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Long distance realtionships

Jackpot Raccuki

Although half canine, is not a wolf.
Let's say someone is from UK and another person is from US would it be simpler for a person from US to move to UK
This is basically me(UK) and my bf(US)

It depends heavily, on my own case it might be easier for me to move there mostly because personally there’s more opportunities there than here, barely anyone here wants a coder who isn’t professional due to not being in industry yet but needs to get his foot in the door first, sucks.
Plus if what I remember it’d be easier for me to move there than him here.

We’ve been together for a year now, but we’ve been taking it slow, we want to spend more time physically first before moving in, of course covid has put a halt on those plans, for now.
 

Connor J. Coyote

Well-Known Member
Howdy!
As we currently live in a world of uncertainty and constant restrictions on travel, visits, house mixings, going out etc... These are very interesting times we have and i have been thinking about trying some online date adventure. The only problem is that on very often basis you just happen to find that perfect match that is on the other end of the world. And whilst i have nothing against that sort of thing i do wonder how the process of actually connecting with each other work? Let's say someone is from UK and another person is from US would it be simpler for a person from US to move to UK or the other way around?
If anyone has any experience, advice and stories would be very much appreciated as feel i have fallen a bit behind on the whole date thing since my last adventure few years ago :/
Hmmm.... to be frankly honest - long distance relationships usually *don't* work out, I generally believe.... and, whilst it's certainly possible, that it may work out..... it's kind of unlikely I think, especially if someone is on the other side of the World, and you have no real potential for meeting up - in real life anytime soon.

But, (for those that may need it) - they can serve as a comfort for one's loneliness, if necessary..... and it can certainly get you through some rough times, (with feelings of isolation and all) that one may have...... (or so I'm told).

So...... I'd say use it, (if you need to); but.... be mindful that it'll probably not really go anywhere beyond your online experiences with this person.
 

Eremurus

live long, and prosper
I'm of the opinion that LDR's can only work out if...they go somewhere. You have to eventually meet the other person, and find some sort of way to maintain contact. I do know people who got married who met online.

But mhm, meet them before say, a few years. Usually what kills LDR's. You get emotionally attached and...really don't know the other person. You've never met them.
 

Xitheon

I may be mad but I'm perfectly good at it.
My best friend of over a decade (Ryan) and I met in an Asperger's and autism forum. He lives in the US and I live in the UK... And as well as both of us being seriously mentally ill and autistic, he was previously married, now divorced, with joint custody of his severely autistic son with his ex wife. He can't move to the UK because he cannot leave nor take his son with him. And I'm absolutely incapable of moving abroad for so many reasons.

He visited me once and planned to again but then he developed early onset dementia. And Covid 19 happened.

My life fucking sucks sometimes.
 

Parabellum3

I'm not a furry if I have feathers.
LDR's are really better than nothing. Even though you are engaged with someone who is miles and miles away, the most important aspect is that you have somebody who loves you. That's what matters the most. Also I had one me and my partner managed to meet up twice which is not bad at all.
 

Gabriel Foxx

An absoultely trustworthy fox. Trust me.
I for one am in a relationship with, and this is a bit shocking, but quite literally the first person I ever spoke to online, and it is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

Through my entire childhood, my parents were extremely anti-tech and anti-internet culture, which was pretty damn hard for me, being so furry that I didn't even need to know of the fandom to get that about myself. Believe me, whenever I did managed to browse the internet, when I did find the furry community it was literally me researching everything about it with what time I could. I still don't have a phone to this day, even though I'm working and have all the details downpacked to move to another country altogether... which brings me to what I mean to say.

Eventually, when I was months from becoming an adult, it came to pass that I was finally in a position to be able to start interacting online. My first account ever was with DeviantArt; I spent a month getting prepared, making artwork and was pumped as anything. So, I published some things, and you can imagine how thrilled I was when someone casually commented on one of my works of a fox. I replied, he replied, and somehow that kept going, slowly increasing with how comfortable we were and how much, on until we were spending the majority of our days talking, for no apparent reason and to no end rather than just because we enjoyed it, and we had a breathtaking amount in common. And I mean breathtaking, and enough to make you question the supernatrual. I could hear myself talking when he said things, and the amount of synchronicity was almost physically and logistically impossible. I hate to think of what my life would be right now if I hadn't have posted that one picture, because I know it wouldn't be a shade as beautiful as it is now.

