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Things that ruin friendships

S

Steelite

Guest
  • Mario Kart
  • Monopoly (board game)
  • Role plays
  • Arts
Yes, even RPs, and arts.
Especially RPs and arts, in my opinion.
I've never had more dramas and conflicts with the furry fandom than when I try to RP with peeps. Or when I try to fit in with the other artists.

I remember last year, someone dropped a RP without telling me because it took me too long to reply to her. Yep, because I toooootally didn't have school, and she desperately needed me to the point that an hour or two felt like eternity to her.
Then she insulted me on FAF here too.

Moving on.

Still last year. I was acting in-character and then got blocked off a RP because they thought I was insulting the people behind the screen. They thought they knew well how I act/behave in RPs, so they believed that wasn't from my character, but from me irl. Yeah, it sucked.

Next one.

About a month ago, I joined this discord server. It wasn't really about RPs, just a standard server like any other, for pretty much everything.
I noticed that every time I posted my drawings, no-one said anything. When someone else did, probably half the server stormed in to give them feedbacks, comments and compliments. At first I thought I was new, I gotta let people know me better.
Then I found it pretty safe to say that it's not the case. Everyone just "skipped" me.
I asked someone (who was really hyped about the others' works) for their feedback. They said "pretty good".
A while later, I indirectly called them out for it and said "I probably should rethink my life lol". That person left the server, the owner made a new rule about passive-aggressive behaviors not tolerated, and everyone else hated more than just my guts.
When I left the server because I wanted a break, rumors still lingered in there, about my behaviors and reactions being manipulative and whatever.

Last one... for now.

I joined another discord server, thinking it'd be a much better place than my previous. However the owner kept acting like he had a problem with me.
The server had no "for-venting" channel, but I felt people there were more sympathetic, so I let out everything I had in my chest. He told me it's not for venting, and "politely" told me to vent in another server.
When he did set up the channel, he mentioned me "being like that (salty) occassionally".
Just a while ago I joked about him having a habit of smashing walls, and he threatened to mute me. He posted a photo and asked me if I thought "this is the face of mercy". I thought he was joking due to the photo, so I said it looked suitable for my fist. He warned me not to do it again, because "physical threats aren't tolerated" ; I told him I had to ignore him calling me "dork" and "salty" several times, and he congratulated me for "figuring out how joining a server works". I told him not to call me that next time, and he kicked me out for not listening to the staff, as well as for "not growing a thick enough skin".

These were the most recent ones. If I tell y'all about what I've been through in my past 7 years in the fandom, you'll find it a lot easier to just NOT believe me.
But I'm sure I'm not the only one with so much shitty experience because of the toxic side of the fandom.
I know, no-one's perfect. Anyone can have their shitty side, sure.
However, I've yet to meet someone that get on the fandom's bad side way more than the good side as much as me. There could be someone, but I have never met one yet.
 

Yakamaru

Cyberpunk musta Susi
More things that ruin friendships/cause friendships to crack:

- Political differences
- Food
- Religion
- Difference of opinion
- Just slowly fading away from one another
- Movies(Yes, I have actually lost a friend over a fucking difference of opinion on a MOVIE)
- Romantic/sexual jealousy
- +++

Anything you can think of can and will be a reason for people to break off their friendship with you. It's a human thing. They often find petty things to talk about and/or bring up.

I have lost many friends up over the years, and some recently too. The only thing I realistically can do, is wish them the best in life for them, their partners and their friends, and move on, despite the stinging. And if they trashtalk about me behind me back and it makes their day better, I can't complain. I made someone's day better, despite it being in a negative way. I have the balls to not get hurt over words.

If you somehow manage to stick with me while I am at my worst, believe me, I will make it worth it for you. And although my friend circle is small, I have the privilege and honor of calling these people my friends.

And no, I believe you. I've been active in this Fandom for about 1 year and 4-5 months, and boy, are there a whole lot of different people inside the fandom. Everything from snowflakes to SJW's to shitposters, trolls and actual neo-Nazis/Communists.

I'd let you join our server, see if it's more for you, but it's not really an RP server. More of a casual server where we just fool around and make and say random shit.
 
S

Steelite

Guest
Anything you can think of can and will be a reason for people to break off their friendship with you. It's a human thing. They often find petty things to talk about and/or bring up.
I suppose so, though from what I see, RPs and arts can be as sensitive to furries as religions and politics are to humans.

