• Fur Affinity Forums are governed by Fur Affinity's Rules and Policies. Links and additional information can be accessed in the Site Information Forum.

Reproduction... Fixed

TabbyTomCat

Well-Known Member
This happened to me a few times. When I see an artwork or a movie that ends with a happy family together ....

That's classic fiction ending. Something like commercial, it's not real life.
Real life family with small kids is tired ever pissed wife, annoying exhausting kids and dead tired father. Little to no sleep, no rest, just zombie like daily circle: work - grocery shopping - house maintenance - babysitting - little sleep. It's the same in every family.
All the fun, adventures and love and sex with hot girlfriend are now only memories.
Well, actually it's not that bad, but being parent is hard life, not fun.

Just trying to cheer you up. Childless life is not bad, you have your time and so many opportunities.
If I was single, I would have sleeping bag packed up on my motorbike happily heading to Siberia and towards unknown with no plan of any kind.
 
Last edited:

pippi

Stinky Skunk
That's classic fiction ending. Something like commercial, it's not real life.
Real life family with small kids is tired ever pissed wife, annoying exhausting kids and dead tired father. Little to no sleep, no rest, just zombie like daily circle: work - grocery shopping - house maintenance - babysitting - little sleep. It's the same in every family.
All the fun, adventures and love and sex with hot girlfriend are now only memories.
Well, actually it's not that bad, but being parent is hard life, not fun.

Just trying to cheer you up. Childless life is not bad, you have your time and so many opportunities.
If I was single, I would have sleeping bag packed up on my motorbike happily heading to Siberia and towards unknown with no plan of any kind.

I second this. life got exponentially harder after having a kid. pretty much lose your entire life and self and become 'just a parent'.
 

zidders

Well-Known Member
Here's a question-Why? Why is it so important to have kids? We live in a world where the cost of living is constantly going up, where the environment is crashing down around us and where the mistakes of previous generations have made it very hard for the young to succeed the way many of them did. Before you consider having kids you should really think about what kind of world you're going to be raising them in. That issue aside does it really matter who the kid pops out of? Blood isn't what makes family. The emotional ties and bonds you form with them are. Also-what if you do have a kid and they are born with some sort of illness? Will you not love them because they're not quite who you expected them to be? Kids aren't a car or collectible or toy. They're not something you have to please some sense of nostalgia or desire to have a stereotypical Hollywood family. Hollywood isn't real. Leave It to Beaver was something two people dreamed up in a smelly office over cartons of cigarettes and three martini lunches. If you want an actual image of what having a family is like watch Married: With Children or Family Guy because guess what? For every stereotypical 'perfect' family there are a hundred thousand messed up one's. Having kids is tough and the world is shit and getting worse every minute and if you think I'm being a pessimist well guess what? My dad left my mom before I was born. I grew up without a dad and had a fucked up family life full of loneliness, abuse and regret because my dad thought he wanted to have kids, found out he didn't want any and bailed on my mom. My sister and I are repairing our relationship and I didn't get to say goodbye to my mom because I ended up lacking the ability to form long-term relationships.

Having kids isn't a walk in the park. Really, really think about what you're doing before you go and bring a human being into this world who's then going to have to deal with all this universes various joys and pains. Yeah there's a lot of good but there's a lot of suck, too and you're going to be the one responsible for every bit of it they go through.
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Shekel collector
That's classic fiction ending. Something like commercial, it's not real life.
Real life family with small kids is tired ever pissed wife, annoying exhausting kids and dead tired father. Little to no sleep, no rest, just zombie like daily circle: work - grocery shopping - house maintenance - babysitting - little sleep. It's the same in every family.
All the fun, adventures and love and sex with hot girlfriend are now only memories.
Well, actually it's not that bad, but being parent is hard life, not fun.