Now, here's where it gets a bit more complicated. Of course, we'd known each other for some time, and I started to develop strong, unignorable feelings for him, as one could partially only expect. It was around this point when I finally discovered asexuality and truly could use that to understand what made me tick in that way and had been confusing me for so long. I didn't really have any issue being with a guy, being one myself, I'd just never considered it a possibility before, even though my background as an unbeknownst ace I'd never considered relationships *at all* prior to that moment in even the most abstract sense. However, having been in relationships before, while he took no offense nor reacted negatively to me saying so, that decision was a little harder for him to make, even though he discovered asexuality and could equally relate at the same time as I. We'd both been chastised as children for not acting very masculine, and thus it was a sensitive area for both of us in a way, especially given that my parents were quite homophobic, even though they at least recognized our relationship later on. However, upon one especially emotional week, when we'd known each other for over six months, he eventually came to me after a sleepless night in tears and said that he wanted that, and couldn't live any other way. The best moment in my life, by far.

Ever since then, we've only grown closer, and it's the most beautiful thing I've ever been part of, and I could talk for hours about it, I'm sure you can tell. However, of course, this is a thread about LDRs, and while this *is* one, the point is that it's not the most easy thing to take up.It's very, very emotionally taxing, when you love someone so much and are seperated from them, and there is a crushing element of jealousy for those about the person you love who can see them in day to day life. And, worse in these times, I could already be living with him, but the fact I live in Australia and the country has it's borders closed and it's citezens unable to leave has made that all but utterly impossible. I don't really know, but I don't even think we only started focussing on living together from the time we were a couple, but I think that plans to do as such is really important, even with the world as it is right now, to give you hope and something to look forward to, especially if it is logitically possible, and if not, at least to get things worked out so that you are prepared in the future.

Do things together that you would do in real life, just to get closer to that feeling, and know that person better, like have date nights, eat together, and *make* the time zones or whatever work for you instead of against you, shifting sleep schedules to and fro if possible, while making sure you are both still stable and resting, also having time with people outside the relationship as to not get digitally tunnel-visioned. It's hard, and it always will be hard. So, so so hard, not the easiest road by far. So hard I've cried so many times over just being seperate, seen him in so many people and wished that it were real, and held so many things at night wishing it were him with all my heart, but if you both want it enough and you both are enough of a match, it can be made to work, and it all depends on the strength of what you have as a pair. It *is* worth it, and no matter what, nothing could change my mind. So if you feel something, don't let it be played down as over distance, and stay with it for as long as you can, because love is love, and anything can happen!
 

KimberVaile

Officially elected and actual ruler of FAF
Bit of an old thread now, but ehhhh, worth adding my two cents towards.
There can be unexpected benefits from them. Particularly, if you start with a LDR, you presumably already have a lot in common and if that LDr lasts for some time, you know at the very least you have a solid foundation. It does have to get physical eventually, and you do need to see if you can actually stand living in the same space together for an extended period of time. But, if your LDR can stay consistent and loving for an extended period, it serves as good proving grounds for the relationship.
 
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Tennet_G

Obsessive one.
I only have experience with LDR. Gotta say, it's a very rough experience. And a field I have zero success with. Before moving to Texas back in January, I lived in Hawaii. I moved because I wanted to be closer to someone and also escape family. Only one of those things have panned out.

My biggest advice. Find someone who is both willing, and have the means to meet and take it irl. That's the biggest struggle with LDR. People treat it more like a dating sim than an actual commitment and it hurts the people who are actually there to find love.
 

Deathless

ĎÚМβĂŚŚ МĔŤĂĹĤĔĂĎ
I personally have had mixed experiences with long distance relationships. The first real one I've had went pretty well, it lasted about two years and after we broke up, we became each other's best friends. Ironically, we met up twice a while after our relationship had ended, and now we're planning on getting tattoos this summer!

As for the bad experiences however, I've been lied to regarding identity or we just didn't connect. Long distance relationships require effort from both ends, and I know from experience that one-way relationships suck so much. You're up late at night overthinking about what you can possibly do to make them care more, and that can really take a toll on your mental, physical, and emotional health.


My advice would be to just make sure you and your partner are always on the same page. Make sure you understand what's going on through their head, and they should do the same with you. If you have to try your hardest to make them care about you, almost like winning them over, that should be a red flag already. I know it's cliché advice, but be careful meeting people from the internet, you never know who's out there. The last thing you want is to fly across the world to meet someone who aren't who they said they are. It's a dangerous and crazy world out there.
 
I’ve been in multiple LDR’s and none of them have worked out for me personally, but I have seen plenty of LDR’s work out for others. There’s a lot of stress that goes into making those types of relationships work because it puts an emotional strain on everyone involved in the relationship. My advice would be to play it safe and make sure that you know the other person well enough for meeting face to face. Too many horror stories have started out innocent and unassuming.

If you’re wanting to enter a LDR with someone you fancy, be prepared for the stress that comes with one. It takes a lot to make an LDR work. There needs to be dedication, communication, planning, and a huge amount of trust.

I’m not opposed to LDR’s but from experience I don’t know if I’d put myself through it again.

All the best
 
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