Should I tell my wife I’m a furry?

[Shreddyfox]

I’m pretty new to the fandom, but I’ve always had an interest in anthropomorphic characters. Through a few people on YouTube I found the fandom and saw what an accepting and positive community it is and really wanted to be a part of it.

I’ve begun commissioning artwork and supporting artists on patreon to try to contribute what little I can, but I don’t want to spend our money without telling my wife about it.

I may be making this a bigger deal than I should with this just being a hobby and all, but I’m afraid it might freak her out if I tell her. I’m sure at least some of you on here have been through a similar situation and have some insight.

I appreciate any advice and thank you I’m advance for reading this, I know it’s long winded.

 

[Bluefiremark II]

Hey man, do what you want. Honestly when i see or hear people go "should i tell __ I'm furry." I'm like who cares? Why do *YOU* have to make it a big deal? If you like card games you probably wouldn't walk up to someone and say- "Hey!... I'm a magic the gathering fan.." it doesn't matter, it's just something you enjoy. If they find out just calmly explain what it is if they're confused or think it's something it isn't. There's honestly no point in telling people it besides (if it works out) not worrying about it if you are worrying. So yeah. If you want to go ahead. Up to you man, but this is just my thoughts on it heh.

 

[Shreddyfox]

Hey man, do what you want. Honestly when i see or hear people go "should i tell __ I'm furry." I'm like who cares? Why do *YOU* have to make it a big deal? If you like card games you probably wouldn't walk up to someone and say- "Hey!... I'm a magic the gathering fan.." it doesn't matter, it's just something you enjoy. If they find out just calmly explain what it is if they're confused or think it's something it isn't. There's honestly no point in telling people it besides (if it works out) not worrying about it if you are worrying. So yeah. If you want to go ahead. Up to you man, but this is just my thoughts on it heh.

Yeah I may be blowing this out of proportion a little. Just a little nerve racking if she just stumbles upon it.

Thanks for the input!

 

[Bluefiremark II]

Yeah I may be blowing this out of proportion a little. Just a little nerve racking if she just stumbles upon it.

Thanks for the input!

No problem ^^ hope whatever you choose to do works out for ya ^-^

 

[Fallowfox]

You might also ask yourself why wouldn't you tell her? Are you treating it as a secret?

 

[Shreddyfox]

You might also ask yourself why wouldn't you tell her? Are you treating it as a secret?

Yeah it’s not something I really want to tell anyone that isn’t really in the fandom. It’s just an interest that I feel might weird her out.

 

[Marius Merganser]

Normally, I would say there's no reason to disclose your interest in the fandom to friends, parents, classmates, or coworkers, but I think more thought should be given when it comes to spouses. Clear communication is very good for a relationship.
Keeping in mind that I don't know you or your wife or the dynamics of the relationship, consider the following:

No matter how secret you might try to stay about it, she's probably going to find out eventually and there a couple of trust issues in play.
If your interest extends into the erotic territory and she finds out you were keeping this interest secret, she's probably going to be hurt. Even more so if you were spending money on it, and especially if you were sharing that interest with people other than her, even if they were just online. I like to think your spouse is the first person you should be able to openly discuss your erotic interests with.

If there's no interest in eroticism, it's probably not as big of a deal. Sure, sometimes furries are misunderstood or deal with unwarranted stigma, but again, I like to think your spouse would be the most willing to try to understand what it's about if it was important to you.

I guess, if you're spending money on it, interacting with others online, and investing time into it, then it might be a good idea to let her know. If she has reservations about it, I'm sure we'd all be happy to address any concerns.

 

[Mambi]

Only you know your wife, so only you can judge for sure.

When I told mine, it wasn't a shock but she's always very understanding anyway about everything, and she fell in love with my feline self anyway. Anyone should always be free to enjoy what they wish without judgments as long as no harm is being done, and there CERTAINLY is no harm being done in this! <LOL>. If she loves you and knows you odds are she won't care, and if she does then you can explain to her why you like it freely and clear up any misunderstandings she has about the furry world, right? If you do, good luck.

