Is internet dating a last resort?

[Harbinger]

I dont have friends IRL who might know girls and there is no where i go or work where there are any. 21 this year and i've never had a girlfriend still. Is it the time to try those dating sites advertised so much?
If not then when is?

Just been felling crap this past couple of years and its getting worse now my 21st is coming up. Its hard to describe because i dont know how lonely i should feel because i havent experianced the opposite side of it if you know what i mean :/

Fucking emotions how do they work...

 

[Artillery Spam]

Bro if you aren't happy with yourself right now you're not going to be happy in a relationship.

Just sayin'.

 

[Grimfang999]

I would say just wait until it comes to you, a good relationship is based on emotional attachment, and Im not sure if that is easy to achieve through throwing yourself at someone you barely know. Of course, Ive only had one girlfriend and two romantic attractions (both via the internet including my girlfriend, difference being I didnt actively look it just happened). Love comes naturally and cannot be forced, and is not really necessary unless you make it seem necessary to you.

You are definitely missing something in your life if you have felt like shit for a good while. Do you socialise much? Do you work/create at all? The latter is very important as, contrary to what some might believe, we need to be productive to remain sane and happy, while the former is obvious since we are a social species.


For more generically, I would argue internet dating is basically a last resort, though part of me wonders if some people just use it to find people for a fuck or something.

 

[Dreaming]

In most cases it's an act of desperation and it's too obvious, most of them will force themselves into the relationship while the other reluctantly plays along. Some of them work out but it's a rare scenario, it's no secret but everyone is different offline... though honestly I don't understand committed relationships, what's wrong with close friends? LOLNOPE GONNA CHAIN MYSELF TO THIS ONE PERSON FOR THE NEXT FEW YEARS

 

[Harbinger]

Bro if you aren't happy with yourself right now you're not going to be happy in a relationship.

Just sayin'.

Thats the thing i dont know if i am, i feel terrible and lonely half the time, but then i feel that everythings ok because i dont know any better. Then i wonder what its like and think that would be nice, then i feel shit again.

I would say just wait until it comes to you, a good relationship is based on emotional attachment, and Im not sure if that is easy to achieve through throwing yourself at someone you barely know. Of course, Ive only had one girlfriend and two romantic attractions (both via the internet including my girlfriend, difference being I didnt actively look it just happened). Love comes naturally and cannot be forced, and is not really necessary unless you make it seem necessary to you.

You are definitely missing something in your life if you have felt like shit for a good while. Do you socialise much? Do you work/create at all? The latter is very important as, contrary to what some might believe, we need to be productive to remain sane and happy, while the former is obvious since we are a social species.


For more generically, I would argue internet dating is basically a last resort, though part of me wonders if some people just use it to find people for a fuck or something.

Thats the thing i have no social life, i did try making friends at school then at college. I wasnt a dick to anyone, i tried being nice and enjoyable to be around, yet no one invited me to anything. I kept trying to arrange social things to do, go out to the pub, cinema, laser tag, everything possible around here. We did some of that maybe once out of every 20 attempts by me. It was a two year college course, last year was optional. Course changed so i didnt stay on like the rest, and after i left none of them every contacted me, even when i tried contacting them. Wouldnt answer me on facebook, couldnt be bothered to game with me, and made an excuse everytime i invited them to something.

Anyway that was it, out of a lot of people i socialised with i ended up with no friends today, they ended up just as best's of a bad situation.

FFS you got me ranting -_-
In my spare time i look after my pets, although that doesnt cover most of my spare time, they are all fairly low maintainance. I want to create artwork desperately, but i either dont feel like it or dont have the time when i do.

 

[Seekrit]

Thats the thing i dont know if i am, i feel terrible and lonely half the time, but then i feel that everythings ok because i dont know any better. Then i wonder what its like and think that would be nice, then i feel shit again.

I used to feel the same way. It sucked hard, so I spent a year sorting myself out. Now I'm not lonely and actually pretty happy with my life. Why don't you take a serious look at yourself and see what could be wrong? Get yourself to the stage where you're okay by yourself before trying to start a relationship. Adding another person to the mix right now won't do you any favours.

