M. LeRenard
Is not French
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The Critique Thread (May/June)
- Thread starter M. LeRenard
- Start date
M. LeRenard
Is not French
And in the past two weeks we had this, so here it is again:
And as per request:
And as per request:
Titles: Synopsis of a 3-gender race story (any of the 4 in my gallery)
Summary: Three of the synopses involve different types of incest, one has no incest, so I thought I'd let you all pick which you preferred to read. Each synopsis file also contains an explanation of my 3-gender race.
Content Advisories: Incest, some obsession with pregnancy, mentions of sex (but it's a synopsis so, not actual sex scenes)
What Type of Crit?: Plot suggestions, mostly. Character development or worldbuilding would also be useful. Don't bother critting mechanics like spelling, punctuation, or grammar because this is only a synopsis, not an actual story.
Link: http://www.furaffinity.net/gallery/sunandshadow/
You can crit any of the 4 synopses in my gallery
My crits:
Things they don't tell you in movies
Beginnus
Solitary
White Avalanche
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sunandshadow
Impractical Fantasy Animal
Edit: NVM I just got a second critique so I'm happy. 
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FelixBandercoot
is finished with FAF; bye!
Er... do I still get my critique when I posted it in the Apr/May thread?
-Felix
-Felix
sunandshadow
Impractical Fantasy Animal
Did you look at that thread? Your post was removed because you hadn't done your two crits yet. So, do them and post here and all will be good.
M. LeRenard
Is not French
Too late. I already put it up there.Edit: NVM I just got a second critique so I'm happy.
I had to delete your last request because you didn't link to two pieces you've critiqued yourself. Quoted from the rules:FelixBandercoot said:
So make sure you critique two other pieces before resubmitting your request. Or if you have already, make sure you link to them so we know you have.
darkr3x
Mage
Edit: NVM I just got a second critique so I'm happy.
I plan on getting to the rest of them too
sunandshadow
Impractical Fantasy Animal
Ooo really? Awesome!
One of the major questions I have is whether the stories are too similar to each other to make a good story collection, and only someone who has looked at most or all of them can comment on that. Do tell me if you want anything critted in return, I'm happy to do that.
FelixBandercoot
is finished with FAF; bye!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3781472/ ("Providence" by Sarhea)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3282449 ("Roar 2" by Teiran)
I apologize for last time; I hope this is okay. BTW, do I need to submit my work's info again?
-Felix
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3282449 ("Roar 2" by Teiran)
I apologize for last time; I hope this is okay. BTW, do I need to submit my work's info again?
-Felix
M. LeRenard
Is not French
Well... usually we ask that you critique two other works submitted to these critique threads. I didn't find either of these, looking all the way back to January.
Looking at the pieces, though, I see that Sarhea did ask for constructive criticism, so I'll make an executive judgment and say that one's okay. The other one, though, looks like the intro to an already published work, so I'd appreciate it if you would do one more critique to replace that one, this time from this thread or the thread from the previous two months.
And once you get that done, yes, you'll want to resubmit the story information.
Sorry for being such a pain in the butt, but the point is to create a feedback loop for the forum users. I pat your back, you pat mine. Right? So you should stick with the requests in the critique threads.
Poetigress
Panthera tigris libris
The current rule
is a little confusing, since I can see where it could be read as "pieces submitted to FA" instead of "pieces submitted to this thread."
Might want to edit to something like
"You must critique at least two (2) other pieces from this thread before submitting your own work for critique. Below your work's description, please link to your 2 critiques, or your post will be deleted."
is a little confusing, since I can see where it could be read as "pieces submitted to FA" instead of "pieces submitted to this thread."
Might want to edit to something like
"You must critique at least two (2) other pieces from this thread before submitting your own work for critique. Below your work's description, please link to your 2 critiques, or your post will be deleted."
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M. LeRenard
Is not French
Got it. Hopefully that clarifies things a little better.
FelixBandercoot
is finished with FAF; bye!
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3784207/#cid:28423004 "White Avalanche" by kitreshawn. (There's a link, I believe, in Post #2 of this thread). I'm sorry if I'm doing this wrong; I'm really new to the FA Forums, and still haven't figured it all out yet.
(sigh)...Let's see if we can do this right this time.
Title: Rogue
Summary: The main character, Charley Jensen, lives on the planet Terra with his wife, Beth, and his son, Dray. However, this world is ruled by a tyrannical and deranged wolf named Lord Tempest. Tempest's Iron Empire has slowly taken away the basic rights of all furs; furs who are dubbed as "rebels" are dragged out into the night by Tempest's spies, never to be seen from again.
After Charley speaks ill of Lord Tempest, Simon Bougere (Charley's best friend), kills Charley's family but spares the fox before fleeing back to the capital.
Charley joins the rebellion against Tempest, and fights the Iron Empire alongside his new friends and comrades. However, there are many ancient whispers that may very well decide the fate of the planet. Who will win the battle for Terra?