I have lost many friends up over the years, and some recently too. The only thing I realistically can do, is wish them the best in life for them, their partners and their friends, and move on, despite the stinging. And if they trashtalk about me behind me back and it makes their day better, I can't complain. I made someone's day better, despite it being in a negative way. I have the balls to not get hurt over words.
Still concerned about them until the last second, no matter what, hm ? Good point.

And although my friend circle is small, I have the privilege and honor of calling these people my friends.
I suppose a few but close and trustworthy friends is always better than a lot but you don't know half about.
I'm with you on this.
 
D

Deleted member 111470

Guest
Money;
Power;
Romantic interests;
Religion, freedom of belief & lifestyle choice(e.g. LGBT) and politics;
Business.
 

Yakamaru

Cyberpunk musta Susi
I suppose so, though from what I see, RPs and arts can be as sensitive to furries as religions and politics are to humans.
Indeed. Art and RP just adds on the list over shit people get triggered over.

Still concerned about them until the last second, no matter what, hm ? Good point.
Of course. I bare them no ill will. Although we are no longer friends and don't talk anymore it doesn't mean I should hate them let alone wish evil upon them.

I still care for their well-being. If I ever meet them they WILL get a hug even if it's an awkard one. Our friendships were IMO incredible the short time it lasted. I owe them that much at the very least.

I suppose a few but close and trustworthy friends is always better than a lot but you don't know half about.
I'm with you on this.
Ye. I'd rather have at least a handful of really good friends rather than dozens you barely talk/interact with.

I can't believe how many people refused to talk to me any longer because of my political views. I think that's really superficial. What happened to the good old "agree to disagree"?
In today's climate it's easy to lose friends: Be a Trump-supporter. I know that shit all too well.
 
S

Steelite

Guest
Not to be rude, but have you ever thought that the problem might actually be with you and not the people you're around?

If people were calling you manipulative and salty, perhaps there was a reason for this beyond them just disliking you.
More like they just need a reason to hate my guts.
 
D

Deleted member 82554

Guest
Confiding in friends is a big one, leave that shit for your psychiatrist.
 
S

Steelite

Guest
I'd let you join our server, see if it's more for you, but it's not really an RP server. More of a casual server where we just fool around and make and say random shit.
I don't mind it not being about RP. Sometimes I just wanna freely fuck around without worrying that I might piss someone off.
If that's what you guys are about, sure, lemme at it.
 

Yakamaru

Cyberpunk musta Susi
I don't mind it not being about RP. Sometimes I just wanna freely fuck around without worrying that I might piss someone off.
If that's what you guys are about, sure, lemme at it.
If you manage to piss someone off on the server you resolve it on your own, preferably without the assistance of a mod.

Will send you an invite link in a sec. Won't be online much for the next 7 hours due to work practice.
 

Gaitsu

Well-Known Member
Like Rimna said, Money, but I'm going to add on, and talking shit behind your back.

A friend of mine was in some trouble, about to be kicked out of their home with no-where to go, so I put my marriage on the line to help her. Thankfully, my wife finally understood that I didn't have a thing for this friend, and that I was just trying to help her out, but I digress.

We payed money so she could move in with us for a little, and when she couldn't stay with us anymore because of risking ourselves being kicked out, we payed for her room at a motel that helped us out a long time ago. She got a job, and then we found out she was shit with her money, as she spent pretty much all of it, instead of paying for her room, and she didn't tell us.

So, XYY USD later, we get her weekly rent dropped to a manageable, and cut her off in regards for money. It was at that point that we started having issues with her. Up to that point, I had told her to not worry about us, an to get her other bills payed off first. After we cut her off, she started getting rude with me, she had been rude to my wife the whole time due to issues my wife and I had prior to the friend moving in.

Now, we've demanded she pay us 100 Usd a month, she has all but dropped contact with us, she works with my wife, so there is still contact there, but she has ignored anything I send her on Skype for quite a few months, only talking to me when she knows she can't get out of it.

She doesn't realize how close to losing me as a friend she is, but if she doesn't get her act together, she's going to lose more than just me as a friend, seeing as we are the only ones in this town who are trying to help her, aside from the land lords of the motel she's at, but she is quickly dropping out of their good graces as well.

TL: DR Don't loan money to friends when they need help, because money changes people.
 

