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My First Fursona (Critiques Please?)

Sundown

New Member
Yeah, I know it sucks. In my defense, my computer somehow lost the entire profile I wrote this morning, so this is the second draft. Critique, please?

Some parts of the profile are under construction.

Name: Sunny

Age: 18

Sex: Female

Species: Maine Coon/Linsang

Height: 5’3”

Weight: 156

Appearance:

- Hair and fur:
She doesn’t have much of a ruff (to her dismay) so she makes up for it by keeping her wavy auburn hair cut long. With the recent fashion she’s cut some chin-length bangs, though she habitually pins it to the side with a barrette. Her fur is a bit shorter than is common for a Maine Coon, more velvety in texture and less wispy.

- Markings: Despite her somewhat unusual lineage, her coat color and markings aren’t that different from a normal Maine Coon. She has the ‘classic tabby’ markings, dark red on a light red background. The whirling markings are outlined in chocolate red. Her muzzle is white with a dark red nose, the white extending downward to form a white ‘bib’ on her collarbone. The tail has distinct bands that begin thin and cinnamon red in color, widening and darkening until they reach the last chocolate brown band and white tail tip. Her left arm has a white ‘mitten’ extending half way up the forearm; the right spreading up to the elbow. A white ‘sock’ covers her foot up to her ankle on her right leg, up to mid-thigh on her right. The bands on her legs reach almost to her knees.
General Reference, Marking Reference,
Marking Reference, General Color Reference,
Face/chest Markings Reference, Face/Chest Reference,
Tail Marking Reference, A linsang

- Eye color: Green

- Other features: Sunny has finer features and a lighter build than most Maine Coons, and is also quite a bit shorter. Proportionally, her tail is a bit long. Her ear tips are slightly rounded, and don’t have any hair tufts. Her legs are double jointed.

Behavior and Personality:

Because she’s the eldest of four siblings, Sunny tends to ‘mother’ any young children she meets. She actually gets along with them quite well, because she doesn’t patronize or undervalue children. Despite being the eldest, she actually looks and behaves quite young. Her ears are oversized proportionally, and her hands are also a little large. Her movements are best described as… unaware - unaware of herself as a woman and so her posture is more childlike. She holds eye contact a little longer than normal, making her seem socially naïve. She's extremely physically affectionate to people she knows, and has no qualms about holding her father's hand or carrying her younger siblings on her back.

Her dedication to her family is in conflict with her desire for a life of her own, and she never can reconcile the two drives. Sunny’s hunting instinct is very much intact, much to her humiliation. In high school her friends discovered they could distract her during class using laser pointers. Needless to say, she was not amused.
She’s easily addicted, and so avoids things like drugs, liquor, and cigarettes, knowing that she’d never stop if she started. There’s a pyro streak in her, though thankfully she chooses to channel it a vaguely constructive ways. She’s a terrible liar, but won’t admit she is even if the lie is discovered.

When most people need stress relief, they go to the spa, go get a massage, maybe take a vacation. Sunny sets things on fire. To be fair, it’s mostly junk - toys, furniture, cardboard boxes and such scavenged from dumpsters. She has a fascination with fire that prompts people not to keep candles lit when she’s over. Not that she’d set anyone or anything on fire (she only burns her own things, thank you very much) but she gets very distracted. If she doesn’t have the time or materials for a real bonfire, she’ll settle down over her stove burner and toast marshmallows, with every other mallow becoming a chunk of carbon. During the winter holidays she’s constantly wreathed in the scent of wood smoke.

Skills: Cooking, Cleaning, bandaging scraped knees, checking under the bed for the bogeyman, forgetting her homework…

Weaknesses: laser pens, easy distractibility, weak willpower (regarding self-control), bad liar

Likes: laser pens, bells, books, music, setting things on fire…

Dislikes: loud noises, people who talk too loudly, people who get into her personal space, bullies, tail-pulling, extremes in tempturature…


History:

---
Aaand additional stuff if you want a "what's your blood type?" style bio


Clothing/Personal Style: Style? What Style? Oh, you mean which clothes she likes. Sunny has a penchant for button down shirts, t-shirts, cargo pants, and jeans. She has a rather masculine taste in jewelry, preferring leather, brass, and stainless steel in simple designs to the frothy confections of women’s jewelry. She especially likes leather cuffs, and has been known to wear collars from time to time.

Goal: Independence

Profession: Collage Student

Personal quote:
“Why does everyone hate Mondays so much? I can be optimistic on a Monday, but a Tuesday? By then my hopes have been dashed and yet the rest of the week stretches before me.” (Best said in a melodramatic voice.)

