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Online non biological relatives/parents

_Ivory_

Well-Known Member
Hello, I wanted to talk about a strange thing that I do as well.
Have you ever met someone online and created a bond with them, so strong that they represent a relative for you? Or more specifically a substitute for that relative?

For example I've never had a good relationship with my irl brother, we've never really got along, I'm almost adult, he will leave home soon and we are still in a very awkward situation between each other. But I have a couple of friends that are like real big brothers for me. I like it and I would like to have someone to replace my father which have never been a good parent and have been abusive with me and my irl siblings.

What do you guys think about it, have you ever had an experience like this?
 

Fallowfox

Are we moomin, or are we dancer?
No I haven't experienced this. I find it very strange when I see people seeking replacements for their real family members- and sometimes I worry that this could leave those people vulnerable to be accosted by strange religious groups like the scientologists- who promise to provide a replacement family.
 

dragon-in-sight

mane diva
That's not so strange as you think. The relationship to my biological family was a verry delicate. I tried to support my parents and help them out where I could. But besides these two, my family was a slough of discord and intrigues. But outside of my Family I have some close Friends, that are more like a family for me. They helped me out when my life was collapsing, and stayed with me trough dark times. At the end one can't choose his family, but we can choose our friends.

To me a Family isn't defined by blood. It's a group of people who chose to stick with each other through good and bed times, helping and supporting each other.
 

_Ivory_

Well-Known Member
No I haven't experienced this. I find it very strange when I see people seeking replacements for their real family members- and sometimes I worry that this could leave those people vulnerable to be accosted by strange religious groups like the scientologists- who promise to provide a replacement family.
I've heard of scientologists but I know them only by name. I dont care about religion anyway
 

Minerva_Minx

Explosion loving skooma cat
Nah, had this happen a few times. met IRL and kicked off.

I still maintain a good relationship with my biological parents and siblings. I guess I see it as being when you get married and adopt your SO's family.

Yay to my non-furry pegasister!
 

Skychickens

Late Healer Ferret
Not really online, but I’ve adopted people irl as family. I have two ladies that let me call them my aunts and one cooky old man I call my uncle. Same with my wife. They feel mutually and it’s really great to have them included in my family. I don’t have much of a biological one anyway.

Oh also my inlaws. I tend to drop the inlaw parts and just say sisters/mom/dad. Will just specify MY mom when I’m talking about biological. I only have bio brothers so it makes it easy there too.
 

Xolani

Member
Firstly, part of the whole point of family to your social development is that it teaches you to deal with people who you have next to nothing in common with, or who you just don't get along with or find their personality infuriating.

Quite seriously someone you get along with too well isn't a substitute for a sibling, precisely because you get along with them so well.

On another point, as the decades pass do you think this internet acquaintance will be there when you're in hard times? When you're having a difficult time in life? And trust me these things will happen in life. No, of course not, they'll have moved on a long time ago and will probably need a minute to even remember who you were.

Your siblings, especially as you all get a bit older and have some experience of the real world, will be the only people who really, truly see you for who you actually are and why you are the way you are, in a way even your spouse won't be able to. The bullshit between you and your brother now will fade with the years and when you or him need someone in life who understands, who knows, that trauma from being raised by an abusive parent, who do you think will be the one person in the world capable of providing that?

You might not get along massively with your siblings right now but trust me, they're relationships worth fostering. I know from experience.
 

_Ivory_

Well-Known Member
Firstly, part of the whole point of family to your social development is that it teaches you to deal with people who you have next to nothing in common with, or who you just don't get along with or find their personality infuriating.

Quite seriously someone you get along with too well isn't a substitute for a sibling, precisely because you get along with them so well.

On another point, as the decades pass do you think this internet acquaintance will be there when you're in hard times? When you're having a difficult time in life? And trust me these things will happen in life. No, of course not, they'll have moved on a long time ago and will probably need a minute to even remember who you were.

Your siblings, especially as you all get a bit older and have some experience of the real world, will be the only people who really, truly see you for who you actually are and why you are the way you are, in a way even your spouse won't be able to. The bullshit between you and your brother now will fade with the years and when you or him need someone in life who understands, who knows, that trauma from being raised by an abusive parent, who do you think will be the one person in the world capable of providing that?

You might not get along massively with your siblings right now but trust me, they're relationships worth fostering. I know from experience.
Maybe I wasnt very clear, I've never meant to use the other person as a complete replacement and I've never said to leave the actual biologic relative.
I'm only talking of a figure that can replace, meaning that I can see them as an actual person who I can trust and taht can give me, even if not at 100% the same things a real sibling would. I know perfectly that the original ones are unique and cant be replaced completely
 

InsaNicky

Digital Artist
;w; Hm... well not really... IRL i used to be very close with my cousine, that wasn't really my cousine by blood, our moms were just very close and we called them aunts and stuff ;w;
 

Minerva_Minx

Explosion loving skooma cat
Very Scandinavian or Filipino
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
I have had some online friends whom I felt a strong bond with to the point that I would describe their role in my life by family metaphors, but I didn’t consider them family per se.

Very Scandinavian or Filipino
Please elaborate, if you would?
I’m Swedish and I don’t recognize this as a cultural thing, but maybe I’m overlooking something.
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Well-Known Member
My parents are not anyone that are worth mentioning... maybe lately when they started to grow old they started to actually care about family. I do not see them as such though.
My sister is "confirmed" sociopath. I haven't seen my brother in 5 years and I do not wish to see him again.

After years of getting used to it I feel very comfortable this way. The moment I break the contact will be the moment I will feel relief.

I technically have non biological relatives. My greatest friend is closer to me than anyone I know and I have replaced my brother with him long time ago and it was a great decision.
I also have "online sister" which I mainly rp with. This is just a nice nickname but I admit she is way better than that sociopath which came out from the same hole as I did.
 
C

CrookedCroc

Guest
Had an online relationship like that with someone years ago but it ended when I learned that the person was faking depression to get my attention and money. Ever since I try to avoid online relationships like that.

I don't mind making online friends but I just prefer to keep to myself a bit and avoid getting personal, specially nowadays where people get upset over the most ridiculous stuff.

But idk, maybe it is just me being paranoid and not wanting to get hurt.

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Edit: Sorry for being such a stick in the mud, here's a funny animal to brighten up the mood
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