Moodswings

[Cain]

Can I take a moment just to describe how amazing my moodswings are? It's utterly fantastic and I'm sure all of you would love to hear me describe what goes on in my most-likely-broken head, in a weird diary-style format. Enjoy.

My alarm goes off at 6.15am on a Sunday (for all intensive purposes assume I mean Monday to save me an explanation), and I relish the warmth of my several duvet covers, before throwing it all aside and climbing down from my pseudo-bunk in the freezing icebox that is my room. I am tired. Very tired. It's most likely that I got around 8 hours of sleep, which is a fair amount, yet I am still intensely tired. Grabbing my phone and uniform, I go to my bathroom and jump into the shower. My lovely, lovely, searing hot shower which brings me warmth (expect a rave on my shower among other showers soon). I am now very much awake, having my skin seared off for about 10 minutes. 'Cept I'm not.

I'm still fucking tired.

Switch to a weekend.
I've slipped into my bed after a long thursday (again, assume I mean friday), and warmly embrace the dark aura that is the depths of sleep. I wake up. I lounge around in bed for a while stretching and rolling around before finally getting out, I go and shower, step out ready for the weekend. But wait, even with 10 hours of sleep

I'm still fucking tired.

But let's put aside the near-perpetual fatigue.
I'm sitting at my desk in my comfy ikea desk chair (no really this thing is the bees knees) looking at my anime downloads, maybe playing something, I don't know. I feel really neutral. I lose my game. Meh. SO messages me via skype. Meh. Hi. Sup.

Fast forward a few hours, it's now the middle of the afternoon. My chair is facing away from the desk, and I am leaning off the back of it like a cat, a usual thing that I end up doing unconsciously. Elbows on desk, chin on knuckles, I am smiling and eagerly chatting to my SO about things. It feels like I have a distinctly fuzzy and somewhat pinkish aura.

Fast forward another hour or two, I'm about to get into the shower, with my Ashcorp playlist playing off my phone (because I love showering to music). My libido levels have shot past the moon, yet I am not particularly horny. It's a weird feeling. Though again. It's a sort of fuzzy, all-encompassing pink burning inside. Moving swiftly on.

Fast forward a few days, it's the middle of the week. I am feeling quite neutral but maybe shifting a bit towards the happier side of things at the start of the school day, but things quickly turn towards the worst. To start with, I'm fucking tired. Barely able to keep my eyes open through the first few lessons, but I still take everything in. I think. I hope. Middle of the school day. Not only has the intense anxiety clouded around me, but the depression is starting to severely sink in and I sit in my chair with my head in hands blotting it all out. Trying. Wanting. Needing.
It's the end of the school day. I'm back to neutral and, frankly, I can't wait to get back home to officially end school for the day.

It's the weekend again. I wake up feeling tired as usual. My morning shower doesn't help as much as it usually does to numb things. Weird. I sit back down in my chair and swing around to look out the large windows. I sigh. I swing back around to face my computer and I stare blankly at my desktop. I chuckle, I do love my wallpaper. My face drops. I can't help it. Guess its going to be one of 'those' days.
I attempt to deal with the swirling fucking mess inside my head by huddling up to myself in my chair and putting on my animes, shows and youtube videos to distract myself. Don't cry. C'mon. You have no reason to, really. I guess. Go to sleep, and hope that tomorrow is better.
And it may well be.


So yay moodswings! Always fun. Ups, downs, inbetweens. Spices up your life just a bit, eh?

P.S Good to be back after another hiatus. I missed y'alls. Now I need to reorient myself with those that changed their names, and all that jazz. Fun fun fun. Life. Stuff.
Seeyas around.

 

[Kazooie]

Start exercising on a daily basis. It does wonders to energy levels + mood.

 

[Karuvatto]

At least you're not bipolar.

But Kazooie is definitely right, exercising helps a lot. On top of that, some people say that changing what you eat can help affect your mood so perhaps look into that. With your seemingly constant fatigue, perhaps you just have a low blood sugar.
All in all, I'd consider seeing the doctor just to get your sugar levels checked out since if you're fatigued a lot, no amount of sleep seems to help.

8 hours is the standard sleeping amount for regular people, but not everyone. Some times it's considered 6, too. However my biological mother had a doctor actually say to her that she requires 10 hours of sleep minimum and I wonder if this has passed on to me because 8 sure as heck isn't enough for me, it may not be enough for you either.

Alternatively!... Coffee!

Do the exercise thing first though, first thing in the morning it'll wake you up.

 

[Mentova]

Mood swings are awful. When I was on my old antidepressant I would get crazy mood swings. I remember one time I got insanely angry at my dad over something and cursed him out crazy badly and then immediately turned around and starting crying and apologizing. Then I was fine. It was fucking bizarre.

 

[Pepe le Chew]

With mood swings, I can't remember having a day where I've felt completely "fine". Having your sugar levels checked is a positive that probably needs to be done. Though I'm not completely off the wall (I know a few who are), there are moments when I flip into some depressive periods that last for a few hours just because of one thought. One thought. And in reality, I know the thought wasn't that bad. The potential "what ifs" are killers though.

Whatever you do, and of this, take note: if you're feeling suicidal as a result of these moodswings, get help immediately. That isn't cool, and no one needs to feel this way.

ppst. Coffee.

 

[Rassah]

I won't offer any advice, as I'm sure you've heard it all. I will say thank you for writing that. You have skill with words, and, regardless of whether that was the intent, it was a pleasure to take a peek into your life, painted with such nicely pointed descriptions.

 

[Cain]

Start exercising on a daily basis. It does wonders to energy levels + mood.