But to answer your question, I don't think internet dating is a last resort. People gotta meet somehow.

 

[Grimfang999]

Its not a problem, I think we can help better if you explained the situation more, and also its good to get it off your chest, dont be afraid to rant where the situation allows/demands it. Quick question, when you say 'college' do you mean university or community college? Sorry Im British so College means tertially education which is either just below univeristy in its quallifications or is for more practical skills (although by using the word pub I suspect you are as well, so Im guessing you went to one fo those). I might be bias myself, but from my own experience university is more free and more active than high school, and as such more tolerant to people who are different.

Now the social thing half suprises me and half doesnt. Chilling at a pub with friends is one thing (Its a pasttime for my group), but yeah often people arent really too interested in keeping socially busy except on the occasion. Still suprised about the pub thing though...

I cant really say much else regarding the matter there though, unless you can find yourself a job where you can meet and talk with people, even just on a professional level. Also, whats your online group of friends like? Do you have some really close which you can talk to openly and frequently? And while yes it can be weird to do so, but if you have online friends in the same country/region/etc, try arranging a meet-up now and then.

I'm sorry to keep prying though, I can stop if you want.

 

[Kangamutt]

It can come off as being desperate, but sometimes they just happen, that there really is a connection between two people via internet. But the only good examples I know of is where they've been in contact for a very long time before entering a relationship. But right now I think you should shelve the whole relationship thing, and make yourself happy as a single person first and foremost. As the saying goes, you can't love another until you can love yourself. With the way your OP was written, you don't seem too confident in yourself, and that can move on over to the relationship, which will just make everything go pear-shaped, just like Artillery said.

I'd suggest just getting out of the house and doing stuff. Find an interest that keeps you busy and productive, something you feel good about doing, and in turn, feeling good about yourself as a person, because if you're looking for love as a means of validation, it's just going to end up a disaster.

 

[Willow]

I'm not a fan of dating sites honestly. They seem so forced.
But I would suggest finding friends first before you try to find a girl or you just seem like a loner.

though honestly I don't understand committed relationships, what's wrong with close friends? LOLNOPE GONNA CHAIN MYSELF TO THIS ONE PERSON FOR THE NEXT FEW YEARS

Well if you act like it's an endgame, it's going to feel like an endgame.
I've never thought of being in a relationship as chaining myself to someone.

 

[Teal]

Getting in a relationship with that state of mind will not make it a long lasting or healthy one.

 

[unwisedragon]

If no one is inviting you to anything then maybe you should invite them to stuff! Learn what they like and maybe, if you enjoy some similar things, do some of those things with them.

For the girlfriend thing... I'm horribly inept at giving relationship advice, but a girlfriend (or boyfriend) is a friend who you can be intimate with. They are your most trusted friend with whom nothing need be a secret! If you want to know a girl or boy better... just ask them to do stuff! (Aha! My above comment IS relative!) Of course... what do I know? My girlfriend asked me

 

[Duality Jack]

Depends on why you use it. If you want it to be just another way to meet people you /might/ date or fuck then it is fine. Really things like OKCupid are just social networking sites with relationships in mind and I have mostly met interesting people whom became friends more than lovers. Usually both though.

Although if you feel like it is the only way you can get a relationship and you think you NEED ONE, then stoppit. You are doing it wrong.

 

[Cocobanana]

Internet dating has helped some people, but I'm about to offer you a much better idea.

Though I'm single and haven't been in a relationship before, from all of those I've talked to who have been in healthy relationships there was a common thread: they were friends, or friends of friends, first.

So, you should be looking for friends and letting things happen as they will. I would suggest a site like meetup.com where you can look up groups of folks who hang out with each other based on their interests because that's a good way to make friends who might or might not become romantic partners down the road.

 

[Harbinger]

TBH i always thought it would be full of the desperate/creepy types. But with the people i do know, namely my parents, they are constantly putting pressure on me to get friends, especially a girlfriend. Little comments here and there on how they think im slipping down in life. Thanks for the advice all anyway, as i said i had no idea what to think.

