What the hell isn't wrong with the South? Seriously, I don't see why people keep praising it. Everything from the attitude to the god-awful accents I hate.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Do you like, not EAT? Or wear CLOTHES? Or use the fucking INTERNET? Watch TV, maybe? Have a bank account? Drive a car or ride a bus? USE FUCKING PLASTIC?
If you'd like to divorce yourself from Mercedes-Benz, Hyundai, BMW, Toyota, anything by General Motors, Nissan, or Volkswagen, that's fine since there are other cars and theyre all totally made in detroit and china right? Right, totally.
Besides, technology, not like, important, because they like, don't need NASA anymore, right? Or all of those military bases, fuck it, we don't need anything the South and its backwards ways can offer. We don't need anything the South gave us, the South is backwards. I don't know what the hell NASA and STRATFOR are doing here.
I don't have any pets and I never get sick or eat food or need medicine. The US would be better off without oh, all of its veterinarian schools worth a god damn. I mean, state of the art research facilities, the largest research park in the world, some of the best hospitals on the continent people fly across the glove for, ehhh fuck those. We can go to the other states for their almost-as-good stuff, right?
Besides all my food is from like Mexico and India and China and out of the country anyway, right? Totally! Besides, even if it isn't, I can go to Iowa and South Dakota for all of my corn produ...Oh wait that's all feed corn and I can't eat it. Whatever, whatever, I'll just pay even more for food and clothes brought in from overseas since I just got rid of uh, my corn, my cotton, my tobacco, all my wheat -- Fuck, I didn't like staple foods like fucking rice and flour and shit anyway.
Just as a perk, not necessary, I don't like coca-cola at all, and I don't eat blue bell icecream, so, you know, the South can go fuck itself.
And when I get bored, everything that has to do with entertainment is made in New York and California, right? Yeah! Of course! They don't outsource to Texas, right? The industry is ripe in California and New York! I don't know WHY people are moving away from those states in droves to come to Texas! Even if they do I never liked video games or TV, anyway. TimeWarner and such can just outsource even more and kill half of another industry.
I understand that if the south weren't part of the picture the north would not just let us HAVE all its resources but the point I'm trying to make is that the people that maintain all of the above are "backwards southerners", so, fucking, stop eating, stop driving, get off of the Internet, close your bank account, don't wear anything, and then you can tell me that the South is awful... Using smoke signals or homing pigeons or something, I guess, because you don't like the technology we are responsible for. Also stop watching TV, playing video games, don't ever think of calling a wrecker service or getting a pet you don't intend to keep alive, don't drink coca-cola anymore, don't ever go to a heart hospital again, don't text, don't use GPS, don't anything.
Washington, Jefferson, Madison, -- I don't need these guys, they were fuckers, right, even though they are responsible for the entire Unted States? They're from Virginia, fuck Virginia, those backwards bastards.
Monroe and Jackson can shove it too, so can Tyler and Polk and Johnson and Woodrow Wilson, and Abraham Lincoln, that fuckin' Kentucky bastard.
I, for one, love everything about the Southern attitude, so, allow me to indulge in things I don't say to people on account of how very Southern they are:
I Bless your heart.
II I'd rather listen to a calf caught in a guard wire
III You're dumber than
A. hammered horseshit
B. a wet sack of dog shit
C. a turkey in the rain
D. A football bat
E. A basketball glove