W00lies

Member
Money. I had a friend who I became roommates with to help her out. Turns out she was pretty damn lazy, took forever to do anything to get a job and admitted to me (after moving out) that she never cleaned knowing that I would eventually get fed up and do it... she also ate the food I made for myself. The worse was when she stole money. She STOLE from me after knowing her for more or less 7 years. A coworker told me having roommates is never a good thing... said I should set a trap for her and leave some change on the table to see if she would take it. I did out of curiosity. While I had my back turned I hear the noise of money being pilled up together. Not even 5 minutes later I ask her if she just took the money that was on the table. With the most believable and honest face she told me no... I wonder how much things she ended up stealing from me. I decided to give her a chance despise that and the anxiety attack she ended up giving me (she was that bad to be around with in the end) and when I met mu husband she tried to split us up. She tried to set him up against me. I couldn't forgive that. I have asthma and she ended smoked in the damn house while I wasn't home...

She turned out being an extremely good liar.
Sometimes I wonder how many other people ended up falling for it.
Wasted 3 years or so of my life living with her.
 

Yakamaru

Cyberpunk musta Susi
Like Rimna said, Money, but I'm going to add on, and talking shit behind your back.

A friend of mine was in some trouble, about to be kicked out of their home with no-where to go, so I put my marriage on the line to help her. Thankfully, my wife finally understood that I didn't have a thing for this friend, and that I was just trying to help her out, but I digress.

We payed money so she could move in with us for a little, and when she couldn't stay with us anymore because of risking ourselves being kicked out, we payed for her room at a motel that helped us out a long time ago. She got a job, and then we found out she was shit with her money, as she spent pretty much all of it, instead of paying for her room, and she didn't tell us.

So, XYY USD later, we get her weekly rent dropped to a manageable, and cut her off in regards for money. It was at that point that we started having issues with her. Up to that point, I had told her to not worry about us, an to get her other bills payed off first. After we cut her off, she started getting rude with me, she had been rude to my wife the whole time due to issues my wife and I had prior to the friend moving in.

Now, we've demanded she pay us 100 Usd a month, she has all but dropped contact with us, she works with my wife, so there is still contact there, but she has ignored anything I send her on Skype for quite a few months, only talking to me when she knows she can't get out of it.

She doesn't realize how close to losing me as a friend she is, but if she doesn't get her act together, she's going to lose more than just me as a friend, seeing as we are the only ones in this town who are trying to help her, aside from the land lords of the motel she's at, but she is quickly dropping out of their good graces as well.

TL: DR Don't loan money to friends when they need help, because money changes people.
It's called being self-entitled, completely lacking economical common sense, and being a complete asshole. And having some sociopathic tendencies. I'd just leave her out to rot and let her reap what she's sown.

Never take the fall for someone else. A fall someone else deserve.

Money. I had a friend who I became roommates with to help her out. Turns out she was pretty damn lazy, took forever to do anything to get a job and admitted to me (after moving out) that she never cleaned knowing that I would eventually get fed up and do it... she also ate the food I made for myself. The worse was when she stole money. She STOLE from me after knowing her for more or less 7 years. A coworker told me having roommates is never a good thing... said I should set a trap for her and leave some change on the table to see if she would take it. I did out of curiosity. While I had my back turned I hear the noise of money being pilled up together. Not even 5 minutes later I ask her if she just took the money that was on the table. With the most believable and honest face she told me no... I wonder how much things she ended up stealing from me. I decided to give her a chance despise that and the anxiety attack she ended up giving me (she was that bad to be around with in the end) and when I met mu husband she tried to split us up. She tried to set him up against me. I couldn't forgive that. I have asthma and she ended smoked in the damn house while I wasn't home...

She turned out being an extremely good liar.
Sometimes I wonder how many other people ended up falling for it.
Wasted 3 years or so of my life living with her.
Sounds like a bit of a sociopath. Lacking common sense, social conscience, moral compass and having a bit of a criminal mindset. On top of that, being a good liar.

Glad that shit's over for you, love. If it is indeed over.

Can't say this is the first time I hear about this shit in the fandom. It's rare, but it does happen.
 

W00lies

Member
Sounds like a bit of a sociopath. Lacking common sense, social conscience, moral compass and having a bit of a criminal mindset. On top of that, being a good liar.

Glad that shit's over for you, love. If it is indeed over.

Can't say this is the first time I hear about this shit in the fandom. It's rare, but it does happen.

Oh yeah, It's all over! And I am sure she managed to lure someone else into her bull eventually. She used to write so I guess that made her good at making stuff up too... :rolleyes:

At the start of our friendship she made it sound like one of her friends ditched her out for no apparent reasons and stopped talking with her and was all sad about it. I decided to talk to that said friend. She never gave me much details except "she almost made me loose a (forget the amount)$ deal." but of course made it sound like it wasn't really her fault with her lying expertise.

I do think she somewhat enjoyed the misery of others and stirring up drama.