 

[MaelstromEyre]

Of you treat it like a secret, it's going to come across as a "dirty shameful thing." Unless you're deliberately hiding NSFW activities in the fandom from your wife, you can simply be a furry.

Furries are the only fandom I know of where people feel like they have to "come out" as one.

Unless there are Trekkie group forums full of posts like "should I come out to my parents as a Trekkie" or "my whole school found out I am a Trekkie, now what?"

 

[Nyro46]

To be honest, if your wife doesn't take you being a fan of anthro characters well, then you may need to reconsider your relationship . . .
HOWEVER that is really what being a furry is, at the root, is just being a fan of anthro characters and art. It's not really something you need to feel ashamed of or hide, nor do you need to broadcast it to everyone either.
While I can understand maybe she would be worried about you spending too much money on commissions etc., but really it's not much different from people spending money on other things they enjoy. Just as long as you spend money responsibly, like with anything.

 

[Shreddyfox]

Normally, I would say there's no reason to disclose your interest in the fandom to friends, parents, classmates, or coworkers, but I think more thought should be given when it comes to spouses. Clear communication is very good for a relationship.
Keeping in mind that I don't know you or your wife or the dynamics of the relationship, consider the following:

No matter how secret you might try to stay about it, she's probably going to find out eventually and there a couple of trust issues in play.
If your interest extends into the erotic territory and she finds out you were keeping this interest secret, she's probably going to be hurt. Even more so if you were spending money on it, and especially if you were sharing that interest with people other than her, even if they were just online. I like to think your spouse is the first person you should be able to openly discuss your erotic interests with.

If there's no interest in eroticism, it's probably not as big of a deal. Sure, sometimes furries are misunderstood or deal with unwarranted stigma, but again, I like to think your spouse would be the most willing to try to understand what it's about if it was important to you.

I guess, if you're spending money on it, interacting with others online, and investing time into it, then it might be a good idea to let her know. If she has reservations about it, I'm sure we'd all be happy to address any concerns.

I can’t express how much I appreciate this response. You’ve really opened my eyes to how much I’ve ignored her feelings in this. I’ve been stressing myself out about this for weeks and your advice really put this in perspective for me.

I owe it to her to tell her especially with spending money. I’ll wait for a good time and touch back with you. The commissions are sfw so hopefully it’ll go ok.

Thank you so much!

 

[MaelstromEyre]

To be honest, if your wife doesn't take you being a fan of anthro characters well, then you may need to reconsider your relationship . . .

I don't think it's necessarily required that both partners have the interest. My partner of almost 11 years is not a furry, but he just sort of accepts that it's a thing I like.

Biggest thing is communication. Don't go dropping hundreds on art, or thousands on a suit, without discussing it with the partner first.

 

[Nyro46]

I don't think it's necessarily required that both partners have the interest. My partner of almost 11 years is not a furry, but he just sort of accepts that it's a thing I like.

Biggest thing is communication. Don't go dropping hundreds on art, or thousands on a suit, without discussing it with the partner first.

Oh yeah, I agree. I didn't mean she had to be a furry as well, I just meant, if she was very against the idea of her husband like anthros or being a furry himself.

 

[Captain TrashPanda]

Don’t keep secrets from a woman, they’ll use some FBI tactics and find out one way or another.
In other words, absolutely yes you should tell her.

 

[Shreddyfox]

Of you treat it like a secret, it's going to come across as a "dirty shameful thing." Unless you're deliberately hiding NSFW activities in the fandom from your wife, you can simply be a furry.

Furries are the only fandom I know of where people feel like they have to "come out" as one.

Unless there are Trekkie group forums full of posts like "should I come out to my parents as a Trekkie" or "my whole school found out I am a Trekkie, now what?"

I don’t want it to come across that I think of this as a “coming out”. It’s just I don’t know how to even explain it to her. The fact the I’ve spent money on it makes me feel that I should tell her since we both work for our money.

Thank you for the response. Treating it like a secret with her does make it seem more nefarious.

 

[Shreddyfox]

Only you know your wife, so only you can judge for sure.

