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Let's talk about long distance relationships

Do you think Long distance relationships are generally good?

  • Yes!

    Votes: 2 7.4%
  • Nope

    Votes: 8 29.6%
  • It depends...

    Votes: 17 63.0%

  • Total voters
    27

MarquisofGIF

Marquis
Furry brothers and furry sisters, today i would like to talk about something that is the product technology and feelings: Long distance relationships, if you don't wanna read the whole topic read the questions and let us know your opinion.

How good are they?
Is in our human nature to always seek someone who love us and share that love with that person, the long distance relationships are practical and easy, it gives motivation to someone and others simply wants to have the feeling and continue with their lives. However there's something, something i'm passing through: breakups and all the depression it can carry like a normal relationship. I'm not here to talk about my specific probl, let's be honest, i'm not the drama kind and it's obvious you don't give a damn about the life of others.

The fact that you have an access to the world with the internet makes you very easy to find your soulmate even if is in the other side of the world. To be fair, i think that long distance relationships require a double effort to make it work, because i know that in most cases i been and some cases i heard of, the long distance relationship don't end good because of the distance, hence, the dilema of all this. I can say that it can be good but it requires a lot of patience and trust because you have less access to the real person.

Can long distance relationships end well?

YES. Even most cases it ends with the breakups the persons involved can meet, and the relationship, i dare to say, is more powerful than a formal relationship, why? because you and the other person are holding so much to see each otherand when the day happens ahhh... is a relieve. But obviously in the moment you and/or your mate are planning to meet each other, you have to save money for flying to your destination. It depends how far is your love one, if you meet a australian, or a japanese or a european person is possible to meet them but i would highly advise you that before you take the responsability to meet someone from a very distant place, you have to acept that you have to save money to fly to that person, don't expect the other person do that for you, don't be selfish, if the person is willing to do so okay but you save some anyways in case the other person can't go to you in the last minute or in the next visit would be you who has to see the other person. Long distance relationships are expensive

Long distance relationships can go along with open relationships?

First of all What are Open relationships? When you and your mate are willing to have more than one couple, it may sound disgusting and devastating for some, but for others love can be spread and doesn't have to be traditional, most of us want only one person that is the center of our own world but open relationships exists and some see it as the new generation of sentimental life but others think is just a consensual cheating. I would like to talk about open relationships in the future because there's so much to tell. But do you think that you can have a relationship with a person even if you or your mate are in a real relationship? LEave your comment.

Marriage
"oh i love the wedding! Such a nice couple! How do they meet?" "well it all started in a internet chat..."
Marriage is a climax of a relationship, i think. But i'm sure that if long distance relationships exists there must be a long distance wedding i guess, you'll be the judge.

Final words.
Long distance relationships have potential, but not all people are patient to see the love of their life, they require a little bit more effot to make things work but when they don't the results may be devastating, trust me, i know. You meet the perfect woman or man and suddenly that person is in a relationship with another one and you are left an app that is not trending anymore. But if things work well, the results maybe more than expected. But if you want love but you are not willing to see the other person who lives in a very distant place at least in a short amount of time, please don't try it, it may not be for you.

Now feel free to leave your comments and opinion, let's see what public says.
 

Dongding

The sheep
I never understood them. I could see people you hang out with playing video games or something, but in the end if a person can't physically reach out to you when it's necessary then I don't really consider it that real of a relationship. You shouldn't be able to turn your loved ones off at the end of the day.
 

