RP & Relationships

[kiroku]

Hopefully this hasn't been discussed to death already. I have my telegram on my FA profile and I don't mind when anyone contacts me about whatever, but recently more and more of conversations I'm involved in start to turn into the other person beginning to RP with me. Usually it's friendly and tame (which is fine and whatever), but sometimes I can tell the other person is trying to get more "involved."

I am in a relationship and my significant other isn't furry at all, but doesn't mind I am. I'm wondering how others out there in relationships (or not, but have an opinion) handle RP interactions that you can tell are leaning into "adult" areas. Do you avoid it? Do you try to change the direction? Are you transparent about being in a relationship? Do you see it completely separate from yourself and go all in?

I'm curious how other's feel about RP and how it does or doesn't apply to their IRL self/relationships with others. I personally just try to diffuse where the other person is headed and keep it tame. I don't personally mind SFW RP, but curious what others think!

 

[MaetheDragon]

What an interesting post, fren! Well, if I had to put my two cents in, I’d say it’s important to make the distinction between RP relationships and real life ones. When you RP, you put yourself into the role of another character, right? Who has a life independent and different from your own? In that case, I’d say it’s perfectly fine to write smut with someone else, as long as your relationship doesn’t leak into real life. It’s simple to me, really.

But, I also understand why it may be uncomfortable for you! Because I wouldn’t want to roleplay with a character, like my bearded dragon sona, Mae for example. I feel like she shares a lot of personal aspects of myself with me, so it’d feel too personal if I roleplayed such an act with another character, who doesn’t belong to my boyfriend.

It’s really up to you and how personal your characters are to you, fren.

 

[Filter]

In my experience, it's hard to find others who leave real life out of RP. That's one reason why I mostly avoid it.

The kind of furry RP I enjoy creates a fictional world where you assume the identities of your characters. They're not going to know what happened to RL you at work today, for instance, or care whether you live on a different continent. They're also not going to dump their RL relationship troubles on you. Ideally, the interactions remain between fictional characters. The only thing you need to be transparent about, in my opinion, is the fact that it's RP.

I view it differently than role playing games, in which you talk about real life stuff and build friendships while playing. Both have a place, but furry RP for me is its own animal.


My thoughts on my RL significant other engaging in RP depends on what they're comfortable with, and what effect (if any) it has on our relationship. I don't think RP is inherently bad or good. It's more about what you enjoy and can handle responsibly.

 

[Mambi]

Hopefully this hasn't been discussed to death already. I have my telegram on my FA profile and I don't mind when anyone contacts me about whatever, but recently more and more of conversations I'm involved in start to turn into the other person beginning to RP with me. Usually it's friendly and tame (which is fine and whatever), but sometimes I can tell the other person is trying to get more "involved."

I am in a relationship and my significant other isn't furry at all, but doesn't mind I am. I'm wondering how others out there in relationships (or not, but have an opinion) handle RP interactions that you can tell are leaning into "adult" areas. Do you avoid it? Do you try to change the direction? Are you transparent about being in a relationship? Do you see it completely separate from yourself and go all in?

I'm curious how other's feel about RP and how it does or doesn't apply to their IRL self/relationships with others. I personally just try to diffuse where the other person is headed and keep it tame. I don't personally mind SFW RP, but curious what others think!

I prefer to be transparent with my lover...we've been together for a VERY LONG time, she's my true soulmate (both my human and my feline one) and we absolutely love and trust each other completely. So we know when play is play and play is "play" and thus she's not concerned at all. My heart will always belong to her and she will always be irreplaceably special to me. Therefore she sees it as nothing more than really good flirting and knows nothing's threatened in the relationship.

Of course that works both ways too...I'm always clear with the RP'er right up front that IRL I'm perfectly content and not looking to hook up so they don't get the wrong idea. I'm willing to play and enjoy it a lot, but my heart's loyalties are always to my mate and "cubs" first, and nothing on the planet can change or threaten that, no matter how good the RP'er is. They'd be very fun and probably pretty hot, but my lover will always be the one who my eyes sparkle for the most in the end and she knows it!

Help any? <smile> Oh BTW, my lover's not a furry either but is obviously 100% cool with my furry life too.

 

[VX666]

Real life is crazier than I can imagine, I just find RP boring

 

[Arnak]

Sure I'll rp and be all lovie dovie, but after that we're just friends goofing around.

 

[Jackpot Raccuki]

I'm usually just playing the character.
It's like what I always say "What I do online is completely seperate to who I am in real life."
Because in real life I love my honey.

But online, I'm not myself, I am someone else. Is it cheating? Some might think so, but that's why you ask.
My man is asexual so he doesn't really mind me doing it with others because he knows I love him more.

