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The Derps we Herp

Misomie

Lazy Artist
I check left and then right but forgot left again so ran out into the road. I hear tires screeching and jump so freaking fast. I was so embarrassed at the time and I had a huge adrenaline rush.

My father and I accidentally locked any and all house keys inside, and came back home like "fuck". So we decided we would break into our own home.This happened multiple times.

I used to get locked out a lot. This is why I now keep track of easy access areas.
 
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SierraCanine

Wolves unite..... oO CHICKEN!!
A few days ago I was getting out of class and was checking my emails as I left the door as usual. I walked down the hall about twenty feet, pivoted army style ninety degrees and took one step forward..... I swear that wall must have moved. The annoying thing is I didn't react right away, I just stood there for about fifteen seconds, sidestepped the wall and walked off.... ALL my classmates watching >_<
 

Misomie

Lazy Artist
You just reminded me! I was in 5th or 6th grade and running (more of jogging). Then I tripped. However I had already mastered a roll. As I'm falling I stick out my hands. My landing is perfect but I lacked the momentum to carry my body into the roll. I stop right before hitting the handstand position and lost control. I then fell and sliced up my palm on the concrete. No one but my nemesis was around. He thought it was funny. Boy my hand did hurt though.
 

SierraCanine

Wolves unite..... oO CHICKEN!!
I put orange juice into my tea this morning. :[

...

This just reminded me of something I did one morning many, many years ago.... My oatmeal was rather bland that morning so I decided to "sweeten it up a bit. Granted, no one bothered to tell me why salt was in the sugar jar. One huge bite later, feeling like swallowing the ocean and I haven't eaten oatmeal since. -__-
 

Misomie

Lazy Artist
This just reminded me of something I did one morning many, many years ago.... My oatmeal was rather bland that morning so I decided to "sweeten it up a bit. Granted, no one bothered to tell me why salt was in the sugar jar. One huge bite later, feeling like swallowing the ocean and I haven't eaten oatmeal since. -__-

I did this but with sugar/brown sugar. Waaaaaaaaay too sweet. I even threw up (I think). Never wanted it again.

I also did the sugar/salt switch with cinnamon sugar. BLECH! I thought it tasted odd so I added more sugar (salt) and it tasted even worse.
 
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Zan'theros

Fiery Wanderer
Recently, got an international calling plan for my phone, thinking that South Africa was one of the countries listed. Two calls later, I'm docked a whole $15 from my account because (surprise, muthafucka!) South Africa actually ISN'T one of the supported nations.
Funny thing is, I bought 1000 international minutes with $10 and got hit this hard for just 15.
 

Kosdu

Member
Bought a couple of heavy ebony eskrima sticks despite not knowing eskrima, hoping my pencak silat would help.

It did, however I hit the side of one of my knees with one of the sticks and nearly lost my chance to join the military.
And I got a 99 on the ASVAB for the AirForce.

The max score is 99.
 

RockerFox

Meat Popsicle
Bought a couple of heavy ebony eskrima sticks despite not knowing eskrima, hoping my pencak silat would help.

It did, however I hit the side of one of my knees with one of the sticks and nearly lost my chance to join the military.
And I got a 99 on the ASVAB for the AirForce.

The max score is 99.
2 things
1. What are these sticks your talking about, like what are they exactly? I've never heard of them
2. A 99? Are you f**king kidding me? and I thought getting a 63 was good
EDIT: Nevermind, I found out what the Eskirma Sticks are and they are pretty rad; second point still stands
 

Kosdu

Member
2 things
1. What are these sticks your talking about, like what are they exactly? I've never heard of them
2. A 99? Are you f**king kidding me? and I thought getting a 63 was good
EDIT: Nevermind, I found out what the Eskirma Sticks are and they are pretty rad; second point still stands

Yeah.... I got a 99.

Got 99 points, but missing one ain't one of them.

Or something.


Computerized ASVAB I took did I.
 

Sulfide

Resident Treadhead
The ASVAB is easy for anyone with a high school diploma, half the questions are elementry, a quarter high school science/mechanics, and the rest assume you have a minimalist idea of how electricity, carpentry, automobiles, or other things work. I got an 88, which pretty much qualified me for any job in the Army.
 

Zan'theros

Fiery Wanderer
The U.S. military obviously has some low standards. Either that, or they're damned desperate for officers.
 

Kosdu

Member
The U.S. military obviously has some low standards. Either that, or they're damned desperate for officers.

The test is designed for people fresh out of high school, and if you score low, you won't be able to do the more intellectual jobs.

To be an officer you have to, within or without the military, attain a bachelor's degree and be accepted into officer training school.

Not really desperate.
 

RockerFox

Meat Popsicle
The test is designed for people fresh out of high school.
I took the test in 10th grade and got a 63, is that relatively good?
 

Kosdu

Member
I took the test in 10th grade and got a 63, is that relatively good?

Yep, I think the four categories are:

31-49
50-64
65-92
93-99

So you were almost next to top, if you took it again you'd probably get alot higher.
(thanks wikipedia)
 

Oshy

Married To A Violin
I was putting away one of my textbooks and me, being the clumsy weirdo i am, grabbed it off my desk and it slid out of my hands.
As it did so, it flew into the air and landed on a girl sitting behind me.
It fell on the ground. The room was silent so it was pretty loud. I had literally like nine people staring at me.
My teacher was giving me that 'wtf' face and i was attempting not to smirk at how amazingly awkward and horrific the incident had been.

