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SELF censorship (ie: not being a twat)

PlusThirtyOne

What DOES my username mean...?
i used to be good at censoring myself.

My extended family is moderately religious so i'm used to toning down crass jokes, minding my language and tip-toeing around all the "that's what she said" comments i could possibly make. -Which is unfortunately A LOT. My brother-in-law is deeeeeeply pious and my niece and nephew -whom i love dearly- are very impressionable so aside from the occasional fart joke -which they love- i keep my expressions at a G level. Since they're kids and don't use such language themselves, it's easy to tone things down. They also repeat new words and phrases out of context like parrots so their constant echo serves as a reminder of what not to say. Family don't often visit my apartment so i usually see them in different settings so it's easy to change habits. Within my own home is a different story.

However, over the course of the last few years i've been relying too much on top-shelf, crass language. i curse like a goddam sailor but i'm not bragging. in fact, it makes me feel...stupid. i've been in a perpetually bad mood for the last two years due to some superbly shite circumstances and i haven't been spending as much time with family so the potty-mouthed demon within keeps coming out. Most days i'm all by myself. i talk to myself, i respond to myself, i argue with myself and i get angry with myself. -Mostly because of the words that i use. Without anybody else in my life to keep my in check, my language has devolved into dialogue worthy of a Quinton Tarantino flick without the poetic flair.

-And i HATE it!

Perhaps you've read before in my posts that i proof-read EVERY thing i type. i ponder my words, refine my thoughts and take extra special care not to misrepresent myself. 9/10 things i type, i don't even post. i will literally spend 30 minutes typing a post and close the browser tab once i conclude that it's not worth sharing. Unfortunately, -some would say ironically- even the coarsest of words and tactless of thoughts seem to squeeze through this filter from time to time; either out of over-editing or simply having no better way to describe my feelings. i don't WANT to be angry, i don't WANT to offend, i don't WANT to cause trouble and i definitely don't want to be misjudged. i don't want to make listeners (and readers) cringe at my limited lexicon. i should be better than that. For this and so many other reasons, i don't even watch or consume boorish media so it's a mystery to me as to where i got these grossly insensitive ideas or at what point things went wrong.

When i was in school i was the only student allowed to curse in creative writing classes. it sounds silly but my English teacher granted me that "privilege" because he liked my writing and my use of words. i used to use curse words sparingly and to make a point but lately it's all i seem to say. They've lost their impact due to repeated use and have actually landed me in trouble a time or two as of late. My impression of the world and my outlook on life has gotten so low lately that the only words my addled brain can muster is "Fuck".

Aside from starting a swear jar, what could i do to better my communication skills?
How do you selectively censor yourself around others? Do you at all? -To what affect?
 

Water Draco

Next LondonFurs?? Please stay tuned
I too dislike it when my potty mouth side starts to creep in and become overbearing to me.

In the past when I became an employee of a company for 14 years my other colleagues would comment that they found that it was surprising to them how I did not use foul language.
Well after 14 years in a exceptionally unhealthy working environment I came away from there with an extended vocabulary of the profanity.

That combined with an unfortunate happening that can leave me being gray cloud filled and hot headed if I use too much of my self up.

Well then the potty mouth avalanche can kick off over the slightest thing. Actually find it quite mentally painful when this happens.

So I take it as a sign that I need to take some time out to look after my self and attend to my needs first for a change.

The excessive use of profanity can be an indication of underlying stress. This in it's self can be self perpetuating to a degree if you are aware of the increased use of fowl language and causes you further stress/distress in managing it. Before you know it you find yourself using profanity over the slightest little thing happening.

For example you reach across a tangible and accidentally knock over the pepper grinder. Nothing is broken or spilt but you instantly find your self getting tick off by it happening and let of an expletive.

Wouldn't it be lovely if there was some sort of bandaid you could put on to magically correct this behavior/mindset.

For myself I am working with trying to understand and manage what I perceive to be the underlying causes for me as well as how I react in situations where I may be lightly to use inappropriate language.

It is truly hard to know what to suggest, so in absence of that here is a hug.
 

Astus

Well Known Foxxo
I used to be 100% pure in my language, not cursing once, using phrases like "holy shudders" and such... then it all changed when I got stunk by a yellow jacket after accidentally shooting an arrow into a mattress with a nest in it.... ever since I let that one curse slip I curse all the time... especially when I drive and when I die in video games
 

Rochat

Stay pawsitive.
My second most used word is "fuck" or some variation of it. I don't really think much of it. I'll use it when debating a point in school even if it rubs some professors the wrong way. I won't use it in written papers, though. But only because I can go over and refine my sentences. In person, I'm more focused on getting my idea across than speaking in a (proper manner?).

