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Is love difficult to find?

HeartlessSora

The new Sora has come!
So! here i am creating this thread for seeking help on some advice about love and what it is about and also about my problems that i have with it , meaning how hard i find it for something like love to work out with me.

So! im gonna say that i have experiences with love im gonna put it that way but i never was in a real relationship , so im pretty clueless about this things about love.
i had only 2 experiences with love and im pretty sure i didnt have learn everything about it , well in all reality when i was in love all my logic disapeared and i just did things as i would never do it my self! for example being jealous about something , and i did type correctly! something , jealous of success and progress , i should be happy for them and instead i was a complete dick head *sigh* i wasnt rly thinking well when i fell in love for the first time.

So now im gonna tell you why i find love really difficult for me to find or something similiar , and maybe this could actually of some help to other people that are as confused or having a hard time with thoughts!
So now let me describe who i am and tell you what actually makes me find love hard to find (for me).

So! im a 17 year old guy that lives in portugal (it is NOT spain haha) hard to find actuall interesting people here when most of guys actually only see my by apearence wich means a only one night stay.
-I deal with pretty bad depression , pretty bad anxiety and im pretty shy and quite anti-social aswell , tho because of depression , i have actually manage to be quite the mature person even about my age (and please do not judge me for being young and saying i dont know anything , i have proven wrong many people , i wont deny that im yet learning but maturity comes differently for everyone , can be young or old) so i can easly deal with serious issues or be a big supporter when someone needs it.
-Im a very online person and to be honest i do love my online life , but i do go for walks and enjoy my time with my bffs and what not , tho im more night person and likes being home :3
-Im an otaku (anime lover) and im a gamer , so i spend alot of my time playin or watching anime haha
-Im actually quite smart person so i can be pretty realistic and logica about most things when asked for opinions
-Im homosexual 100% and i rly dont hide it , as i like to let people who i rly am
Yada , yada , yada all that simple introduction , Now! heres the big problem , i dont want sound narcisistic but im quite atractive and my personlity is liked by many and i have managed to actually make alot of people fall in love for me and sadly even atracted guys that only want me on the bed wich actually annoys me big time and you might thing that should make things easier for someone like me but it has proven that people that fall for me dont really catch my attention , more like love attention , im usually really close friends with them , and i have actually fallen for people who i actually cant get , specially they are already taken.

So! let me explain what i search and what makes it so hard , i usually avoid younger people (and i know im young my self ) but mostly its because the people i find are pretty imature , so older then me has proven more atractive i guess because of how they think about life and theyr surroundings.
-I always stay by this state that personality is better then apearence because if you cant connect with who you love and have meaningfull talks and time together usually it doesnt work! and you can be as handsome/pretty or the sexiest person in the world , but if your personality isnt good or you both dont have many things in common it has proven hard to keep up such relation ship. But! i have noticed and learned to not underrastimate sexual atraction , as i usually would find many guys with awesome personality , guys that im rly good friends as , tho by theyr apearence i couldnt see me with them as i guess it wasnt my tipe of guy? (apearence wise).

So the real question is , now that i have explained a big chunk , is it too hard to actually find someone for a relationship with high standards for like , good looking and have a good personality? Do you think its something really hard or something easier then you think?
Please do let me your opinions and maybe stories! i would love to read them as this had me thinking over years now! and finally i can ask!

So thank you very very much for reading this! i know its quite alot of text so im really sorry! but thank you for sticking around till the end \o/
And if you want to DM me to talk or know some more details , feel free to do so! im open for any kind of conversation! and may this thread be some kind of help to you! much love from Sora X3
 
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AwoDee

Daddee
I think it's partially a thing of 'in order to love someone, you must first love yourself' sort of mentality.
For healthy relationships, where the love's proper and it doesn't end up toxic with extreme jealousy and what not, you need to work on what you've got currently. That's perhaps why things are so hard for you currently.

Sure, you can easily find yourself in relationships too, 'long as you don't force it and probably let friendships blossom - because honestly? Your lover should be your friend first and your lover second. I can't emphasize that enough. Without friendship, there is no love. Genuine love, outside of a crush, is a sentimental bond grown overtime, without always taking into consideration someone's preferences. Sure, everyone's got them, but 'long as they're not turn offs? They're not requirements for that sort of thing to happen. Just overall a hit or miss. Seriously though, it's hard to have a healthy relationship until you work on your anxiety- assuming that that's the cause of your jealousy and what not. Paranoia can easily taint a relationship.

tho yea, that's all I've got to say on the topic, from personal experiences and seeing the relationships of others.
 