Just trying to cheer you up. Childless life is not bad, you have your time and so many opportunities.
If I was single, I would have sleeping bag packed up on my motorbike happily heading to Siberia and towards unknown with no plan of any kind.
I second this. life got exponentially harder after having a kid. pretty much lose your entire life and self and become 'just a parent'.
I know that this is massive responsibility. I already saw this before.
Still i would like to have family one day, at least once
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Shekel collector
Here's a question-Why? Why is it so important to have kids? We live in a world where the cost of living is constantly going up, where the environment is crashing down around us and where the mistakes of previous generations have made it very hard for the young to succeed the way many of them did. Before you consider having kids you should really think about what kind of world you're going to be raising them in. That issue aside does it really matter who the kid pops out of? Blood isn't what makes family. The emotional ties and bonds you form with them are. Also-what if you do have a kid and they are born with some sort of illness? Will you not love them because they're not quite who you expected them to be? Kids aren't a car or collectible or toy. They're not something you have to please some sense of nostalgia or desire to have a stereotypical Hollywood family. Hollywood isn't real. Leave It to Beaver was something two people dreamed up in a smelly office over cartons of cigarettes and three martini lunches. If you want an actual image of what having a family is like watch Married: With Children or Family Guy because guess what? For every stereotypical 'perfect' family there are a hundred thousand messed up one's. Having kids is tough and the world is shit and getting worse every minute and if you think I'm being a pessimist well guess what? My dad left my mom before I was born. I grew up without a dad and had a fucked up family life full of loneliness, abuse and regret because my dad thought he wanted to have kids, found out he didn't want any and bailed on my mom. My sister and I are repairing our relationship and I didn't get to say goodbye to my mom because I ended up lacking the ability to form long-term relationships.

Having kids isn't a walk in the park. Really, really think about what you're doing before you go and bring a human being into this world who's then going to have to deal with all this universes various joys and pains. Yeah there's a lot of good but there's a lot of suck, too and you're going to be the one responsible for every bit of it they go through.
You say those things like if you knew who you are talking to, i know what is this world like yet that doesn't mean i will give up easily. I remember how my father was stomping on my head and i saw my last "family" collapse in front of my eyes. I have already had my life lessons on how 80% of families look like.
I have made a decision already

But i would like to ask the question now. Do you know what is the feeling of being genetical failure?
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Shekel collector
You make it sound like having a family is like collecting decks of Magic: The Gathering cards. Do yourself a favor-give yourself another five or ten years because you're not responsible enough to have kids. They're not mementos you keep on a shelf.
Aaaand you did not understood allusion.

P.s i do not plan to make the family in the next 5-10 as simply i am not ready for it, mentally and financially
 

Skychickens

Late Healer Ferret
I hate using this as an example but; my biological father was told he’d never be able to have kids. He’s had two.

I’m not the healthiest or most mentally stable. I don’t know about his other child because I met him like once. Point is, he had a slim to none chance to be able to have kids and he’s managed.

I’m in a similar boat to you though. I’m married to a woman with about 1% interest in men. I have a problem where chances are? I won’t be able to carry a child to term. And if birth is even half as miserable as every single month is for me and causes nearly as much pain as I’m in every month? I don’t want it!

It took me a long time to even want kids. I’m pretty low on natural empathy. I don’t really want a baby. I know my irl temper and I worry about if I’d even be allowed to adopt in my situation. But my wife and I do want kids at some point. I think now is a terrible time. She’s frustrated that out options are basically pay out the ass options when for a “normal” family it’s as easy as a slip one night.

I just want to be in a stable place before I have kids, and personally I’d love to adopt a pair of young siblings. I just want to skip the baby stage and go right into like a 4 year old.

I’m not sure if any of this helps, but I thought I’d pitch in my experience.
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Shekel collector
I hate using this as an example but; my biological father was told he’d never be able to have kids. He’s had two.

I’m not the healthiest or most mentally stable. I don’t know about his other child because I met him like once. Point is, he had a slim to none chance to be able to have kids and he’s managed.

I’m in a similar boat to you though. I’m married to a woman with about 1% interest in men. I have a problem where chances are? I won’t be able to carry a child to term. And if birth is even half as miserable as every single month is for me and causes nearly as much pain as I’m in every month? I don’t want it!

It took me a long time to even want kids. I’m pretty low on natural empathy. I don’t really want a baby. I know my irl temper and I worry about if I’d even be allowed to adopt in my situation. But my wife and I do want kids at some point. I think now is a terrible time. She’s frustrated that out options are basically pay out the ass options when for a “normal” family it’s as easy as a slip one night.

I just want to be in a stable place before I have kids, and personally I’d love to adopt a pair of young siblings. I just want to skip the baby stage and go right into like a 4 year old.

