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RANT: Stop oversexualizing your fursonas; treat them like characters.

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Troj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dino Therapist
Sexuality is absolutely a part of someone's "story"--yes, even if they're asexual!

A fursona can provide an outlet for exploring one's sexual identity and/or sexual preferences; for expressing unattainable, impractical, or wildly fantastical sexual desires or fantasies; and for strengthening one's own self-esteem and self-worth by imagining and embodying a "better self."

A fursona can absolutely have a fully-developed backstory, a three-dimensional personality, and a love of giant cock. Sexuality doesn't diminish or negate the complexity of a fictional character or a real person.

Mind you, I don't get people who can't seem to get enough porn of their fursona--especially when it always revolves around the same scenario or kink--as I'd tend to think that'd get boring after a while. But, to each their own.

I also have my own opinions (informed by research and anecdotes) when it comes to more effective vs. less effective ways to "use" your fursona in your life--but, again, to each their own, and you do you, boo.
 

Filter

ɹǝʇlᴉℲ
Random thoughts:

Part of the appeal is that these characters can have human-like sexuality (including asexuality if that's your thing). This doesn't necessarily imply oversexualization, however. NSFW =/= oversexualization. Or at least it doesn't have to, unless you think any hint of sexuality is too much. There's a difference between liking glam pinups, or thinking of one's self as a sexy beast, and using a character as little more than a kink prop.
 

Zehlua

Magepunk Fashionisto
I am just tired of sex in general, honestly. Like, is this it? I've never felt more unfulfilled about anything before. There was so much build-up, and it's supposed to be The Best Thing EVER! But honestly? No. Now it just makes me feel disappointed, like everything else.

At what point am I going to feel... y'know... satisfied? Content? What's it going to take? Is everything being sold to me not going to work for me? Just how "other" am I, really, and if I accept myself, am I going to be alone? Is there no role in any relationship that suits me?

Sex feels like everyone else is having fun laughing at jokes from a specific comedian, and the comedian's face and material is everywhere, and he's a meme, and all this and a bag of chips, but I'm alienated for not finding him funny or interesting. Yes, I have tried him out. I thought the stage he performed on and the music as he was coming onstage and the advertising and hype and his choice of wardrobe was so much more interesting than the performance itself. Wonderful theatrics to sell me a product that is so tragically lackluster, that makes me feel so insane for even declaring it as such.

I can do better comedy at home, by myself, but it's weird to just be alone and laugh at your own jokes. It also sucks that I can say and do the things that make other people laugh, but no one can make me laugh.

To break away from the metaphor here; it's so horrible to be seen as sexy when you've totally lost the desire for sex. It sucks so much. That's why I avoid horny art and RP and stuff now. It only makes me feel disappointed. The other person is so into it, and it's not fair that I can't feel what they're feeling.

What's worse, once I satisfy someone, foreplay is out the window for nearly all subsequent encounters. It's climaxes on demand from there on out. Which is even. More. Sucky.

I feel so alone no matter how many people are around me, no matter who I'm dating. I also can't find the exact words to express these feelings to anyone in a way that fully makes sense to them. It's a profoundly bad nightmare that doesn't stop, where all of a sudden nothing makes sense and nothing feels right. You're trying to make all the right choices, but something is wrong. Maybe that something is you. Nothing is certain and you're just moving unattached through crowds of strangers in an unfamiliar place, and you feel insane for admitting that what you feel is loneliness. You have a partner who loves you, and you love them, but you slowly realize how much you don't know each other. He doesn't tell you about his life, and you aren't asking each other enough questions.

You desperately want questions. You want someone who isn't a crazy narcissist to show INTEREST in you. You want interested, open-ended questions, so badly. You want to learn and educate. But there is no curiosity from the people around you. You don't know your own family, your own partner, and sometimes not even yourself.

I want to be fun and horny and alive again, but I feel like I'm dying.
 

Pomorek

Hyena-Addicted Antelope
I am just tired of sex in general, honestly. Like, is this it? I've never felt more unfulfilled about anything before. There was so much build-up, and it's supposed to be The Best Thing EVER! But honestly? No. Now it just makes me feel disappointed, like everything else.

At what point am I going to feel... y'know... satisfied? Content? What's it going to take? Is everything being sold to me not going to work for me? Just how "other" am I, really, and if I accept myself, am I going to be alone? Is there no role in any relationship that suits me?