Content advisories: Adult language; graphic violence.
What type of critique: Any kind, really. I'd really appreciate suggestions, comments, tips, critiques, criticisms, etc. I'm not really looking for grammar/spelling, as I'm going to run through it all once I finish.
Link: You can find it on my FA page--- http://www.furaffinity.net/user/felixbandercoot/
BTW, I've split the novel into chapters, so don't expect it all to be on one page.
Thanks, and I really, really hope I did everything right this time.
-Felix
(sigh)...Let's see if we can do this right this time.
Title: Rogue
Summary: The main character, Charley Jensen, lives on the planet Terra with his wife, Beth, and his son, Dray. However, this world is ruled by a tyrannical and deranged wolf named Lord Tempest. Tempest's Iron Empire has slowly taken away the basic rights of all furs; furs who are dubbed as "rebels" are dragged out into the night by Tempest's spies, never to be seen from again.
After Charley speaks ill of Lord Tempest, Simon Bougere (Charley's best friend), kills Charley's family but spares the fox before fleeing back to the capital.
Charley joins the rebellion against Tempest, and fights the Iron Empire alongside his new friends and comrades. However, there are many ancient whispers that may very well decide the fate of the planet. Who will win the battle for Terra?
Content advisories: Adult language; graphic violence.
What type of critique: Any kind, really. I'd really appreciate suggestions, comments, tips, critiques, criticisms, etc. I'm not really looking for grammar/spelling, as I'm going to run through it all once I finish.
Link: You can find it on my FA page--- http://www.furaffinity.net/user/felixbandercoot/
BTW, I've split the novel into chapters, so don't expect it all to be on one page.
Thanks, and I really, really hope I did everything right this time.
-Felix
M. LeRenard
Is not French
Lovely. Thanks.
FelixBandercoot
is finished with FAF; bye!
No, thank you. Yay! Finally, I can get critiques! XD
Update: BTW, I finished "Rogue" today. You can find the novel in its entirety on my FA page. Thanks! http://www.furaffinity.net/user/felixbandercoot/
-Felix
Yay! Finally, I can get critiques! XDUpdate: BTW, I finished "Rogue" today.
You can find the novel in its entirety on my FA page. Thanks! http://www.furaffinity.net/user/felixbandercoot/-Felix
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mcfuzzy20
New Member
Hullo, all. I hope I did this right.
Title: Promise
Summary: A short Christmas story that was inspired by a talk with a friend, "Promise" is a short story about a quiet Christmas between two lovers that quickly becomes something more.
Advisories: None, unless you're homophobic.
Critique Types: Anything really. Every little bit helps.
Links:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3784207/#cid:28605167
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3781472/#cid:28605424
Thanks all.
-Fuzzy
Title: Promise
Summary: A short Christmas story that was inspired by a talk with a friend, "Promise" is a short story about a quiet Christmas between two lovers that quickly becomes something more.
Advisories: None, unless you're homophobic.
Critique Types: Anything really. Every little bit helps.
Links:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3784207/#cid:28605167
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3781472/#cid:28605424
Thanks all.
-Fuzzy
HidesHisFace
Chronicler of Holy Tear
Hi there!
Title: Cleansing Light Chapter 1 (part 1)
Description: It's a story about young Shata'lin soldier and a day of her last battle. It is concentrated on feelings of the main character - Aranya - her fears, beliefs etc. more than on the action. It is written in first person perspective and in present tense - just a little experiment.
This part is only the beginning of the whole story, as I decided to post it in parts to make working on translation easier and more fluent - original is written in Polish.
Advisories: Mature filter on - because the rest of the text contains some really violent stuff. This part however should be relatively clean - there is naked character mentioned and some killing but nothing really graphic. The following parts however will contain some really cruel content (when translation is finished) and as they all are part of the same story, I decided to use the same rating for them all.
Critique type: Mainly plot and character development - I'd like to know how well is it done here and if my experiment with form was a success or failure. Grammar/spelling critique would also be nice, but not necessary.
Link to the story:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3907056
Critiques given:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3784207/#cid:29155225
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3167384/#cid:29158338
I hope everything with this post is fine ^.=.^
Title: Cleansing Light Chapter 1 (part 1)
Description: It's a story about young Shata'lin soldier and a day of her last battle. It is concentrated on feelings of the main character - Aranya - her fears, beliefs etc. more than on the action. It is written in first person perspective and in present tense - just a little experiment.
This part is only the beginning of the whole story, as I decided to post it in parts to make working on translation easier and more fluent - original is written in Polish.
Advisories: Mature filter on - because the rest of the text contains some really violent stuff. This part however should be relatively clean - there is naked character mentioned and some killing but nothing really graphic. The following parts however will contain some really cruel content (when translation is finished) and as they all are part of the same story, I decided to use the same rating for them all.
