• Fur Affinity Forums are governed by Fur Affinity's Rules and Policies. Links and additional information can be accessed in the Site Information Forum.

New relationship, what's the right thing to do?

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
If it's not too personal to ask, do you ever feel jealous or uncomfortable with either of your partners other partners?
Generally not, and not since we've been a diad/triad (boyfriend is a pretty new addition as a partner, though he's been a lover for both myself and husband for some time). The closest I get to jealous is probably if someone suggests my access to someone I care about is on their sufferance - though last that happened was like fifteen years ago.

I've seen lovers have relationships that I didn't feel entirely at ease with, but that's been out of concern for them more than anything. Seeing someone I care about do something I suspect is going to end with them getting hurt isn't a nice feeling, and I would imagine most people feel the same about that.

I would be uncomfortable if one of my partners took as a lover someone I had an actively antagonistic relationship with. I do respect their right to make their own choices, however, so the most it would likely amount to would be "please let's not talk about that person". There's very few people I have anything close to that kind of relationship with, however, and I don't see my partners being attracted to any of them, so that's a purely hypothetical standpoint.
 

FurFunAndMore

Tiny but terrific!
I must say, I'm pretty impressed. I don't think I could do that. Sorry but another question, what's it like with friends/family? Does everyone know, and are they supportive?
 
Ya it can get awkward at times. When she had her other mate, we would visit his family, and I would have to pretend to just be a friend. I'm a cuddler, so its hard for me to stay just out of reach of the one I love.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
I must say, I'm pretty impressed. I don't think I could do that. Sorry but another question, what's it like with friends/family? Does everyone know, and are they supportive?
It does involve some measure of natural inclination - my BFF intellectually approves of polyamory but recognizes she's got too much of a possessive/jealous streak to have a healthy non-monogamous relationship. And that's an important thing to recognize in yourself and either find a way to overcome or find a relationship solution that will work with it. Otherwise you'll just make yourself and your partner miserable.

I'm not "out" about being poly (or bi) to my parents, and neither is my husband. Our boyfriend's got a more amicable relationship with his relatives, and is definitely out about his sexuality (I believe his extended family knows he's poly, as well, though he's not sure whether he told his mother). Most likely I won't bring up that conversation with my parents unless/until boyfriend moves in with us (but then again my mother is also my only relative who knows I'm married, and that only because my dr let it slip due to some miscommunication). I tend to be very private towards my family in general, so I don't see a reason to make a deal of it until I have to.

Friends are a different matter - I believe most or all of our respective circles of friends know, and while I've got some friends I kind of gloss it over with because I know they have different value systems, reactions tend to be pretty universally positive/supportive.
 

FurFunAndMore

Tiny but terrific!
It does involve some measure of natural inclination - my BFF intellectually approves of polyamory but recognizes she's got too much of a possessive/jealous streak to have a healthy non-monogamous relationship. And that's an important thing to recognize in yourself and either find a way to overcome or find a relationship solution that will work with it. Otherwise you'll just make yourself and your partner miserable.

I'm not "out" about being poly (or bi) to my parents, and neither is my husband. Our boyfriend's got a more amicable relationship with his relatives, and is definitely out about his sexuality (I believe his extended family knows he's poly, as well, though he's not sure whether he told his mother). Most likely I won't bring up that conversation with my parents unless/until boyfriend moves in with us (but then again my mother is also my only relative who knows I'm married, and that only because my dr let it slip due to some miscommunication). I tend to be very private towards my family in general, so I don't see a reason to make a deal of it until I have to.

Friends are a different matter - I believe most or all of our respective circles of friends know, and while I've got some friends I kind of gloss it over with because I know they have different value systems, reactions tend to be pretty universally positive/supportive.

Well I think it's really great that you have supportive friends, it is a shame that families tend to not be as supportive about things they don't find normal/conventional.
Also yeah I think that I can kind of agree with how your friend approaches the whole thing! Thanks for answering all my nosy questions!!
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
Well I think it's really great that you have supportive friends, it is a shame that families tend to not be as supportive about things they don't find normal/conventional.
Also yeah I think that I can kind of agree with how your friend approaches the whole thing! Thanks for answering all my nosy questions!!
To be fair I can't really speak for how my relatives might feel about it; many of them have previously met boyfriend when he lived in Sweden for some months, and they like him well enough. They've just met him in the context of a friend, rather than a romantic partner. (And then my poor neighbors, who are Jehova's Witnesses, happened to see boyfriend and I cuddling or necking or something last he visited. Awkward conversation I definitely don't want to have!) Already my family's largely accepted the closest thing to children I'll have is pets, so why not add an extra man while I'm at it? ;)

I just don't look forward to the conversation, so I'd rather have my loves beside me for it in case it goes pear-shaped.
 

FurFunAndMore

Tiny but terrific!
Well at least they like your boyfriend as a person! That's definitely a start!
But yes I can imagine your relationships could cause a bit of confusion with your neighbors! But also I can understand, it's always much easier talking about difficult things when you have a partner with you!
 
Top