When I told mine, it wasn't a shock but she's always very understanding anyway about everything, and she fell in love with my feline self anyway. Anyone should always be free to enjoy what they wish without judgments as long as no harm is being done, and there CERTAINLY is no harm being done in this! <LOL>. If she loves you and knows you odds are she won't care, and if she does then you can explain to her why you like it freely and clear up any misunderstandings she has about the furry world, right? If you do, good luck.

I’m glad somebody on here had a similar situation. I am struggling with how to explain it. A lot of people in the fandom are pretty eloquent when it comes to clearing misconceptions, but I’m not even sure how to start. I’m not even sure what she knows about furries. I’m definitely going to talk to her about it, I’m not sure how to go about it. Do you mind if I ask how you brought it up with your wife?

 

[Shreddyfox]

To be honest, if your wife doesn't take you being a fan of anthro characters well, then you may need to reconsider your relationship . . .
HOWEVER that is really what being a furry is, at the root, is just being a fan of anthro characters and art. It's not really something you need to feel ashamed of or hide, nor do you need to broadcast it to everyone either.
While I can understand maybe she would be worried about you spending too much money on commissions etc., but really it's not much different from people spending money on other things they enjoy. Just as long as you spend money responsibly, like with anything.

Thank you so much for the advice! I may be building this up in my head too much. I haven’t gone crazy with the spending, but I do need tell her before any further spending for sure.

This is really helpful thank you

 

[cerulean_blues]

If you want to try and bring it up in a good light, you can always use disney anthros as a good starting ground! That's a very widely accepted from of furry. XD

 

[Shreddyfox]

If you want to try and bring it up in a good light, you can always use disney anthros as a good starting ground! That's a very widely accepted from of furry. XD

We’re both pretty big Disney fans so that’s a really good idea. Thank you!

 

[Mambi]

I’m glad somebody on here had a similar situation. I am struggling with how to explain it. A lot of people in the fandom are pretty eloquent when it comes to clearing misconceptions, but I’m not even sure how to start. I’m not even sure what she knows about furries. I’m definitely going to talk to her about it, I’m not sure how to go about it. Do you mind if I ask how you brought it up with your wife?

I don't mind at all. Again she already was ahead of the game in that she loved my "feline side" as she called it, so one day I decided that she needs to know my interest in the art as well. I was going through some pictures of humans in cat suits (Halloween excuse) and I used that as a lead into some "drawing ideas" that I had as well. So "just for some costume ideas" I showed her some of the more interesting furry art, all the while watching HER reactions to see how to proceed. (Is she weirded out? Going along ok? Seeing the sexy side or thinking it's silly? That sort of thing...")

Well I got lucky because she was cool with it, and then I told her something like "Love, I think these artists are really talented, don't you? They really capture the emotion playful nature...want to see more?" and she did. After a few more pictures (safe and not-safe for work, really by that point we weren't looking for "ideas" anymore and she wanted to see how deep the rabbit hole went...), she could tell that I was genuinely enjoying the art, so she laughed and said something like "So, does that make you a furry?" and that was the moment of truth so I just said "Well, yeah, I guess it does actually! I love the art, and you know how much I love my 'costume' (by that point she knew I wore the same one for several years in a row...which was my ears/tail/fang/collar fursona of course!), so hard to deny it. Is that ok with you?" and lucky for me, it was totally ok. With that I was 'out', and suddenly free to not only enjoy the art openly, but was able to wear my 'costume" more freely day-to-day as well with no danger of her seeing me in a lesser light "catching" me dancing and prowling around in it after-hours. .

She admitted that she didn't personally understand it fully as she's not a furry herself (pout), but she's totally understanding on how *I* feel about it all, and again to her it was just a logical extension of my natural feline playful personality that she already fell in love with anyway, so it wasn't much of a shift in the relationship anyway, AND of course she's totally accepting. Like ANY money spent between lovers she's not stopping me from buying anything I want as long as it's not out of hand, and no need for secrecy. To her, it's just "my thing", like PC purchases or costuming stuff. And we each respect each other and our individual lives as well as our joined ones, so no issues.So remember, she does NOT have to be into it herself to be totally cool with it!!!

