Shoul I hope for my friend to become a furry? (READ THE POST FIRST PLZ)

[Skakuna]

So. I have a friend who said she hates furries, because a couple years ago many of her friends were spamming her with furry porn. I can see how it could make her see that we all go to cons to have furry orgies and how all furries are bad and nasty. She knows me and our another friend are furries, but we don't talk to her about it at all since we know she doesn't like it.
She used to be in rp group on dA, where her characters were hanging around with furry characters only, because all other people didn't want to talk to her. And she did draw fusion of those characters as a part of some quest in the group.
In World of Warcraft she does have Pandaren and Tauren, thou she said she doesn't really like those as well as Worgens since those give her furry vibes. But still she was drawing my Tauren oc in her doodles when we were goofing around about our rp from WoW.
Some time ago she drew anthro cat, not sure if she was asked to or she just wanted to try it out.
A few days ago she said she consideres drawing furries for commisions because she needs money and she knows those would sell a lot. For now she draws characters from WoW as alpacas, but not anthro. Just colorful alpacas, and those look hilarious if you ask me.
To me it starts looking like she slowly turns from furry hater to someone who is ok with us. And maybe one day she would also become furry herself. And I know I should be happy about it... but that would majorly SUCK.
The thing with her is... she's very absorbing person. She wants to meet as often as possible (she doesn't have any friends but me in our town, others are living far away), she wants to talk as often as possible, she wants to go to fantasy and manga cons together and on those, she doesn't want to split. If I want to go on one panel and she doesn't, she either goes with me and shows that she's not happy about it at all, or makes me not go on those. And if there is a panel she wants to go at and I do not... I have to always go with her. There was just one con where we were split, but then our friends from other cities came and she wasn't alone.
There are just 3 furry cons in my country. All very expensive. And if she were furry, she would probably want to go at one. To me, saving the money to go for one is not a problem, I have a job, I can put some money away, and after some time I have enough to go. Same with fursuit, I can save money for it and build it. She... can't save money. She spends hers on shit, because 'her mother sometimes searches her room to find money and spend those on cigarettes or stuff in color green so it's better if she spends those on mangas or other fun things when she is still able'. They are poor, they have debts and in general they don't have much money.
And in here, there is a problem that if I wanted to go for furry con and she wouldn't be able to, she would talk me down so I don't go. Or if I go without her she will act all hurt and say that she feels like shit again and that I am the worst because she feels excluded again.
Also, she can't speak English, so she would try to make friends with Polish furries only. And if she feels like they exclude her as well (and she easly gets that feeling) she would again act all hurt and stuff and maybe try to make me quit the fandom because she feels bad.
I know this post is very long and you might wonder what my point is. So here you have it: Should I hope she becomes furry or prey she just gets ok with us and wouldn't mind fursuiters on non-furry cons? Or maybe I should just hope she won't change her attitude since now it's ok?

 

[Sergei Sóhomo]

Why hope? Go on furry as you normally would and if it leaks then YOLO

 

[Ginza]

Now this is not intended to be rude in any way, but why should this matter? It's just a random, irrelevant fandom. Let her do as she pleases, furry or not. There's really many more pressing issues than whether someone likes anthropomorphic animals or not.

If you want my take on it, it sounds like she's not a furry, nor does she want to be. She's made it clear she thinks it's weird. Aside from that, drawing animals doesn't make you a furry *shrugs*

 

[Illuminaughty]

If it would really upset a friend so much that you had a harmless hobby/interest that they don't have to engage in, then maybe consider that this person might not have really been your friend.

I have a friend of over seven years who is very engaged in Pokemon- I have zero interest in Pokemon, but I still congratulate her when she gets a rare thing she wanted and I listen when she talks about it, even if I don't understand and don't feel as excited. I am happy that she is happy. And if your friend is really your friend, they should feel the same.

That said, it isn't your business to try and force your friend to be interested in the furry fandom. You can make your opinions on the furry fandom and your place in it very clear so that they can understand, but it is their decision on what to like. If you are really their friend, you'll accept that.

 

[defunct]

If someone seems extremely adverse to something minor, there's usually a good chance they're guilty of it.

 

[Inkblooded]

why do you care. just let people be themselves. dont try to recruit people like a cult because theyll end up hating it

theres a few fandoms i cant stand because years ago my old shitty "friends" forced me to be a part of it when i had no interest

edit actually i feel that way about furries

 

[Yakamaru]

Uh. No.

 

[ellaerna]

I get the feeling that some people did not read this through, cause it doesn't seem like you're trying to force her into the fandom. In fact, you're asking if it would be better to keep her out of it.

Look, the best advice I can give you is to talk to your friend. Let them know how you feel about their actions and suggest ways to help, including maybe a therapist. It's good that your trying to be a good friend and keeping her happy, but it sounds like this is starting to wear on you. You are not responsible for someone else's happiness and if it's gotten to the point where you're actively hoping she doesn't get into a fandom you're in, then that's a sign that things need to change. It's not a healthy dynamic for either of you.

You can want to share your interests with her or not. Either is fine. But talk to her about your friendship.

