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Knowing your partner's real name

How common is it not to know a furry partner's real name?

  • Yes: many people don't know their name

    Votes: 8 16.7%
  • No: most people do know their name

    Votes: 14 29.2%
  • No, and I've never heard of this

    Votes: 26 54.2%

  • Total voters
    48

ConorHyena

From out of the rain.
Life is easier if your uncreative and pick your middle name as your fursona's name, so y'all know my real name.

My last name I obviously keep a lid on, and I intensely dislike my first name so barely anyone knows it as is.
 

perkele

Bad Faith Argument
If we're talking generic RP buddies/partners or other non-committal friendships that use titles for fun (for whatever reason)...then in most cases, real names aren't shared.

I'm referring to people whom are in long-term relationships with people with whom they've shared their deepest feelings.

Recently, someone shared an image macro that said, roughly, "being a furry means knowing their deepest secrets, but not knowing their real name." I was surprised by how many people related to it, saying that their real name, or the names of their family members, are irrelevant in their relationship. Many felt that they just "never got around to it," or that it "never felt important," to summarize the general feeling.

I've come across this sentiment often enough to be curious of some larger disregard for their human lives in their romantic relationships.
 

Raever

Chaotic Neutral Wreckage
Recently, someone shared an image macro that said, roughly, "being a furry means knowing their deepest secrets, but not knowing their real name." I was surprised by how many people related to it, saying that their real name, or the names of their family members, are irrelevant in their relationship. Many felt that they just "never got around to it," or that it "never felt important," to summarize the general feeling.

I think with friends that are furries, I can relate lightly. I would never claim to know anyone's darkest secrets - but there's definitely comfort in anonymity that doesn't exist IRL.
As for online romantic relationships with other members of the community...I'm appalled to know that for many, they chose not to share their information because it never felt important or just slipped their mind. That displays a lack of commitment to me. Which by itself I'm not judging - everyone has their own way of doing things, - but if someone I was starting a relationship with said that on the first week...I'd probably dump them immediately due to differing priorities.
 

Punk_M0nitor

Resident Edgelord & Local Robot Kinnie
Honestly, I'd find it hard to consider someone my partner if I didn't know their real name. My fiance and I met through roleplaying and we made it a point to learn each other's names before we even considered taking things seriously (both of us go by a LOT of different online aliases depending on the community and she even knows my deadname). It makes sense if it's someone you've just met but not if it's someone you're actually involved with.

Take your time with it, if you're not sure about things, but in my opinion, I'd be worried if your partner didn't want you knowing their real name if your relationship is to be considered serious. There's a certain level of trust that feels like it's being withheld.

Of course, I'm talking about romantic relationships here. It's perfectly normal not to know platonic partners' names if you met online and both of you are using some kind of alias or pseudonym.
 

FayeBunny

Active Member
I'd guess a lot of people would consider someone's legal name to be their real name. For various reasons, not everyone uses their legal name in everyday life. I'd consider any name that someone uses, or wants to use, consistently in their everyday life to be their real name. Personally, I don't get into relationships quickly, it takes months for me to know someone well enough to figure out if I'd like a relationship with them. By that point, I'd have asked what their name is, and I'd be uncomfortable if they refused to tell me. Most friends I've met online know both my first and middle name, cause they'll ask what my name is and I don't mind telling, and my sona's name is just my middle name, which usually gets mentioned at some point.
 

Kellan Meig'h

Kilted Luthier
Just an observation; I think to many furs, the ones that have social issues, using their 'sona's name and not offering their true names is very common. Life and the fandom are just role playing to them so they can cope and interact.

I always go by Kellan, Kel, or The Old Warhorse online but if somebody dug real hard, they could figure out who I was. Wouldn't matter now anyway, I'm retired so no dirt to hold over my head.
 
O

O.D.D.

Guest
I knew my partner's real name and they knew mine, we still used character/SNs to acknowledge each other because they were not fond of their real name and I wasn't really attached to mine
 

Hogo

Unrespectable Member
I think it's mostly when the relationship is younger people who fall in love on the internet or maybe at a convention and haven't gotten to the point where they're cohabiting. I think it's a big no-no to get to the point where you are living with one another and don't at least know each other's real first and last.
 

