hurt you? My friend, I've provided you with an opportunity you may never have again: Marriage!
There are so many things wrong with this I can barely list them all. But I can give it a go:
1. I’m obligated by contract with the Council to remain heterosexual if I wish to remain (or, re-become) a Knight (in order to facilitate the saving of damsels in distress).
1a. I am, in fact, of my own free will and volition, heterosexual anyways.
1b. Incompatible anatomies means that biological heirs will be out of the question, meaning that any children I do acquire will not be recognized as mine by the Council and will not be eligible to all the benefits the title of “Knight” would ordinarily entail.
2.
@Guifrog is a rat, and I am not.
2a. Guifrog is naturally a frog, and I am not,
2b. I’m attempting to avoid as much TF as possible, so these are likely not to be rectified.
3. Guifrog secretes hallucinogenic drugs 24/7, preventing physical contact if I’m to remain an upstanding citizen, much less a Knight.
3a. I cannot simply decide I’m totally down for drugs even if I wanted to, because every time I do them, something horrifying happens. For example, the last few hours.
4.
@Skittles,
@Cosmic-FS and co. seem to be under the impression that I am not particularly masculine and as such would be entirely fine with donning a dress. I am not.
4a. Why would I even wear a dress, in the event I have a wedding I will be the groom and as such will be wearing a tux, or even better, full armor (so I don’t get assasinated).
4b. I do not
want to wear a dress, masculinity dismantlement and irregularity of the position as groom notwithstanding!
5. I never proposed.
5a. Neither did Guifrog.
6. They knocked me out and kidnapped me.
7. Before this point, I did like Guifrog, as a friend. Now I’m not even sure that much is the case.
I’d rather die a virgin and heirless than suffer the utter, abject affront to all that is holy and right that this is.
...
why did I waste all this escaping time compiling a pointless list?
*runs*
