ok, im ready to talk. get ready to read.
so, if no one knows, im gonna be leaving again. except this time. i truly dont know if i want to come back. because now i have real reasons to leave. i dont know how else to say it, cause for you guys, i always hide everything behind my little collie face, but in reality... this... fandom... has destroyed everything for me. no it's not just my post in the vent thread, but ever since the day of kiba's creation, my life went down hill. it's soooo hard to explain so suddenly in a single message. but... needless to say, i despise him, and myself with every fiber of my being. he brought so much pain and despair to my family, he brought problems to me... that made me have bad, bad thoughts back then.... and.... i truly dont think i have any willpower to keep this fantasy alive. i despise the day i became a furry. i despise kiba, even if he isnt truly real, with every fiber of my being. that is why, yeah, you got it out of me. i despise everything about this place from now on. i know this is sudden, but like i said, hiding is easy online. it truly isnt worth destroying my life over anymore. this little fantasy world. it's not worth it. ive done hours, and hours of soul-searching after recent events today, that opened my eyes, and reality slapped me in the face. all it has brung me is pain, and this false happiness that i thought i could hang on to forever. but this place has lost it's magic for me. the ability to hide from the real world, and the people who inhabit it. i know, no surprise im leaving again... "oh he'll be back, he' just upset." how dare you let that cross your mind. yes, im talking to YOU.
but seriously, this place is doing no good for me, and i just dont have the mental strength to hide all these feeling in my head anymore. i despise kiba, furries, everything. all of it. i regret the day i ever joined. i dont hold it against any of you, i just hate the fandom in general. will i be back? maybe... who knows.
last time i left, it was a matter that i could hold in my own hands, that i could control and come back from. but this..... there's no saving me. so all i can do is disappear. im sorry to dump all this on this thread, but it's where i can get most of my quote "friends" to see it. we are all strangers. you can never get past that fact, until you decide to take things a step further, like bring these people into your daily personal life. but back to my point. this has been causing a issue that is tearing my mind apart. this probably all seems pretty rude and actually really, really exaggerated to someone on the outside.... but AGAIN, it's easy to make assumptions and hide on the internet. this has affected my life more than you could ever know, reader. i truly do appreciate the falsified happiness this cursed place provided me for awhile, but it just cannot go on. thank you all, for everything. for helping me get through hard times, be more social, and helping me be creative again. but in all honesty, this has done nothing but hurt me anymore. it wont every be worth it. it wont. it will maybe become better with adulthood, but who knows, i sure dont. well.... last thing is.... i truly do. and i mean TRULY.... hate the day that kiba was born from that first drawing i ever made of him, or a computer in general, just for fun. i wasnt even a furry, in fact honestly i thought they were weird. but i became a part of this community, and it was accepting of me. such a new and sudden feeling, for someone who has been rejected all their life. but now, that feeling, the special bond i thought i held with this fandom is gone. i feel nothing for it. in fact, ive grown to hate it, and all the pain i caused myself because of it.
so in conclusion, i hate this place. this fandom. kiba. myself. i. hate. this. cursed. fandom. i dont think im coming back. to anyone who may care.... well. im sorry. nothing will justify this, and if i do come back, probably none of you will see me the same. so i think it's safe to say.... that i wont be back. but like i said, who knows.just know that i hate none of you, more myself, and my creation. im going to erase kiba's existence the best i can, but all i will leave of him is the image below. that was his first appearance in my life, and it will be the last. farewell, everyone.