HeartlessSora

The new Sora has come!
I think it's partially a thing of 'in order to love someone, you must first love yourself' sort of mentality.
For healthy relationships, where the love's proper and it doesn't end up toxic with extreme jealousy and what not, you need to work on what you've got currently. That's perhaps why things are so hard for you currently.

Sure, you can easily find yourself in relationships too, 'long as you don't force it and probably let friendships blossom - because honestly? Your lover should be your friend first and your lover second. I can't emphasize that enough. Without friendship, there is no love. Genuine love, outside of a crush, is a sentimental bond grown overtime, without always taking into consideration someone's preferences. Sure, everyone's got them, but 'long as they're not turn offs? They're not requirements for that sort of thing to happen. Just overall a hit or miss. Seriously though, it's hard to have a healthy relationship until you work on your anxiety- assuming that that's the cause of your jealousy and what not. Paranoia can easily taint a relationship.

tho yea, that's all I've got to say on the topic, from personal experiences and seeing the relationships of others.
hmmm yeah you are indeed right , your msg was rly usefull
i have been working really hard on me and specially alot on my social anxiety , i have been trying to get my self a bit more social with other people around the forum wich has proven super fun to meet alot of new people!
and yes! i do know that its better for a relationship before happening should exist some strong bond of friendship and if the people are right for eachother , let it grow to something more , with each time , tho i couldnt add my full opinion and what not because , JESUS! i wrote alot, but i do understand your opinion and vision on the matter!
thank you so much! you have surelly given a very strong advices X3
 
Well yes and no I was having lunch at gunther tudys when I decided to play the juke box I got the whole reasturant to start singing along and it was amazing so this girl a total stranger gets up to play some songs but she is using cash when it only takes coins so I hold out a quarter as she passes and I smile and tell her (I guess I turned on the charm on accident) that the machine doesnt take quarters so she smiles and takes it and plays a song but as she comes back she gives me her number and we are still dating
 

HeartlessSora

The new Sora has come!
Well yes and no I was having lunch at gunther tudys when I decided to play the juke box I got the whole reasturant to start singing along and it was amazing so this girl a total stranger gets up to play some songs but she is using cash when it only takes coins so I hold out a quarter as she passes and I smile and tell her (I guess I turned on the charm on accident) that the machine doesnt take quarters so she smiles and takes it and plays a song but as she comes back she gives me her number and we are still dating
Thats indeed rly impressive! i have to say! such a random event made you find your partner who you are with now! a rly intriguing and fun story! i guess love does indeed apear at the most random of times haha
thanks for sharing this with me!
 
Thats indeed rly impressive! i have to say! such a random event made you find your partner who you are with now! a rly intriguing and fun story! i guess love does indeed apear at the most random of times haha
thanks for sharing this with me!
I'm still with her we love each and I'm hopefully gonna marry her one day cause she makes my day dont think of love being hard to find maybe its love thats trying to find you
 

HeartlessSora

The new Sora has come!
I'm still with her we love each and I'm hopefully gonna marry her one day cause she makes my day dont think of love being hard to find maybe its love thats trying to find you
hmmm.. i guess you are right , but i guess the chances of it finding arent rly on my favor when it comes to irl , but! who knows haha :3
and i rly hope my friend that special arrives! best of luck hehe X3
 

Slytherin Umbreon

Black Lives Matter
An Asexual is probably the worst person to get advice from, but here goes!
Die a virgin. It's muhc simpler. :'D

For real though, keep in mind that making negative things feel worse and harder to forget is one of the trademark threats of depression. Same, in reverse, for positives. "I'm in love~<3" is a huge, high feeling and as soon as that starts to come down naturally over time depression is likely to come in swinging. Over time, it really can wear you down into someone unrecognizable, and that could probably explain what happened. Maybe next time, try to prepare for it?

Also, I never would have guessed you were that young XD
 

HeartlessSora

The new Sora has come!
yeah i have felt that actually! depression can be a total bitch sometimes and can really mess up my feelings! specially like it happend when i fell in love for the first time , it was horrible , now im working on my self right now and trying my very best on trying and getting my depression and anxiety some progress on , so i can actually be able to live life a bit easier haha
and rly? you gave me such an awesome advice! you dont have to me str8, bi , homo , pan or etc... what you sayd means that you are quite a smart individual! and i really respect it! so thank you!
and why thank you friend! im glad that i could somehow show that being young doesnt mean you cant think str8 and only do stupid shit hahaha
so thank you! X3
 

HeartlessSora

The new Sora has come!
An Asexual is probably the worst person to get advice from, but here goes!
Die a virgin. It's muhc simpler. :'D

For real though, keep in mind that making negative things feel worse and harder to forget is one of the trademark threats of depression. Same, in reverse, for positives. "I'm in love~<3" is a huge, high feeling and as soon as that starts to come down naturally over time depression is likely to come in swinging. Over time, it really can wear you down into someone unrecognizable, and that could probably explain what happened. Maybe next time, try to prepare for it?