I'd expect it to be common nature to know that just because my character(s) say they love you doesn't imply I do irl.
Y'know, I still have had people say they love me and it puts me off and I have to remind them I have a boyfriend... As funny as it may be since it's usually a girl saying that.

 

[HistoricalyIncorrect]

In rp there are two made up characters interacting with each other. Some of them have more traits like their author, some of them less. If you think sex in rp is bad and cheating then don't do it but if you know that it's not and that your are not going to hurt your significant other?

Then there is nothing stopping you from goofy adulting as 2 anthro-animals.

 

[MaelstromEyre]

I am active in an RP community, entirely furry, but it's heavily storyline based so "relationships" and intimacy that take place IC are really only IC.

There are occasionally players who come in and can't seem to draw a line between two characters having a relationship, and two PLAYERS.

I am in a RL relationship.

I am not interested or available, and I make that clear in my profile.

I can't change the fact some people will misinterpret RP activities as a "sign" that we, as people, should be together. But I won't go along with it.

 

[Skittles]

My view is RP is RP. If mixed signals are being sent then things need to be made very clear very quickly. Otherwise it can get out of hand and leave people with a sour taste in their mouths.

Me and my partner RP often, we met in RP and just clicked. We also RP with others when we can. ^^ SFW RP that is. XD

But yes. If you make it clear that RL is RL and RP is RP before wires and feelings get crossed. Then usually things are fine.

 

[Deleted member 132067]

I am in a relationship and generally keep things pretty transparent for my girl. At least to a degree, while she does care for roleplaying, she doesn't care a lot for furry things. So when I have the spare time to do some roleplaying and it comes up, it will be talked about if necessary.

There's usually two ways "mixed signals" in roleplaying can be handled. Playing out a relationship can be fun if it seems natural for the characters, and in environments like LARP I can trust most people to handle the roleplaying as nothing more than it actually is -Just roleplaying , nothing between the portraitist of the characters. And I know that both will respect each others clearly set boundaries. With the internet I more often than not do not have this trust, and even when boundaries are set they have been ignored in the future. When this point is reached the answer is very clear: I have a girlfriend, I don't want anything to change and don't feel comfortable with this at all, either stop your Shenanigans right now or fuck right off. Which they almost never do, hence why I'm glad about block options.

 

[ConorHyena]

RP is RP. I prefer not to do relationship stuff in one-shots and stuff like that, but in story-driven ones, if it comes natural, sure.

Rp isn't real life though. IRL I'm happily taken.

 

[quoting_mungo]

Whether text-based adult roleplay is acceptable in a relationship depends on the boundaries set by the people in that relationship. Everyone should have conversations with their partner(s) about boundaries, and respect whatever is agreed upon.

My husband and boyfriend both are into roleplaying both one-on-one with friends of theirs via IM and on MU*s. I’m not into typesex as a whole, so while I will log into Tapestries now and again, it’s not something I get heavily involved with. It’s never been a big deal to us, but we also have an open relationship in the first place, so... *shrug*

The only thing I really have a strong opinion on in regards to whether RP should be considered cheating, is that you shouldn’t get on your partner’s case about engaging in RP unless you have had that conversation about boundaries and established that it’s not okay. (Also, of course, that if you feel like something you do is cheating or something you should hide from your partner, don’t fucking do it.)

 

[Doomer]

I'm poly, so I'm okay with that

 

[KD142000]

My boyfriend is fine with me doing RP's that are adult. I do at least make it clear that I do have someone in my life and that it won't progress to anything more than just a role-play. I also only RP with friends who I trust and who know I'm happily involved with someone else. Keeps the boundaries clear, there.

So long as people are respecting you when they ask for RP's, I can't see the harm in it. Besides, I'm not emotionally invested in them unless they're with my boyfriend. :3
I use my sona, as well as my other characters for this.

RP-ing an actual long term relationship? That's a different thing and I've never actually been asked or invited to do that.
I suppose the main thing is that it's fictional, so it shouldn't matter. But do what you and your significant other is happy and comfortable with and all will be well!

 

[LeFay]

I've never had a problem with my partners engaging in either SFW or NSFW rps. It's not the same thing as the real stuff and is just a form of "entertainment" in my eyes. I don't get insecure in my relationships so I have no issue if my partner wants to do that sort of stuff.

I do participate myself and in rp form I have no issues as long as it doesn't go farther then that. Currently I'm single but when I was dating, if I felt like they were coming onto me I always made it clear I just wanted to be friends and in this fandom a lot of people get infatuated quickly and misread signs so theres been a few times I've had to draw a line.