 

[Skakuna]

why do you care. just let people be themselves. dont try to recruit people like a cult because theyll end up hating it

theres a few fandoms i cant stand because years ago my old shitty "friends" forced me to be a part of it when i had no interest

edit actually i feel that way about furries

Um... I guess you didn't read my post at all. I'm not trying to recruit anybody, I don't know if I want my friend to become furry.
@ellaerna I guess I should, but I know she'll be mad at me. We had that conversation a couple of times before, and she never tried to understand my point of view.

 

[Yakamaru]

Um... I guess you didn't read my post at all. I'm not trying to recruit anybody, I don't know if I want my friend to become furry.
@ellaerna I guess I should, but I know she'll be mad at me. We had that conversation a couple of times before, and she never tried to understand my point of view.

She is not interested. That is something you are going to have to live with if you actually value your friendship with her. Seeing as she's sticking around despite knowing you're a fan of anthropomorphic animals, it should give you a clue on how to act, behave and think yourself.

Yes, she may hate Furries. Doesn't mean she can't at the very least get along with some on a basic level. Same goes for you.

Just leave her be, and don't talk about or mention Furry shit around her. She seems to respect your boundaries and tastes, so it's common courtesy to do the same back.

 

[ellaerna]

@ellaerna I guess I should, but I know she'll be mad at me. We had that conversation a couple of times before, and she never tried to understand my point of view.

Then at some point you need to consider what is best for you.

If she doesn't get into furries and things stay as they are, fine. If you're okay with how things are right now, then nothing needs to change.

But if she does get into furries and all those things you're worried about happening happen and you start resenting her and hating the fandom because of her... something needs to change. It's one thing to want something to yourself- we all get to be secretive from time to time- but it's another to be actively anxious about someone getting into the fandoms you're in. It can be hard, but sometimes we have to admit that our friends are toxic and it sounds from what little we know that this has the potential to be really toxic. I don't know since I barely know you and I know her even less, but just the fact that you had to ask this question says a lot.

Whatever happens, I hope you come out of it happy and safe. Same for her.

 

[quoting_mungo]

@ellaerna I guess I should, but I know she'll be mad at me. We had that conversation a couple of times before, and she never tried to understand my point of view

There are many reasons confronting her could make her mad at you; manipulators get mad if you try to take back control, and people who are clingy because they have a genuine fear of abandonment could get mad because they think the confrontation means you might leave or because confrontation forces them to face uncomfortable truths. I can't say which your friend is - if she is a manipulator it's doubtful indulging her will ever make anything better, though.

If and when you do confront her, make sure you have some boundaries in mind ahead of time. This will both help you keep the conversation on track, and can serve as a reassurance for her if she's insecure. "I need this much space for myself. Give me that and we'll be fine. Keep overstepping these boundaries and I will have to push you farther away because what you are doing is smothering me." It's not easy to be on either side of that conversation, but at least in my experience when there are clear boundaries it is easier to stick to them for both parties. You can re-evaluate those boundaries in the future as needed, but it's not unreasonable for you to want some breathing room.

 

[Yakamaru]

It seems people are treating being a Furry more than being a fan of anthropomorphic animals. A hobby. I would recommend you stop, and move on with your life.

If she is attacking you personally, take it up with her. Just because she is hating the fandom doesn't mean you have to do anything about it. It could easily make it worse.

I am just going to give my advice, and see what you will do and how you do it, if at all. And bring popcorn for any potential drama.

 

[ellaerna]

It seems people are treating being a Furry more than being a fan of anthropomorphic animals. A hobby. I would recommend you stop, and move on with your life.

If she is attacking you personally, take it up with her. Just because she is hating the fandom doesn't mean you have to do anything about it. It could easily make it worse.

I am just going to give my advice, and see what you will do and how you do it, if at all. And bring popcorn for any potential drama.

I think you're the one misreading. This isn't really about the fandom specifically, but the OP being conflicted about a needy friend entering their space. In the one hand ,they hope for it since It's nice to have your friends into the same shit as you. On the other, she is a needy individual who could very well ruin their friendship and their enjoyment of the fandom with her actions, so they also pray that she doesn't change her mind on the issue.

This isn't us going "Oh your friend doesn't like Furries? That's horrible and toxic!" But rather "hey this sounds a bit like you might have a emotionally manipulative friend, maybe talk to her about that."

 

[Yakamaru]

I think you're the one misreading. This isn't really about the fandom specifically, but the OP being conflicted about a needy friend entering their space. In the one hand ,they hope for it since It's nice to have your friends into the same shit as you. On the other, she is a needy individual who could very well ruin their friendship and their enjoyment of the fandom with her actions, so they also pray that she doesn't change her mind on the issue.

This isn't us going "Oh your friend doesn't like Furries? That's horrible and toxic!" But rather "hey this sounds a bit like you might have a emotionally manipulative friend, maybe talk to her about that."

Yes, and my only recommendation would be "leave it be". If something good comes out of it, then all the better.

If she is indeed manipulative, then another recommendation would be to cut ties with her. No one deserve manipulative people in their lives.