Is it bad to use swear words a lot? Imo, not really unless you're using it to verbally abuse others, but someone can do that without using swear words. For example, if I had a kid and he stubs his toe and yells, "Goddamnit!", I'm not going to get mad at him. If he's going around calling other little kids "assholes" then we might have a sit down.
 
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Sergei Sóhomo

Guest
As a Canadian growing up in Canada and is known to be a Canadian, I curse in most every sentence just like everyone else. The only time I tone down language is if there's children nearby or I'm speaking to a superior.
 

MadKiyo

Imma bat in yer rafters
Same OP, I'm also very particular about how and what I post. I'll go so far as to consider if what I say unintentionally suggests anything I don't want someone to think about.

I usually use swear words sparingly, which means I use them when something really stupid is said or happens. Occassionally I might utter one naturally, in which case I stop myself.
 

Troj

Your Friendly Neighborhood Dino Therapist
I have had instances where something "slipped out" in the wrong setting and I felt embarrassed, and I've also been in many settings where I've had to put out my antennae and really figure out where the line was.

I think part of me also a has a tendency to want to subtly troll people or test the boundaries even when the rest of me is genuinely trying to be on my best behavior.

As for what you could do to improve your communication skills, frankly, I'd start with proper punctuation. From there, you should consider what kind of skills you want to strengthen, because depending on that, you might look into things like Toastmasters, theatre classes, impov classes, resources on communication, resources on conflict mediation, resources on assertiveness, and/or resources on management and human relations.

It might help to think of yourself as an actor who is having to play a certain role in particular settings, or a spy who is to trying to covertly gather information, or an anthropologist who is trying to blend in with a strange culture.
 

quoting_mungo

Well-Known Member
You might want to try doing morning pages for a month or so. It can give you an outlet for your stress. Self-editing is good in moderation, but if you start getting mad at yourself for something no one else will hear, that's a sign you've entered a downward spiral.

I practically use fuck as punctuation; it's an amazingly versatile word. Profanity isn't inherently bad in itself, and if your English teacher gave you leave to use it in your writing, I suspect you have a handle on that, too, when you're not bringing yourself down. One of the most basic, most important social skills you can have is the ability to change register to suit the situation. You're doing that when you speak differently around your religious relatives, or if you speak differently around your friends than around your employers, and so on.

The whole saw about how using profanity indicates a limited vocabulary is so much bullcrap. There's a whole world of imaginative, colorful swearing out there, and you can't tell me that is not every bit as creative as whatever else someone produces.

I do self-edit a good deal, but more to make sure that I'm expressing what I mean to express, than to make sure my language is "clean".
 

KILL.MAIM.KILL

Angry Lizard King
Banned
I don't actually swear that much. Once or twice for emphasis or comedic value, and that's enough.
However, I tend to say a lot of controversial things. According to others, I should censor myself and stop saying (or sometimes, even merely thinking) said things, but I refuse. I don't mention touchy topics just to be edgy; I do it because they need to be talked about.
And frankly, if someone doesn't like the way I am, they can just piss off, because to try and change myself would be dishonest and weak.
 

Ovidia Dragoness

Udder Derg
Banned
I rarely cuss. I just don't find it to be that nice. Sometimes I may let an f bomb slip every now amd again but I don't cuss like a sailor. I prefer words like shoot, frick, and dangit. :p
 

DarkoKavinsky

ʎʇʇɐq ʇıq ɐ
I have never once sworn.

Never fucking once.

'Tis the truth.

It doesn't faze me. Fucking gods I hang around hotrodders and other groups which are quite creative with ways to curse.

And frankly if you can't dish it, don't deal it. I'm personally a person who doesn't filter. That doesn't mean I'm flicking off old ladies or telling clerks to go fuck themselves either. You can judge the situation. I can talk politely or I can start telling you to do erotic things with cacti if provoked.

Words have meaning depending on the situation. I say fucked up shit but it makes people think and laugh.

People like me because of that. I'd rather be honest and true than silenced and false.
 

PlusThirtyOne

What DOES my username mean...?
I prefer words like shoot, frick, and dangit. :p
To me, "frick" is the stooooooooooooooopidest sounding word. To me it sounds like a pre-teen Twitch steamer trying to sound like a cool grown-up without losing his computer privileges. For some reason, "frikkin" and "friggin" don't make me cringe so hard. All three would still get you detention at my school back in the day. Hell, i got detention for yelling "fudge" when i smashed my foot in the fourth grade.

i actually wish there was a way to inject censor bleeps into real-life speech. Boondocks was a MUCH funnier show when they bleeped out every other word. Somehow it just made everything funnier without censoring anything. it's obvious what they're saying. The context is what really matters. "WHAZ GOOD, N-BEEEEEEEP-A!?"
 

