Tell a bad joke

[Foxridley]

My friend and her husband couldn’t agree on whether to get a Honda or a Toyota. But they eventually came to an Accord.

 

[Faustus]

Who’s the toughest English author ever?

Ruddy ‘Ard Kipling

 

[Faustus]

Two for ya today!

I just got back from the paintworks. That is one HORRIBLE dance trend.

I also started reading a book about sheepdog training. It’s a great manual, but it’s difficult to come by.

(Congratulations to all the farmers and border collies who understood that one.)

 

[a sleepy kitty]

So, the invisible man and the invisible woman got married.

Their kids weren't much to look at.

 

[Frank Gulotta]

Why did ancient Egyptians believe in cursed pottery?
Because they lived in the valley of denial

 

[Deleted member 160950]

Did you hear the rumor about butter?
Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

 

[Faustus]

There was once an optometrist named "Isaac", a banker named "Bill", a demolitionist named "Boomer", a tailor named "Ty", and a burglar named "Rob", they all got together on Funny Blvd and had a good laugh.

Interestingly, there is some research to suggest that it is actually statistically more likely for a person to adopt a career that matches their name. It's called "Nominative Determinism'.

 

[Deleted member 160950]

If a toddler refuses to take a nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Ba dum tss
Another one
You know the person who invented the knock knock joke, they got a Nobel prize.

 

[DragonSam98]

What are the 5 worst things about being a penis?

1: You have a hole in your head.
2: You have a ring around your collar.
3: Two nuts follow you everywhere you go.
4: You sleep next to an asshole.
5: You faint every time you have fun.

Truely life's a dick.

 

[a sleepy kitty]

How do non binary samurais kill their opponents?

They/them

 

[RamblingRenegade]

What are the 5 worst things about being a penis?

1: You have a hole in your head.
2: You have a ring around your collar.
3: Two nuts follow you everywhere you go.
4: You sleep next to an asshole.
5: You faint every time you have fun.

Truely life's a dick.

Your owner beats you regularly

 

[a sleepy kitty]

Your owner beats you regularly

Your best friend is a [meow]

 

[Pogo]

What did the dog say to a tree that has fallen?

Spoiler: spoiler

Why don't you bark somewhere else?

 

[Pogo]

A cat had a cone of ice cream on a hot summer day. I asked em how they were doing and they said they were feline fine.

 

[Pogo]

They say the earlier bird catches the worm. That was until the worm made a habit of sleeping in.

 

[Pogo]

A dog took the tree with em on their suv. But when they got home they found no place to bark.

 

[Amepix]

The joke is I'm not gonna tell a joke, which is the joke itself.

 

[Pogo]

The tree said I could use new material. So i chopped em up and used em for floor boards.

 

[Pogo]

The tree was not too happy about being stepped on so I asked em what would make em feel better.

They said a rug might help.

 

[Pogo]

I got the floor boards a new rug and certainly enough it felt pretty good. The new floor confirmed it had a warm fuzzy feeling.

 

[Pogo]

There was a knock at the door and I ask whose there. They said orange. The last time they dropped by they said bananas.

*Takes a bow.

And fires an arrow.

Takes a bow

Then wears it*

That's all folks.

 

[Faustus]

Well, as the bishop said to the actress, 'it would be highly inappropriate for a man of the cloth to make unwanted sexual advances.'

 

[Pogo]

What do you call a pear that's shaped like a dog?

A pear-oh

 

[a sleepy kitty]

Did you hear about the girl who had a blind date on Halloween?

She got ghosted afterwards.

 

[ssaannttoo]

What did one plate say to the other?

Dinner’s on me.