Sex feels like everyone else is having fun laughing at jokes from a specific comedian, and the comedian's face and material is everywhere, and he's a meme, and all this and a bag of chips, but I'm alienated for not finding him funny or interesting. Yes, I have tried him out. I thought the stage he performed on and the music as he was coming onstage and the advertising and hype and his choice of wardrobe was so much more interesting than the performance itself. Wonderful theatrics to sell me a product that is so tragically lackluster, that makes me feel so insane for even declaring it as such.

I can do better comedy at home, by myself, but it's weird to just be alone and laugh at your own jokes. It also sucks that I can say and do the things that make other people laugh, but no one can make me laugh.

To break away from the metaphor here; it's so horrible to be seen as sexy when you've totally lost the desire for sex. It sucks so much. That's why I avoid horny art and RP and stuff now. It only makes me feel disappointed. The other person is so into it, and it's not fair that I can't feel what they're feeling.

What's worse, once I satisfy someone, foreplay is out the window for nearly all subsequent encounters. It's climaxes on demand from there on out. Which is even. More. Sucky.

I feel so alone no matter how many people are around me, no matter who I'm dating. I also can't find the exact words to express these feelings to anyone in a way that fully makes sense to them. It's a profoundly bad nightmare that doesn't stop, where all of a sudden nothing makes sense and nothing feels right. You're trying to make all the right choices, but something is wrong. Maybe that something is you. Nothing is certain and you're just moving unattached through crowds of strangers in an unfamiliar place, and you feel insane for admitting that what you feel is loneliness. You have a partner who loves you, and you love them, but you slowly realize how much you don't know each other. He doesn't tell you about his life, and you aren't asking each other enough questions.

You desperately want questions. You want someone who isn't a crazy narcissist to show INTEREST in you. You want interested, open-ended questions, so badly. You want to learn and educate. But there is no curiosity from the people around you. You don't know your own family, your own partner, and sometimes not even yourself.

I want to be fun and horny and alive again, but I feel like I'm dying.

It's a difficult matter and I may not have any particular words of wisdom to help with. But know that you have my support and sympathy. My own situations have been different, but still, what you describe feels somehow relatable. I also want to let you know that it is possible to get into the place in life, where you have someone not only to ask questions and be asked, but to get to the core of things together. Intellectually and otherwise. And it has happened to me even despite the fact that I've had given up on relationships at that point (I even had a serious fallout with my future wife, before we eventually got back together!). What it required of me wasn't even anything extraordinary, but the time and patience, and a lot of it (and being a decent person too). So I guess that's the harder part, things happen while they can and it's not always possible to hurry them up. But keep your faith and hope, I did it so you can too.
 

Tendo64

Cat With A Guitar
So, even this thread was necro'd for some reason, I'd like to say my piece because I saw this thread in 2020 and didn't reply due to my age at the time.

If people want to "oversexualize" their fursonas, that's their business. People are going to hate furries regardless of whether or not there's porn, first of all; they hate us because we don't conform to what's "normal" and possibly also a large amount of us are LGBT--the NSFW is just one of the various excuses they use. Second of all, it's not really their problem if people get mad about it. Why should people stop doing what they like doing just because some weird neckbeard is like "furree bad" when it's THOSE people who need to stop getting their panties in a twist over furries existing in peace? I've always hated the notion that furries should be expected to try to "fit in" more, it sounds victim-blamey.

There's also the fact that some people don't really... want... deep characters? Most of my characters don't have NSFW but most aren't deep either because they don't need to be. They're simple and cute and they make me happy, and that's all they need to be. Some people are in the furry fandom just for the smut? Welp, good for them. And besides that, a character can be deep and NSFW. A character having a lot to them and having a lot of NSFW aspects are not mutually exclusive.
 

Pomorek

Hyena-Addicted Antelope
There's also the fact that some people don't really... want... deep characters? Most of my characters don't have NSFW but most aren't deep either because they don't need to be. They're simple and cute and they make me happy, and that's all they need to be. Some people are in the furry fandom just for the smut? Welp, good for them. And besides that, a character can be deep and NSFW. A character having a lot to them and having a lot of NSFW aspects are not mutually exclusive.
Agreed. I probably said this earlier more than once, but I treat my characters somewhat like a photographer's models, posing for art. I don't feel a need to figure out all bits and pieces of their lives. At most some very general personality description, and that's it. And even if I was more into storytelling in text, I find writing long, detailed bios to be excessive. Of course, if someone finds fun in doing those things, go ahead, but it's beside the point to require this from others.