Also, I never would have guessed you were that young XD
oops! forgot to quote ya haha
 

Slytherin Umbreon

Black Lives Matter
True true :V
If only people stop making love complicated
The chemical imbalances that are our brains make us all do dumb things sometimes.
Unfortunately, we just have to put up with it until Biocybernetics finally renders them obsolete.

...
I'm surprised you let the virgin comment slide XD
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Shekel collector
It is, it is EXTREMELY hard to find love but someone smarter than me teached me this one thing. Come closer... stop looking for it and let it find you! it's that simple
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Shekel collector
I will tell you my story. I had vary bad relationships, one was psycho, one tried to convince me that kid was mine even tho im white and kid was black, one even send her psycho ex-bf onto me. Fucker came to me with screwdriver, bad thing for him I was not made of glass either. I said to myself "Fuck this from now on only I will count" it was like this for quite few year, I didn't gave a crap about any women other than to fuck them.
One day I was playing DayZ with my buddies and we met this girl. For some unexplained reason I felt attracted to her, We exchanged skype, we started to talk and... well... now we plan future together and because of her (and many more things) I quited drugs.

As I said, do not look for love, forced love is not love anyway. Let it find you, be patient
 
Z

ZeroVoidTime

Guest
Well the music video is appropriate for this thread. Besides that you worry to much, and for sure you find love. (Though this is coming from guy who has never dated another guy yet, and is still single.)
 

KILL.MAIM.KILL

Angry Lizard King
Banned
Contrary to popular belief, few people in this world are capable of loving another. Humans are naturally selfish and exploitative.

It's not that hard to find a relationship, or find someone who wants to have sex. But if you're looking for someone who truly cares for you and loves you - good luck. There aren't many people like that out there, especially men.

Love is real. But unlike Hollywood movies, it's not common, and the chances of you finding love in your lifetime are slim.
 

Skychickens

Late Healer Ferret
I met my wife in high school. Originally I wanted nothing to do with her.

It just kinda happened eventually. I’ve now known her for almost 10 years. I’m even a little fuzzy on when we actually started dating. Before then, I only ever had 4 SOs and they all lasted a few months at best.

I’m a pretty firm believer in don’t rush it. It’ll come to you. In the meantime, love yourself. As someone also with lots of disorders, this can be hard. Start with something small. Love that you do x or y, or that z is great about you. Then expand as you gain confidence. Remember even a tiny bit of improvement is still improvement. That will attract people that are worth it.

My mother in law gave up on dating. She was planning on living life as a cat lady. Then sometime late college met my father in law and they’ve been together since. My own mother has been married four times. She’s always been really desperate for a partner...and really it isn’t working out well. I think who she has now is the best of the bunch though. It’s taken nearly 40 years of her being desperate to find someone to stick around longer than a few years. I dont think that works honestly.

So don’t rush it. Let it come to you. You have your whole life ahead of you! You’ll be surprised how much can happen.
 

HeartlessSora

The new Sora has come!
I met my wife in high school. Originally I wanted nothing to do with her.

It just kinda happened eventually. I’ve now known her for almost 10 years. I’m even a little fuzzy on when we actually started dating. Before then, I only ever had 4 SOs and they all lasted a few months at best.

I’m a pretty firm believer in don’t rush it. It’ll come to you. In the meantime, love yourself. As someone also with lots of disorders, this can be hard. Start with something small. Love that you do x or y, or that z is great about you. Then expand as you gain confidence. Remember even a tiny bit of improvement is still improvement. That will attract people that are worth it.

My mother in law gave up on dating. She was planning on living life as a cat lady. Then sometime late college met my father in law and they’ve been together since. My own mother has been married four times. She’s always been really desperate for a partner...and really it isn’t working out well. I think who she has now is the best of the bunch though. It’s taken nearly 40 years of her being desperate to find someone to stick around longer than a few years. I dont think that works honestly.

So don’t rush it. Let it come to you. You have your whole life ahead of you! You’ll be surprised how much can happen.
Oh wow! Thank you so much for this! And you are right , i shouldnt be worried and looking for love but yes worried on loving my self and work on my problems.
I will admit that i have been pretty desperate to find someone , i guess when i first fell in love was the best feeling of my life! For once i was happy! And when he disapeared i guess i got so desperate to find someone else to feel that awesome feeling but you are right , from now on ill wait for it to come to me , and till then ill work on my self!
Thank you so much foe your opinion and your story , rly helped alot X3
 
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