• Fur Affinity Forums are governed by Fur Affinity's Rules and Policies. Links and additional information can be accessed in the Site Information Forum.

Knowing your partner's real name

How common is it not to know a furry partner's real name?

  • Yes: many people don't know their name

    Votes: 8 19.0%
  • No: most people do know their name

    Votes: 11 26.2%
  • No, and I've never heard of this

    Votes: 23 54.8%

  • Total voters
    42

perkele

Bad Faith Argument
I've been told that many furries don't know the real name of their furry partner. Is this common? I'm interested to know what you think.
 

Rayd

philosophy & psychology nerd
i think this really depends on whether you're talking about legitimate relationships or not, since many, in my opinion, are not.

though i think one of the most important things for a relationship to be considered legitimate is knowing the name of your partner, LOL.

but uh i can't say i've really heard of this, but i don't doubt it. especially if said relationships are driven by RP and/or being in love with the sona as opposed to the actual person, which i can say is pretty common i believe.
 

Punji

Vaskebjørn
I think it really depends on the type of relationship and how it functions.

I don't know the "real" name of the majority of my friends, as they are mostly all online.

I did end up starting a long-distance romantic relationship without knowing my partner's name, but I've always preferred the names we create for ourselves anyway. I am not the name I was born with, neither are my friends or partners.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
It honestly doesn't much matter to me? I'm terrible with names, anyway, and a lot of furry names seem to stick easier in my brain, so if that's what sticks... *shrug* I do know my partners' legal names (or I couldn't have married my husband, for one XD), and I happen to use their legal names (or short forms thereof) to refer to them, but I've had close friends whom I very much had filed away under their furry names long after I eventually learned their legal names, and close friends whose legal names I never learned. And that's fine.

I mean, I barely use my partners' names when speaking with them anyway. I'll use boyfriend's name if I need to grab his attention in public, and use his/husband's name if it's ambiguous whom I'm addressing in three-way chat, but for the most part that's... just not how I speak to people? Using people's name every other sentence feels kinda... stilted and salespeople-esque.
 

TyraWadman

The Brutally Honest Man-Child
When I used to do LDR's in my youth, I preferred to know their real names but my partner always seemed reluctant. They usually had low enough self esteem to stick with their fursona names/identities though. This probably sounds like a nasty jab but we were in our teens, so that was kinda the thing.
 

Muttmutt

Absolute Menace
I don’t give my name out online unless I’ve known a person for some years and would be 100% comfortable meeting up with them. I don’t think most people casually give out their names online either. When it comes to a friendship, that’s not something that strikes me as strange. However, in a relationship, it does.

I mean I definitely see where others here are coming from when they say irl/legal names don’t matter, but I’d find it a bit of a red flag if a romantic partner refused to give their legal name. I think (for one’s own safety) that their partner should give their legal name - doesn’t mean they have to be called it nor identify with it.
 

Xitheon

The cat's mother.
I don't have a furry partner, but I have had close friends over the internet and I do like to know their real name, and for them to know mine. It's to avoid the possibility that we'll lose touch and never be able to find each other. It's easier to find someone you've lost touch with if you know more than just a username like "Monkeypants69" or something.
 

Kellan Meig'h

Kilted Luthier
I've known my partner's real name for some forty-eight years, seven years before we were married. Oh well, I guess I don't fit the norm, huh?
 

Chomby

Monsters are hot. :)
I've known my partner's real name for some forty-eight years, seven years before we were married. Oh well, I guess I don't fit the norm, huh?
No I'd say you're the norm.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
I mean I definitely see where others here are coming from when they say irl/legal names don’t matter, but I’d find it a bit of a red flag if a romantic partner refused to give their legal name. I think (for one’s own safety) that their partner should give their legal name - doesn’t mean they have to be called it nor identify with it.
I believe it depends a lot on where you feel “feeling each other out” stops and “romantic partner” begins. I don’t personally grok why someone would go to a dating site for the express purpose of finding a romantic partner, but I accept that apparently it works for some people. To me it would seem like a relatively reasonable safety measure to spend some time exchanging messages with Petunia42 before you share RL names, and especially full legal names. Especially especially if your name is unusual. If there’s 30 John Smiths in Brooklyn, a bad date can’t trivially find you after you try to cut ties. If there’s 30 McRareNamingtons in the entire country, the stakes are higher.

I was relatively comfortable sharing my maiden name online, because I knew I shared it with multiple people, including people in the same general area. I’m a lot more hesitant to share my married name, because with it, it would be trivial for someone to doxx me. For instance.
 

Jackpot Raccuki

Fucking Racon
Me and my boyfriend know each other’s names and I know most of his friends and their significant other’s real name.

I’ve been against sharing my online name for awhile but now I kinda don’t care too much, last name and middle name I won’t share, haven’t told my boyfriend them but that’s because I know all the jokes he’s going to make and I’d rather be there in person to shush him.

But if you don’t know their first name, that’s a bit of a concern, mostly if it’s been a few months, or maybe trust issues.
 

Kellan Meig'h

Kilted Luthier
I believe it depends a lot on where you feel “feeling each other out” stops and “romantic partner” begins. I don’t personally grok why someone would go to a dating site for the express purpose of finding a romantic partner, but I accept that apparently it works for some people. To me it would seem like a relatively reasonable safety measure to spend some time exchanging messages with Petunia42 before you share RL names, and especially full legal names. Especially especially if your name is unusual. If there’s 30 John Smiths in Brooklyn, a bad date can’t trivially find you after you try to cut ties. If there’s 30 McRareNamingtons in the entire country, the stakes are higher.

