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Requesting Critique/Feedback

Naesaki

JRPG Fanatic
So I've finally decided to take the plunge and upload a story I've been working on to FA, I'm currently up to chapter 15 out of 20, I have the beginning, middle and end sorted out its just now I'd like some critique from the community on this story as a whole as I'd love to be able to improve myself and hopefully get better as a writer as this is something I truly love to do.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/15635064/

Any Criticism or Feedback you guys have will be greatly appreciated and if you like the story as well do feel free to leave a comment on here and on the FA link as well :)

If people like this I may upload the other chapters as I go along and after I finish editing them and checking for the common mistakes, though one thing I find whenever I write, I sometimes miss on the the really minor details, I see the big picture but not all the smaller details in between which has generally proved to be my downfall in writing.
 
I am actually reading it right now.
I saw your avatar and was like, hey...I have seen that face before! XD I am at work right now, so reading is kinda slow at the moment. But I will let ya know what I think when I finish it! ^^
 

Naesaki

JRPG Fanatic
Hey thanks bob, I hope you enjoy it :) it is pretty much a sword art / log horizon fanfic of sorts early on but I'd like to think I move away from it in later chapters
 
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