Thanks everyone, i know its still pretty early but every days only feeling much worse so far, i cant help but thinking of all the stuff she didnt get a chance to experience, and it does replay in my head seeing her in the state she was in every time i go into that fucking kitchen. Been trying to stay with Yuki throughout the day but i just keep thinking of Luna when Yuki goes off wandering and crying for someone to play with, its hard just to look at Luna's toys she was playing with only last week.
Feel like shit, sick and achy all over, half of the time none of this even feels real, not blaming anyone but if the slightest fucking thing had been different, she would be alive and playing with Yuki, it just downright shouldnt have happened, sometimes it feels like it didnt happen, like it was just a nightmare, but then it actually did.
Im just not coping well, my dad seems ok i guess, i wasnt sure if he was just hiding it though, like he juts kept saying "you get used to it". But whats only making things worse is my fucking sister fucking off with her mormon "friends". She's constantly out all the time which makes my dad furious who then stresses out my mum about it. Maybe she's using her friends to cope i thought but then again she was doing this before it happened, and in times like this everyone needs each other, im not holding it together and everyones arguing like nothing happened/
Got in touch with a bereavement helpline and listened to advice but i just cant stop feeling bad and thinking of her, havent been able to eat properly since it happened and now im starting to lose sleep, was planning on going up town for my birthday tomorrow but thats the last thing i want now.