Tell a bad joke

[Koriekraiz13]

Why do prisoners love fullstops?

It ends their sentence

 

[Koriekraiz13]

Once I went to a magic show with a great trick, where the magician would disappear on the count of three into thin air, when I watched it being performed, the magician said "uno, dos ..." poof. He disappeared without a tres

 

[SLB-Portu23]

What did Santa say to his wife after he found out she had cheated on him?
You're a hoe hoe hoe!

 

[SLB-Portu23]

A young woman broke up with his boyfriend claiming "he wouldn't ever stand up to her when she needed"...this was a very painful emotional blow for the three time handcycling world champion.

(This one is actually awful, not just bad)

 

[SLB-Portu23]

A 32 year old man was arrested at a future fair in Carcavelos for selling expensive and strange looking wrist watches which he insistently stated to be "way ahead of our time". Turns out, he had advanced 3 hours in each one of them.

 

[Firio Zifirion]

You're a furry.

 

[AceQuorthon]

What mythological creatures live at IKEA?

Shelves

 

[Firio Zifirion]

How to make an account on fur affinity?

You don't.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA SO FUNNY

 

[Infrarednexus]

I built a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time ;D

 

[Faustus]

Three logicians walk into a bar.
The barman says "I suppose you all want the usual?"
The first logician says, "I don't know."
The second logician says, "I don't know either."
The third logician says, "YES!"

 

[AceQuorthon]

Three logicians walk into a bar.
The barman says "I suppose you all want the usual?"
The first logician says, "I don't know."
The second logician says, "I don't know either."
The third logician says, "YES!"

*dial up sound*
Explainioli lol...

 

[Skittles]

What is white, flies through the jungle and hurts when it hits you in the head?

..... A fridge. ( This was in an old jokebook I had many years ago..)

 

[Koriekraiz13]

I didn't know why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me

 

[Skittles]

Same joke book.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was stapled to the dead one!

 

[Koriekraiz13]

Same joke book.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was stapled to the dead one!

What the fuck, I have worse

What's the difference between an onion and a baby. I cry when I cut an onion

It's a joke, not a single bit true

 

[Faustus]

*dial up sound*
Explainioli lol...

The third logician can reason thus:
If the first or second logician had NOT wanted the usual, they would have known the answer to the question was 'no' because they wouldn't all want the usual and could have said so straight away. Since neither of them said 'no', the third logician can now determine that they both do want the usual, and therefore can answer definitively for all three. He knows he wants the usual, so he says "yes".

 

[Koriekraiz13]

Knock knock,
Who's there?
You
You who?

You hoo, big summer blowout

 

[SLB-Portu23]

A couple were laying in bed for the night and since the man had a pretty bad breath, the woman told him that whenever he wanted to tell her something, to tap her arm first so she could put her head under the sheets in order to avoid the stenchy odor. This happened promptly and as soon as the woman raised the sheets over her head, the man said "Wow, that bean and cabbage stew you made is giving me some major leaking down there!"

 

[Koriekraiz13]

Give me a piano falling down a mineshaft,
And I'll show A flat minor

 

[Skittles]

What goes black white black white black red?

An ostrich run over on a zebra crossing.

 

[Koriekraiz13]

What goes black white black white black red?

An ostrich run over on a zebra crossing.

A skunk in a blender

 

[JSaarinen]

*dial up sound*
Explainioli lol...

so, the bartender asked if they ALL wanted the usual, so if any one of them didn’t want the usual, the answer would be no. since each one doesn’t know the answers of the others, they can answer ‘I don’t know’, because they themselves not wanting the usual would make the answer ‘no’, so the last one ultimately can answer ‘yes’ because none of the others answered ‘no’.

 

[Infrarednexus]

Why couldn't the life guard save the hippy?

He was too far out :V

 

[Keefur]

How can you tell there's an elephant in your refrigerator?

He leaves footprints in the peanut butter.

 

[foussiremix]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it wanted to KFC