Obviously I don't know you nor your wife, but I hope that some of this can be carried over to you and her. <hugs> Just remember, if you love each other truly, nothing can get between it if you talk honestly about your feelings towards the furry art/life, and this really is not a serious problem for most people. The deceptions however would be an issue for most though, so when the time feels right, I hope she's as accepting as my lover is.

 

[Shreddyfox]

I don't mind at all. Again she already was ahead of the game in that she loved my "feline side" as she called it, so one day I decided that she needs to know my interest in the art as well. I was going through some pictures of humans in cat suits (Halloween excuse) and I used that as a lead into some "drawing ideas" that I had as well. So "just for some costume ideas" I showed her some of the more interesting furry art, all the while watching HER reactions to see how to proceed. (Is she weirded out? Going along ok? Seeing the sexy side or thinking it's silly? That sort of thing...")

Well I got lucky because she was cool with it, and then I told her something like "Love, I think these artists are really talented, don't you? They really capture the emotion playful nature...want to see more?" and she did. After a few more pictures (safe and not-safe for work, really by that point we weren't looking for "ideas" anymore and she wanted to see how deep the rabbit hole went...), she could tell that I was genuinely enjoying the art, so she laughed and said something like "So, does that make you a furry?" and that was the moment of truth so I just said "Well, yeah, I guess it does actually! I love the art, and you know how much I love my 'costume' (by that point she knew I wore the same one for several years in a row...which was my ears/tail/fang/collar fursona of course!), so hard to deny it. Is that ok with you?" and lucky for me, it was totally ok. With that I was 'out', and suddenly free to not only enjoy the art openly, but was able to wear my 'costume" more freely day-to-day as well with no danger of her seeing me in a lesser light "catching" me dancing and prowling around in it after-hours. .

She admitted that she didn't personally understand it fully as she's not a furry herself (pout), but she's totally understanding on how *I* feel about it all, and again to her it was just a logical extension of my natural feline playful personality that she already fell in love with anyway, so it wasn't much of a shift in the relationship anyway, AND of course she's totally accepting. Like ANY money spent between lovers she's not stopping me from buying anything I want as long as it's not out of hand, and no need for secrecy. To her, it's just "my thing", like PC purchases or costuming stuff. And we each respect each other and our individual lives as well as our joined ones, so no issues.So remember, she does NOT have to be into it herself to be totally cool with it!!!

Obviously I don't know you nor your wife, but I hope that some of this can be carried over to you and her. <hugs> Just remember, if you love each other truly, nothing can get between it if you talk honestly about your feelings towards the furry art/life, and this really is not a serious problem for most people. The deceptions however would be an issue for most though, so when the time feels right, I hope she's as accepting as my lover is.

Thank you so much for sharing this! You too sound like you have a great relationship and really puts this whole thing in perspective for me. I’m still pretty anxious about hiding the purchases this long, and I know it would be a relief to just put it out there with her. Thank you so much Mambi! It’s nice to have some guidance from people with more experience in the fandom.

Either way talking it out with you and everyone on here has really relieved the stress of it all.

 

[Skittles]

I turned my girl into a furry. That helped!

Anyway!
I wish you luck with whatever you decide!

 

[Shreddyfox]

I turned my girl into a furry. That helped!

Anyway!
I wish you luck with whatever you decide!

That would be the most ideal outcome for sure haha. Congrats on that!

Thanks!

 

[Skittles]

That would be the most ideal outcome for sure haha. Congrats on that!

Thanks!

Thankies! ;D

I guess for actual advice. Just be honest. ^^

 

[Mambi]

Thank you so much for sharing this! You too sound like you have a great relationship and really puts this whole thing in perspective for me. I’m still pretty anxious about hiding the purchases this long, and I know it would be a relief to just put it out there with her. Thank you so much Mambi! It’s nice to have some guidance from people with more experience in the fandom.

Either way talking it out with you and everyone on here has really relieved the stress of it all.

You're so welcome! Happy to help and I hope it goes well no matter what you choose to do. Just remember...you only have to put up with others a few hours at a time, but you have to live with yourself 24/7. Honesty always makes that easier, less bull you have to remember when asked "So what fun you did you get up to last night when I crashed?" <LOL>