The clinic

[Cam]

So i'm trying to figure alot of shit. I've been noticing over the past like maybe 5 weeks that I have been losing my ability to maintain my emotions, but now its getting to a very serious point. Im slowly growing more suicidal everyday. But the only issue is... I have no idea what the fuck to do.

I went (err... well forced I should say) to the clinic back in February. I was treated for about a month in partial & full in-patient treatments. It helped alot. I was suicidal back then, & the same thoughts and feelings have made a full relapse. But now another problem is that I was cutting myself back then, but now I have no urge to.

Im not sure what the clinic will do, because I dont have any physical evidence that I need to be in there. The way clinics work is that they will only take you if you need the help ASAP, you cant really plan it ahead.

So I dont want to do anything stupid, but if this is gonna be desperate times, then im gonna have to follow desperate measures. I need the help that they can give me, because im afraid that at some point ill just do something even stupider, and I dont wanna drag myself down further than I already might have to go ._.

Right now my main causes for my relapse would be very low self esteem and grief of my mother. Im already schizophrenic and depressed, so suicidal thoughts should have like a big red X on them, but I can't exactly control it anymore.

TL;DR Im suicidal, but I dont know if I can get the help I need.

I need to control this now. Or else i'll be royally fucked soon

 

[Gavrill]

Mental hospitals have this pretty terrible idea that they can stabilize you in a few days. That's an inherently flawed idea. They hear thousands of terrible stories, and see a bunch of suicidal and homicidal people.
They are there to basically asses "Do you need meds" (the answer according to them is almost always yes), and "Is you situation bad enough that we need to get other services involved".

In the long run, they not only don't help, but are a waste of money if you don't have insurance.

Anyways, I'd suggest getting set up with a therapist you see for at least an hour a week. I also recommend using as many (HEALTHY) coping mechanisms as possible when you're depressed. Writing, reading, drawing, playing video games, etc.

 

[LizardKing]

I generally deal with everything through overwhelming apathy so I'm not really sure what to suggest.

 

[Cam]

Mental hospitals have this pretty terrible idea that they can stabilize you in a few days. That's an inherently flawed idea. They hear thousands of terrible stories, and see a bunch of suicidal and homicidal people.
They are there to basically asses "Do you need meds" (the answer according to them is almost always yes), and "Is you situation bad enough that we need to get other services involved".

In the long run, they not only don't help, but are a waste of money if you don't have insurance.

Anyways, I'd suggest getting set up with a therapist you see for at least an hour a week. I also recommend using as many (HEALTHY) coping mechanisms as possible when you're depressed. Writing, reading, drawing, playing video games, etc.

But i've already been there. I know how they work & I think it could really be beneficial to recovery.

I hate therapists, talking about my issues doesnt do fucking shit, I need resolutions. They always send me to a therapist & i'll just get pissy when I try to talk to them & they just fill me with bullshit.

Also I do have some healthy outlets & sources of relaxation, even faf I consider one. I write all the fucking time & making music is very therapeutic.

But I do have a tendency to do unhealthy outlets, which I dont want to post, but i've done some pretty bad shit lately. I gotta figure out how to stray from those and resort to the more healthy options

 

[Gavrill]

But i've already been there. I know how they work & I think it could really be beneficial to recovery.

Inb4 you become addicted to the mental health system

I hate therapists, talking about my issues doesnt do fucking shit, I need resolutions. They always send me to a therapist & i'll just get pissy when I try to talk to them & they just fill me with bullshit.

Either a) You've got shit therapists, b) you're not listening to them closely enough, or c) you're lying to them.

Also I do have some healthy outlets & sources of relaxation, even faf I consider one. I write all the fucking time & making music is very therapeutic.

But I do have a tendency to do unhealthy outlets, which I dont want to post, but i've done some pretty bad shit lately. I gotta figure out how to stray from those and resort to the more healthy options

Just letting you know, posting about your issues online is not going to help anything.

 

[Cam]

Inb4 you become addicted to the mental health system


Either a) You've got shit therapists, b) you're not listening to them closely enough, or c) you're lying to them.


Just letting you know, posting about your issues online is not going to help anything.

1) Well thats what happens when basically everything else doesnt seem to work, effectively at least.

2) Most likely the first one. All they do is basically sit there and "mhm hmm" every god damn thing I have to say. And then their conclusions are always based on bullshit morals. Even though I try to heavily explain that i don't exactly follow any kind of morals.

3) Yea im aware, thats why I didnt post them xD

 

[Gavrill]

2) Most likely the first one. All they do is basically sit there and "mhm hmm" every god damn thing I have to say. And then their conclusions are always based on bullshit morals. Even though I try to heavily explain that i don't exactly follow any kind of morals.

... :1

 

[Cam]

... :1

Dont gimme that smiley (which I stole, btw)


Talking about my issues to people just doesn't work. Theres a more simple answer as to why I dont like therapists then

 

[Gavrill]

Dont gimme that smiley (which I stole, btw)

u dick! D:<

Talking about my issues to people just doesn't work. Theres a more simple answer as to why I dont like therapists then

Probably because you haven't found a decent one.

 

[Cam]

Probably because you haven't found a decent one.

Well its not only just therapists. Whenever I try to talk to anyone, even my friends, it never really makes a difference. If anything it makes it worse because it just gets me thinking about it even more.

It could be worth a try, because I really dont wanna go through drastic measures just to get into a clinic. But I just don't see it actually being effective. But I won't doubt it completely.

 

[Gavrill]

Well its not only just therapists. Whenever I try to talk to anyone, even my friends, it never really makes a difference. If anything it makes it worse because it just gets me thinking about it even more.

It could be worth a try, because I really dont wanna go through drastic measures just to get into a clinic. But I just don't see it actually being effective. But I won't doubt it completely.

Keep in mind, when someone gives you advice, they're not just doing it be nice. They expect you to put it in practice. So next time someone says "try relaxing by doing this", then, you know, try it.

 

[Cam]

Keep in mind, when someone gives you advice, they're not just doing it be nice. They expect you to put it in practice. So next time someone says "try relaxing by doing this", then, you know, try it.

I do that, but i've never seen too much success from any attempts. I really need to pinpoint what IS effective and what isn't.

 

[Gavrill]

I do that, but i've never seen too much success from any attempts. I really need to pinpoint what IS effective and what isn't.

Indeed.

When I'm depressed, I can't focus on writing or reading, so video games work, for instance. :3

 

[Cam]

Indeed.

When I'm depressed, I can't focus on writing or reading, so video games work, for instance. :3

Writing & talking to friends (not about my issues, just chatting) usually works for me, but its the fact that they arent being too effective now that is worrying me a bit