GleamyGrail

The darkest hour is just before the dawn
Me and my partner met offline, but we learned each other's legal names only when we started ordering plane tickets for each other and filling some paperwork that required ID information. We never use legal names in our everyday life, and we never ask for other people's real names.
 
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Trevorbluesquirrel

Well-Known Member
If I was looking to start a serious relationship, I'd never go for someone long distance online! I'd want someone local I could actually see and spend time with in the same room! Meeting online is fine, but if we're not in the same town, I ain't gonna be into it! Who knows if anything they're saying is even true, or if their profile pic is really them!? That's how scams can begin, falling in love with someone you've never physically met!

If someone doesn't need to know my real name, why tell them? I'm just TREVOR online and to other furs, and I only know other furs by their fur names, fursuits, or human faces!

If you get to the moving in together or even the marriage stage, or you're just long term committed, then sure, you should at least know each other's names, even if you don't use them, but giving out your name to someone online you've never seen in person is a risk!
 

perkele

Bad Faith Argument
Meeting online is fine, but if we're not in the same town, I ain't gonna be into it! Who knows if anything they're saying is even true, or if their profile pic is really them!? That's how scams can begin, falling in love with someone you've never physically met!
This wealthy Nigerian swimsuit model/princess says all she needs is my credit card number to convert her rubies to USD so she can take a plane to visit me. Are you saying she isn't real?! We talk Online about the fastest way she could spend up to my credit limit every day. Our e-lationship is real.

Honestly, I just assume everything I hear from a nameless person Online is false until they reveal themselves. People in this roleplaying community can be apt to "roleplay" a fictitious personal life. Not always fake, but not always the whole truth. I'm more apt to trust them if they're willing meld their "real" life into their Online one.

But, some people are perfectly happy with a roleplaying life, and thinking of each other purely in terms of roleplaying characters, even when they've met face-to-face. Maybe that works for them. I don't understand it, but if it works, and it makes them happy, then that's all anyone can hope for.

I do draw the line at the acquaintance of mine who thought his long-term girlfriend is "probably British or something" because of her accent, though...
 

Fallowfox

Are we moomin, or are we dancer?
Brb changing my real name to Blondie-fox-69

:}

This wealthy Nigerian swimsuit model/princess says all she needs is my credit card number to convert her rubies to USD so she can take a plane to visit me. Are you saying she isn't real?! We talk Online about the fastest way she could spend up to my credit limit every day. Our e-lationship is real.

Honestly, I just assume everything I hear from a nameless person Online is false until they reveal themselves. People in this roleplaying community can be apt to "roleplay" a fictitious personal life. Not always fake, but not always the whole truth. I'm more apt to trust them if they're willing meld their "real" life into their Online one.

But, some people are perfectly happy with a roleplaying life, and thinking of each other purely in terms of roleplaying characters, even when they've met face-to-face. Maybe that works for them. I don't understand it, but if it works, and it makes them happy, then that's all anyone can hope for.

I do draw the line at the acquaintance of mine who thought his long-term girlfriend is "probably British or something" because of her accent, though...

Honestly my biggest headache about looking at people forming online relationships, outside of more Kosher dating websites, is that there's definitely people who think they're in a relationship with another like-minded adult, but who've actually connected with a 12 year old.

People often worry about 'what if they're an ugly bald forty-year-old man?', but there's a lot worse.

Oh my god imagine discovering your cyber-buddy is your aunt.
 

Bluefangcat

Well-Known Member
The thought of being in a serious relationship with someone and not knowing their full name, let alone first, is very disconcerting to me personally. Especially when it comes to if you plan on visiting or moving in with this person in the future. Whenever you go somewhere with someone you havent met irl before, at least a few of your friends and/or family should know their name and area for safety purposes. Not even knowing it yourself just sounds like it could lead to a world of trouble..

It depends on how serious the relationship is though. If its just roleplay or casual flirting, its not as important as it would be if you were in a real relationship with them. Hell, I met my boyfriend through roleplay forums and we didn't know eachother's real names for years. But as we started to get closer- as friends, not even in a relationship yet- that changed. We still use eachothers online names frequently and it comes just as naturally as the real names.

