Well, you successfully twisted my mind, so as far as abstract poetry goes, mission accomplished.
As much as I can remember, true abstract poetry avoids most nouns in favor of vague images, ideas, or actions. It's supposed to be "fuzzy", like you get a relative sense of what's happening without it being spelled out. Like looking at a picture without outlines and only seeing the shading. I don't fully understand how to write 'em myself, but when I read them I just left with a feeling instead of an image. In that respect I think you did a good job. It's outside my expertise to give you any more critique than that, but I really do think you have knack for it.
Also, miiight not wanna put the second one in your portfolio unless you know your teacher really well. I still thought it was clever, though.