Long story short, stuff like this happens every day, and i'm a total klutz. :3
 

Kitsune Cross

**** that **** now! Bitch
I hit my head against the border of my deck while headbanging to beethoveen, there's blood(just a little) and pain and everything, but that didn't stopped me from continue headbanging
 

RabidLynx

I'm happy.
I always wear my headphones on the computer, even when I'm not listening to music. So most of the time I forget I'm even wearing them. So one time I got up to use the bathroom, and usually I'm aware of my headphones and take them out of the side (because I'm so lazy that I can't even take them off my head and I'd rather just wear the headphones), but this special time I didn't. So I got up, and... yeah.

Glad my computer didn't get screwed up.
 

sniperfreak223

More Metal Than You !!!
Fell between the 2 stages that were used to create one large stage. Nobody informed me there was a foot and a half gap between the 2 and I couldnt see shit with 4 spot lights following me onto stage during my intro. My favorite dj helped me up and no one seemed to notice because of the fog machines. The stages were only like 4 feet high so I didnt get hurt.

If we want to include stage accidents:

I'm missing two molars on the upper right side thanks to jumping off a stage monitor and directly into my mic stand.

I broke my right wrist and two ribs after the crowd at Battle of the Bands in 12th grade decided not to go along with my stage dive.

I broke the headstocks off of about five guitars by forgetting where they were in relation to my cabinets and/or the drum risers.

I gave a former singer 14 stitches after his face got in the way of my headstock while I was making a mad Scott Ian-esque dash from stage left to my mic at stage right...it was a very pointy headstock, namely this one:

http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/LU6z38emgcU/hqdefault.jpg
 
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Benji

HOMO CRUSADER o.O
I went to a party, got drunk, and fell in a bush. Party foul!! No shame (which really means all the shame DERP)
 

Kosdu

Member
I didn't want to give a friend a ride to Walmart at 10:00 after an Alice In Chains concert in some small town in southeastern Oklahoma.

Just just got arrested, he was walking to walmart, they picked him up, and they found what I assume was weed.
I know he smokes it, but he isn't the special kind of stupid that would do it in public.

We are in Ardmoore Oklahoma spending the night at an inn after the concert..... I looked up the ardmoore police department number after he texted me in jail and could not help but see.... I think I have come across the very first police department I have seen with actual corruption in it.

My friend was likely picked up because he isn't white or rich, they found weed, and now his future with the Army (he ships to basic in 2 months) may be ruined.

Fuck.


I knew since we saw this one dog by the road that somehow scared the shit out of me just by looking at my car that something was hoing to happen. Maybe it's just lack of sleep, I woke up 18 hours ago to drive about 7 hours to yhe concert with friends.

I paid for their tickets.
What a great friend I am.

I can't sleep with this shit.

I'm going to go into the parking lot and spend the night looking at the coming storm.
Wish me luck not getting mugged, I will have my karambit on me, if I get caught with it I'm sure it's illegal, but I'm too fucking tired for this shit.
 
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Kosdu

Member
I'm on the highway, with a car engine that had overheated.

I was going to drive a couple hours from the inn where my friend is sleeping, and see my other friend's (who got arrested) Mom and go ahead and give her a heads up. And retreat to the Wichita wildlife refuge to relaxm.

It's 2AM next to a highway where I feel the semis going by my car and think of the storms the region is expecting while I wait for my car engine to cool down so I can limp to a gas station.

I'm driving my Mom's car.
When my car's engine overheated due to a loose radiator cap it cracked the thermometer housing and fuel pump injector housing and cost me about 400$ to fix.
I'm 5 1/2 hours from my Mom/Stepdad.

I just hope my friend doesn't get his future ruined by some stupid dope.


If we had just driven through the damn place and forgot about that inn....

EDIT:
Did I mention the reason I'm so worried is that my friend needs to be in the army to escape poverty and the occasional starvation?

Oh goody, my Mom's car might have a very serious coolant leak.
 
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Kitsune Cross

**** that **** now! Bitch
If we want to include stage accidents:

I'm missing two molars on the upper right side thanks to jumping off a stage monitor and directly into my mic stand.

I broke my right wrist and two ribs after the crowd at Battle of the Bands in 12th grade decided not to go along with my stage dive.

I broke the headstocks off of about five guitars by forgetting where they were in relation to my cabinets and/or the drum risers.

I gave a former singer 14 stitches after his face got in the way of my headstock while I was making a mad Scott Ian-esque dash from stage left to my mic at stage right...it was a very pointy headstock, namely this one:

http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/LU6z38emgcU/hqdefault.jpg

You stabbed someone in the face with a guitar on stage? That's pretty brutal
 

Lomberdia

Selling bookmarks!
I sometimes put things in the fridge that dont belong there like the remote or a glass of air thinking it was a carton of milk or whatever.

Sometimes I frantically look around for things like my glasses when I'm wearing them on my face!


Or my phone when I'm talking to someone on the phone at the same time. like

"Damnit I cant find my phone!!"
"hey lomb....how are you talking to me now?"
"I called you, Oooooh!...ignore me as i ram my head into the nearest wall"
friend laughs at me
 
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