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Not "coming out", but explaining.

FlipoteBunny

New Member
Hey, I'm new. I know the issue with ''coming out'' (just read that thread), but this is a little bit different.

My Mom and I were just having a conversation regarding a costume for Halloween (essentially my way of sneaking a fursuit into my life) and I told her I would look up how to make a tail.
She left the room saying "Just don't turn into a furry."

When I subtly mentioned information about furries a few weeks ago, she said there are "some things you shouldn't try to understand." ...

I'm really afraid, and unsure of how to explain anything to her about this. I'm not really into some of the things in the furry community, but I love the idea of dressing up, etc... I just don't know how to explain the truth about furries. With how little she knows, she might think I want to have sex with our cats or something.

The extent of her knowledge seems to be a CSI episode she watched once.
 
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lyar

Its not the human race, its just the human race
She left the room saying "Just don't turn into a furry."
The extent of her knowledge seems to be a CSI episode she watched once.
That's actually pretty funny. That CSI episode has made a lot of problems for furries. As for your situation, I have no idea what you should do.
 

PlusThirtyOne

What DOES my username mean...?
if you don't like the more...interesting side of the fandom, simply tell your mom that. She may only have a rough idea what furries are but if you don't qualify as a furvert, let that be known. Maybe express some mild disgust with that side of the fandom. (privately or with your mom of course. we get enough of that in the fandom already...) You don't have to explain the different kinds of furries or try to justify furry attraction etc. if it isn't your thing. Being up front about that might help separate you from the perverts your mom might think she knows about.
However, if you ARE into that, it's none of her business.
 

FlipoteBunny

New Member
Being up front about that might help separate you from the perverts your mom might think she knows about.
However, if you ARE into that, it's none of her business.
Thank you! You were really helpful. Of course, if I were into the more "interesting" side of things (as you put it), I wouldn't really tell her that part. However, I'm grateful for what you had to say.
I guess next time the topic comes up, I'll simply explain it to her. I'm just bad at confronting things like this. XP
I'll get there, though. Thank you! :)
 

MadKiyo

Furry from the discount section
Tell her cats are too small and she should get a dog. ;3
0EzGMvK.gif
 

Toby_Morpheus

Hello, Proto
I'm guessing you're still school age so...
An idea for a one-two punch:
See if you can get some extra credit from your language teacher.
Do a report on the furry fandom.

You will then have an excuse to openly view positive furry videos, documentaries, etc (especially in mum's presence).
If she asked, say it's because of that TV episode and you want to learn if it's true.
And that you will get credit for it.
Hopefully mum will pick up on the information and really mull over the 'furry' problem and perhaps rethink her position.

I'm sure there are LOTS of people here, myself included, who can point you to positive and factual information on the fandom.

PS: If you get a good grade on it, it will help reinforce positive thought even more.
 
D

Deleted member 82554

Guest
When it comes to furry, there is no such thing as "coming out". It's a hobby, nothing more, nothing less.

Try not to treat it like a sexuality, kay?
 

MadKiyo

Furry from the discount section
^this. Some people can't/don't want understand the fandom and its appeal, which is perfectly fine, but as long as you heavily depend on them, pissing them off obviously isn't a good idea.
Major reason why is that more often than not, negative opinions and thoughts on things stem simply for initial experiences. Make a fool of yourself or lash out and you've criminalized the whole fandom to that person.
 

nerdbat

Green butt of reason
Major reason why is that more often than not, negative opinions and thoughts on things stem simply for initial experiences. Make a fool of yourself or lash out and you've criminalized the whole fandom to that person.
True thing, though I think it can be said about every existing fandom and subculture. Y'know, furries are zoophiles, otakus and gamers are losers, punks and hip-hoppers are criminals, ravers and gabbers are junkies, and let's not even start on those satanic-worshipping metalheads. The thing is, deep inside parents probably understand that aforementioned things may not be as bad as they seem, but they see constant news about burning churches, school massacres, various perverse scenarious, and their primary mindset is, like, "Well, it would be safer if my child wasn't involved in that crap, who knows what kind of influence he'll get from there". Of course, that's still coming from ignorance, but you can't know about everything (especially if you're a parent, since you don't have that much time to learn about new trends and things), so I find such reaction somewhat understandable. Not to mention that eroticism is one of the undeniable parts of the fandom, so even if a person in question is clean as a whistle, there are many of those who are in it to wank at anthropomorphic animals. If I was a parent, I would probably be worried about my child being involved in it too.
 
