Quick! Grab the object that is standing to the right of you! It will serve you as a weapon!

[Tyll'a]

PS4 controller. Can't do much with that.

 

[Keefur]

A hot glue gun will get me out of any sticky situation.

 

[Mambi]

<standing in the kitchen eating cereal>

Ummm....to quote The Tick, "SPOOOOONNN!!!" <laughs and holds a spoon high with pride and magnificence>

 

[Kharayi]

My camera. I suppose I'll have to focus on taking photographs that will damage my foes' reputation, because I'm not going to swing it at anyone.

 

[FrostHeart]

I have a plush zombie, great! Now I'll die and become a real zombie! =/

 

[creamyfox]

a pillow

 

[Toasty9399]

A pencil
*John Wick Intensifies*

 

[FrostHeart]

I have a plush zombie, great! Now I'll die and become a real zombie! =/

You're never too old for plushies...
Or am I childish?

Update: it's now a slice of pizza

 

[metatherat]

The cork of a fruit juice bottle.

Crap.

 

[kattinwolfling]

Fuel but I wish I had a lighter or a match with it

 

[Kofu]

They say the most elite warriors enter the heat of battle equipped with a ukulele that could slay any man or beast.

 

[FrostHeart]

I have a wooden dagger... at least I can cause a concussion with it!

 

[WXYZ]

A book titled "Path to Peace"
Should I kiss my enemy...?

 

[Breyo]

A pen...
Ooh! Maybe I can blind my enemies by forcing them to look at my awful hand-writing!

 

[Sairn]

Uhhh, guess a bottle of Fireball is my weapon

 

[Borophagus Metropolis]

*grabs sixty-pound pit bull*

 

[hologrammaton]

i don't think i'm allowed to say what it is xD;

 

[Narri]

I WILL FLASH YOU TO EXTREME ANNOYANCE!!!! WITH A CAMERAS BLINDING FLASH!!!!!!! AHAHHAHAHAH!!!!

 

[MagnusLucra]

The entire couch.

 

[Frank Gulotta]

I happen to have a full cup of instant noodles. It's very hot.

 

[Narri]

I mean. If I was fighting an android then maybe a USB would come in handy.

 

[VeeStars]

My glasses! Now I can see!!!

 

[Skittles]

My puppy. Well if she farts again. Sure

 

[GroovySpaceFox]

I'm not sure I can lift a queen sized bed.

 

[Mambi]

<looks at the empty hot sauce bottle on the desk> Well, any port in a storm!!! <the cat grabs the bottle and readies his aim...>