Austin Silver

"A high-functioning sociopath."
I never wanted to marry or date. I was gonna be that creepy dude who lives alone. Forever. I loved the idea. But then, I met this girl on an independent blogging website. (This is all outside of the furry world.) we became fast friends. Eventually, she told me she liked me. My mind fell apart and I didn’t know what to do. I liked her too, but my life was in shambles, anxiety and depression ruled my actions, and I hid for about a year. But I liked her. Fast forward and we’re together, yet unable to meet because neither of our parents would approve. I love her...I never thought I could feel the way I do about anyone...and then this happened. It challenged everything I believed about relationships. Sure I’m still struggling, but now I don’t have to do it alone. I am a grown-ass man. If I wanted to I could march out there and take her out to her favorite restaurants and go see her favorite bands...but I also have a responsibility back home with my mom and my siblings, and until I can balance the two, I feel stuck. I don’t give a fuck about the whole “coming out” thing. For me it’s always been “you are what you are.” Gay, furry, video game addict, etc etc. but wow, telling my mom I’m dating someone from a website she banned me from in high school...idk but it makes me sweat and freak out every time. I love my mom too, but if she told me to end a relationship that has already fulfilled me so much, I don’t know what I’d do. I’m still alive, I regained a bit of my will to stay alive. And having the one person who makes your life worth living be so far away? It sucks. It sucks so much for so many reasons. But don’t let the distance dictate the path that feels right. This feels right. And I’ll wait till that Kairos moment. And I’ll see her, and we’ll be indivisible.
 
D

Deleted member 111470

Guest
I can't see how long distance relationships would work. What's the point if you can't be with the person you love? And how do you even know you love them anyway, if you've never met them or never spent time with them and get to know them better?
 

Saiko

GTWT Survivor
It reeeeaaally depends, especially on the feasibility of both meeting and moving in together. Having had both long-distance and "irl" relationships, the long-distance ones definitely were severely lacking in intimacy and bonding. There's also a feedback loop of sorts from longer distances causing sparser meetups and a more difficult relocation. The partner who's relocating experiences considerably more risk/stress because of the difficulties of moving that far combined with the uncertainty of the relationship. And there's the fact that longer distances tend to require more time to relocate, which means more time in the holding pattern that is long-distance dating and thus more opportunity cost should the relationship not work out in the end. It makes for a considerably more uncertain and challenging arrangement, and I don't think it offset the indulgence that was the rare meetup.

My experience has been that, unless the planets align, the relationship fizzles out during the extended holding pattern. The only one I've seen succeed was successful largely because the partner who moved was able to go to a good college in the new city after only 18'ish months of dating. The planets aligned, and he was able to make the move relatively early in the relationship and independently of it.
 

zenmaldita

always hungry
hoooooooooboy where to begin?!

Been there, done that. I've dated online, offline, met at a game, met at a dating app, met at a convention, met at school, met at work, met while I'm overseas, me while they're visiting from overseas...
Long distance is an option. While it's not for everybody, the experience can broaden your horizon. You can see the difference in your culture, values, morals etc. just because you're from different places. Both parties need money and commitment to make time, sacrifice some sleep, travel for one another etc. - otherwise, it won't really work out - among other factors.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
Oh, this conversation again... *cracks knuckles*

I've really only been in long-distance relationships; my ex lived some 4-ish hours by express train away. My husband lives in Canada. Boyfriend lives in New England. For me, it's worked remarkably well. (Seriously, at this point it's been like 15+ years since I fell in love with husband. We got married in 2014.) It's contingent on good communication more than ability to meet up in person, at least for me, but so are all relationships. It's my honest belief, based on years of my own experience as well as watching friends' relationships, that the amount of communication needed in a relationship is about the same whether it's long-distance or you live together. The difference is that long-distance relationships start showing the signs of deficiencies in communication sooner. Long-term, the same lack of communication will break either. So LDRs are sort of the... indicator species of relationships.

It's not for everyone. No relationship format/structure can or should be presented as one size fits all. But I can honestly say that if not for long-distance relationships, I may well never have been in one at all. I have social anxiety and don't really know how to meet people. None of my partners I've met trying to, and I'm pretty sure I'm all but incapable of forming a relationship from trying to - dating services make about as much sense to me as Scientology (though I will readily grant that Scientology is the bigger scam and there are absolutely people capable of forming relationships through looking for a partner and I'm sure dating services can be great for them).

