Quick! Grab the object that is standing to the right of you! It will serve you as a weapon!

[Lobie5]

Silly putty. Ayyyyyyy

 

[Niru the Husky]

Money
^^
I guess I'll just buy my life

 

[Giana36]

A hooked cord.
I can use that like a whip.

 

[Tallow_Phoenix]

With this box of cup ramen, I shall bribe my way out!

...assuming my attackers are hungry college students.

 

[Cosmic-FS]

A stack of Post-It Notes
*fashions them into deadly weapons*

 

[Tayoria]

A cat ...

Irritate him enough and he just might try to claw your eyes out before devouring your hand for a snack.

 

[Borophagus Metropolis]

*spins around and propels 550 CCA car battery like a shotput*

 

[Kit H. Ruppell]

A very pointy brass d4

 

[Keefur]

Consider yourself a salted.

 

[Fortress Maximus]

I have a pencil and I’m in a bar.

 

[blue sky love]

A basket of styrofoam fruit.

Come get some fruit! It's got fiber lol

 

[Deleted member 134556]

My succulent zebra plant that I got at Walmart for only $5.99

You too can have this charming plant of your very own that is easy to take care of and makes a great decoration for any bedroom or living room. Makes a great gift for friends and family, only at Walmart. Save money, live better.

 

[blue sky love]

Off topic; but I love how my town's Walmart has changed, because they have nicer clothes, nicer shoes, etc for low prices! Sorry, I'm kind of poor so I got all giddy seeing a vast selection of cute shoes there for the first time in my life!

My Walmart purse is to my right.

"That's my purse! I don't know you!"

 

[kattinwolfling]

My d&d character sheets and dice now I am going to kill you through probability and spells

 

[Manny]

My baby blanket... I don't think that's gonna be very helpful

 

[Sir Thaikard]

I'm going to slap you in the face with my old broken phone so I have an excuse to get a new less fragile one.

 

[Kit H. Ruppell]

The 5e Dungeon Master's Guide.

 

[blue sky love]

A lukewarm cup of coffee!

 

[Manny]

A scratchy pillow

 

[blue sky love]

My purse lol

 

[Manny]

A hair brush

 

[blue sky love]

A mug with the peel of a banana I just ate inside.

 

[Sarachaga]

My leg. Tis going to be a good fight D:

 

[Sairn]

Guess I got toilet paper... Dress up as a mummy and scare them away?

 

[Rouge166]

A bottle opener! All the beer bottles quake in fear!