Dongding

The sheep
My sailor mouth gets bad while away at work. Don't get away with much swearing on days off around home though. 3:
 

PlusThirtyOne

What DOES my username mean...?
Clearly you need one of those little sound board keychains. ;)
No joke, i used to have one with Super Mario sounds and i wore out the replaceable batteries in a month's time. EVERY time i spent money at the store, i'd play the coin sound and EVERY time i hopped onto the sidewalk or over something i played the jump sound. Those were the only ones i used regularly but the battery pooped out after about a month. The keychain was small enough to keep in my pocket but loud enough for people nearby to hear. i just kept it in my pocket with my thumb over the appropriate button.

 

slyslays444

New kid on the block!
I censor myself when appropriate. Cursing is an odd thing. Using a curse can get you more respect in some situations, or make you seem "uneducated" in other regards. Personally, I agree with quoting_mungo, I don't think it implies poor vocab, but if you can't come up with a better word in the spur of the moment, perhaps that's a good time to evaluate. Try to focus on other words, and don't make a big deal out of slipping up as much. One thing I've learned about a lot of things, is that the more you stress over something happening (that you have control over), the more likely it's going to happen on accident solely because you're really worried about it. You get upset at yourself for cursing, and you get mad at yourself. I'm sorry you feel that way! Instead of letting your anger about it get the best of you, perhaps you just gotta accept it happened, and let it be. You may notice that it calms down a bit. In no way am I saying it will definitely help, but stressing won't either. Good luck!
 

Zhalo

Rez the Wolfdog
I don't swear unless I am comfortable enough with the person or group I am talking to. For me swearing is kinda a mild show of trust and letting my guard down in a way. I never swear when I first meet someone and never until I can tell it is okay to do so. Anyway when I do swear I only do so for emphasis and I am not one of those people who goes around saying fuck every third word.

If you really want to reduce your swearing best thing to do is to just be conscious of it and make an effort to use different words instead.

When i was in school i was the only student allowed to curse in creative writing classes.
I'm jealous I have never had a creative writing class that I can remember :'(
 
G

Ginza

Guest
me?? curse?? Where the hell did you hear that bullshi-.... oh..

yeah I'm guilty of having a terrible mouth. I openly curse with everyone I meet (save for children, superiors, bosses, elders, etc), but will dial it back if they don't like it. It's one of my worst habits qwq I also tend to have a very crude sense of humor, with pretty much everyone. Either you love it, or hate it. I don't really hide it :p

I however, do know when to censor myself, and situations where it's totally inappropriate. I also tend to use less profanity when speaking formally (aside from the occasional swear for the dramatic aspect).
 
B

BahgDaddy

Guest
I do censor myself in the right circumstances, but at this point I would probably let an odd "hell" or "damn" slip through. Maybe "shit" in trusted company and the F work ONLY around people who're okay with it.
 

ResolutionBlaze

Angry Local
Banned
I don't normally swear. When I do it typically means I'm either:

A) Really upset about something

B) It enhances something in a humorous way around those that they may find it funnier for it.

C) on the Internet

I don't swear day to day or on a casual basis.

Like, Bojack Horseman uses the F word when someone in the show REALLY fucks up. It's kinda their rule. I think you should apply the same standard; say shit all day, but maintain your hierarchy of words; know what words you're more comfortable using casually, like damn or hell, and the words you'll use less frequently, like fuck or cunt.
 
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PlusThirtyOne

What DOES my username mean...?
know what words you're more comfortable using casually, like damn or hell, and the words you'll use less frequently, like fuck or cunt.
i'm almost positive this will sound cliche and possibly a bit sexist but equality is important to me. Until a met a certain person in my life, i would NEVER use the "C word" aloud or even think it. As i understood it, it was the worst thing you could possibly say. Worse yet, it was the most sexist thing you could ever possibly say to a woman. -But then i MET a couple of "C words" in flesh and blood. They were the absolute shittiest people i had ever met and they dragged my reputation, work ethic and self esteem through the mud for the worst reasons imaginable. They berated me, spread lies about me, ruined my career and ultimately lost me my job and played an important role in ruining my life. "Cunt" suddenly snuck its way into my lexicon. it couldn't be helped.

When i learned of its use in other countries, i realized it's actually not all that bad! The world doesn't end when you say it. it doesn't grow hair on your tongue, it won't make you go blind and it's actually no different than "dick". All of a sudden it didn't sound so...appropriate anymore. -Not because it's so extreme but because it suddenly wasn't extreme ENOUGH! Seriously, though. Fuck all three of those people. They not only change my life, they changed my vocabulary.
 
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