First of all What are Open relationships? When you and your mate are willing to have more than one couple, it may sound disgusting and devastating for some, but for others love can be spread and doesn't have to be traditional, most of us want only one person that is the center of our own world but open relationships exists and some see it as the new generation of sentimental life but others think is just a consensual cheating. I would like to talk about open relationships in the future because there's so much to tell. But do you think that you can have a relationship with a person even if you or your mate are in a real relationship? LEave your comment.
It's a bit hard to tell because of the way you've worded things, but be careful that you do not conflate polyamory (consensually dating multiple people at once) with open relationships (consensually having sex outside of your established relationship). I'm in an open poly relationship, so I do both, because that works for me and my partners. I have friends I sleep with that I wouldn't want to date (not interested in them romantically), I have friends I sleep with that I'd be happy to have a more formal relationship with but who don't want that for whatever reason (which I respect), and I have my partners whom I enjoy a partnership-type bond with. One does not preclude the other.

I actually have a fairly harsh view of cheating; the difference is that I expanded/narrowed (depending on your point of view) the definition to "breaking the rules of the relationship" - if I pick up some random dude at a bar and have unprotected sex with him, that would be cheating because the boundaries of my relationships mean safe sex with other people is okay. If your relationship specified that anything goes long as you're wearing funny hats, then the funny hats would be a boundary between cheating and not-cheating.
 

Dongding

The sheep
I think my post might have had a slight edge to it that reading again, I'd like to dull.

Long distance relationships are fine. I voted "it depends".

For some people it's the only reasonable option due to anxiety and things like that. I just personally don't have a use for it.
 
I think it totally depends on the people involved.
I never thought I'd be a part of a long distance relationship, but when I met my husband at a festival and we clicked, travelling 5 hours each way on alternate weekends suddenly seemed like nothing. We moved in together after around a year, and now we're married, have lived all over the country and have found a nice place to settle down.
Everyone's different. I think if you have a good connection and for whatever reason long distance works for you, or you make it work, then great!
 

Ciderfine

Slow as sickness but true as sap
Banned
I have to disagree, while indeed they are relationships they are not normal ones. Anything long distance in general is unstable, the husband at war cannot provide, comfort and be there for his partner. There is something important about the term Long distance, because of the unusual distance.

Now given the rise of technology and how it has changed the sexual needs of people, anyone can go on a smart phone or device, have a masturbation webcam party and cuddle up with words after in the end. There's nothing wrong with this but again....distance of such a great degree is not a stable factor for any relationship. Being social animals we need constant bonds, interactions and contact of many levels to remain social and have relationships.

Technology has provided means for us to ignore danger signs or common sense. Let me romantically contact someone who live half way around the world. Let me always contact then when I wish, see what they are doing. Normal relationships dont do that. Its like having a boss who never shows up for work to check on people and who they are performing. Not being there psychically doesn't make it a relationship because other species in the world don't use technology to find mates or form families.

All the long distance relationships in the past I was in as a teenager ended badly. Abusive, neglectful people. I'm not angry at them, while as unethical and delusional as they where. I'm angry that people think being with someone vs using tech to contact someone you cant meet is more safer, logical, or the norm these days. Because its not natural, and its not a natural relationship. But since its someone else's boat all I have to do is say my 2 cents on this matter.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
What's the point if you can't be with the person you love?
"Be" is a bit of an awkward word when discussing relationships; it depends so much on the loading you put into it. "Spend time with" or "do things with" are IMO less ambiguous, as well as more important than the minimalist interpretation of "be". Hanging out in the same room doing your separate things can be nice sometimes, but if that's all you ever do, it's not much of a relationship. Distance doesn't have to be a major obstacle to joint activities, though it can limit the activities available.