Oh Lord, how I try. I've been slacking more recently because I've dedicated the time I usually do my quick 10 minutes worth in the morning to getting some more precious sleep. Yet, it still feels the same.

At least you're not bipolar.

But Kazooie is definitely right, exercising helps a lot. On top of that, some people say that changing what you eat can help affect your mood so perhaps look into that. With your seemingly constant fatigue, perhaps you just have a low blood sugar.
All in all, I'd consider seeing the doctor just to get your sugar levels checked out since if you're fatigued a lot, no amount of sleep seems to help.

8 hours is the standard sleeping amount for regular people, but not everyone. Some times it's considered 6, too. However my biological mother had a doctor actually say to her that she requires 10 hours of sleep minimum and I wonder if this has passed on to me because 8 sure as heck isn't enough for me, it may not be enough for you either.

Alternatively!... Coffee!

Do the exercise thing first though, first thing in the morning it'll wake you up.

Well I do have that going for me. Being bipolar would definitely suck.
I would like to say that my diet is relatively better than most, I attempt to ensure that I get a decent meal most of the time ('cept on weekends where I end up having a meal and a half each day, but sue me I'm sedentary those days).
Also, coffee is good. I like coffee. But only in frappe form. I like my cold/sweet things.

Though I'm not completely off the wall (I know a few who are), there are moments when I flip into some depressive periods that last for a few hours just because of one thought. One thought. And in reality, I know the thought wasn't that bad. The potential "what ifs" are killers though.

Whatever you do, and of this, take note: if you're feeling suicidal as a result of these moodswings, get help immediately. That isn't cool, and no one needs to feel this way.

Yeah, I know that feeling. It's happened a fair few times. One thought is the leak in the dam, and then as soon as you dwell on it longer than needs be, the entire dam bursts apart and all your anxieties and worries come rushing down in a torrential flood, and you're stuck helpless clinging onto a thin piece of driftwood in an attempt to keep yourself from being swallowed up whole by the black waves.
I do not, however, have suicidal thoughts or tendencies. Which is a very positive thing for me. If I ever do have such a fleeting thought pass through my mind, I immediately banish it as a completely moronic and idiotic idea. Not stopping your life from getting any worse but from any chance of it getting better and all that jazz.

I won't offer any advice, as I'm sure you've heard it all. I will say thank you for writing that. You have skill with words, and, regardless of whether that was the intent, it was a pleasure to take a peek into your life, painted with such nicely pointed descriptions.

Why thank you. I've always made it a point to be somewhat more articulate and eloquent (and perhaps verbose). Now I'm just throwin' in fancy words to impress you further, my my I am a whore for attention :v.
I am a writer, so the perk comes with the mind.

 

[Pepe le Chew]

Yeah, I know that feeling. It's happened a fair few times. One thought is the leak in the dam, and then as soon as you dwell on it longer than needs be, the entire dam bursts apart and all your anxieties and worries come rushing down in a torrential flood, and you're stuck helpless clinging onto a thin piece of driftwood in an attempt to keep yourself from being swallowed up whole by the black waves.
I do not, however, have suicidal thoughts or tendencies. Which is a very positive thing for me. If I ever do have such a fleeting thought pass through my mind, I immediately banish it as a completely moronic and idiotic idea. Not stopping your life from getting any worse but from any chance of it getting better and all that jazz.

Perfect analogy, and it's painstakingly descriptive. It's also something I can relate with in a terrible way. The trust and love of friends help me get through the most difficult times, but when you feel your friends doubt you or, on the flipside, your friends have neglected you, life becomes something akin to being unbearable. I don't deny there's a chasm between those two worlds, and every single time my emotions tumble down that cliff. In short, if you ever need someone to talk to, I gladly open my inbox to that purpose.

Thankfully suicide isn't an option on your list, and it's worth noting I feel the same about this too. I understand why those thoughts happen having been there, but it seems to me those who take that option fail to realize there's something so much greater than yourself out there. And there's a pricelessness to that; the fact you can move on from disaster, the fact you can enable yourself to be better, the fact that life doesn't have to end. And, it's fair to say in that, life can become even greater after the fall.

 

[CaptainCool]

Start exercising on a daily basis. It does wonders to energy levels + mood.

This is much easier said than done, especially when you are working full time. I have to get up early to catch my train and I get home at around 8pm. Do you think I feel like excercising after dealing with a bunch of feisty customers all day long? Or that I feel like getting up even earlier for a small workout before starting a 10 hour day after 6 to 7 hours of sleep? I am not a morning person anyway. So I would much rather get more sleep. That helps a lot more with my mood.

 

[SnC]

I'll go against the grain and say you seem totally normal. School and work exhaust you and stress you out. Chatting with your SO gets your libido up. You feel totally indifferent during the in-between times. The point is, you're feeling things, and that's normal. Also, everyone who's said "exercise" is right. We're all basically just chemical computers. Lifestyle changes like exercising more will change your brain chemistry and make you feel better. Cooking good food for yourself helps too. You feel happier when you eat a variety of things, and you'll feel rewarded once you teach yourself how to make them.

The exhaustion does sound like it sucks, although it may just be a symptom of other stress factors in your life. For example, my last academic quarter was terrible. It was the most stress I'd felt in my life. Towards finals, I found myself getting exhausted around 6:00pm even after a solid nine hours of sleep, but it wasn't because I was physically worn out. I wanted to sleep because sleeping would mean I didn't have to deal with being awake. And soon enough, the perpetual headaches and tiredness turned into a stress factor of their own. But once the quarter ended and winter break began, all of that stress gradually began to fade away. And now that I'm taking an easier set of classes, I feel pretty good. So if you have anything terribly stressful going on in your life, resolving that might make you feel more energetic.