Telling your parents you're gay

[{Foxums Prippit}]

Yeah...

It's something that I feel, at twenty one years of age, should probably be addressed.

I'm kind of getting sick of mum saying things like, 'Oh she's a nice girl isn't she, why don't you take her out' - and such things.

Obviously I'm not bothered by her saying it, but it does get irritating when all you wanna do is scream "I am fucking queer. Deal with it"

I wouldn't say that they would have any major problems with it or anything, they are pretty open minded. (I mean, I told her I'm buying a fursuit and she wasn't all too bothered) but still.

I was wondering if anybody on here could share any sort of similar experience with my predicament. Would be welcoming to read.

 

[Xero108]

My parents always told me that they were open no matter what I would end up being. As soon as I admitted it to myself, I had no problems coming out. Felt much better afterwards.

 

[Whitenoise]

Are you still dependant on them in any way? If not go for it, if you are wait until you're not.

 

[lilEmber]

Well not like it matters. You wouldn't tell your parents you were into comic books.
But if you really want too I suggest only if you're not living with them.

 

[Gavrill]

My mom started talking about her ventures into the lesbian side of things.

Thanks, TMI.

 

[Uro]

I'll tell mine when I don't need them to pay for my tuition anymore (which will be about.....4-8 years including grad school and my residency...yea...).

 

[jagdwolf]

Best thing I can suggest is look back on how they have handled hearing about other gays. What were their reactions? Did you look past the surface and see what they really felt.

Also every one is right so far, if your dependent on them, or live at home, then I would suggest not bringing this possible explosive situation to light, unless they are just totally kewl with alternate life styles.

If you live on your own, basicly im saying that you are your own man, then go for it. Let them know your sexual preference. Just remember to be mature and kind about it. And let them know your sexual preference, not your heart. Hearts can love anyone, your dick on the other hand, well thats a whole nother topic

 

[Dyluck]

I wouldn't say that they would have any major problems with it or anything, they are pretty open minded. (I mean, I told her I'm buying a fursuit and she wasn't all too bothered) but still.

If my children told me that I would be more concerned than if they came out as homosexual, personally. You may as well go for it.

Also, it's likely she already knows and is just trying to goad it out of you. Mothers always seem to know somehow.

 

[Aden]

First off, I want to say that I was so surprised at two back-to-back correct uses of your/you're in a thread title that I had to do a double-take.

Getting to the subject, coming out is entirely situational. We can't really give you that much advice; you just have to go about it as you feel is right. I would recommend not living with them when you do it, though. Just in case.

 

[{Foxums Prippit}]

Thank you all for taking the time to give me some replies :3

I do still live with them and probably will be for at least the next 2 years.

The advice seems pretty on key - but if I am totally honest, I don't actually know why I feel compelled to say it, nor am I aware of the reason why it bothers me so much. I guess a part of me still hasn't fully come to terms with my sexuality, which I think is silly in way.

*murrwhimpers*

Maybe I'll leave it I dunno.

Or, maybe when and if I acquire mateage, I will tell them then, as that would probably make the relationship a bit awkward, esp. if mum or dad like walked in on us whilst we were busy or something. *Shudders*

 

[jagdwolf]

I think the desire to tell someone close to you that you are gay, is what is the root of the issue here.

I don't think coming out is the real issue, you just, perhaps, want someone to express it to. Thats a normal feeling. Keeping things bottled up inside is gonna end up like shaking a soda can.

If you shake and open sticky shit hits the fan.
If you shake, dont open, and repeat the cycle, then when you do open it, it will just be a fizzle and then you will have a flat soda.

You got family here to talk to however. Its a fine line to put your paws on.

 

[mrredfox]

thing you have to remember is, whats the worst that could possibly happen?

 

[Ecs Wolfie]

I pretty much had the exact same deal with my parents, I wasn't as old as you but still.

One thing that's different about your parents, They're semi open minded, My parents are homophobes. How I came out was I got sick of just hiding and not being myself not to mention after like 5 years of your parents saying oh yeah, You should date her and such I got fed up and finally my mom started bashing gays and I flipped on her and told her.

Worse coming out ever. Anyways, If you really think you're comfortable with your parents knowing and think they will react okay, Tell them. One of things that parents seem to not like the fact of gay children is that they can't have grandchildren even though there's such as carrying mother and such.

Also really helps to have support in the matter.

 

[mrredfox]

One of things that parents seem to not like the fact of gay children is that they can't have grandchildren even though there's such as carrying mother and such.

Also really helps to have support in the matter.

to be honest.. its your life not your parents, i wouldent give a shit if they didnt have any grandchildren, cause its your choice at the end of the day

 

[Kuekuatsheu]

they already know
they said it's just a phase where every boy goes through :roll:

 

[Emil]

You dont tell your parents youre gay, you make them ask you. Because by that point, theyve probably already figured it out and are just asking to be absolutely sure. And if they hadnt already disowned you before asking, then nothing bad is probably going to happen. If they never ask, then theres never any problem.

 

[Mr Fox]

Just go up to your parents and say "i'm a raging homo, i like penis", i'm sure they will understand.