And how do you even know you love them anyway, if you've never met them or never spent time with them and get to know them better?
How do you know you love anyone? I can't speak for anyone else, but physical proximity doesn't generally factor into my emotional responses to people, nor do I really find it a major obstacle to getting to know them more closely. Presumably when you fall in love with someone long-distance, you do so after repeat/extended interaction with them, not from seeing their avatar once or twice. (I realize this sounds kinda flippant; I readily admit I find your question... odd.) When I fell in love with my husband, it was after we'd hung out in the same reasonably close-knit chat room for IDK, maybe half a year or more, and talked a fair deal outside of that IRC channel on top of that. I've met plenty of people RL whom I am not nearly as emotionally attached to, and plenty of people whom I never cared to stay in touch with nearly so regularly.

Let me always contact then when I wish, see what they are doing. Normal relationships dont do that.
Really? :V Because I've seen plenty of friends have local relationships where one of them would regularly check up on the other. I've had friends mention reading their cohabiting partners' emails behind their back. A lot of popular media romanticizes jealousy, and that's from what I can see a much bigger contributor to the kind of behavior you seem to be describing than distance.
 

Ciderfine

Slow as sickness but true as sap
Banned
"Be" is a bit of an awkward word when discussing relationships; it depends so much on the loading you put into it. "Spend time with" or "do things with" are IMO less ambiguous, as well as more important than the minimalist interpretation of "be". Hanging out in the same room doing your separate things can be nice sometimes, but if that's all you ever do, it's not much of a relationship. Distance doesn't have to be a major obstacle to joint activities, though it can limit the activities available.


How do you know you love anyone? I can't speak for anyone else, but physical proximity doesn't generally factor into my emotional responses to people, nor do I really find it a major obstacle to getting to know them more closely. Presumably when you fall in love with someone long-distance, you do so after repeat/extended interaction with them, not from seeing their avatar once or twice. (I realize this sounds kinda flippant; I readily admit I find your question... odd.) When I fell in love with my husband, it was after we'd hung out in the same reasonably close-knit chat room for IDK, maybe half a year or more, and talked a fair deal outside of that IRC channel on top of that. I've met plenty of people RL whom I am not nearly as emotionally attached to, and plenty of people whom I never cared to stay in touch with nearly so regularly.


Really? :V Because I've seen plenty of friends have local relationships where one of them would regularly check up on the other. I've had friends mention reading their cohabiting partners' emails behind their back. A lot of popular media romanticizes jealousy, and that's from what I can see a much bigger contributor to the kind of behavior you seem to be describing than distance.

You havent said anything that adds any real 2 cents to how long distance is more or less stable other then "one partner was reading this persons emails" Yeah shit happens, most relationships fall apart because they really aren't relationships at all. You havent made any good points then saying Im not bringing anything local and that long distance is bad.

Well it is bad, it doesn't always work. That's how you know. Finding a partner is trial and error but in truth when people are honest and upfront there shouldn't be any issues like you talked about stating it only happens in close contact relationships. But the same happens in long distance, its common for doubtful and controlling partners to double up on a lovers account and go through it. Frankly its less to do with relationships and more with unstable people.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
You havent said anything that adds any real 2 cents to how long distance is more or less stable other then "one partner was reading this persons emails" Yeah shit happens, most relationships fall apart because they really aren't relationships at all. You havent made any good points then saying Im not bringing anything local and that long distance is bad.

Well it is bad, it doesn't always work. That's how you know. Finding a partner is trial and error but in truth when people are honest and upfront there shouldn't be any issues like you talked about stating it only happens in close contact relationships. But the same happens in long distance, its common for doubtful and controlling partners to double up on a lovers account and go through it. Frankly its less to do with relationships and more with unstable people.
Long distance is no more or less stable than local. That's the point. It works for some people and doesn't work for everyone, just like any other form of relationship out there. You are the one who tried to attribute controlling behaviors to a relationship being long-distance, rather than to insecurity, jealousy, or plain shittiness. I did not say it only happened in local relationships, just that it happened in local relationships and that in my opinion that invalidates/falsifies your hypothesis that distance is what causes controlling behavior/that "normal" relationships don't involve displays of controlling behavior.