I’m not sure if any of this helps, but I thought I’d pitch in my experience.
It always does to hear someone's experience, do you remember when I broke up?
Without you furs I wouldn't do it so easy :)
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Shekel collector
Well then. I’m glad to be of some help. ;)
and yes I also want to get stable before I will make a family. Another way it would be a nightmare. You know... it is the genetical problem, not a money I am talking about
 

Skychickens

Late Healer Ferret
and yes I also want to get stable before I will make a family. Another way it would be a nightmare. You know... it is the genetical problem, not a money I am talking about
I feel you there. Most of my health issues they’re linking to genetics. Don’t want to curse some other soul with that...

I did kinda babble there though...
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Shekel collector
I feel you there. Most of my health issues they’re linking to genetics. Don’t want to curse some other soul with that...

I did kinda babble there though...
No, you didn't! In Poland, we have the saying "The devil is in the details"
I always prefer to know more than less, who knows? Maybe the smallest thing will be what am I looking for?
 

David Drake

Representative of Naboo
I wish I had been able to read the original OP, because I feel I missed a lot reading this thread.

I was not ready for a child. I thought I was, I wanted one eventually, but I got pushed into it by someone who neither of us realized was abusing me. And now I have a broken family, because I had to save myself in order to be everything my daughter needs, and I can't even be that because I can't be there most of the time (her mother is the best caretaker for small children anyone could ask for, but the way she treats adults...if she is unsuccessful in working through what split us apart as she is attempting I dread the future). On top of that, my daughter is unlucky enough to have a heart condition that requires three open-heart surgeries (she's had the first two already - and she's not even a year old yet) and medical watch for the rest of her life to the point where I worry about her own ability to fall in love and fully enjoy all that has to offer safely - it would break my heart if she couldn't.

I wish things had turned out much differently. I wish I had made different decisions before it became this difficult to do what I need to do.

But...

Now that she's here I wouldn't trade her for anything. I love my special little girl more than life itself. I can't wait to see the person she becomes.

My problem is that I tend to see both sides of a lot of issues. So I at once agree both with the innate specialness your child has on a parent (in all but the most horrid cases) AND the idea to avoid having any if you doubt your ability/genetics - ever if necessary. There is no one right answer. Having kids doesn't automatically make you more nor does not having them automatically make you less. You do what you need.

There is a part of me that likes the idea of siblings for my daughter, but I will not even entertain the notion unless the situation is completely right - and I'm okay if it never is, even with an otherwise perfect partner.
 

HistoricalyIncorrect

Shekel collector
I wish I had been able to read the original OP, because I feel I missed a lot reading this thread.

I was not ready for a child. I thought I was, I wanted one eventually, but I got pushed into it by someone who neither of us realized was abusing me. And now I have a broken family, because I had to save myself in order to be everything my daughter needs, and I can't even be that because I can't be there most of the time (her mother is the best caretaker for small children anyone could ask for, but the way she treats adults...if she is unsuccessful in working through what split us apart as she is attempting I dread the future). On top of that, my daughter is unlucky enough to have a heart condition that requires three open-heart surgeries (she's had the first two already - and she's not even a year old yet) and medical watch for the rest of her life to the point where I worry about her own ability to fall in love and fully enjoy all that has to offer safely - it would break my heart if she couldn't.

I wish things had turned out much differently. I wish I had made different decisions before it became this difficult to do what I need to do.

But...

Now that she's here I wouldn't trade her for anything. I love my special little girl more than life itself. I can't wait to see the person she becomes.

My problem is that I tend to see both sides of a lot of issues. So I at once agree both with the innate specialness your child has on a parent (in all but the most horrid cases) AND the idea to avoid having any if you doubt your ability/genetics - ever if necessary. There is no one right answer. Having kids doesn't automatically make you more nor does not having them automatically make you less. You do what you need.

There is a part of me that likes the idea of siblings for my daughter, but I will not even entertain the notion unless the situation is completely right - and I'm okay if it never is, even with an otherwise perfect partner.

Thank you very much for sharing your story, I really appreciate that.

My problem is... there is almost 100% of the chances that my child would be born crippled... I was thinking about the adoption but this was breaking me. I think I have finally made a step forward and broke the mental block.

It was there for quite a few years


I really wish for your daughter to get back to health. I am sure she will ; )
 

David Drake

Representative of Naboo
Like I said, she will never be 100%, but I appreciate your kindness all the same. Best I can (and do) hope is that she is able to have a long and fulfilling life and her condition doesn't impede that too much.

It's good you made that step forward. You'll probably be a stronger person because of it.
 
Top