Today, I'm very glad she's no longer a part of my life. If you are curious I will tell you how she tried to break me and my now husband apart. Knowing we both had night jobs she came and rang our doorbell at 7am. My husband told her off, with good reasons. She should have known (since she lived with me before) we need to sleep since we use to go to bed around 1-2am due to work. When I saw her later she said to me "You know your boyfriend told me off this morning?" I felt she was up to no good and played along "Really??" with the most smug face I've even seen her do she said "Yeah!" she even had a face that said "she bit the bait, I got her" that was actually really disturbing.0 Then I just told her I would have told her off as well. And that was it. :x
 

Stadt

Eeriee the Wendigo
I had a cooler ruin a friendship.

Bitches don't throw away my cooler.
 

Pipistrele

Smart batto!
Going after your friend's ex without trying to discuss it in advance, at least during first year or two after breakup. All the "bro code" jokes exist for a reason, after all.
 

Simo

Professional Watermelon Farmer
Depression. Feeling distant and suicidal even while getting professional help and being hard to be around. I lost many friends to being too much? Hard to explain as I mainly hide that part here. It's hard: I want to be honest, with friends, and yet, I often feel then when I am, I will scare them off, with my emotional states and such.
 
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Yakamaru

Cyberpunk musta Susi
Oh yeah, It's all over! And I am sure she managed to lure someone else into her bull eventually. She used to write so I guess that made her good at making stuff up too... :rolleyes:

At the start of our friendship she made it sound like one of her friends ditched her out for no apparent reasons and stopped talking with her and was all sad about it. I decided to talk to that said friend. She never gave me much details except "she almost made me loose a (forget the amount)$ deal." but of course made it sound like it wasn't really her fault with her lying expertise.

I do think she somewhat enjoyed the misery of others and stirring up drama.

Today, I'm very glad she's no longer a part of my life. If you are curious I will tell you how she tried to break me and my now husband apart. Knowing we both had night jobs she came and rang our doorbell at 7am. My husband told her off, with good reasons. She should have known (since she lived with me before) we need to sleep since we use to go to bed around 1-2am due to work. When I saw her later she said to me "You know your boyfriend told me off this morning?" I felt she was up to no good and played along "Really??" with the most smug face I've even seen her do she said "Yeah!" she even had a face that said "she bit the bait, I got her" that was actually really disturbing.0 Then I just told her I would have told her off as well. And that was it. :x
I am glad for you, love.

The fact that she's surprised she got told off by your boyfriend(later husband) tells me everything I need to know: Stay away from her and do not keep in touch. You don't need this type of lunatic in your life. Like, holy shit. I had a crazyass girlfriend who were a total nutjob, but she weren't able to take control over any of my cash, luckily. Who knows how shit would've ended if I gave her access as well.

God, I hate emotionally manipulative people..
 
Got the good ol' going behind backs instead of honesty of opinion which can come down to many things.
When you have people who really seemed to understand "you", instead talking behind your back instead of directly to you it can easily become a problem.

Authority and work is another thing that can lose your friends. Whether you should have it or not, most people will not be able to transfer between friendship to loyalty of work as easily.
It becomes a fine line and even though many friend groups might have a some more leading types, differ from authority and mutual respect as a friend is a tricky thing to deal with.

I noticed that every time I posted my drawings, no-one said anything. When someone else did, probably half the server stormed in to give them feedbacks, comments and compliments. At first I thought I was new, I gotta let people know me better.
Then I found it pretty safe to say that it's not the case. Everyone just "skipped" me.
I asked someone (who was really hyped about the others' works) for their feedback. They said "pretty good".
A while later, I indirectly called them out for it and said "I probably should rethink my life lol". That person left the server, the owner made a new rule about passive-aggressive behaviors not tolerated, and everyone else hated more than just my guts.
When I left the server because I wanted a break, rumors still lingered in there, about my behaviors and reactions being manipulative and whatever.

This got me a bit interested.

I've been in situations before when it's close to a competition between users posting and showing off art which doesn't always necessarily is all bad, but also people who expect a bit too much and certainly seen less comments their way.
From groups I come from quality seems to play a big role unless you already have a very important place in a social group. I know people usually tend to at least acknowledge someone's effort once but I got a bit interested in this example.
Do you have any temporary links to work you might've tried to throw out there at that point in time?

You don't have provide if you don't feel like it of course or it doesn't belong on the forum, but I'm generally interested as I've noticed situations similar before in groups, but granted, then it felt like it was very young users not quite catching a hold of the social part or being unable to catch peoples interest with their work.
 

