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My ex boyfriend is stressing me the hell out, HELP


Magepunk Fashionisto
I am very rattled by stress and I need to vent and get advice.

My ex boyfriend and I rent a duplex with his shitty brother. He is my recent ex due to bad sex and communication issues, to keep things short. I ended things, and he tried to harrass me to come back to him. Though I do not physically live at the duplex any longer (my parents are letting me stay at their place), and I just now got all of my belongings out of it, I am still liable for damages and I pay rent on it.

I am stressed because I think he cheated on me, and he tried to have his other woman live there with her cat while I basically pay for her. The place stinks of weed and cat pee, and I am pretty sure this woman is doing meth or some other form of drugs. Andrew mentioned she is being helped out of "a bad situation" and she's doing "some sketchy shit." She is a bratty, horrible, ugly little person, and she is a self-described "ghetto bitch." She has berated me and yelled at me to "just move on," and has been nothing but disrespectful to me AND to my ex. Her cat is in heat and the litter box was in the corner next to my expensive books!

The landlord is aware of her and wants her off the property. This other woman keeps leaving her stuff at my rental and gains access to the property. My ex and his brother let her do this, even though the landlord has issued warnings.

I am so distraught by all of this. I am trying to break the lease and get detached from all of the financial obligations and other stressors. The brother and girlfriend have been aggressive towards me. I am exhausted and running on adrenaline.

My entire weekend was spent camping at Kanaskat in Enumclaw with my dad and brother for a night (I didn't even want to go. The entire time I was stressed. I fought a raccoon with ZERO fear because he tried to steal my campfire dinner, and because I am ready to snap), and the rest of it was spent in Jerry Springer Hell with these horrible people trying to get my stuff back.

I want to be free of my ex and I am so stressed out!!!


Chaotic Neutral Wreckage
I don't have the best sounding suggestions, but my main one is to cut your losses with your stuff if it's stuff that you can replace and holds no sentimental value for you, then speak with the landlord about what your ex-housemates have been doing and try to get something worked out with the landlord directly after explaining as much as you can (and providing as much proof as you can, if needed).

Whatever you do, don't go back and don't hold contact with anyone in that household. It'll only cause further issues for you and prevent you from being able to seperate yourself from financial and emotional feelings of obligation.

Whatever the woman and your ex does is their business now, and it's best to focus on it from a logical point of view over a panicked emotional one. So, cut losses and contact the landlord. If the landlord says he can do absolutely nothing for you, you might have to continue paying your rent --- which sucks, but if he can waive the damage fee for you due to their negligence then there might be a silver lining.
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A terrible situation to be sure. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this.

I agree with Raever. I think you should limit your contact with your ex, the brother, and the other women.
If there's any documentation or pictures you have that demonstrate you no longer live at the unit, show it to the landlord and tell them the living conditions were intolerable. Try to negotiate out the lease or at least get out of paying for future damages.

Lawyering up might be cost prohibitive, but may still be cheaper than paying the rent for the rest of the contract and any damage fees the others are very likely to incur.


The Brutally Honest Man-Child
I agree with what was stated above!

Explain your situation to the landlord and try to do it as calmly as possible.
No issue if there's tears, but don't get mad or raise your voice if they reject you in the end. Given how problematic they are at the moment, they could change their minds over the next few days. Don't be afraid to ask for help, especially if it's from your own family. Bring them with you so they can help explain the situation if you are anxious or think they'd be able to help.

You stated you have all of your belongings now, correct? Good. Then make no attempt to contact him whatsoever. If you feel you can't control yourself to only contact through emergency situations, give his number to your folks and delete him from your phone. You USED to live there, it USED to be your place, but that is no longer the case. I only say this because you refer to the apartment as 'my'. You are paying yes, but you don't stay there (or at least you shouldn't be, go on, get!).

This random lady from the streets can be your ticket out, Zehlua! If they don't want to respect your wishes (as you are on the contract and they are not) you could essentially use it as a bargain chip to have her take over your share of the lease and you can finally be free of her. Otherwise, you and the landlord need to confront them together (or the landlord can send their goons or whomever works for them) and make sure there will be consequences if she doesn't leave the property (AND take her belongings with her). They outvoted your concerns by allowing this person to come into the apartment, now you must recruit YOUR numbers/authority figures to let them know that this is not going to be tolerated.

Just try to hang in there. When this is all over, you'll be looking back and saying 'wow I can't believe I squared up over a racoon!'. We are rooting for you!!! Stay strong!!! Don't let this P.O.S take any more energy from your life!!!


Still new only older
First of all I am sorry for your bad situation and I hope you find time to relax and handle the situation.

Disclaimer: I am not sure about the legal terms in your Country and I am not a law expert. So I ask questions
Is it possible to terminate the contract with your Landlord? If you are the only contract holder this might be possible (Would be harsh to your ex and the others, but you should not care). If you are not it might be possible to terminate the contract between yourself and the landlord, which busts you out of the situation. You still have to deal with the notice period and possibly the damage but it would get you out without ever seeing him again.
Is it possible to apply for an immediate termination of the contract? You might need a lawyer to find you a loophole, or you can simply request it from your landlord, both ways could possibly bust you out of there fairly quick.
Is it possible to ask the landlord for an eviction? Yeah this sound stupid but I mean it could work, if the landlord is not happy with the current situation you could try to make a deal with him.

As I said before you should really not care about there situation. Be a bit selfish and try to find a way to get out there with the least damage for YOU and not for them. You are not obliged to give him an easy time. You can do this, its hard and draining but you will find a way. Take care.