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ChapterAquila92

Resident Bronze Dragon Kasrkin
Banned
Explaining a fandom like our own to someone who doesn't fully understand it is an interesting challenge, and one that's best done starting as broad and basic of a concept as possible and then adding finer details later, as befits the explanation.

With the Furry Fandom as a whole, the bare-bones explanation you might want to give is simply what the overarching theme is - an interest in anthropomorphism - and build up from there with an explanation as to what that is. Any more without further questioning and you're likely to end up digging yourself a hole to climb out of, but keep in mind just how broad the fandom is.

I'd also highly recommend giving this a read.
 

Generic Fox

King of Autotune
There is no method of explanation that guarantees a positive reaction. So regardless of what people think, do what you want. If people react negatively, treat them respectfully anyway.
 
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Yakamaru

Å nei, cringe
The extent of her knowledge seems to be a CSI episode she watched once.
Welcome to the world of ignorance. Population: Most of the US.

Just leave it. No point causing unnecesary drama.
 

Orgunis

I can see you >:3
I just don't know how to explain the truth about furries.

The extent of her knowledge seems to be a CSI episode she watched once.

The truth that we are quite friendly (well, I am .-.) or that we aren't as bad as people think?

Also... what CSI episode was that? o_O
 

ChapterAquila92

Resident Bronze Dragon Kasrkin
Banned
How did I missed those episodes?! o_O
I always watched CSI
Granted, the episode in question wasn't furry-centric; it merely had a brief mention of someone disguising his SL avatar as a furry while attempting to be an online vigilante whilst Mac and co are trying to track down an account-snatching assassin.

It was a very convoluted plot arc.
 

Orgunis

I can see you >:3
Granted, the episode in question wasn't furry-centric; it merely had a brief mention of someone disguising his SL avatar as a furry while attempting to be an online vigilante whilst Mac and co are trying to track down an account-snatching assassin.

It was a very convoluted plot arc.

I see, too bad CSI is not on TV anymore (not for me), it was good
 

FlipoteBunny

New Member
Hey everyone, just a quick update: I've decided that since I'm going to be at college soon enough, I won't worry about it. I'll definitely take into account what Prometheus_Fox said, though. Doing some sort of paper about it seems like a great idea. Heck, even if it were for a blog, it could work.
Thank you so much. I'm slowly telling her information about the fandom with as much care as I can. :)
 

Troj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dino Therapist
That sounds like a good idea.

In the future, if you want to tackle this topic again, I might suggest that you introduce your mother to positive aspects of the fandom and some nice furry folks without immediately using the "f" word. She obviously has a knee-jerk bias, so "show, don't tell" (as writers say) may be a way to bypass that reaction. If she gets to experience with elements of the fandom free of labels, she might be willing to rethink her assumptions and stereotypes after the fact.

Sometimes, when people spout off about this or that, I'll ask them a few open questions inviting them to explain their point of view, then segue into Socratic questioning intended to unpack and reveal their reasoning. Some people will chill out because they just appreciate being heard.

If they're sassy or cocky and I want to take them down a peg, I'll calmly restate their arguments and/or ask for confirmation in a way that highlights gaps in their logic (e.g., "So, you assume CSI is accurate?" "So, the whole group is like that?" "So, CSI's depictions of its characters are representative of whole groups of people?" "So, you think anyone who likes to wear costumes is doing it for sex?" "So, animal costumes are all inherently sexual?" "So, sports mascots and Disney characters are sexual fetishists?" ) Warning: This can royally piss off some parents, because their parental ears hear this sort of thing as sassiness or sarcasm. Proceed with caution.

However, when the game isn't worth the candle and I just want to keep the peace, I'll just try to find some shred of common ground with the person, and then end on that happy note once we've agreed on something.

Certainly, I'd try to avoid whining, protesting, pouting, fighting, or going, "But Mooommmm!" because parents tend to tune out when they hear any of that.

In any case, I put together a Furry Primer Youtube playlist. Maybe there's something helpful for you there: A Fuzzy Primer: Furry Links - YouTube
 
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