"It doesn't always work" is a shit metric for calling a relationship structure bad. Relationships in general have a <50% success rate (the number of people who marry and stay for life with the first person they date is pretty damn small; most people I've had any kind of contact with where it's come up have had 2+ relationships in their life and many have had significantly more). That doesn't make relationships bad. That just means relationships are hard.
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Shekel collector
If you love each other of course then yes it is good! I met my girlfriend 2.5 years ago by complete accident in DayZ, then we started to talk and somehow we landed in relationship. I have been through few local relationships and they fell apart (very good). hah once one of my exes send her exboyfriend to beat me up, I do not think this guy will regain his sight in one eye. They were toxic and horrible and im glad they are gone.

Now i am with my gorgeous German girl and we get along very well.
I haven't even noticed when those years passed and we do not seems to breakup anytime soon. I heard stuff like "Long distance doesn't work", oh yeah then watch this! Now we plan the life together. I know what situation in Germany is and i would like to take her to my bit poorer but safer country but she is afraid as my language is hard as hell for non natives so we found a perfect place right on border!
as i said all you need is Lvov... i mean Love.
I have been to Germany few times and she has been with me to Poland. When i am close to hurt myself (by myself) and when she is losing it we are there for each other.
Long distance relationship is basically normal relationship but with few limitations like communication and sex.
of course we still argue sometimes and i even had the moments that i thought i will just leave but that is not because of long distance but her being too childish and stubborn and me... let's just say not reacting well to few things (i have never even rose voice at her so do not thing i am abusive please). it changed after long time but i still would like to improve

Open relationships - God fucking no!

and now for someone that doesn't know how to find his/her love the answer is simple. do not look for it! it will find you
 

Dongding

The sheep
and now for someone that doesn't know how to find his/her love the answer is simple. do not look for it! it will find you
This.

Although I'm still weighing my own relationship a little right now, I've only ever gotten girlfriends by not seeking them out. I always feel really bad for people who have lost hope. There's so many genuine people who aren't obnoxiously picky about superficial hangups who would gladly love eachother in spite of all their flaws had they only made a connection. I believe there's someone for everyone, it's just a matter of time before they meet.

Even a relationship which was truly loving prior to not working out can help you grow as a person.

" 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. "

It's corny but the quote is more than a fair assessment.
 

Telnac

Fundamentalist Heretic
In my experience long distance relationships can only work if the long distance part is both temporary and short. If that's not the case, find someone local. To do otherwise is signing up for years of heartache and pain.

I know this hasn't been the experience of everyone, but this is based solely on my experiences.
 

MarquisofGIF

Marquis
In my experience long distance relationships can only work if the long distance part is both temporary and short. If that's not the case, find someone local. To do otherwise is signing up for years of heartache and pain.

I know this hasn't been the experience of everyone, but this is based solely on my experiences.

I feel ya man, i'm passing for this right now
 

KILL.MAIM.KILL

Angry Lizard King
Banned
Although I know a couple who are long distance, and have been together for years and seem very stable, I generally think it's a bad idea.

Speaking from my own personal feelings, I need closeness. Though I hate admitting it, I need intimacy and emotional support. That just doesn't translate well, in my opinion, over long distance.

IF I was completely, madly in love with a person, I would be willing to do long distance TEMPORARILY as long as we did end up meeting for real.
 

DarkoKavinsky

ʎʇʇɐq ʇıq ɐ
Don’t know. Can’t answer. And that is on my own personal take. I am a very physically intimate person. Not being to hold her would be torture in the grand scheme of things. Combine with trust issues due to abuse growing up and being cheated on in my last relationship I can’t see it panning out well.

Granted this is speculation. Entirely speculation.