All in all it depends on if you trust the person that youre devoting yourself to romantically, how involved you are, and if youre serious about not only the relationship, but having a close bond with them in general.
 

Outré

(o͞o-trā′)
I’m still a bit new to the fandom so please excuse my ignorance, but what is a furry partner exactly? Is this a freind, or a fictional partner? Is this like someone that you are actually dating or in a relationship with? If that’s the case I couldn’t imagine not knowing someone’s first name. I would need to know their first name, last name, phone number, Address, and probably a few other things about a person before I would be willing to say that I was in a relationship with them.

Is this like a situation where a couple would only spend time together in fursuits and refer to each other by their fursonas name? I mean I think the furry fandom is awesome but there is a real person behind each fursona and I think it’s the real people who have to deal with the relationship… if it’s just two fictional fursonas dating is the relationship even real?

Sorry. I’m just trying to understand what kind of situation this question is even asking about.
 
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caby

*baps you*
I guess it depends on the type of relationship, but I'm not sure how you could be close enough to someone to consider dating them longterm without ending up knowing their name, even by accident at that point. Never even sent them money on paypal?

A longterm romantic relationship is a pretty big commitment, even if it's just online, and I'd like to know as much as possible about a person. Prove they're who they say they are and all that :p

Not saying that you have to call them by that name, if you're both more comfortable using chosen/online names. We still call each other by our online names most of the time, it comes naturally. Just that trust is very important in a relationship, and if you're not willing to give your name to them, or they're not willing to give their name to you, you're starting off poorly, imo.
 

perkele

Bad Faith Argument
"Furry partner" here just means a romantic relationship between two people whom happen to be furries. I'll give an example of the kind of situation I encounter, with names changed to protect the identity of the poor souls:

Visiting an acquaintance at their home, they introduced me to their boyfriend as "Nifty" and "a rabbit." Apparently, she only learned his name off a piece of mail after moving in together; they still call each other by roleplaying character names to this day. I couldn't get myself to actually say that out loud, so they both became, alternately, "you," "chief," and "guy."
 

NutmegsBigAdventure

Active Member
Their characters nane could ve fine and all for short term rp or something, but if i'm going to be in a committed relationshio with someone, i want to love you, not your character. When i met my girlfriend online we introduced ourselves as our characters but very quickly shared our real names
 

Ennui Elemental

Eat shit and die, tankie assholes
Banned
In the case of my last partner we absolutely knew each other's real names, but we still addressed each other by character/screen name in each other's company - in their case it was because they were not fond of their given name (it's now basically a deadname anyway), and in my case I don't really care what I'm addressed as, as long as I know I'm being addressed (I happen to like my character's name more than my real name, but it's not a sticking point)
 

Outré

(o͞o-trā′)
In the case of my last partner we absolutely knew each other's real names, but we still addressed each other by character/screen name in each other's company - in their case it was because they were not fond of their given name (it's now basically a deadname anyway), and in my case I don't really care what I'm addressed as, as long as I know I'm being addressed (I happen to like my character's name more than my real name, but it's not a sticking point)
I’m assuming your characters name is not really f***ing Hostile? Haha, I couldn’t imagine addressing anyone by that name in person. ;)
 

Mambi

Fun loving kitty cat
I've been told that many furries don't know the real name of their furry partner. Is this common? I'm interested to know what you think.

Depends on "partner".

If it's someone in real life, you better believe I'm going to know them, and would happily say who I am as well. That's how you avoid getting stabbed in a hotel room!

If you mean "online partner", then no, it's often easier to stay anonymous because it's not only usually not relevant who we are IRL, but this is the internet and you're now broadcasting to the masses. Privacy matters much more in this scenario. So those that know me personally know my name and face, but to y'all online, I'm Mambi. If we ever meet in person, I'll change that right away as it will matter more then but until then...it's a system that worked pretty good in the past. <grin>
 

Ennui Elemental

Eat shit and die, tankie assholes
Banned
I’m assuming your characters name is not really f***ing Hostile? Haha, I couldn’t imagine addressing anyone by that name in person. ;)
I'd probably find being addressed in that fashion amusing but my friends usually call me Tycho
 
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