accounts will be removed- preventing them from trying to involve anybody else in what they're doing on that platform.
 
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