And yeah, I don't see either how NSFW and deep, detailed characterization would be mutually exclusive.
 
D

Deleted member 82554

Guest
I see this thread is just as sexy and active as ever. And since my characters are basically an extension of me and I am horny as shit, they are going to be oversexualised like hell. That's what we call a deal with it moment.
 

Yakamaru

Spookdogg
It's their characters, so I don't really see the point in getting upset over how someone else treats their character(s.)
 

FureverWolf

Well-Known Member
I am just tired of sex in general, honestly. Like, is this it? I've never felt more unfulfilled about anything before. There was so much build-up, and it's supposed to be The Best Thing EVER! But honestly? No. Now it just makes me feel disappointed, like everything else.

At what point am I going to feel... y'know... satisfied? Content? What's it going to take? Is everything being sold to me not going to work for me? Just how "other" am I, really, and if I accept myself, am I going to be alone? Is there no role in any relationship that suits me?

Sex feels like everyone else is having fun laughing at jokes from a specific comedian, and the comedian's face and material is everywhere, and he's a meme, and all this and a bag of chips, but I'm alienated for not finding him funny or interesting. Yes, I have tried him out. I thought the stage he performed on and the music as he was coming onstage and the advertising and hype and his choice of wardrobe was so much more interesting than the performance itself. Wonderful theatrics to sell me a product that is so tragically lackluster, that makes me feel so insane for even declaring it as such.

I can do better comedy at home, by myself, but it's weird to just be alone and laugh at your own jokes. It also sucks that I can say and do the things that make other people laugh, but no one can make me laugh.

To break away from the metaphor here; it's so horrible to be seen as sexy when you've totally lost the desire for sex. It sucks so much. That's why I avoid horny art and RP and stuff now. It only makes me feel disappointed. The other person is so into it, and it's not fair that I can't feel what they're feeling.

What's worse, once I satisfy someone, foreplay is out the window for nearly all subsequent encounters. It's climaxes on demand from there on out. Which is even. More. Sucky.

I feel so alone no matter how many people are around me, no matter who I'm dating. I also can't find the exact words to express these feelings to anyone in a way that fully makes sense to them. It's a profoundly bad nightmare that doesn't stop, where all of a sudden nothing makes sense and nothing feels right. You're trying to make all the right choices, but something is wrong. Maybe that something is you. Nothing is certain and you're just moving unattached through crowds of strangers in an unfamiliar place, and you feel insane for admitting that what you feel is loneliness. You have a partner who loves you, and you love them, but you slowly realize how much you don't know each other. He doesn't tell you about his life, and you aren't asking each other enough questions.

You desperately want questions. You want someone who isn't a crazy narcissist to show INTEREST in you. You want interested, open-ended questions, so badly. You want to learn and educate. But there is no curiosity from the people around you. You don't know your own family, your own partner, and sometimes not even yourself.

I want to be fun and horny and alive again, but I feel like I'm dying.
If I may, though I'm new, hoping I don't overstep my bounds here, but I just want to say that what you said makes me want to give you a supportive hug.

HUG!!!

I may not be eloquent and have the big words to help you, but I hope that in time you'll be able to find what you're looking for. It may be difficult to find, but don't give up all hope. There's many people I've seen that have given up on finding what they search for, but then they find it eventually. Usually in the last place and time they expected. Just do your best to keep that ember of hope alive. Cup it in your hand and keep it safe. I think it'll be worth it in the end. You're someone special just like anyone of us, and we all have our trials and tribulations we got to go through in life, and we're all pulling for you.

HUG!!!

Just do your best to keep a smile on your face and your head up. The sun always shines with a new day of possibilities. Just keep hope.
 

FureverWolf

Well-Known Member
Live and let live is my opinion. Everybody has their own lives and their own ways they want to deal with it. Some want it clean, some want it dark. No one has the right to judge how a person lives their character's lives, as long as it doesn't spill over onto other people that don't appreciate it. That's why this community is so amazing. The diversity. You'll always find the kind of groups that you're looking for. All of us may be different, but we all try to find others with a kindred spirit & mind to be around. That's what helps us feel appreciated and not alone in this world. I believe the whole point of being furry is the expression of the part of our self that we keep hidden, or wish that we could be, and living that part that we long deny ourself, whether clean or dark, in an appropriate setting, around others who understand.
 

