Knowing your partner's real name

[Frank Gulotta]

I mean, if you don't want to know the real person is it really a relationship or just casual roleplay?

 

[ConorHyena]

Life is easier if your uncreative and pick your middle name as your fursona's name, so y'all know my real name.

My last name I obviously keep a lid on, and I intensely dislike my first name so barely anyone knows it as is.

 

[Shyy]

Some of us loathe the memories that are connected to a "given and legal" name severely enough that feeling comfortable with an alternate name is a solid option.

 

[perkele]

If we're talking generic RP buddies/partners or other non-committal friendships that use titles for fun (for whatever reason)...then in most cases, real names aren't shared.

I'm referring to people whom are in long-term relationships with people with whom they've shared their deepest feelings.

Recently, someone shared an image macro that said, roughly, "being a furry means knowing their deepest secrets, but not knowing their real name." I was surprised by how many people related to it, saying that their real name, or the names of their family members, are irrelevant in their relationship. Many felt that they just "never got around to it," or that it "never felt important," to summarize the general feeling.

I've come across this sentiment often enough to be curious of some larger disregard for their human lives in their romantic relationships.

 

[Raever]

Recently, someone shared an image macro that said, roughly, "being a furry means knowing their deepest secrets, but not knowing their real name." I was surprised by how many people related to it, saying that their real name, or the names of their family members, are irrelevant in their relationship. Many felt that they just "never got around to it," or that it "never felt important," to summarize the general feeling.

I think with friends that are furries, I can relate lightly. I would never claim to know anyone's darkest secrets - but there's definitely comfort in anonymity that doesn't exist IRL.
As for online romantic relationships with other members of the community...I'm appalled to know that for many, they chose not to share their information because it never felt important or just slipped their mind. That displays a lack of commitment to me. Which by itself I'm not judging - everyone has their own way of doing things, - but if someone I was starting a relationship with said that on the first week...I'd probably dump them immediately due to differing priorities.

 

[Punk_M0nitor]

Honestly, I'd find it hard to consider someone my partner if I didn't know their real name. My fiance and I met through roleplaying and we made it a point to learn each other's names before we even considered taking things seriously (both of us go by a LOT of different online aliases depending on the community and she even knows my deadname). It makes sense if it's someone you've just met but not if it's someone you're actually involved with.

Take your time with it, if you're not sure about things, but in my opinion, I'd be worried if your partner didn't want you knowing their real name if your relationship is to be considered serious. There's a certain level of trust that feels like it's being withheld.

Of course, I'm talking about romantic relationships here. It's perfectly normal not to know platonic partners' names if you met online and both of you are using some kind of alias or pseudonym.

 

[FayeBunny]

I'd guess a lot of people would consider someone's legal name to be their real name. For various reasons, not everyone uses their legal name in everyday life. I'd consider any name that someone uses, or wants to use, consistently in their everyday life to be their real name. Personally, I don't get into relationships quickly, it takes months for me to know someone well enough to figure out if I'd like a relationship with them. By that point, I'd have asked what their name is, and I'd be uncomfortable if they refused to tell me. Most friends I've met online know both my first and middle name, cause they'll ask what my name is and I don't mind telling, and my sona's name is just my middle name, which usually gets mentioned at some point.

 

[Kellan Meig'h]

Just an observation; I think to many furs, the ones that have social issues, using their 'sona's name and not offering their true names is very common. Life and the fandom are just role playing to them so they can cope and interact.

I always go by Kellan, Kel, or The Old Warhorse online but if somebody dug real hard, they could figure out who I was. Wouldn't matter now anyway, I'm retired so no dirt to hold over my head.

 

[O.D.D.]

I knew my partner's real name and they knew mine, we still used character/SNs to acknowledge each other because they were not fond of their real name and I wasn't really attached to mine

 

[Hogo]

I think it's mostly when the relationship is younger people who fall in love on the internet or maybe at a convention and haven't gotten to the point where they're cohabiting. I think it's a big no-no to get to the point where you are living with one another and don't at least know each other's real first and last.

 

[GleamyGrail]

Me and my partner met offline, but we learned each other's legal names only when we started ordering plane tickets for each other and filling some paperwork that required ID information. We never use legal names in our everyday life, and we never ask for other people's real names.

 

[Trevorbluesquirrel]

If I was looking to start a serious relationship, I'd never go for someone long distance online! I'd want someone local I could actually see and spend time with in the same room! Meeting online is fine, but if we're not in the same town, I ain't gonna be into it! Who knows if anything they're saying is even true, or if their profile pic is really them!? That's how scams can begin, falling in love with someone you've never physically met!

If someone doesn't need to know my real name, why tell them? I'm just TREVOR online and to other furs, and I only know other furs by their fur names, fursuits, or human faces!

If you get to the moving in together or even the marriage stage, or you're just long term committed, then sure, you should at least know each other's names, even if you don't use them, but giving out your name to someone online you've never seen in person is a risk!

 

[perkele]

Meeting online is fine, but if we're not in the same town, I ain't gonna be into it! Who knows if anything they're saying is even true, or if their profile pic is really them!? That's how scams can begin, falling in love with someone you've never physically met!

This wealthy Nigerian swimsuit model/princess says all she needs is my credit card number to convert her rubies to USD so she can take a plane to visit me. Are you saying she isn't real?! We talk Online about the fastest way she could spend up to my credit limit every day. Our e-lationship is real.

Honestly, I just assume everything I hear from a nameless person Online is false until they reveal themselves. People in this roleplaying community can be apt to "roleplay" a fictitious personal life. Not always fake, but not always the whole truth. I'm more apt to trust them if they're willing meld their "real" life into their Online one.

But, some people are perfectly happy with a roleplaying life, and thinking of each other purely in terms of roleplaying characters, even when they've met face-to-face. Maybe that works for them. I don't understand it, but if it works, and it makes them happy, then that's all anyone can hope for.

I do draw the line at the acquaintance of mine who thought his long-term girlfriend is "probably British or something" because of her accent, though...

 

[Fallowfox]

Brb changing my real name to Blondie-fox-69

:}

This wealthy Nigerian swimsuit model/princess says all she needs is my credit card number to convert her rubies to USD so she can take a plane to visit me. Are you saying she isn't real?! We talk Online about the fastest way she could spend up to my credit limit every day. Our e-lationship is real.

Honestly, I just assume everything I hear from a nameless person Online is false until they reveal themselves. People in this roleplaying community can be apt to "roleplay" a fictitious personal life. Not always fake, but not always the whole truth. I'm more apt to trust them if they're willing meld their "real" life into their Online one.

But, some people are perfectly happy with a roleplaying life, and thinking of each other purely in terms of roleplaying characters, even when they've met face-to-face. Maybe that works for them. I don't understand it, but if it works, and it makes them happy, then that's all anyone can hope for.

I do draw the line at the acquaintance of mine who thought his long-term girlfriend is "probably British or something" because of her accent, though...

Honestly my biggest headache about looking at people forming online relationships, outside of more Kosher dating websites, is that there's definitely people who think they're in a relationship with another like-minded adult, but who've actually connected with a 12 year old.

People often worry about 'what if they're an ugly bald forty-year-old man?', but there's a lot worse.

Oh my god imagine discovering your cyber-buddy is your aunt.