Pipistrele

Smart batto!
About a month ago, I joined this discord server. It wasn't really about RPs, just a standard server like any other, for pretty much everything.
I noticed that every time I posted my drawings, no-one said anything. When someone else did, probably half the server stormed in to give them feedbacks, comments and compliments. At first I thought I was new, I gotta let people know me better.
Then I found it pretty safe to say that it's not the case. Everyone just "skipped" me.
I asked someone (who was really hyped about the others' works) for their feedback. They said "pretty good".
A while later, I indirectly called them out for it and said "I probably should rethink my life lol". That person left the server, the owner made a new rule about passive-aggressive behaviors not tolerated, and everyone else hated more than just my guts.
When I left the server because I wanted a break, rumors still lingered in there, about my behaviors and reactions being manipulative and whatever.

Last one... for now.

I joined another discord server, thinking it'd be a much better place than my previous. However the owner kept acting like he had a problem with me.
The server had no "for-venting" channel, but I felt people there were more sympathetic, so I let out everything I had in my chest. He told me it's not for venting, and "politely" told me to vent in another server.
When he did set up the channel, he mentioned me "being like that (salty) occassionally".
Just a while ago I joked about him having a habit of smashing walls, and he threatened to mute me. He posted a photo and asked me if I thought "this is the face of mercy". I thought he was joking due to the photo, so I said it looked suitable for my fist. He warned me not to do it again, because "physical threats aren't tolerated" ; I told him I had to ignore him calling me "dork" and "salty" several times, and he congratulated me for "figuring out how joining a server works". I told him not to call me that next time, and he kicked me out for not listening to the staff, as well as for "not growing a thick enough skin".
I dunno, I'm kinda skeptical about both stories.

In the first one, the reason for leaving itself is rather petty (basically, "They don't appreciate my art anymore" - maybe you have to work on your skill a bit, or they're not into your style, or something like that, but they don't have to appreciate your art to be friends with you). I think it would be ok to discuss the matter, ask them if you're doing something wrong, or where you should improve to get better, etc. But "Calling them out" for it is kinda childish, no?

In the second one, there's some kind of ambiguity that implies there are missing pieces in it. The guy called you salty out of nowhere - is it because he's rude and loves the word "salty", or because you did something in that rant that made you appear genuinely salty? Did the guy threatened to mute you and eventually kicked you out because he misunderstood a couple of jokes, or because said jokes were actually pretty rude? I would like to hear both sides of the story to make proper conclusions.
 
L

lupi900

Guest
Being openly furry has alway's been a fantastic way of testing of how blindly ignorant people can be. You know its a shit friendship when talking about a sc-fi/fantasy fandom is mostly taboo.
 

Sgt. Kai

Sgt. Kai the German Shepherd Police Dog
It's been said here already, but loaning money to friends is the worst thing you can do.
I've learned through experience never lend more than you're willing to lose...
 
S

Steelite

Guest
I've been in situations before when it's close to a competition between users posting and showing off art which doesn't always necessarily is all bad, but also people who expect a bit too much and certainly seen less comments their way.
From groups I come from quality seems to play a big role unless you already have a very important place in a social group. I know people usually tend to at least acknowledge someone's effort once but I got a bit interested in this example.
Do you have any temporary links to work you might've tried to throw out there at that point in time?
A bunch of weapon designs, which can be found here : forums.furaffinity.net: Sketchbook: - Steelite's Weapon Shop !

And this pic, which I made in 3 days :
Super_Saiyan_Jin.jpg


Maybe it's just because people simply didn't like 'em. No reasons needed, I guess. They just... didn't like what I did. Either way, it doesn't matter. I'll just carry on and give no crap to anyone else.

In the second one, there's some kind of ambiguity that implies there are missing pieces in it. The guy called you salty out of nowhere - is it because he's rude and loves the word "salty", or because you did something in that rant that made you appear genuinely salty? Did the guy threatened to mute you and eventually kicked you out because he misunderstood a couple of jokes, or because said jokes were actually pretty rude? I would like to hear both sides of the story to make proper conclusions.
Half the server confirmed that I did nothing wrong, and agreed that it was his fault instead, for acting immature and irresponsible.
He literally kicked the moderator for pressing the questions and trying to defend me.
Later that day he deleted the server, but even then he tried to justify with invalid arguments against me, until he just gave up.
 

sbm1990

Folf Guitarist
Giving a fuck about and arguing over politics will certainly ruin friendships, especially if either side can't handle opposing views. Oh, yeah, and backstabbing and betraying someone's trust will certainly ruin friendships as well.
 
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