Jaredthefox92

Banned
Banned
You'll find my characters are actually rather prude, even for designated characters like Scylla and Ophelia who are the frisky ones. Most of my characters wear clothing too. A very broad and uninformed generalization here.
 

Jaredthefox92

Banned
Banned
I also would like to add that I have a story where characters are killed off by one another or are sniped in the head or hit by artillery shells. If you would read my story you'd find that it is not NSFW in the way the furry fandom thinks, it's a bunch of war stories. A lot of characters just randomly have kids and nobody knows who their husband/wife, or I just never depicted it. My stories are meant for action and the grim reality of war.
 

MaelstromEyre

Slippery When Wet
I don't particularly care what people want to do with their own fursonas, that's totally their business. I've had some more mature art done of my character, just for fun, because she has a sensual side and I like to see how artists express that. However, I won't consent to allowing other people to use my character in the same way, with very few exceptions. Experience has taught me that there are people in the fandom who are more interested in their own stimulation, than respecting other people or their characters.

The key concept here is consent. Use your character as you want.

When it comes to involving another person's characters, you only do so with the consent of that character's owner.

Meaning, you ask them FIRST, before commissioning the art, before writing a story, especially if it's NSFW, fetish stuff.

You don't do it first and then apologize later when they confront you because you didn't ask for permission.

And if they tell you "no," they owe you no further explanation.
 

TemetNosce88

So long, good luck, goodbye.
Two of my characters exist solely to be sexualized. The other two are developing personalities and are only sexualized most of the time.
 

Jaredthefox92

Banned
Banned
Ironically enough, Ophelia who is mostly seen in her dress is one of the most physically popular based on polls on Deviantart.

ophelia__request_by_cassidythehedgehog1-da5evwz.jpg
 

TyraWadman

The Brutally Honest Man-Child
I am just tired of sex in general, honestly. Like, is this it? I've never felt more unfulfilled about anything before. There was so much build-up, and it's supposed to be The Best Thing EVER! But honestly? No. Now it just makes me feel disappointed, like everything else.

At what point am I going to feel... y'know... satisfied? Content? What's it going to take? Is everything being sold to me not going to work for me? Just how "other" am I, really, and if I accept myself, am I going to be alone? Is there no role in any relationship that suits me?

Sex feels like everyone else is having fun laughing at jokes from a specific comedian, and the comedian's face and material is everywhere, and he's a meme, and all this and a bag of chips, but I'm alienated for not finding him funny or interesting. Yes, I have tried him out. I thought the stage he performed on and the music as he was coming onstage and the advertising and hype and his choice of wardrobe was so much more interesting than the performance itself. Wonderful theatrics to sell me a product that is so tragically lackluster, that makes me feel so insane for even declaring it as such.

I can do better comedy at home, by myself, but it's weird to just be alone and laugh at your own jokes. It also sucks that I can say and do the things that make other people laugh, but no one can make me laugh.

To break away from the metaphor here; it's so horrible to be seen as sexy when you've totally lost the desire for sex. It sucks so much. That's why I avoid horny art and RP and stuff now. It only makes me feel disappointed. The other person is so into it, and it's not fair that I can't feel what they're feeling.

What's worse, once I satisfy someone, foreplay is out the window for nearly all subsequent encounters. It's climaxes on demand from there on out. Which is even. More. Sucky.

I feel so alone no matter how many people are around me, no matter who I'm dating. I also can't find the exact words to express these feelings to anyone in a way that fully makes sense to them. It's a profoundly bad nightmare that doesn't stop, where all of a sudden nothing makes sense and nothing feels right. You're trying to make all the right choices, but something is wrong. Maybe that something is you. Nothing is certain and you're just moving unattached through crowds of strangers in an unfamiliar place, and you feel insane for admitting that what you feel is loneliness. You have a partner who loves you, and you love them, but you slowly realize how much you don't know each other. He doesn't tell you about his life, and you aren't asking each other enough questions.

You desperately want questions. You want someone who isn't a crazy narcissist to show INTEREST in you. You want interested, open-ended questions, so badly. You want to learn and educate. But there is no curiosity from the people around you. You don't know your own family, your own partner, and sometimes not even yourself.