I was relatively comfortable sharing my maiden name online, because I knew I shared it with multiple people, including people in the same general area. I’m a lot more hesitant to share my married name, because with it, it would be trivial for someone to doxx me. For instance.
My Last name is unusual (Russian in origin) so if I gave you my name, it wouldn't take you fifteen seconds to find me. So yeah, for the forseeable future, I'm Kellan Tormod Meig'h to the Intarwebs.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
My Last name is unusual (Russian in origin) so if I gave you my name, it wouldn't take you fifteen seconds to find me. So yeah, for the forseeable future, I'm Kellan Tormod Meig'h to the Intarwebs.
Yup, same for me (not Russian, specifically, but I think last I checked there were like less than 10 people in the country with my surname). I'd otherwise be more open to sharing my name, but I'm not willing to practically hand people my more-or-less complete personal information, especially since I know there's people with a grudge against me out there. There's also people who just... don't like to be called by their given names, either because of gender identity or for other reasons. Either way, I'm willing to give people who are very selective or reluctant about sharing their legal name the benefit of the doubt.
 

Yakamaru

Bad Jokes Inc.
Would depend. Is it an online-only relationship? Don't see an issue not knowing, unless you intend on meeting or if you just want to know each other's names. If it's a long-term one I'd say it'd end up leaning towards learning their real names.
 

Muttmutt

Absolute Menace
I believe it depends a lot on where you feel “feeling each other out” stops and “romantic partner” begins. I don’t personally grok why someone would go to a dating site for the express purpose of finding a romantic partner, but I accept that apparently it works for some people. To me it would seem like a relatively reasonable safety measure to spend some time exchanging messages with Petunia42 before you share RL names, and especially full legal names. Especially especially if your name is unusual. If there’s 30 John Smiths in Brooklyn, a bad date can’t trivially find you after you try to cut ties. If there’s 30 McRareNamingtons in the entire country, the stakes are higher.

I was relatively comfortable sharing my maiden name online, because I knew I shared it with multiple people, including people in the same general area. I’m a lot more hesitant to share my married name, because with it, it would be trivial for someone to doxx me. For instance.
That’s perfectly reasonable. The question I was answering, though, was whether it’s normal or not to share when you’re in a romantic relationship. And honestly, I think it should be shared. In the talking stages it’s whatever. But an actual partner should give you their real name.
 

Raever

Chaotic Neutral Wreckage
I've been told that many furries don't know the real name of their furry partner. Is this common? I'm interested to know what you think.

If we're talking generic RP buddies/partners or other non-committal friendships that use titles for fun (for whatever reason)...then in most cases, real names aren't shared.
Most of my online friends don't know my irl name unless they happen to hear it by accident during a call or they meet my brother who often refers to me as an irl nickname.
But in regards to actual partners - like, romantic committed partners that have known each other for months or even years - I'd imagine irl info would be shared eventually. Otherwise it's not very committed.
 

Filter

uwu
I haven't become an item with anyone without first meeting them in person. When meeting in person, I think real names are the way to go, because it's real life.

RP is another matter entirely. My characters are paired off with each other, so I'm kind of already taken. It's unlikely to include romantic relationships with others. I tried that in the past, but people kept trying to blend it with real life, and that wasn't my goal. Friendships? Sure, those work for me, but in that case I just use my character name or username.

When it comes to online friends, only a few know my real name. And that's usually if we've met in person. And even then, I don't always share my full name with them.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
That’s perfectly reasonable. The question I was answering, though, was whether it’s normal or not to share when you’re in a romantic relationship. And honestly, I think it should be shared. In the talking stages it’s whatever. But an actual partner should give you their real name.
Oh, yeah, I get that. Maybe I’m weird or an outlier or whatever, but my experience has been that “in a relationship” isn’t something that’s always clear cut. So that’s what I was expanding on. If you explicitly sit down and agree “this is the point at which we go from not-dating to dating,” then obviously that aspect doesn’t really apply.
 

Rimna

Well-Known Monkey
I believe it depends a lot on where you feel “feeling each other out” stops and “romantic partner” begins. I don’t personally grok why someone would go to a dating site for the express purpose of finding a romantic partner, but I accept that apparently it works for some people. To me it would seem like a relatively reasonable safety measure to spend some time exchanging messages with Petunia42 before you share RL names, and especially full legal names. Especially especially if your name is unusual. If there’s 30 John Smiths in Brooklyn, a bad date can’t trivially find you after you try to cut ties. If there’s 30 McRareNamingtons in the entire country, the stakes are higher.

This is something that I hadn't thought about. My names are rare - in my home town of 100,000 people there was only one other family that has the same last name we do, who aren't related to us. Outside of my home town, I am yet to meet someone who's named like that
 

Simo

Professional Watermelon Farmer
I had this sort of happen, with a fur who visited Baltimore for a few days, as a guest...I found it very odd that anyone who you considered a friend close enough to be a guest in your own home for a few days, and was visiting from out of state, would not wanna say their full name. Furries never fail to find ways to surprise me with certain aspects of awkwardness, and their skirting of various socials conventions, which can range from liberating to the frustrating.
 
Top