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M

Monsieur Doveteux

The Local Grammarian
I’m also making a poem for school (more homework). We’re learning about the Holocaust, so it’s a Holocaust-themed poem, based on an object my teacher had in her “museum” + structured like the book, “Who Was The Woman Who Wore The Hat?” I’ve never written like this before, so I’d like some quick feedback!

Who Was The Girl Who Had The Bear?
My Name Here


Who was the girl who had the bear?
Was she afraid of the dark?
Did she keep her bear close as she slept at night?
Or was her bed a safe haven,
if she had one?
Did she fix her hair when she awoke?
Did she place a bow atop her head?
Or did she let it fall, untouched?
Was her porridge made with milk or water,
or did she eat a muffin, instead?

Had she known the knocks heralded doom?
Or did she expect her neighbors?
Did the soldiers tell of relocation
to a different part of town?
When she had to pack her bag,
was her bear the first thing in?
Was it a birthday present for her?
Or a treasure of generations past?
Had she cried as suited men had
stole from her the case that held
the teddy bear, and painted her life
red, white, and black?
Did she expect to hold it tight,
on the car to her final resting place?

Did she pass alone, forgotten?
Weak and frail from work?
Or did she suffocate within a pile
of contaminated corpses?
Had she longed to hold her bear once more,
before herself embraced by death?

And sorry to intereupt this nice b-day conversation with such a dark topic.
 
O

Okami_No_Heishi

Guest
Monsieur Doveteux said:
I’m also making a poem for school (more homework). We’re learning about the Holocaust, so it’s a Holocaust-themed poem, based on an object my teacher had in her “museum” + structured like the book, “Who Was The Woman Who Wore The Hat?” I’ve never written like this before, so I’d like some quick feedback!

Who Was The Girl Who Had The Bear?
My Name Here


Who was the girl who had the bear?
Was she afraid of the dark?
Did she keep her bear close as she slept at night?
Or was her bed a safe haven,
if she had one?
Did she fix her hair when she awoke?
Did she place a bow atop her head?
Or did she let it fall, untouched?
Was her porridge made with milk or water,
or did she eat a muffin, instead?

Had she known the knocks heralded doom?
Or did she expect her neighbors?
Did the soldiers tell of relocation
to a different part of town?
When she had to pack her bag,
was her bear the first thing in?
Was it a birthday present for her?
Or a treasure of generations past?
Had she cried as suited men had
stole from her the case that held
the teddy bear, and painted her life
red, white, and black?
Did she expect to hold it tight,
on the car to her final resting place?

Did she pass alone, forgotten?
Weak and frail from work?
Or did she suffocate within a pile
of contaminated corpses?
Had she longed to hold her bear once more,
before herself embraced by death?

And sorry to intereupt this nice b-day conversation with such a dark topic.
Click to expand...
Wow. Pretty dark. But quite thought provoking! Not bad. Just....dark. Sad.
 
M

Monsieur Doveteux

The Local Grammarian
I know. It’s kind of weird to write poetry like this. You read it over to yourself, and you think, “Wow, am I really writing this?” But thanks for the feedback.
 
bhutrflai

bhutrflai

Okami The Wolf is my crazy half!
Monsieur Doveteux said:
I’m also making a poem for school (more homework). We’re learning about the Holocaust, so it’s a Holocaust-themed poem, based on an object my teacher had in her “museum” + structured like the book, “Who Was The Woman Who Wore The Hat?” I’ve never written like this before, so I’d like some quick feedback!

Who Was The Girl Who Had The Bear?
My Name Here


Who was the girl who had the bear?
Was she afraid of the dark?
Did she keep her bear close as she slept at night?
Or was her bed a safe haven,
if she had one?
Did she fix her hair when she awoke?
Did she place a bow atop her head?
Or did she let it fall, untouched?
Was her porridge made with milk or water,
or did she eat a muffin, instead?

Had she known the knocks heralded doom?
Or did she expect her neighbors?
Did the soldiers tell of relocation
to a different part of town?
When she had to pack her bag,
was her bear the first thing in?
Was it a birthday present for her?
Or a treasure of generations past?
Had she cried as suited men had
stole from her the case that held
the teddy bear, and painted her life
red, white, and black?
Did she expect to hold it tight,
on the car to her final resting place?

Did she pass alone, forgotten?
Weak and frail from work?
Or did she suffocate within a pile
of contaminated corpses?
Had she longed to hold her bear once more,
before herself embraced by death?

And sorry to intereupt this nice b-day conversation with such a dark topic.
Click to expand...
It def makes you think about what must have gone thru that girl's head on a daily basis, probably minute by minute.

Very well done.
 
M

Monsieur Doveteux

The Local Grammarian
Nice! I haven’t had a birthday party since I was... 8? It’s been a while, that’s for certain. :(
 
M

Monsieur Doveteux

The Local Grammarian
The last party I went to was an end-of-the-school-year party. It was a pool party, which was fun. I can’t swim, so that was NOT fun. I almost drowned 3 seperate times in one day.
 
M

Monsieur Doveteux

The Local Grammarian
Lol, yeah. All I had at my disposal were those floating platforms that everyone just loved to push each other of off.
 
O

Okami_No_Heishi

Guest
bhutrflai said:
(If you haven't noticed, Okami likes every comment. He wasn't liking that you almost drowned 3 times in one day, he was just acknowledging that he saw it.)
Click to expand...
She always has to help me. If it weren't for her I would have drowned a long time ago!
 
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