Question is not do they work, but can a long distance relationship honestly fulfill all of your relationship needs and expectations without substantial duress, or causing to try to fulfill your needs outside of the relationship.

Case by case is how I’d word it.

There’s my answer that really answers nothing! I should try for political office at this point. Nah I’m too honest and have a soul,
 

ResolutionBlaze

Angry Local
Banned
No.
Look, online dating and such has drawn great potential for meeting people within the area.... but you can't have that as a replacement for person-to-person interaction.
-
I met some gal who I really wanna meet, but I'm in Washington, she's all the way in Ohio. Beautiful. Lovely to talk to. I'll never be able to meet her.
-
First of all, the probability is against me. I'm in the military, and I don't exactly have the funds to just up and leave, plus I can't just go AWOL from my station without leave, and I only get 2.5 days of leave a month.
-
Plus, despite what others may say; physical touch and interaction is important. Not just sex either; we are social creatures and we haven't had tech that long in our evolutionary history. We can't feel people the same way unless they're with us; in our presence, so to speak.
-
Plus its expensive to meet people, and you never really know what they're like till you meet them, so you can't just leave and stay at their place and get a job (you could I guess but that'd be a huge risk because if there's a falling out then you're kinda fucked).
-
So no. I don't recommend it for anyone. Maybe if the stars align, but I've been in too many, most of them shitty and cringy mistakes looking back.
 

ResolutionBlaze

Angry Local
Banned
It can only really work if you are both poly-amorous, and even then you would still want to be able to get together on a regular, if infrequent, basis. It is also definitely not an ideal situation to be in.
Even then, I wouldn't recommend people be polyamorous. Even polyamorous people don't recommend it for the average person.
-
I guess it depends if you're kinky or not. I dunno, I know I wouldn't be okay with someone I love having sex with someone as a substitute for me. For a kinky experience... is another story.
 
Even then, I wouldn't recommend people be polyamorous. Even polyamorous people don't recommend it for the average person.
-
I guess it depends if you're kinky or not. I dunno, I know I wouldn't be okay with someone I love having sex with someone as a substitute for me. For a kinky experience... is another story.
True
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
It can only really work if you are both poly-amorous, and even then you would still want to be able to get together on a regular, if infrequent, basis. It is also definitely not an ideal situation to be in.
I disagree. I was in a closed monogamous long-distance relationship for over a year. While my ex and I did see each other semi-regularly (maybe every few months), when we weren't in physical proximity we made do with calls and chatting just fine.

While husband and I are both poly, I suspect by "if you are both polyamorous" you basically mean "you have someone local as well as the long-distance relationship". Our relationship was always open, but still remained effectively monogamous for long stretches (talking 12+ months) at a time for most of its existence. Having the option to get it on with someone else doesn't always translate to feeling the need to. We rarely have the opportunity to get together, but we make do. Visiting boyfriend is a lot easier, but he's only been in the picture romantically for like... a couple of years at most. I've been involved with husband for over a decade. Much as I dislike it we're likely looking at another four years before he can move over here.

The only thing you're getting right there is that it's not ideal. Most of us don't get to pursue our relationships in an ideal fashion, so... *shrug* It is what it is.
 

Yakamaru

Mr. Villanous charm
Ah yes, LDR's.

LDR's isn't for everyone. Hell, I'd argue they only work for a small minority of people. Unlike living in the same house or the same local area, an LDR can quite easily be across the country or even in a different one. The feeling of not having your SO when you want them there can make you feel.. Lonely at times. Extremely lonely. Traveling can take a lot of time and money, especially if you travel over longer distances.

One of the most important aspects in them is communication. Another being honesty, though these two are I'd argue core in any relationship, LDR or not. If you don't have those two key aspects in it, the chances of the LDR lasting longer than a couple of months is slim at best.

I've considered them at numerous times in my life. First to experience that emotional connection and perhaps further down the line, the physical one, and see where it goes from there.
 
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