Theme song:
Sunny Came Home – Shawn Colvin
Hurry Sundown – The Outlaws

Birthdate: July 13, 1993

Star sign: Cancer

Favorite food: Chicken and Sausage Jambalaya

Favorite drink: Tea, anything sweet

Favorite location:

Favorite weather: Rainy, believe it or not. So long as she has an umbrella. Drying out fur is a pain!

Favorite color: Blue

Least liked food: overly spicy foods

Least liked drink: any kind of alcohol

Least liked location: cold places

Least liked weather: hot and humid

---

Favorite person:

Least liked person:

Friends:

Relations: Ana and Carrie (sisters), Russ (brother), Jake (Dad), and Sandy (mother)

Enemies: none

Significant other: none

Orientation:
 
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TechnoGypsy

Gentlecolts...
I'm terrible at critiques, I start off nice then I'll babble over every little bad thing I can find.
So here goes:

I quite like this character, the amount of descriptiveness gave her a more unique feel than some other fursonas I've seen around. The references were also good and the hint of pyromaniac tendencys and childlikeness were a laugh.

BUT

I had to look up what a Maine Coon and a Linsang were, the references were of the same cat breed - just in different positions, I found it funny that Sunny still checks for the bogeyman (contradicting that, she acts young), she doesn't like BOTH cold places and places of heat AND no weaknesses (lasers? Water? Childlike behaviour?).

There, my critique.
 

Eske

Don't believe the mask...
I looove your choice of breeds. Seems like a very interesting character with lots of potential.

I also liked the part about the laser pointers. :p

My criticism would be to go a bit deeper. If you're going to tell us things, don't be afraid to explain a bit. For example, she uses her pyromanic urges in constructive ways -- alright. But, how? What does she do, specifically? She looks and behaves quite young -- I get a vague idea of that, but describe a bit more about how specifically she behaves or looks young. These little things help make characters come alive and seem unique -- little quirks and differences, rather than just generalized ideas.

I also agree that she could have some weaknesses, as TechnoGypsy pointed out.

But that's all pretty nit-picky critique... nothing really major stands out. I think this is a pretty nice character design -- I like her! c:
 

Sundown

New Member
@TechnoGypsy

No, she doesn't check for the bogeyman for herself. She has three younger siblings. You end up checking under the bed a lot. (Though now that I think about it she'd probably check for herself too. XD) I added 'doesn't like temperature extremes' because that was what I intended.

@Eske

I think I've been more specific now. Haven't finished the history yet, but it's not particularly colorful anyway.
 
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TechnoGypsy

Gentlecolts...
Haven't finished the history yet, but it's not particularly colorful anyway.

I reckon the history of a fursona is the most difficult part, especially if you want it sounding spectacular
 

Sundown

New Member
My second attempt at a Fursona, though it’s probably closer to just another character. XD

WORK IN PROGRESS

Name: Dawn “Dawnie” (pronounced “Donnie”)
Age: Nineteen
Sex: Female
Species: Welsh Black Mountain Sheep/Red Serow
Height: 5’3”

Weight: 189

Appearance:
- Hair and fur:
- Markings:
- Eye color: Brown
- Other features:
Behavior and Personality:

Unlike her childhood friend Sunny, Dawnie never did quite come to terms with her femininity. She’s very pleased she grew an impressive set of horns, and with a little creative dressing she gets quite a few double takes. She’s content to dress the part and doesn’t mind male or female pronouns.

Dawnie is known for her stubborn, passionate nature and championing causes that she thinks are important. She has slightly strange views on religion and politics, but tends to take a diplomatic stance when voicing her opinions. Like they say, “A quiet word turns aside wrath.” Often feels responsible for things that aren't really her job to worry about and in doing so neglects her own duties.

She's deceptive and direct at once, mostly telling the truth but sometimes lying by omission even though she hates herself for it.

Skills:
Weaknesses: less than 20/20 vision,

Likes:
Dislikes: dresses and skirts

History:
Childhood friend of Sunny. (WIP)

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Aaand additional stuff if you want a "what's your blood type?" style bio
---

Clothing/Personal Style: If you can find it in the men's section she's probably attempted to wear it. Prefers young men's fashion because it tends to be more colorful, which she likes.
Picture:

Goal:
Profession:
Personal quote:
Theme song:
Birthdate: April 12, 1993
Star sign: Aries

Favorite food: Peach Cobbler
Favorite drink: Lemonade
Favorite location:
Favorite weather:
Favorite color: red

Least liked food:
Least liked drink: black coffee
Least liked location:
Least liked weather: muggy days

Favorite person:
Least liked person:
Friends:
Relations:
Enemies:
Significant other:
Orientation:
 
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