 

[ToeClaws]

As mentioned, since you still live with them, there is risk in their reaction if negative. It's sometimes very hard to say how a parent will react. I have not told my own that I'm bi, largely because I'm not sure they could accept it at their age (almost seniors). But will likely have to if ever the relationship situation leaves no alternative. In that case, then whatever happens, happens - no longer has direct interference with my life.

In your case, until you move out, there is significant risk should they take the news negatively. After you move out, so long as you are no longer reliant on them, then you can tell them and hope they can accept and deal with it.

Personally, I look forward to a time when parents are open enough to just go "Oh? Found any nice guys yet then? And ... sorry for asking about females all this time." And it is starting to happen with newer generation parents. One I know, for example, had a talk with her son, who, at 7 years old, asked about being with someone one day. She said "Well... one day, you may find a girl or a guy that you like very much - so much that you want to spend your life with them." And I thought that was awesome that she just said "girl or guy".

 

[Lillie Charllotte]

Me having an attraction to the same sex isn't the worst of my mom's problems.
Such as me wanting to be a professional tranny. :0

 

[Midi Bear]

"Mum, I THINK I'm gay."
Always tell her first, and that you think it. She's likely to tolerate it more, and saying you 'think' you're gay will cushion the impact a little. Try running through the scenario where you tell them too. Imagine with all honesty what their reactions should be. You've known them all your life. You should have a pretty good idea of how they'll react.
If you feel like you'd be in danger of being kicked out of the house or whatever, wait until you move out to be on the safe side. If not, go for it.

 

[Yoshistar]

Ugh... that's actually one of my biggest fears right now, considering how close-minded my mother is. I still haven't told her.

Thing is, thanks to one of my aunts, she's seen a few of my old sketches... you can probably figure out what they depicted.

She's suspicious, and when I almost told her about it a few years ago she had a look of impending doom on her face... not to mention her breathing accelerated. Oh, and she started yelling at me, of course. I had no choice but to say I'm over that "phase" now.

My dad, on the other hand, is much more understanding, and wants nothing more than to see me happy. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't mind my course of action. Too bad he's in Puerto Rico right now.

...I'll be honest here; I can go either way. Though I'm leaning towards males right now, I just want to find that special someone whom I can relate to and (hopefully) spend the rest of my life with (not in marriage, though; I've seen what that can do to people too many times). If only mom understood just that part...

The irony of the situation is that she has a friend who's openly gay. Like someone mentioned here already, she's afraid that she won't have any grandkids. Touching, but it's a bit selfish in my opinion.

I don't know what to do, but I try not to stress out about it. The feeling does suck, though. Big time.

 

[Grimfang]

"Mum, I THINK I'm gay."
Always tell her first, and that you think it. She's likely to tolerate it more, and saying you 'think' you're gay will cushion the impact a little.

That's exactly how I put it. And it makes a world of a difference, surprisingly.

I can't give too much advice since I don't know what you're parents are like, but they sound pretty open-minded. My parents would think I'm a weirdo (but I'm not 9-9) if I was getting a fursuit.

Back to the point though, just the way you put it out there can affect the way your parents will react. I found it much easier to tell my mom first. Relationships definitely became a bit strained for a while, but it's better now. And in the end, you don't have to listen to comments about what wonderful girlfriends random girls would make for you, and you won't be questioned for having a male life-partner, heh.

Best of luck.

 

[Azure]

If my children told me that I would be more concerned than if they came out as homosexual, personally. You may as well go for it.

Also, it's likely she already knows and is just trying to goad it out of you. Mothers always seem to know somehow.

Mine did. I made my mind up to tell her one day, sat down, got all srs bzns, and before I said anything she said, "You're gay, right, is that what this is about"

I had to leave, and came back 15 mins later and shouted, WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME YOU KNEW!

Mom's are weird like that.

 

[Bayard Zylos]

You should know your parents better than any of us here, so it's up to you to decide whether or not it's best to tell them.

My mum would be okay with it if I told her, but she'd definitely be a little upset, hence why I'm still working up to it. My dad on the other hand would probably stop paying for my tuition if I told him, so that's an extremely good reason to stay in the closet around him. I came out to my brother last summer by telling him, "Hey, by the way, I'm trying to figure out a way to tell Mom that I'm gay (surprise~)." And he was definitely cool with it, mostly because I knew his girlfriend was bi and he had a good sense of tolerance. But for my mum, I think it's best she get the idea on her own and come to ask me. This way she can accept it a lot easier than if I laid it out on her all at once.

 

[{Foxums Prippit}]

I like the idea, of telling them that I think I am gay; I can definitely see how it could soften the blow.

But I don't think, I know, and I want to be 'out' and everything to just be normal, with the added bonus of being able to bring people home etc.

I don't think they would kick off or anything, and alot of the replies go along the lines that, if you don't think they will be massively bothered than don't worry and just get it off your chest, but I think I'm gonna wait 'til either:

a) I'm about to move about
b) I actually meet someone I genuinely like and want to be with
c) I get very, very drunk and lose the plot
d) They accidentally stumble across my massive stash of gay furotica
e) They accidentally stumble across my massive stash of gay human porn
f) They ask me