 

[Seekrit]

TBH i always thought it would be full of the desperate/creepy types. But with the people i do know, namely my parents, they are constantly putting pressure on me to get friends, especially a girlfriend. Little comments here and there on how they think im slipping down in life. Thanks for the advice all anyway, as i said i had no idea what to think.

Your parents tell you this? It's no wonder you feel bad. Constant pressure to force natural things like friendships and relationships will only make you feel worse. It's perfectly normal to go months or even years without making a new friend or starting a relationship.

 

[Schwimmwagen]

In my opinion:

The best friends you will ever have are the ones you get on the interwebs, despite the distance barrier. IRL friends tend to be some sort of circumstantial compromise. That's not to say that IRL friends are bad friends, it's just that it's easier to get to know people you completely match up to online because, well, you're meeting them on common interest websites rather than at work or school which are a mixing pot.

Internet dating is similar in that sense.

But the problem with e-lationships is that meeting each other will be a giant arseache. It works, people manage it, but still. Arseache. An expensive and potentially life-changing one.

 

[Duality Jack]

Oh and uh, Internet dating can work, just as a prelude though.
Been there, done that, and moved in with the person for a while.
Kinda planning on it again hah.

 

[Tigercougar]

Internet dating was my ONLY resort. Love going out to meet new people, not so much going out for the sole purpose of seeing which man I can snag.

 

[TeenageAngst]

Internet dating is like having internet friends. Some of mine are very close and we even see each other in person from time to time, and some are just people I chat with. Likewise, some internet peoples I've actually dated, and some I've just convinced to get naked on webcam a few times cause I didn't feel like schlepping across the country to check the goods out in person. It's only a last resort if it's your only resort, that is, you're not at least trying to pick up chicks IRL as well.

 

[Zabrina]

Just use Grindr as often as a toilet.

oh and be yourself

 

[BRN]

You know that old quote, "Before you diagnose yourself with depression, make sure you're not just surrounded by assholes"?

Your situation is a little different. Before you search for a relationship, make sure you want one.

You seem insecure and unhappy - that's sad, sorry to hear it. But an unnatural relationship won't fix this... you really should work on your self-esteem, and happiness will come. And to that regard - i.e., fixing your selfesteem - please, make sure you're not surrounded by assholes.

 

[Duality Jack]

E-lationships are harder because no physical sexytimes.

 

[TeenageAngst]

Your situation is a little different. Before you search for a relationship, make sure you want one.

You seem insecure and unhappy - that's sad, sorry to hear it. But an unnatural relationship won't fix this... you really should work on your self-esteem, and happiness will come. And to that regard - i.e., fixing your selfesteem - please, make sure you're not surrounded by assholes.

As a person with cripplingly low self-esteem myself I can confidently say that outside opinion pretty much dictates your mood on a day to day basis. Having someone around that actually likes you and isn't just a friend helps ground your self-esteem. It's not unnatural, just a bit lopsided, and if you're not careful it can get clingy. Cruel mistress that happenstance is however, without good self-esteem the chances of you attracting someone or even taking the effort to improve yourself are low.

 

[Lomberdia]

I don't see internet dating a bad thing. Some people are way too busy to actually go through the whole courtship dance thing so they toss up an internet profile and date in their free time.

In my case, I met me current gf from an free online dating/social site. Just tossed her an hallo message and to my surprise she responded the next day or two. After talking for a bit we decided to meet and yeah, it happened to work out.

Just don't view online dating as "only for losers" because it's not, even if you DO think that, don't say it in your profile. Make it seem online dating is just another media for you to get social. Being social first, getting a date/gf/whatever is second. Also if you take those compatibility test, don't take the results seriously (looking at you eharmony) according to them, I'm incompatible and failed their test lol.

I have an online dating ebook I can send to ya if you like,just send me a note. Not everyone knows how to make a decent online dating profile (including me) but the book did help imo. Stay positive and try to keep the "need" to be chained to one person on the backburner. It'll happen at it own time.

 

[Mikhal18]

Not really a last resort.
A last resort is to use your Right/Left/both hands for the rest of your life ^^

E-lationships are harder because no physical sexytimes.

Say what? Oh fu--