Tell a bad joke

[Faustus]

A man walks into a bar, puts down his pickaxe, takes off his hard hat, wipes the coal dust off his face and says, "I'll have a beer, please."

The barman says "Sorry mate, we don't serve miners."

 

[Foxridley]

A man walks into a bar, puts down his pickaxe, takes off his hard hat, wipes the coal dust off his face and says, "I'll have a beer, please."

The barman says "Sorry mate, we don't serve miners."

What do you get when you drop piano down a mine shaft?

A-flat minor.

 

[Faustus]

What do you get when you drop piano down a mine shaft?

A-flat minor.

Since we're on a roll, did you know that Hitler wrote a book about drag queens in the ore extraction business?

It was going to be called 'Mine Camp' but he got the spelling wrong.

 

[Bluefangcat]

needed the visual format for this one. korn soup

 

[Faustus]

needed the visual format for this one. korn soup

Waiter, waiter! There's something fly in my soup!

 

[a sleepy kitty]

Peter: "Look, Brian! I got a message in my Alphabits. It says 'oooooooo'!"

Brian: "Peter, those are Cheerios."

 

[Mambi]

Four foot tall psychic runs from police after robbery. Small medium at large.

 

[Green_Brick]

There was once an optometrist named "Isaac", a banker named "Bill", a demolitionist named "Boomer", a tailor named "Ty", and a burglar named "Rob", they all got together on Funny Blvd and had a good laugh.

 

[a sleepy kitty]

Ever hear of the goldfish who went bankrupt?

...Now, he's a bronze fish.

 

[Shyy]

@w@
That was painful

 

[MaplePurrys]

I'm reading a book about the history of glue, I can't seem to put it down

 

[a sleepy kitty]

I'd share a bad joke, but it got arrested and is now in jail.

 

[Pogo]

knock knock.
whose there.
cargo
car go who?
no. Car goes beep beep.

 

[Mambi]

A woman places an ad for an "athletic jogging partner" in the mornings for company. Soon she hears the doorbell ring and she goes to answer it.
Opening the door she sees a friendly man with no arms nor legs looking up at her holding her ad in his teeth.

She replies, "I'm sorry sir, I said I needed an athletic jogging partner. I can't see how you think you qualify?"

He simply winks and placing the ad down replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

 

[ssaannttoo]

Lots of people call me ssaannttoo, some people call me Santo, but you Can call me Anytime >:3

 

[a sleepy kitty]

I love a nice, warm, and soft synonym roll. Just like grammar used to make. ♡♡♡♡♡♡

 

[RamblingRenegade]

Why was the math teacher late to work? She took the rhombus.

 

[Mambi]

I tried to learn how to work at the local gay club, but I couldn't get a straight answer out of anyone.

 

[ssaannttoo]

What do you call a person without a body and a nose? Nobody knows...

 

[Mambi]

A newlywed was the romantic type and sent her husband a sweet poem as a text:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams."
"If you are laughing, send me your smile."
"If you are drinking, send me a sip."
"If you are crying, send me your tears."
"I love you dearly, send me your reply."

The husband calmly texted her back: "I'm on the toilet...please advise."

 

[Koriekraiz13]

An atheist, a vegan, and a cross-fitter walk into a bar.

The only reason I know this is cause they told everyone in the first two minutes of their arrival.

 

[ssaannttoo]

if you want some bad jokes of mine check out @Flamingo profile. ACTUALLY.. imma make a "Good Jokes" Thread and put each one there.

 

[Faustus]

Two women are discussing their recent dates.

"What was the last guy you went out with like?" says the first, "Was he handsome?"

"No," replies her friend, "short and bald."

"That's rough. Was he a good conversationalist?"

"Couldn't stop talking about his fifteen cats."

"Ouch. Well, maybe he had a good sense of humour?"

"The only jokes he made all night were fart-related."

"Yikes. At LEAST tell me he had a good job?"

"Sous chef at a Mexican restaurant. He spends all day making Guacamole."

"Strewth! There must have been SOMETHING good about him?"

"Not much. But he DOES avocado..."

 

[TrixieFox]

TBH, IDK much about Switzerland... but the flag sure is a big plus

 

[RamblingRenegade]

Apparently I'm a joke I'm guessing.. oh well not the first time