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Spoonerisms and Freudian Slips

CyrusTarber

Cyberkitty Extraordinaire
We all know those awkward moments, where you try to say something and it either becomes totally jumbled up in your mouth, or you say something you didn't mean to because of something else on your mind at the time...usually ending up funnier than it should have been, or just embarrassing yourself further. (Scott Pilgrim's "I'm in lesbians with you" comes to mind.)

I know I'm plagued with them, seeing as my mind often runs faster than my mouth can...or my fingers, for that matter, and I can end up saying the most random of things.

Anyone brave enough to share some of their favorite moments?
 
T

Tycho

Guest
One time I said "go to hell, asshole" when I actually meant to say "you have a valid point there"

ok not just one time
 

Schwimmwagen

Well-Known Member
I wanted to say "hello there!" to a black guy who just moved in to our village and I said "sup nigga?" by mistake.

I regret that day very much.

So lesson learnt, I gotta learn to stop jokingly calling my sister "my nigga" to prevent these slips. I often have tourettes-esque moments where I'm alone, and I say the same word. :( I hate me.
 

Stormtail

Member
Once I tried to say fleece, but it came out sleef. It took me a minute to figure out what word I had tried to say. I was so confused.

I often end up mixing two words together when I am about to say a word, then I think of a word which would work better. Instead of saying one or the other they just mix.
 

Xenke

Member
Nope, I just have a bad habit is pronouncing stuff in weird ways. Mostly, accenting a syllable horribly wrong.
 

Aetius

It's Me Gordon, Barney from Black Mesa
I once tried to ask someone "Can you give me a sec", and it came out as "Can you give me a sex" >_>
Worse when I asked someone for a dollar and instead it came out as "Can you give me your daughter"

I was sad :(
 

Unsilenced

Mentlegen
While I don't often do the "say the absolute wrong thing" thing, I do often say (or type) things that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

The most common one is I'm trying to make a statement that goes "A not B," but I confuse myself with the wording and end up instead saying "A not A" or some such. As best as I understand it, it's because I say "Not B, A" as much as I say "A not B." They both mean the same thing, but changing in the middle of the sentence fucks everything up.

I also drop vocabulary, failing to recall extremely common words or names. This tends to happen when I'm tired (Read: all day every day,) and has the tendency to shift people's perception of me from "absent minded" to "downright retarded."

...

And then there's a thing where I mentally picture myself saying the absolute wrong thing, and that causes me to tic... sometimes even verbally.

So... yeah.

Thinking about unleashing a flurry of obscenities at in inopportune moment could actually cause me to unleash a flurry of obscenities at an inopportune moment.

It hasn't happened yet, but the fact that it could is... a bit disturbing.

"Oh boy. This is a very serious situation. I had better not think about what would happen if I were to... FUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCKSHITFUCK!!!!!"
 

Antonin Scalia

Another Great Post
I wanted to say "hello there!" to a black guy who just moved in to our village and I said "sup nigga?" by mistake.

I regret that day very much.

So lesson learnt, I gotta learn to stop jokingly calling my sister "my nigga" to prevent these slips. I often have tourettes-esque moments where I'm alone, and I say the same word. :( I hate me.

suuuuuuuuup nigga
 

Dj_whoohoo

Member
I was talking to this girl and I had two basketball with me and I ask her if she wants to play with my balls. She stood with a look like " BITCH!". I asked her what's wrong and she flinched at me, this guy next to me says i'll play with your balls. He emphasized on the word balls, I was so scared after that and she thought I was a pedophile.
 

Rilvor

Formal when angry
I tend to find myself loathing more when I use words that I am painfully aware I could have used a more eloquent one.
 
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LizardKing

Guest
And then there's a thing where I mentally picture myself saying the absolute wrong thing, and that causes me to tic... sometimes even verbally.

aaaaanononono

I hate that :c Along with thinking about 3 different ways of saying the same thing while I'm saying it, and sometimes mixing them up.
 

dinosaurdammit

White Devil
aaaaanononono

I hate that :c Along with thinking about 3 different ways of saying the same thing while I'm saying it, and sometimes mixing them up.

OH DOAHOMO I HATE THAT.

I also have an issue with talking and typing if someone talks to me when I type to someone and accidently send what the person was saying rather than what I was trying to say. Or do the opposite.

Worse of all distort my sentences as of late. Like put them in a blender and throw them out onto a yatzi table. Surgery wasn't kind.
 

Onnes

Member
This reminds me of ironic process theory, which attempts to explain why trying very hard not to do something makes you more likely to do it anyway. In short, when you are thinking about not doing something, you are still thinking about that thing, which then makes you more likely to do it. If you've ever wondered how someone can make the most perfectly inappropriate statements in any given situation, ironic process theory might be the answer.
 

CannonFodder

Resistance is futile! If 0 ohm
I made a really bad freudian slip on FaF once I was trying to make a joke saying football is "gay" and accidentally typed, "It's a bunch of muscular sweety guys running around in tights trying to grab balls", I meant to say, "It's a bunch of muscular sweaty guys running around in tights trying to grab balls".
 

Unsilenced

Mentlegen
OH DOAHOMO I HATE THAT.

I also have an issue with talking and typing if someone talks to me when I type to someone and accidently send what the person was saying rather than what I was trying to say. Or do the opposite.


Worse of all distort my sentences as of late. Like put them in a blender and throw them out onto a yatzi table. Surgery wasn't kind.

I've had some really weird things show up on my screen depending on what I'm thinking about/hearing.
 

Tomias_Redford

Knight Of Time
I've accidentally called my teacher mom a few times.

The worst time was once, it was a guy teacher XD
 

dinosaurdammit

White Devil
Getting spooked by a teacher and calling them sir if they are female and ma'am if they are male X_X
 

Ley

Member
I once asked a guy if I could borrow his pen in front of his girlfriend... when I had gum in my mouth.

you can imagine how that went.
 

Evan of Phrygia

WwwHhAaaAaTtTttTttTtT
My instructor asked me a question last year, and I wasn't quite expecting it, and it was late in the rehearsal.

So my planned response was, "Yeah that makes sense."

Instead, "Go yeah sense that of makes--wh-wh-when...wait."

My best one.
 

CannonFodder

Resistance is futile! If 0 ohm
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