I want to be fun and horny and alive again, but I feel like I'm dying.

I don't know the full story of your relationship or if its long distance or local, or what your SO's personality is like. Perhaps your gut has picked up on a red flag that you've been in denial about. Maybe you were like me, and tried to convince yourself that everything was fine and that things will/would work out despite that ONE thing. Or maybe he's just a really simple (but nice) guy that can't meet any of your other needs.

Maybe this isn't the perfect word for it, but... are you looking for a partner that has Ambition? Someone that is motivated/engaged? They might not be the richest or most successful, but for me, as long as they're actively trying and not just... letting themselves sit in the rut for the rest of their life. I definitely don't want someone super motivated though, because that screams 'extremist' and I don't want to deal with anymore psychos.

My ex definitely had low ambition. He quit his $22/hr PSW job even though it was mostly overnights where he sat on the client's couch, reading his tablet or gaming until they needed help getting up to use the bathroom. Anything that involved going out was a chore, even if it was grabbing takeout. Initiating sex was just grabbing at my body instead of making sure I didn't have a shitty day at work first. I would go out of my way to surprise him during holidays, even thought I didn't have to. I'd always grab him some of his favorite goodies and fast food now and again because I knew he loved it/could use a little boost. He couldn't even remember I liked ketchup on my cheeseburger after 4 years. He couldn't be bothered to walk across the road and grab me some supplies when I was sick in bed. My ex was a cunt. Not saying yours is even remotely as bad as my experience, but I definitely couldn't settle for that mess.

I see you've tried communicating this with your partner. Do you think they don't understand because they are trying to be dismissive of your needs? Or do you genuinely believe they are confused? Maybe this could be the part where you teach your partner to please you and do it right. Maybe you can talk tough and tell him to 'reciprocate for once!'. Maybe couples therapy. Or maybe it's time to look for someone new. :[

You're not crazy. Feeling lost and confused doesn't make you crazy and having different interests/standards doesn't mean you're a problem. There is nothing wrong with wanting more, as long as you're willing to work for it. Whether you decide to stay with them or move on is okay. The point of dating, after all, is to see where your values line up and if you're compatible or not. Though sad, there is no shame in breaking it off. If your mind is screaming for answers, then the only way you can find your answers is by laying it all out on the table with your S.O, or exploring your options. You might worry that you're making a mistake by leaving or staying, but even if it were, you're one step closer to knowing just what it is you want/expect from your significant other.

[I've revised this several times so I apologize if I confuse you, I just want you to know that you aren't alone! D:<]
 

Jackpot Raccuki

Fucking Racon
Oh hey, someone brought back the ol classic.

Funny thing is I recently got something that somewhat sexualised my fursona, which is a nice summer piece. Excluding the vore pieces.


But ima leave it as “It’s my fursona and I get to decide what art I want him in!”
Since not at computer to make the meme, sorry guys.
 

Raever

Chaotic Neutral Wreckage
To be fair, I might not have a lot of NSFW pieces now (I think I have one? Maybe two?) but for those who tend to get bucket loads of art regularly done...eventually, you start running out of SFW ideas or hit an inspirational slump. I can see why someone would choose to just throw everything to the walls and dive into NSFW as a change of pace until more inspiration happens for worldbuilding. I've certainly considered getting more NSFW art...I just usually don't want it or can't justify it after outlining the idea and going back to it later for review. If I don't want something for longer than a day, chances are I won't pay for it, and NSFW art just seems to be that sort of "impulsive buy" for me.

Maybe some people spend time really fleshing it out, adding character details and settings, and maybe the lack of that is why I struggle to stick with any NSFW ideas (that and, I have had a few Furs oversexualize my character in gift art after I explicitly expressed that I do not want that...or they borderline beg for NSFW collabs) but no matter what the reason is, I think that NSFW has it's place, and whether I think the community can be oversexualized doesn't play into my acceptance level for sexual content. I can believe that the Furry community is viewed as overly sexual and appreciate all artwork for what it is. The two don't have to be seperate.
 

pilgrimfromoblivion

DEEP IN THE JEANS SHE'S WEARING
i guess since we're corpseraping this thread might as well as join in hi everyone
 

Raever

Chaotic Neutral Wreckage
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