Critique type: Mainly plot and character development - I'd like to know how well is it done here and if my experiment with form was a success or failure. Grammar/spelling critique would also be nice, but not necessary.
Link to the story:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3907056
Critiques given:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3784207/#cid:29155225
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3167384/#cid:29158338
I hope everything with this post is fine ^.=.^
First critique: Promise
Second critique: White Avalanche
Title: Consanguine
Description: A novel written to see what I can do with the generic idea of "wakes up as a furry," mostly a huge experiment in style and, thanks to my lovely unreliable narrator, full of psychological study into what makes someone human, what love is, et cetera. First person, written as the (unnamed) protagonist's "autobiography", and uses quotation marks exactly twice, both times for good reason. Can be read as either nihilistic and cynical, or idealistic and hopeful; I won't presume either one is right or wrong in itself.
Content advisories: The main character's gay, but there's no sex; depending on how you read it, there might be a metaphor for it, but no real sex, implied or described. There's some violence, but there's never detailed description of said violence. There's adult language. And while nudity's mentioned, it's never explicitly described.
Critique types: I'm still in the editing phase, replacing phrases that sound awkward and such, so a grammar and spelling proofread is welcome but not really what I'm looking for. For the most part I just want to know what you think, what could be improved, et cetera. It's 44,000 words long, split into seven chapters, and no, I don't expect everyone to read it all. I'll send it by email to whoever's interested in .odt, .doc, or .txt format (whichever you prefer, please specify and provide your email in your PM). Read whatever amount you want and you can reply to this with your critique, so you can still get credit for the critique here. Given the length and the fact that I'll be sending it to literary agents after this, if anybody reads the whole thing and tells me what they think of it, I'll buy and sign a first-edition copy of the book for them should it end up published somewhere. After all, reading something this long takes time, and your time has value. *doesn't know if he's technically allowed to do this in this thread*
Second critique: White Avalanche
Title: Consanguine
Description: A novel written to see what I can do with the generic idea of "wakes up as a furry," mostly a huge experiment in style and, thanks to my lovely unreliable narrator, full of psychological study into what makes someone human, what love is, et cetera. First person, written as the (unnamed) protagonist's "autobiography", and uses quotation marks exactly twice, both times for good reason. Can be read as either nihilistic and cynical, or idealistic and hopeful; I won't presume either one is right or wrong in itself.
Content advisories: The main character's gay, but there's no sex; depending on how you read it, there might be a metaphor for it, but no real sex, implied or described. There's some violence, but there's never detailed description of said violence. There's adult language. And while nudity's mentioned, it's never explicitly described.
Critique types: I'm still in the editing phase, replacing phrases that sound awkward and such, so a grammar and spelling proofread is welcome but not really what I'm looking for. For the most part I just want to know what you think, what could be improved, et cetera. It's 44,000 words long, split into seven chapters, and no, I don't expect everyone to read it all. I'll send it by email to whoever's interested in .odt, .doc, or .txt format (whichever you prefer, please specify and provide your email in your PM). Read whatever amount you want and you can reply to this with your critique, so you can still get credit for the critique here. Given the length and the fact that I'll be sending it to literary agents after this, if anybody reads the whole thing and tells me what they think of it, I'll buy and sign a first-edition copy of the book for them should it end up published somewhere. After all, reading something this long takes time, and your time has value. *doesn't know if he's technically allowed to do this in this thread*
Amaru
New Member
Is it worth posting a piece of writing up here that isn't complete? I'm working on a novel (though by the length of it so far it may end up a novella), and I'd like critique on what I've done, but obviously since it's unfinished it doesn't end, just stops xP
I'll start having me a read of some of these other stories regardless though.
I'll start having me a read of some of these other stories regardless though.
Warnndog
Paladin
Well I posted some critiques on the forum, in accordance with the rules. I hope that I manage to successfully fulfill the requirement. As of right now, I will wait for a response before I start posting anything for Critiques on the forum. Do keep in mind if you happen upon my FA acct. Constructive criticism of any of my stories are always welcome.
I don't get how you do the CID thing but here are the two stories I commented on.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3660363/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3660363/
I don't get how you do the CID thing but here are the two stories I commented on.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3660363/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3660363/
sunandshadow
Impractical Fantasy Animal
A novel as a whole is too long to post for critique (that goes for pretty much any writing site on the internet. You can either post a synopsis of the whole plot if you want critique on that, or you can post the first chapter if you want critique on that. After getting the first chapter critiqued you could probably post the second chapter, etc. (one at a time).
sunandshadow
Impractical Fantasy Animal
Thanks for your comment, I replied to it. ^_^ BTW you have the same story linked here twice, I imagine that's a typo.
Warnndog
Paladin
Yeah sorry about that. This is the second story I commented on.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/3784207
Leros/Joltmar
New Member
I have a quick question about this, I see we have to give crit. to get crit. I'm not so good about giving it ... so I guess I'm screwed?