Okay so in the spirit of being at least HALF as open minded and pragmatic as I wish to claim to be, I did a fuck-ton of research on Atheism and the concept of it being/not being a religion. I forgot all the pretentiousness of the arguments being posted (really---how long will atheists beat that damned tea-cup argument into the ground without having to use such a belittling metaphor? Yes it's clever and funny but--well never mind), and forgot my own initial reaction at getting irritated at that ONE GUY that must always point out some contradiction simply for the sake of making a statement. (Which with heavy and much disgruntled introspection I realized is my own automatic and irrational reaction. People are not required to not-be-assholes when typing what may or may not be sheer facts).
Conclusion: All of the sources are biased-as-balls and completely split on the opinion. But....Just wait for my final answer.
Essentially, I boiled it down to two schools of thought, one of them Non-Religious leaning and the other Religious leaning.
The Non-Religious lean is that Religion is strictly defined by deity-based beliefs and understandings of existence due to such deities in a manner that can be described as 'organized'. Atheism, as such being a non-belief of such entities and such need for organization, thus excludes itself from the definition.
The Religious lean employs a looser definition of religion as simply a set of beliefs about the nature of existence. Thus, since believing it wasn't created by deities is in itself a belief, it qualifies as a religion. However, this lays out interesting implications for scientific beliefs being considered religions within themselves. Big Bang, constant universe, etc.
So.... hell, I'll say it. I consider myself wrong on two grounds. One, if the definition of religion becomes too broad it becomes obsolete. And I can't fairly dictate where that "broadness" ends for the sake of convenience, (as much as I would like to). And Two, something occurred to me as I was going through all the sources. Many of the sources that remained ambiguous on the debate of Atheism being a religion and/or supported the blanket term of religion were either A: Religiously affiliated or B: Philosophically Affiliated (with no clear unbiased sources contributing to the conclusion as a whole). In fact, the only sites I found stating -explicitly- that Atheism was not a religion were pro-Atheist, agnostic, or Free Thought sites. This irked me because I kept thinking, "Well, who the hell are they to say what it is and isn't?" Then it occured to me with a moment very similar to a slap to the face.
The proprietors of said belief can dictate it as whatever the hell they want. Suddenly it was a very large case of "because I said so", and I couldn't deny that beliefs in general, either way or the other, are unique in that the holders can make it WHATEVER they want. Now, that's not to say certain people within the Atheist community might hold a belief about atheism being a religion (and under one definition, they're not wrong). But it doesn't account for, obviously, an overwhelming majority of people saying, "Wait... it's different, it really, really is."
And shit. I can't ignore that, a group of individuals creating their own meaning for their own definition of themselves. This may sound strange, but it pertains to me in a personal way in terms of gender identity and the likes. A big -face palm- moment when I realized I was thinking conservatively in the same schools of thought that tell me I can't be the way I am because I fall under X, Y, and Z characteristics of this OTHER thing.
So bite me Mauve, Captain Howdy, and Fallow and Co. , because actually you made me rethink my beliefs on a topic and actually change said opinion when my own logic fell apart to further nitpicking. Not saying all your supporting arguments were valid, but the end result is the same so it literally doesn't matter anyhow.
(But in all honestly---I love this shit. I'm okay with being wrong and forcing myself to rethink and muse on these levels, so long as I come to a newer, better realization, which is what y'all helped me come to. So, I guess, thanks for willing to speak up and put-up when it would have been easier to roll your eyes and walk away.)