Sometimes I have had to curve off of rping for people that are into more, I guess alternative stuff but they can get rather aggressive so normally I have to tell them off. If you're not comfortable you're not comfortable, don't be afraid to tell them that.

I also try not to participate in nsfw with someone thats in a relationship unless they initiate it first and I can gauge their boundries.

 

[Tuxie]

I avoid adult RP and I'm in a relationship. I don't have it in me to do adult things with anyone else other than my partner, even if it's fictional. Besides, when I was single and doing it there were too many incidents of partners wanting to blur the lines.

 

[Arthurtheshepherd]

I met my boyfriend in an rp and for a bit in the beginning we both did separate rp's we where both fine with it until we realized that this was a relationship that was really going to work (we both had a history of one sided relationships) and we end up spending majority of our time together.

 

[Kinare]

I would never be able to NSFW RP or be with someone who did while in a relationship. Clearly in the minority on that, but I feel like any pleasure in a sexual way shouldn't be outsourced to people outside of the relationship, even if lines are drawn by all and it's "just some innocent fun through text". It's just asking for trouble. Plus, if I couldn't satisfy my partner in that way I would feel badly about it and we probably wouldn't be a good fit in the long run.

 

[PercyD]

I'm actually ace so, the whole thing is different for me. NSFW rp is like reading an erotica...? But in a sort of, adult, "choose your own adventure" style. I'm also something of a bibliophile, so a I find a well written story satisfying.

Then again, I'm very disinterested in inserting myself or my sona into a roleplay. Since I am ace, it's a major turn off and it doesn't appeal to me. My sona is just for art and cute lolita designs, goodbye-

If I had a partner, I'd let them know what I'm doing and even invite them to read some of the stuff I've come up with. Even if they don't play, I'd figure that would be a great bonding activity.

 

[kiroku]

Thanks for the replies, everyone! I like the diverse approaches everyone has.

 

[MagnusLucra]

RP is fun, but it depends on what you want to do.
Nothing is wrong with SFW role play, just go with it, and if it goes in a direction you don't want it to, ask the other person out of character what their intentions are, and let them know what you're interested in.
If you want to do erotic things, and you trust your partner, it's best to talk about it before going into adult stuff to discuss what they're comfortable with.
If you want to do erotic things, and you don't trust your partner, then you have a completely different problem to solve.

 

[MaelstromEyre]

Even in normal (non erotic) RP, there is the risk of people unable to make the distinction between IC and OOC actions.

For example, I used to be friends with someone who got involved in the RP group I was involved in. He kind of went off into his own storyline, which was great, but as a character he got involved in things that directly negatively affected my own character.

Now, OOCly I didn't care, I like it when people do their own thing and create tension between characters, and I RP'd it as such. My character felt hurt and betrayed, and she lost her trust in this other character as a result of his actions.

The player, however, kept wanting our characters to be "friends" and didn't understand why it would make no sense. It would go against my character's temperament to forgive his character's behavior. He kept trying to talk to me about all these story ideas he had, where our characters were friends, and I was like "dude, no, really, ICly my character is PISSED at yours. We are still OOCly friends, but you chose to have your character do things that deeply hurt mine, she does not trust your character or consider him a friend at all anymore."

He would not let up. He could not grasp that us being friends OOCly and ICly were two different things.

The same guy ended up being kind of creepy weird, to an obsessive extent, and our friendship ended.

Having said all that, some of my BEST RP friends are those who play characters that do NOT get along well with mine. We play off each other, we challenge each other ICly, but they are fun, decent people in real life and we don't take things personally. Hell. . .his character KILLED one of my characters. . .no hard feelings.

If you are not able to separate IC from OOC, be careful what you get yourself into, because you may start taking things too personally.

 

[ditta_ragdoll]

I met my husband waaaay back in early furry fandom days, in the fandom.
I've gone through a few phases of RP while with him, and as it stands, I operate by the golden rule.

If it would make me feel shitty to see him do it, I won't do it.

I draw smut At every available opportunity, and it does involve my characters, but none of these characters are *me*. In character and out of character are very different things. As Eyre above me said.

The larger distinction is if you feel like its *you* participating in the RP? That's where the distinction is. Cause Aeons help you if you catch feelings while your character is hoeing.
Though, Marking myself as married decidedly decreased the amount of random Dudes showing up in my inbox with their dicks out for me though. An upside to say the least.

Real joy is having Said husband gently grade any smut you write/create as art to help you improve your craft. Being up front about it with him ensures he's never blindsided by a new relationship etc.

That said, RP is supposed to be characters interacting and growing, not *just* for smut. SFW rp is equally important. Especially friend bonding stuff.